Writers grow by way of feedback. If we don't grow, we stagnate. I am looking for people who can read something with an eye to its faults and give me a critique that is as brutal as possible. I'm not looking for opinions, I'm looking for a grammatical, plot development, and literary style beat down. Please feel free to post said beat down either here or on my hubs, as I don't delete comments and will refer back to them later on. I'm not one to argue back, that's a waste of time. I don't care so much about my poems or the academic stuff I have up, but of course will take any input I can get. My focus is fiction for the sake of entertaining, and I intend to make a lifelong pursuit of it, if not a career.
I should warn you that some of my hubs contain foul language and/or violence. It's not any worse than you'd see on an episode of CSI, but I make a point of letting potential readers know.
My main focus right now is Teddy Bear.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Teddy-Bear-Prologue
I'd welcome thoughts on The Believers, Mud Man, and anything else that strikes you as problematic.
Also, if you feel my writing lends credence to my opinion as a writer, I am quite happy to read and critique anyone else's fiction. (Although I should add I am typically nicer than the type of criticism I am looking for.)I came to hub pages to increase my readership and to find out what about my writing doesn't work. So please, lay it on thick.
Thank you for your time.
Home Girl, do you not understand the use of the Extreme Hub Makeover Forum thread?
The hubber was asking for critique. Since I am not into fiction writing, I didn't post any critique.
But your post makes no sense considering the rules of the forum says you're wrong in your statement.
I loved the Teddy Bear prologue, and it definitely makes me want to read more. Your stated goal is entertaining -- and you did. Job well done.
On the nitpicky side of things, 13 of your first 33 sentences began with the word "he." (Yes. I counted.) When I read stuff like that, I begin to obsess about it and then I start to actually look for more instead of focusing on the story. But that's just me...
Thank you, Irohner. That kind of nitpicky is exactly what I need. I'll look at that again. Maybe change them up, reword them.
I'm glad it made you want to read more. It makes me want to write more of it.
Wow! I can't wait for the rest of it!!
I think the beginning starts off a little slow. You seem to use more short sentences in the beginning - I think you could mix in some complex sentences to equal it out, without losing the tension. A short description of who Hollis is, at the beginning, would be a good thing. (such as: a relic from the Vietnam War or something like that) I also wonder what hit him while he was washing dishes - I'm assuming it's Teddy Bear, but it isn't exactly clear.
You have three paragraphs in a row that begin with 'He'. You may want to play a little with the wording. I absolutely loved the shadows shifting line!
Oh, shoot! I forgot to follow you - I'll hafta go back!
When the partyers approach Hollis the gun shots come out of nowhere. It's a logical outcome, but not forshadowed.
Okay, going back, now, to follow you!
Glad I asked this question. Thanks everyone. Keep it coming.
by Mohamed Farid 4 years ago
Hi and Happy New Year EveryoneI have made a quality lens on how to become a freelancer and earn money from home and i wanted you all to give me your opinions and constructive criticism, you won't be sorry and i will truly appreciate it.http://hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Earn-Mon …...
by Sophia Angelique 11 years ago
I have a question.Where did all that need for someone else to critique one's writing come from? I never heard of it until I arrived in the UK in 1999.Is this the result of wanabes that can't write to save their lives thinking that they can actually learn something by having someone tell...
by Paul Swendson 11 years ago
Do you have any interest in reading history books? If no, why not? If yes, what kinds of books?
by Poppy 9 years ago
Why will no one read my book?I've written a fantasy book and want to publish it in October, but whenever I ask someone to read it they conveniently disappear or are suddenly too "busy" to read it! Even if I only send them the first chapter they never get round to reading it. ...
by JTT 13 years ago
How does everyone feel about Fantasy novels? Do you think they are a joke or legit literature?
by Molly Shores 10 years ago
So I am interested in honing in my journalistic skills and engaging the reader. Please give me your input on any and all of my content-- this is my most recent. http://mollymillions.hubpages.com/hub/S … -The-Green
Copyright © 2024 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
Copyright © 2024 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective owners.
As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.
For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy
Show DetailsNecessary | |
---|---|
HubPages Device ID | This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. |
Login | This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. |
Google Recaptcha | This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy) |
Akismet | This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Google Analytics | This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Traffic Pixel | This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. |
Amazon Web Services | This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy) |
Cloudflare | This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Hosted Libraries | Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy) |
Features | |
---|---|
Google Custom Search | This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Maps | Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Charts | This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy) |
Google AdSense Host API | This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Google YouTube | Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Vimeo | Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Paypal | This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Login | You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Maven | This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy) |
Marketing | |
---|---|
Google AdSense | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Google DoubleClick | Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Index Exchange | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Sovrn | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Ads | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
AppNexus | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Openx | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Rubicon Project | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
TripleLift | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Say Media | We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy) |
Remarketing Pixels | We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites. |
Conversion Tracking Pixels | We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service. |
Statistics | |
---|---|
Author Google Analytics | This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy) |
Comscore | ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Tracking Pixel | Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy) |
Clicksco | This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy) |