Do you think its fair when older sisters are expected to be moms?

1. 61

   ammahposted 11 years ago

   Do you think its fair when older sisters are expected to be moms?
   
   Sometimes, mothers also expect older sibling to always be the one to give in to their younger sisters even when the younger one is at fault. It is sometimes hard to deal with needy younger sibling who are willing to receive love, but hardly ask the older sibling how they are dealing with their problems. Even if the older one does, the younger one is  not interested. However, they can never do the same. They have to be always supportive without receiving love back. This is a particular case, and in no means pertains to all younger sibling and older sibling relationships. What do you think?

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2. 61

   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   No, I don't think the situation, as you state it, is fair.  I understand that in a family, we all need to pitch in. Help with dinner, help with laundry, but I personally feel the care for children belongs to the people who brought them into the world.
   
   When I was  young teen, my friend was the only girl in a family of 5.  The youngest was 2 when she was 12 or 13.  Everywhere we went, she ended up having to haul the little brother with her.  Even when I was a teen, I thought this was unfair for the mother to make my friend take him all the time.  Seems like she spent more time with him than the mother did.

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   1. 61

      ammahposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Its especially unfair to expect of such great things from children. At the age, the younger sibling would most likely not have to take on such responsibility. Its equally frustrating when these roles grow late into adulthood and past marriage.

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3. 88

   nochanceposted 11 years ago

   I have four younger siblings, the youngest are step-siblings that are 10 years younger than me. It is definitely not fair that I basically had to be a parent at 11. I was paid pretty good for babysitting when they were in diapers but after that I just had to "watch them" and make sure they didn't hurt themselves. I was just the older step-sister so I had absolutely no authority.
   
   Now I'm stuck with anxiety and abandonment issues as well as anger problems. Going to college 3 hours from home was the best thing that ever happened to me.
   
   Now that I'm 22 my mom is finally realizing what she put me through and is trying to make up for it. I wish she would have realized it while I still lived at home.

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   1. 61

      ammahposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so much. Often as older siblings, our voices are not heard. And its wonderful that your mother is reaching out to you. Often the mother, in many cases that I have seen, expect too much of a motherly/give and receive less role. Thanks.

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4. 83

   gmwilliamsposted 11 years ago

   There is often an EXPECTATION that oldest/older daughters assume caretaking roles regarding their younger siblings. SOME  are GIVEN the primary caretaking duties, thus FORFEITING their childhoods. read more

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