Mixed Messages

1. 82

   Rafiniposted 14 years ago

   Why do people give off mixed signals?  What is the purpose in saying one thing while your behavior says another?  Why tell lies with your mouth when your body tells the truth?
   
   
   I know, I know, it's redundant.  My mind just works that way....

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   1. 71

      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Sometimes it is required to get a person's individual attention or to focus.
      There are many people who are not consciously aware that their body gives away messages, as does the words they use to form sentences while talking.
      People tell lies for many reasons. As I said above, they are not aware that their body is giving them away.
      
      Cool questions. Hope you are doing well today.

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      1. 82

         Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Yep.   Wasn't able to do my 'singing' exercise though
         While I was taking my oldest to work my youngest returned home from his dads.  
         
         
         So, would you say - mostly mixed signals are due to the speaker being unaware of what they're doing?

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         1. 71

            Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            The signals are for you to discern, which is truth. The words coming out of the mouth or the body language you see happening. It is irrelevant to those who are honest and speaking truth to begin with.

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            1. 82

               Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               okay, how about a step further then.   Tone of voice along with words are negative but body language is positive.  Which is truth?

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               1. 71

                  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  Tone of voice along with words are negative, but body language is positive - which is truth?
                  
                  That depends on too many variables. Topic of conversation, religious background and view, and possibly political affiliations could play a factor.
                  
                  Tone of voice of the words, seen as negative? Emotions are never a negative, because it points to passion of the person, which is positive, not negative.
                  
                  Body language isn't always positive, because if it differs from the words(including tone of voice), then it's seen as a negative, because they do not match.
                  
                  I would say most of the time it is a mixture of both, which is why people must consciously be aware of what is happening, by closely paying attention and remembering what is said.
                  
                  Edit: In the end truth should win out.

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                  1. 82

                     Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     Ooops, my mistake.  I didn't clarify.  A general conversation, one that wouldn't involve controversial issues.  Words used are not intended to empower the listener.  Tone of voice displays anger/hatred (emotions may not be negative but can inspire negative reactions).  Positive body language is used.
                     
                     
                     So, which is the truth behind the emotions displayed - positive or negative?
                     
                     I asked my very social son and he said what you said.   People don't always know when they give mixed signals.   Then I asked him about knowing the difference (is it positive or negative?)  He said - you have to guess and keep guessing until you get it right. (an example of practice makes perfect, yet I still don't get it )

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   2. 60

      selfbetterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      There is another side of the story. I have noticed that some people read too much into body language. I know it won't sound good to many, but I really do think that many women (and some guys) create problems by trying to guess what people think, reading between lines, etc.

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2. 90

   akirchnerposted 14 years ago

   I think of people giving off mixed signals as not-so-good liars.  However, they are still liars on some level.  They are projecting some part of themselves in an insecure manner perhaps or they do not know precisely how they are lying about something but they are not being true - to themselves or the other person. 
   
   I have a couple of family members who do this quite often and unfortunately quite 'well'.  Although if you do something well, aren't you supposed to be fooling someone? 
   
   Perhaps it is just that I am too honest and straight forward so I see the discrepancy in what is said and what their eyes especially are telling me. I would say it is a 'gift' but it is more of an annoyance to tell the truth to know someone is being dishonest!  Far better that everyone could actually tell the truth and be honest but that would be a perfect world.

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   1. 82

      Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      not-so-good liars - Best explanation I've ever heard!    Maybe because they're afraid of the truth? 
      
      
      If you do something well you're supposed to be fooling someone?  Who?

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3. 0

   Precious Williamsposted 14 years ago

   I feel like I'm joining in a private discussion - but don't worry - it's two in the morning here and I'm going to fall into my bed in a minute. 
   
   It is very hard to ready body language for lots of different reasons including: our individuality, cultural and social influences, the fact many people are often very poor judges of themselves and often of other people.  I also think, that it's hard to know how other people see us and so sometimes we appear to be giving out messages that we are unaware of which could be wrong of open to interpretation.
   
   I am often told how happy I am and the light and soul of the party (not that I've been to one for years) but friends who have know me for years say this,  I'm quite glad that's what they think but it seems odd in that I've had four nervous breakdowns and have suffered from depression for over 40 years.
   
   Rafini - I think it's a conudrum that we shall never solve.  "There's nowt so strange as folk" as they say.  (Well we do in the UK anyway"
   
   Honestly some days I feel like I'm stalking you and Cagsil as I seem to be always following you around the forums.  I promise you I'm not.  Goodnight

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   1. 82

      Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You and anyone else are free to join.   Extra thoughts and opinions are welcome.
      
      This class I took opened many a deep wound that I'm trying desperately to heal.  It must've been the right time for it.
      
      Precious, being the life of the party means you're an extrovert.  A social person who is able to share their emotions and inner feelings (I would think - since it's the opposite of me. lol)  Nervous breakdowns and depression have different causes for different people.
      
      I'm asking these questions so I can better understand social emotional behaviors/thoughts and verbal/non-verbal behaviors.  Some of its for me personally and some of its so I can convey social emotional verbal non-verbal when I write.

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