Parenting more difficult now?

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   richtwfposted 14 years ago

   Do you think parenting is becoming increasingly more difficult than it used to be?

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      wildorangeflowerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      At times it becomes easier, there are monitoring devices used like tracker to track teen agers, baby monitors etc. This gives the couple more time for themselves like working and you can still monitor your child even when you're not at the house with nannies using videos. Gives you leeway to work outside the house and you can monitor your baby. Of course there is nothing like watching them on your own, but at times you need to work.

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      Richard Stephenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      While technology may make it easier to monitor your child in some ways, I think it is getting more difficult to parent your children.  There are more and more distractions for kids these days.  There is so much more to do, kids spend less time at home than their parents did.  I almost have to make my kids stay home in order to spend time with them and we have a great relationship! 
      
      With social networking, instant messaging, cell phones, texting, etc., kids are in contact with their friends almost 24/7.  Heck, even when they are home their not at home.  Know what I mean?  Thus, friends have become a growing influence while parental influence wanes.  Parents really have to carve out time with their kids today.  Not to mention the growing influence of popular media, music, etc.  Just my 2 cents worth ...

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         xixi12posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         i agree with you Richard, technology has gone over the roof especially with respect to kids. They are overly distracted and the so called children's programs are now filled with violence. ~Like tv is not enough, handy consuls have been introduced to keep them occupied 25hrs a day. I wonder what time they will have to start grooming themselves to be the future we hoped for

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         richtwfposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Absolutely agree Richard.

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         Sally's Troveposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         With social networking, instant messaging, cell phones, texting, etc., kids are in contact with their friends almost 24/7.  Heck, even when they are home their not at home.  Know what I mean?  Thus, friends have become a growing influence while parental influence wanes.  Parents really have to carve out time with their kids today.
         
         You are so right. And that state of affairs, where the kids are at home but they are not at home, is the fault of the parents for not laying down ground rules, which they cannot do if they are not doing the "work" of parenting.

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      Sally's Troveposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, I do.
      
      Primarily because parents have given up their responsibility by blaming the things around them like technology, and also by putting their self interests ahead of the welfare of their children.
      
      Today's parents function based on conflicting information, to Kathryn's point. They are told by those in authority what they can and cannot do, but they were also raised (perhaps) with traditional standards that step outside the dictates of this current authority.
      
      Children today are being raised by parents who grew up as children with the cloak of the "Me" generation hanging on their shoulders, placed there by their own parents.
      
      Parenting today is more difficult because parents are not listening to themselves and more importantly they are not listening to their children. They are listening, instead, to a body of influences that tell them what they should and should not do in order to be "politically correct" and therefore safe from judgment.
      
      Such a huge topic, such a good question.

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         Kathryn LJposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I agree!

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      rebekahELLEposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think it can be, but doesn't have to be. I have a background in teaching and child development and have seen and learned a lot over the years, still learning. I think parents need to figure out before children come along how they are going to parent. there are so many different factors that can affect the family dynamics. I think if you look at your 4 year old now, their personality is basically set. whatever you see now, you'll see at 14, it just looks a little different. setting clear and fair boundaries in the early years help if you stay consistent. good parenting is definitely not for the faint of heart, it takes a lot of work and love.
      I don't agree that discipline is harder, some just make the mistake of starting too late or not having a clear understanding of what discipline is.

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         Sally's Troveposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         You have the key to the question.
         
         Parenting "...takes a lot of work and love."
         
         I have no doubt that most parents love their children, deeply so, but are they willing to put in the work when they have other things on their minds?
         
         You have a professional background in child development; most parents don't. In fact, most parents are left to sink or swim when a child is born, unless they have a strong family structure supporting them.
         
         What may be missing in today's parents is not love, but the "lot of work".

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         richtwfposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Agree - Need to really focus early especially the vital five years between birth and before starting school and be consistent with set boundaries. That's so important - it's the foundation for their life ahead and parents need to put the real hard work in early otherwise trying to cure problems later will be much more difficult. Prevention is better than cure.
         
         And your point about parents knowing their parenting style before their children pop into the world is a very important one. Parents need to have a 'game plan' to know how they're going to raise and look after their child.
         
         Great response Rebekah.

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   Kathryn LJposted 14 years ago

   Well it's a lot harder to discipline since it's now illegal to send children to bed without supper, spank to persuade better behaviour, liberally use withering sarcasm, send annoying infants to the naughty corner etc.  Small children are not reasonable and are not impressed by laboured explanations as to why they should behave themselves.  Perhaps this woolly attitude towards behaviour explains why British children scream, kick, punch and are generally a pain in the ass.  And that's just the over 8's.

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      xixi12posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      British children are an entirely different story. I wonder when everything started to spiral down so quickly. They used to be know to have respect and morals. but now....

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         Polly Cposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         It's so easy to generalise, though. Not all children act the same, and most children have their moments and always have had, no matter what the generation. My child's friends spend a lot of time at our house and they are always polite, chatty and cooperative (and British). I used to work in a restaurant several years back, with waitresses much younger than me - most of them were lovely teenagers, great to chat to and ambitious.  Of course, not all young people are like that, but I can remember kids when I was young who were far from well behaved. Stereotyping just promotes misconception.

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   Lady_Eposted 14 years ago

   I think it's becoming more challenging as these kids are growing up so fast. Some are so over-confident (13 going on 30) and have no respect for parents or elders anymore.
   Sometimes, it's peer influence. Also, due to finance, some parents are seeing less of their kids as they work round the clock.
   
   Personally, I think parents need to be a bit tougher.
   
   Good Question.

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   rebekahELLEposted 14 years ago

   I realize most parents don't have the professional background and I have to remind myself at times, and yet there are so many excellent parenting books, online sites, courses available that can give parents a lot of helpful information. and I think there are some young couples that do pursue self educating themselves before they have kids.
   
   it's sad sometimes to see parents researching and spending so much time finding out the best car or laundry machines to purchase and yet don't do the research and preparation for parenting.
   
   I agree that most parents do love their children, sometimes thinking that's all it takes. Or you have the opposite extreme where the child doesn't know love and may only find it at school with friends and teachers.
   
   it is an important topic and we need to be raising smart, intelligent kids for our future.

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   psycheskinnerposted 14 years ago

   Given that most children use to die before the age of three from diseases that are now preventable, it seems to me parenting is getting easier over all.

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      Polly Cposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Plus the fact that mothers used to spend most of the day focusing on household tasks, with no modern washing machines, no dishwashers, no big supermarkets etc. And not even a car to get from A to B.

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   Home Girlposted 14 years ago

   There is always some element of control in parenting. When society becomes more free in every aspect - the implementation of control, the reinforcing of control becomes more difficult, needs different approach, old traditional methods - useless and primitive. Kids just scorn at them!

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   MPG Narrativesposted 14 years ago

   Kids grow up so fast because of technology and having everything at their finger tips so parents have to keep on top of things, which isn't always easy. Parenting means you have to use different tactics these days because kids are 'smarter' having so much knowledge of how the world works.
   
   It is harder but patience,love and compromise do help.

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      sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I am currently a stay at home mom. I find parenting fun, i grow up with my children, we laugh , learn together, we have fun.  I used to find this extremely difficult struggling between work and home. Now I am relaxed, i am so involved with my children, their friend, their activities, it doesn't feel like an effort anymore.  My older one is going to be seventeen in a few days and we have the best of relationships.  The investment in terms of time, effort , understanding has taken me a long way!

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         Sally's Troveposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I loved to hear what you had to say. The key is laughing, learning together, having fun, all of these things being elements of being present with your children.
         
         Parenting is more difficult when parents are not present with their children.

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            richtwfposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            That's how children are actually designed to learn - through play and fun. Most children are great learners because they'e so curious to learn but by the time they had a year or two in a mainstream school their keen sense of curiosity  seems to have waned in many. Lessons need to be more interesting, fun and interactive otherwise children will switch off. Children love to be with their parents at a young age and have fun and learn about the world around them at the same time. Parents are the most important teacher in a child's life - in my opinion.

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