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Internet Predator Danger
Internet Stalkers and Con Artists
The subject of internet stalkers & con artists has been a serious topic for a while. We’ve all heard of cases where the alleged perpetrator singles out an underage female to lure them to a secluded place so they can have sex after finding each other on an online dating site. And in worst cases, assault, rape and even kill their victims. How do these unsuspecting victims, mostly female, end up in these predicaments? I’m going to tell you a story of one woman’s experience and how, thankfully, she was able to avoid any physical assault, though she was left with an overwrought guilt, shame & feeling of sadness. If anything, let this story be an example of how easily someone can be lured into a potentially harmful situation.
How the Internet Stalker Starts the Chase
It started on an internet social network site. An articulate man with a charming style became acquainted with her through seemingly harmless comments concerning similar interests. The correspondence was light, at first, and she enjoyed what she thought was innocent, animated conversation. But soon his comments began to become more personal with compliments about her picture, how pretty she was, and finally the question: Would it be okay if they talked via email? At his point, she saw it was becoming more personal. She was flattered and curious about the man and wanted more communication with him. Her life had become complacent and she longed for acknowledgement. This was a perfect setup for a con job.
The Con Artist Will Lure With Flattery
They began sharing long emails, then chatting on another social networking site. In a matter of days, the conversation turned. He began making direct statements to her about the possibility of a relationship. He pulled at the core of her emotions and she became like a teenager, longing for his messages and fantasizing about a relationship with him. He told her how he longed for & admired her. She was consumed with feelings she hadn’t had in many years, yet at the same time, guilt & anger that she would allow herself to be taken in by this man she barely knew. But he began to reveal an understanding of her innermost thoughts that coincided exactly with her present situation. How could he know these things? She was smitten and felt that this was a man who truly understood her needs & longing for affection.
Giving in to Temptation
Almost immediately, after the typed conversations became increasingly intense, she gave him her phone number. This opened up a whole new avenue. She poured out her heart to him, feeling his compassion was genuine & relishing their compatibility. The phone calls were warm, passionate and fulfilling to her. He was creating a sense of urgency and longing for her. She wanted to know this man, in every way. He was full of compliments, romantic words, and finally, indirect suggestions of a sexual nature. Ultimately, the admonitions became bold overtures for direct physical contact, though they were miles apart. They talked of meeting at another location for a secret tryst. She was completely overwhelmed with turmoil & fondness for him, yet she felt she had no control over her emotions. Finally, he made a subliminal, then a direct request for phone sex. Being vulnerable and needy, she obliged his offer and they engaged in both cyber and phone sex. After the act, they talked for a while, then he suddenly suggested they call each other later that night, next day, or chat online. He had important business he needed to tend to, he stated. He asked if he could he call her back later. Of course, she agreed and the call ended.
Realizing You're a Victim of an Internet Stalker
Immediately after, she realized something was "off". Was this his goal? Had he merely sought her affections for a casual game of cyber/phone sex? A realization swept her like a wave, a strong sense that this was the end of what was a fulfilling, romantic journey into a forbidden world of rapture and excitement. She was stunned when the understanding set in. She recalled the tiny, hidden inconsistencies in some of his conversations. Small tidbits of information that weren’t apparent then, but now, in a rush of dreaded comprehension, she remembered them all. She felt a sudden urge to cut off all contact with him, immediately. But would that really be necessary? Wasn’t it already over, for him anyway? Or was it? She could only wonder & visualize her sensation of betrayal and at the same time, the shameful impression of her own stupidity and vulnerability.
What is your vulnerability to an internet relationship? Take the quiz to find out.
- Dr. Shirley Glass - Quiz: Individual Vulnerability Map
Psychologist Dr. Shirley Glass, author of 'NOT Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal,' is one of the world's leading experts on infidelity and extramarital relationships through decades of research an
The Emotional Price Of Being Conned By an Internet Con Artist
There was no warm email or message from him the next day. She felt very sad. The mere thought that she may never hear from him again made her overwhelmingly downhearted. This man had touched her to her very soul. How could his intentions have been selfish? After careful consideration, she thought about it with an open, objective mind and realized there are many people in this world, both men, women and internet predators/con artists who enjoy the thrill of a chase, the conquest, excitement, passion & self-satisfying control it gives them to engage in the pursuit of what’s “forbidden”. It feeds a need within them, an ego booster, a validation. When the excitement of the pursuit is gone, so is the urge to continue with the pursuit. Once those satisfying feelings of excitement are fulfilled, so is the urge to continue. So they move on. She decided to make herself unavailable to him in any way, unless he attempted contact first.
Just Friends? Or Emotional Affair?
- Dr. Shirley Glass - Quiz: Has Your Friendship Become an Emotional Affair?
Psychologist Dr. Shirley Glass, author of 'NOT Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal,' is one of the world's leading experts on infidelity and extramarital relationships through decades of research.
The Final Result
Sadly, not all encounters end with escape from self-harm. Assaults, rapes, and yes, even murders take place as the result of a lethal combination of a relentless chase by the predator/con artist & the naïve vulnerability of a woman with unmet emotional needs. Actually, the con artist doesn’t even see himself as one. They may be kind, caring & considerate. He sees himself as a man (or woman) in search of the thrill of enchantment to fulfill their desires, whatever those may be. In this case, thankfully, it ended with only emotional harm. But sometimes emotional harm can be devastating.
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Facing it and Moving On
I felt compelled to warn others of how easily one can slip into a trap. Women have a tendency and a need to want to trust others. It’s a quality they’re born with. When this need is combined with instability, unfulfilled desires & other emotional baggage, it sets the stage for incidents like this. Not all men are predators, either (or women). And all victims can’t be rated by socioeconomic status, gender, marital status, moral convictions & life experience. But when the right combination of elements comes together for such an experience, it can create a cesspool of turmoil & yearning that results in mental anguish & regret. The same may be said for online dating, as well. I only hope that this article will warn & encourage others to avoid situations like this at all costs.