ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

A Day At The Beach When My Bipolar Mood Swing Was Not Being Nice

Updated on December 11, 2015

A day at the beach not to long ago...

I genuinely hate going off bipolar medications. It is the one time I get physically ill. I truly liked taking Wellbutrin prescribed for depression. However, it was causing some exceptionally unpleasant mixed bipolar episodes. Besides, antidepressants have never been all that agreeable for me anyway. I am bit fed up with the mood swings. I want to give them to someone who thinks bipolar is romantic and poetic. Someone who thinks it gives them a exhilarating personality. They can have mine, because I don't want to be the one hanging out on the clothes line all the time waiting to dry and never quite making it.

I don't have my little manic/mixed state going on, I have something far more sinister and omnious swirling around like a funnel cloud. I will wait fretfully for the meds to kick in, in the mean time I feel like deleting all my internet stuff, disappearing into cyberspace, stop pretending I am just a chip on the motherboard of life.

A beach outing this week with my family was NOT exactly the Disney channel. The beach is about families, coolers, sunburns, friends, food, surf, hot sun, and humidity even more smothering than hot sand. The lake is calm, cool, not to cold. The smell of cold beer and hot dogs, suntan lotion dripping, wafting through my nostrils. How many more times is that screeching mother of 15 going to tell her kids to stop throwing sand? Do you think If I threw sand back, I would have a fight on my hands? I am up for it. So what if she is my sister.

Go Swimming You Punks

The beach is NEVER relaxing unless you go alone. Kids to watch. People yakking while you are obviously NOT in the mood to answer back. Because your eyes are closed and your head is turned the OTHER way. And you have said uh-uh about 327 times already. Somebody is not getting the hint. Chattering is not relaxing. It just isn't. If you have to force yourself to listen to somebody talk, you then have already lost the relaxation part.

Some young kids that I do not know, came up to me, and asked me if I knew my niece was swearing? I pretended I could not hear them. Shoo. I am relaxing. Or pretending to. There were seven of them, at least. They were wearing me down. Who cares if she is swearing. Go swimming you punks. My sister, next to me was rejoicing in this. " I am just her Aunt, she is the mother, leave me the hell alone". Stares, mouths agape.

I was getting ready to say something creative, or have some fancy confrontation with the mothers of those chatty little children. I just want to relax, tell your little children to go play, or bury each other in the sand or whatever. But no, I just laid there pretending I was on a beach somewhere in the south of France with naked people running around eating hotdogs and drinking beer. Oh wait that's the wrong beach.

The children continued to chatter, the mother's continued to yell at their kids for swimming out to far. I continued to pretend I was enjoying my relaxing day at the beach. Living life to the fullest is obviously not easy.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • crazybeanrider profile imageAUTHOR

      Boo McCourt 

      6 years ago from Washington MI

      Hi lambservant, so glad to hear from you again. I use that phrase often when I am online to much, or when my bipolar tends to be ruining my life at any given moment. Thank you for reading and liking my comment.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      6 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      Love the line "I feel like deleting all my internet stuff, disappearing into cyberspace, stop pretending I am just a chip on the motherboard of life."

    • crazybeanrider profile imageAUTHOR

      Boo McCourt 

      7 years ago from Washington MI

      Hi lambservant, I totally agree-antidepressant are not always a good thing for those with bipolar. I have never had good luck with them. They nine times out of ten caused extreme manic or mixed episodes for me. However I finally found one that has been working really well for my OCD symptoms without causing mania or mixed episodes. That is Zoloft.

      It is a double edged sword unfortunately. Being manic depressive it it hard to treat both with just one drug most times. But I there are new and improved medications coming out that are really helpful so we don't have to take the antidepressants.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      7 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      I have done a lot of reading lately where experts say that anti-depressants are not good for those with bipolar. It might be worth your time to go on the internet and check it out.

      Thanks, good informative hub.

    • crazybeanrider profile imageAUTHOR

      Boo McCourt 

      7 years ago from Washington MI

      Well thank you Tony for reading and leaving such a thoughtful comment. When I get down I try not to isolate myself. I am not always successful. The mixed cycles I have with bipolar can be pretty intense. Going to the beach with screaming kids and and even louder adults probably wasn't such a grand idea. LOL! Thank you Tony :)

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 

      7 years ago from South Africa

      Wow! What a horrible way to have to spend time. I have depression but am not bipolar, so I know the downside! And things can get really on top of one in that state. I have buried fairly frequently.

      Thanks for posting this interesting article.

      Love and peace

      Tony

    • crazybeanrider profile imageAUTHOR

      Boo McCourt 

      7 years ago from Washington MI

      kaltopsyd-I try to keep a sense of humor about it. Not sure if that comes through or not :) I am glad you enjoyed reading it. I am finding if I go at certain times I can grab some relaxation. If I learn to say NO to the kids (niece, nephews, cousins) that is even better. :0

      billy-Thank you billy for commenting. I used to live in Daytona Beach and loved it. It was so open, and nobody really bothered you. Here it is kind of everybody is in your business. You are so right about the water being calming, it is a godsend for me. I love it! It can fix a very bad day.

      I appreciate you both for reading and leaving such kind comments.

    • billyaustindillon profile image

      billyaustindillon 

      7 years ago

      Your hub are very eye opening and very helpful in understanding bi-polar. It is a great lesson in understanding what may be relaxing for some is stress for others. Growing up on the coast and surf I know what you mean by full on and it it can be very annoying when you want peace and quiet. I am glad you found some relaxing beach spots as the water can be a great calming influence.

    • kaltopsyd profile image

      kaltopsyd 

      7 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

      You documented your experience in such an interesting manner. It was a great read. I hope you actually get to enjoy yourself and RELAX next time you go to the beach.

    • crazybeanrider profile imageAUTHOR

      Boo McCourt 

      7 years ago from Washington MI

      Thank you Benny, I take it one day at a time. I live a pretty good life. I follow a set of rules for myself, live a clean life, try my hardest to maintain even in the worst of times. I have a supportive family, good therapist and doctor, and try to enjoy my hobbies and live life. You are such a sweet man to leave such tender and caring comments. I am glad to have met you here on HubPages.

    • BennyTheWriter profile image

      BennyTheWriter 

      7 years ago from Northeastern U.S.A.

      Interesting experience! One might think the beach is nothing but fun and relaxation--that's not always the case. Especially when there are annoying kids AND annoying adults around...

      In any case, I wish you the best of luck in managing Bipolar Disorder. I know it's not easy.

    • crazybeanrider profile imageAUTHOR

      Boo McCourt 

      7 years ago from Washington MI

      Hi Lisa,

      I did delete some pages, but not all. I had to cut back, I was not able to keep up with myself. The good thing though you can start new stuff if you want. Blogs and facebook and stuff. I know what ya mean, even on meds you have bad days. people around you think the meds are mircle drugs. Hang in there Lisa :)

    • profile image

      Lisa  

      7 years ago

      I would like it very much if you didn't scrap your web pages. I did that and now I kinda of regret it. I'm am having my own battles with the ups and downs. I hate it when the people around me seem to think I should be "fine" as long as I am on my meds. this is so not true.

    • crazybeanrider profile imageAUTHOR

      Boo McCourt 

      7 years ago from Washington MI

      Hi Minnetonka, I love the beach, I use to love in Daytona Beach FL. Now I live in a much smaller area with little beach access, so everybody is always at the same beach. I do have a place I can go to where there are fewer people and no kids. Sometimes it is just nice to go alone. Thank you so much for your comments.

    • profile image

      Minnetonka Twin 

      7 years ago

      I so very much understand how you felt at the beach, bi-polar or not. I can't handle beaches that have tons of kids. I now found a perfect spot where there is little traffic. Usually there is only 1 or 2 other families there. It's quiet and I enjoy myself. Maybe next time you could go without sis and find a quiet beach just for you. Take care.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)