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Kindness Is Its Own Reward

Updated on April 21, 2017

Someone has asked this interesting question on a forum: “Why should I be nice to people if I have nothing to gain in return?” He then went on to describe his situation, including daily interactions with others, such as a mailman or a waiter, and how they irritated him. His main concern was why he should care what others think about his personality or his behaviors, such as his reckless driving. He also gave a few examples of how he had random and fierce physical fights with people he barely knew. Moreover, being rude to people didn’t make him feel guilty.

It is obvious that people with this or similar issues are trying to do a self-study in order to analyze their behavior because they sense that something is not quite right. They are probably concerned about their issues with anger and rage, searching for a solution to these issues or for someone who will listen. For some reason, kindness from others doesn’t bring them a feeling of comfort, but rather, they feel suffocation and revulsion. As a result, they are mean to those who are nice to them.

So, should people with these or similar personality traits be responsible for their anger issues?

By definition, anger is identified as an emotion “that involves a strong uncomfortable and emotional response to a perceived provocation.” The emotion of anger often acts as a distraction from some type of personal pain. It often helps the angry person escape from the reality of a frightening situation or from feeling vulnerable. As a result, there is an attention shift, from self-focus to focus on others, combined with a desire to harm those who have caused them pain.

Anger and Fights, Family Problems
Anger and Fights, Family Problems | Source

The emotion of anger often feels righteous to the person who is experiencing it, and it may even boost their self-esteem. Some may develop an unconscious habit of transforming almost all of their feelings of hurt into anger so they can avoid dealing with those feelings.

However, when anger leads to bad consequences, it doesn’t feel right any more. The problem will arise when anger develops into a habit and becomes a destructive force, which can result in a person losing their job, ruining their relationships, or turning to crime. This adopted destructive emotion does not resolve or address the problems of vulnerability or fear, and it may open doors to new problems, either personal or social. Even worse, anger may become an addiction that will be hard to get rid of, it can even change someone’s personality and lead to a spiritual tiredness.

Once anger becomes a part of a person’s character and dominates their personality, their reality will be affected as well. The surrounding world will reflect this image like a mirror. There is a famous quote known as the “Law of Cause and Effect” that is equivalent to Newton’s law of ‘every action must have a reaction’ that means speaking, thinking or acting will initiate a force that will react accordingly. This force may not be functional right away and may be modified, changed, or suspended, but most people won’t be able to eradicate it because it is there for educational purposes.

Another good example is Galatians 6:7-8, KJV quote: "whatever a man sows, that he will also reap". The quote is related to the story of a farmer who sowed the seeds and expecting to reap a good harvest. In this case, the consequences depend on the action, and our present makes our future. The Law of Cause and Effect teaches us that if we want happiness, peace, and unconditional love to exist in our lives, then we should be happy, peaceful, and loving ourselves and take responsibility for our actions.

For us 'to grow in spirit', it is we who must change – and not the people, places, or things around us.

In the Bible, Proverbs 19:17 says, “He who is gracious to a poor man lends to the Lord, and He will repay him for his good deed.” When you give to those who need help, you are lending to God. And God knows how to pay you back — with a reward!

Those who are constantly angry with others should try to change. The changes won’t happen overnight, but will gradually transform things around you as well as your personality. However, those who have anger as part of their personal habits will find it especially hard to change because they tend to focus on themselves and their own problems, needs, and demands.


There are many ways to show kindness and transform both your personality and your reality.

Be friendly and nice to others. Sometimes we are so caught up with ourselves that we may tune out other people. Grumpy people are never satisfied with their lives, and they may end up being alone and feeling miserable.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. Wish everybody only good. Learn how to listen others and not just complain about your life. Take some time out of your busy life to spend with loved ones, your family, and children.

Get into a habit of complimenting others. Giving someone a genuine compliment is a nice way to make them feel good. It is a good way to get to know someone better or lift someone’s spirit.

On the road, be a defensive driver. If you used to cut other people off, learn how to improve your behavior. For example, whenever you find yourself stuck in traffic, let someone else go ahead of you or merge into your lane. Next time, someone else will return the favor when you are in a rush.

An act of kindness is not just giving money to the poor. It also means being kind to strangers. I remember one woman told a story about how she did a good favor for a stranger. She took a quarter coin or two and put it in someone else’s parking meter when she noticed it was close to expiring. She knew that parking tickets are costly, and she wanted to save someone from getting into trouble.

I remember one day when we had a really bad snowstorm. Many cars were unable to drive in the snow, and they got stuck sideways. There was one man on the road who was seeking help. We stopped and helped him pull his car out of the snow. It wasn’t easy, but it was very rewarding to see him getting out of the snow safely.

When you show the act of kindness, not because you are expecting something in return, but because there is compassion in your heart, God keeps a record. Every thought and every act is recorded. God sees you go out to help somebody, even when they never say thank you.Even when we do things in secret and without getting any credit or gratitude, God sees it all, and for every act, there will be a seed for God to do great things in our lives.

Unfortunately, everybody is different and there will be those who would want to take advantage of others. In this case, it is always a good idea to verify everything many times before responding to any suspicious offers or requests. It is also a good idea to listen to our gut feeling and stay alert.

As you can see, learning different ways to be nice to people isn’t hard at all. All you need to do is give it a try. Try different ways of being kind toward others and watch how it will transform your life and your personality. Be kind to someone you dislike. Be nice to people without expecting anything in return. The simple act of kindness will boost your confidence, make you more optimistic, and relieve stress. Anger issues won’t be a problem anymore.


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    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 

      3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      I used to be a very angry person and I blamed my unhappiness on others. There were so many things in my life that needed to be fixed, and my anger was the reaction of what I perceived as others not caring about me, personally. Eventually, I went into mental health treatment because I was so angry I wanted to end my own life. During that time, I learned that my own critical nature was what needed to change. I could no longer blame others for my feelings, they were my own. I learned where feelings and emotions come from, and that I had the power to change them. My world changed with this new perspective. Now, I know, that when someone is angry, it is no ones' problem but their own.

    • thumbi7 profile image

      JR Krishna 

      3 years ago from India

      Good advice. As you said it is good to be aware that there are different kinds of people out there. But what matters most is our own mental disposition. We can remain positive even in the worst circumstances.


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