Letting the 'tail wag the dog' ...WARNING - KINDA LONG

  1. profile image51
    ladyp03posted 6 years ago

    Hi, I don't know if this is the right forum but I have a question and would like some advice.  I'm trying very hard to be understanding and patient, but it's bothering me.

    My Ex used to say, when I was pregnant with our daughter and he saw the way other parents raised their child, that there was no way that his daughter was going to 'run the show' in our house, that we were going to be in control and not let 'the tail wag the dog', in other words, not let her make the decisions or do what she wants to do.

    Well, he is so true to his word b/c now, he won't let our 9 year old daughter pursue her interests.  Our dtr has been taking dance lessons for 5 years and loves it - her friends are in there and that is all she does at home is dance around the house.  When I sign her up for dancing (and of course, he refuses to help pay), I need to make sure that it's only on a day she is with me b/c he doesn't want it to interfere with his time with her.  So that means, she is very limited as to what classes she can take (moving up, taking higher level classes) b/c they could be on Wednesdays or on Saturday and she is with him every other wknd.  This year, he will not let her participate in her dance recital b/c it's a weekend she is with him and he doesn't think it is a wholesome environment for her to be in and it's sexually inappropriate (it's not like they will be Pole Dancing!!).  she is of course, devastated.  He won't even let her be in the dance class pictures b/c again, it's on a weekend he is with her.

    She was also interested in doing cheerleading this fall for the town football team (like a Pop Warner/Vince Lombardi league).  Nope, she can't do that b/c besides THAT not being a wholesome venue, practices and/or games would be on his night during the week and then practice on Saturday/game on Sundays during the season.  Again, her good friends are doing it - I am so afraid she is going to not have friends b/c they will all be moving forward with their sport/activity/dance, etc and she won't be doing anything.

    Is there nothing I can do?  By the time she can stand up for herself, yes she is afraid of him, her friends will all be surpassing her in abilities and she's home, doing nothing and just the atmosphere to get into trouble.  She often says, mommy, can't you do anyting and I feel terrible!!  anything suggestion would be welcomed.

    oh and he refuses to let her read/have around the house any kids magazines (tiger beat) and he told me to get rid of it too!!


  2. SomewayOuttaHere profile image61
    SomewayOuttaHereposted 6 years ago

    control freak....he needs some parent ed classes....too uptight for whatever reason...your daughter will suffer...soooooooo...ditch 'em!

  3. Teresas Girl profile image61
    Teresas Girlposted 6 years ago

    Hi Lish,

    It sounds like its not so much of a case of him wanting to avoid a situation where the "tail wags the dog" rather its that he dosen't want his life disturbed by fatherhood. Sounds like he should never have agreed to kids!!

    where will this stop?? What if she's getting married on a Saturday - will he be there?  will this interfere in his routine??

    I'm afraid the only advice I can give Lish is that you need to stand in her corner and let him know that if hes not willing to take a more proactive role in his child's social development then you will be making moves to have contact stopped indefinately until he can sort out his priorities. It sounds like he may not put up too much of a flight unfortunately....

    Can maybe your days and his swap to accommodate in the short term?

    Oh I feel for you and your daughter - what a horrible situation!

    Sending you and your daughter hugs ()()()()()()


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)