ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Faith Finds Me: A Moment with Bill Reflection

Updated on September 4, 2014

A Request By a Friend

To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.

Alan Watts


“Hi Bill,

Now that you know about the Faith article challenge, I would like to pass the baton to you. I received it from MsDora and will be posting my article sometime next week. “

That message was sent to me last week from my friend Denise Anderson. She had just taken part in a challenge for writers, a challenge that consists of writing an article about faith. I am proud to be a part of this challenge. You can see other articles that have been written in this challenge below:

  • Faith Without Borders
    "Good Words" are spreading all over HubPages and beyond. We practice our faith by tuning ourselves to God’s music, thereby learning to walk in faith.
  • Faith and Hope
    I was surprised when our one and only, most beautiful Faith Reaper sent me an email about taking the baton of faith from her, following her Faith Without Borders hub. She certainly knows a thing or two about that word and all that it entails and she.
  • Faith and Love, Faith is a Teacher
    Nowhere can we find such a powerful teacher as faith and love.
  • Faith through the Tough Times
    Faith does not always follow the praying-believing-receiving pattern. It gets complicated. Finally, the point of mature faith is not the reward; it is the joy and satisfaction of being faithful.
  • Faith and Family by Denise W. Anderson

And now, allow me to share my reflections on faith.

I was given a solid foundation at an early age
I was given a solid foundation at an early age | Source

I Was Lucky

If one were to look at the definition of faith, one would find that it is a strong belief in something without proof or evidence. That definition is hardly the stuff of confidence for a man who deals in logic, as I do. I like the tangibles in life. If I can see it, feel it, smell it, taste it, and hear it, then it must exist. Pure logic, that, and most of my life is based on it.

As a teacher I was always exhorting my students to show me the proof. Provide me with a logical explanation; convince me with facts and figures; nowhere in that exhortation is there room for faith.

And yet I was raised in a religious home. There was a time, in high school, when I actually considered entering the priesthood, so strong was my belief in something that could not be proven.

So how do I justify this way that I view the world, the need for logical proof, and yet a belief in something totally illogical?

I don’t! It simply is. As much as my logical mind demands verifiable proof, my illogical heart laughs at the folly of believing one can go through life without faith.

I was lucky in that I was raised to question, for it is in questioning that one can come to terms with life and deal with its adversities as well as its rewards. Questioning gives us a solid foundation. Questioning strengthens us. Questioning gives our opinions substance, and questioning forms the core of who we are. I cannot base my beliefs on your questioning. That would be foolish. I cannot form my view of life based on the questioning of philosophers and other intellectuals from days gone by. They can guide me with their teachings; they can force me to look below the surface for deeper understanding; but only determined questioning will allow me to find a path in life that I can be satisfied with.

And so, with the blessings of my parents and family, teachers and spiritual advisors, I was encouraged to question my faith, and this is what I finally found.

Where was the truth hidden?
Where was the truth hidden? | Source

On the Path to Enlightenment

On January 9, 1969, I rejected God.

How could an all-loving being take from me my father, a man who was my best friend and my emotional foundation in life? As I held my dying father in my arms, and listened to his last breaths, I cried to God to save him, but my words mixed with the wind, blew gently across the landscape of my sorrow, and disappeared.

God did not exist, and if he did, he was vengeful and not worth my time.

I began my new life free of the stranglehold of dogma. If God had no compassion in my time of suffering, then I would live life without him, and be glad of it.

I found a new god to believe in…..me. I would never let me down. I would always treat myself with compassion and empathy. I could always count on me.

On November 12, 2006, I rejected myself.

A man drowning in self-pity. A man struggling against the rip tide of alcohol. A man who no longer found value in the silly little god he faced in the mirror each morning.

As I sat in that hotel room in Anchorage, Alaska, literally drinking myself to death, I wept. The god of my making had deserted me. I had based my adult life on the belief…the faith….that I could handle it all by myself. I laid down a foundation upon quicksand, and when my structure threatened to, once and for all, crumble and collapse, I had nowhere to turn.

I was left with only one possible solution: I prayed.

I remembered the words of my father, so many years earlier. He was a World War 2 veteran, and he told me one day that there are no atheists in a foxhole. Well on that day, November 12, 2006, I prayed as I have never prayed before. Today I do not remember my exact words. I honestly cannot tell you exactly who I was speaking to in those prayers. I was screaming to the universe. I was imploring any and all to listen, to hear, and to reach out to me. I needed something, someone, anything, for my best plans had brought me to that place of total desperation. All of my questioning, all of my rejecting, all of my magnanimous self-delusions, had led me to….surrender.

I gave up. No mas! Like a beaten fighter, sitting on his stool in the corner, blood pouring from facial cuts, his spirit broken, I was tossing in the towel and asking for an end to my suffering.

No mas!

At last
At last | Source

The Final Destination

And in that surrender I finally found the meaning of faith.

My father visited me in that hotel room in Anchorage. Was it a hallucination? I have no idea. It was real at that moment, and that is all that matters. He looked at me and smiled. He told me to dry my eyes, and he said it was time for me to stand up and have faith, faith in myself and faith in others. He told me it was all right to lean on those who are stronger, and he told me it was required that I provide comfort and strength to those who were weaker and needed my assistance.

I have done those things for the past eight years, and life is good.

Today I have faith….in myself, in others, and in some indefinable presence I cannot categorize. There are times I drop the ball, and there are times when others disappoint me, but that just means we are all human, and it is in our humanity that I find faith. When I see the look of love that my friend Lizzy gives her two young daughters, I have faith. When I read of random acts of kindness my friend Lea does for others, I have faith.

And when I look in the mirror and see life looking back at me, instead of death, I have faith.

Thank You, and Now It Is Time to Pass This On

I appreciate the opportunity to continue this fine tradition, and now I need to pass it on to someone else….and that someone will be….my good friend Ruby, or Always Exploring on HubPages. Ruby, the ball is in your court. Take your time, my friend. I know the end result will be worth waiting for.

2014 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Ally Lewis profile image

      Ally Lewis 2 years ago from Pittsburgh, PA

      Wow, this was really moving and powerful. Thanks for sharing some of the most intimate moments of your life - I'm sure many people could benefit from reading something so motivational, knowing that everyone's life has low points.

    • RachaelOhalloran profile image

      Rachael O'Halloran 2 years ago from United States

      It's always interesting to me to read how one finds their faith, then defines it (spiritually or materialistically), loses it (usually thru a life changing event) or tries to hold on to it (thru adversity and trials). In the end, it all comes back to God eventually. He knew it, He was just waiting for you to know it. I'm glad your faith has found you again and you found it. :)

      Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 2 years ago from New York, New York

      Bill, I totally believe that your father did visit with you. I can never explain it, but will tell you that since both my grandparents passed, I have had moments I swear they were right there with me and thank god that I have them watching over and out for me. Loved getting a glimpse into your faith and how you got to where you are today. Thank you for sharing. Have a wonderful day now!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 2 years ago from Central Florida

      Isn't it odd that sometimes it takes being at the bottom of the barrel to grasp onto our faith? But, as you say, faith goes beyond believing in a deity. Faith is strength, awareness, acceptance, and so much more. Your story is proof.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ally, thank you so much. I think sharing moments like these help others...that's what I am hoping for, anyway.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Rachael and yes, it is always interesting to hear the stories of others....we all end up in the same place, and that's what is important....well, almost all of us do.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Janine, and I have no doubt that your grandparents are with you. I'm a human being having a spiritual experience, so why not visits from the dead? Thank you for sharing that my friend.

    • Radcliff profile image

      Liz Davis 2 years ago from Hudson, FL

      That's so sweet. And I share your views on faith. Not surprising.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Yes it is, Sha. It is magical, mystical, and a mind-blowing trip.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      What a shockeroo, Lizzy!

    • btrbell profile image

      Randi Benlulu 2 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Beautiful, heartfelt and inspiring! An important message to all of us. Thank you for sharing.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you, Randi! I agree....we all need some sort of faith.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 2 years ago from SW England

      That's the thing about faith; it comes out and hits you when you're not expecting it.

      It's the children that keep my faith going, their innocence and their trust. It's also all those little things that I can't explain away without it. I too had my father's spirit visit me and cheer me in depression. Where does that suddenly come from? It surprised me in my dream and it gave me such elation that it has to be based elsewhere.

      There are so many wonderful things in this world, so many feelings, that they have to have a deeper meaning. I've questioned a lot and I no longer go regularly to church but I do believe in the fundamentals.

      Great hub, bill. It's brave to air such things and bare your soul but it certainly helps many others too.

      Happy Thursday, bill.

      Ann

    • Pawpawwrites profile image

      Jim 2 years ago from Kansas

      Glad you found what faith is to you. My faith is a little different, but works for me. Write on.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      It is so great that these articles give the writer a chance to express his personal struggle with faith. The writer is better for it, and the readers know him/her better. "I was left with only one possible solution: I prayed." There is as much of faith in that one statement as in any one-hour sermon. Thanks, Bill.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      You always share such meaningful hubs. I enjoyed reading.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you, Ann, for sharing your experience as well. I do think it is important that writers do so. If we can help others then we are following a higher calling in our craft, and that is such a very good thing.

      Happy Thursday to you my friend, and finding faith in children is a wonderful thought.

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks, Paw....whatever works for us as individuals is all that counts.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Dora! The truth has a way of slapping us alongside the head when we really need it.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you DDE! I try to do that every day. I may not always succeed, but that is my goal.

    • tlpoague profile image

      Tammy 2 years ago from USA

      What a journey you have had so far. I have enjoyed reading your posts and seeing how much you enjoy helping others. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to realize our strengths, weaknesses, and finding that faith in God, or whatever higher power you believe in. I find that I rely on my faith in God and humor to get me through such times. I don't know how to explain it any better than that. So, I guess I just want to say thank you for taking the time to share part of yourself and how faith works in your life.

    • sallybea profile image

      Sally Gulbrandsen 2 years ago from Norfolk

      Billy,

      It is always good to read positive stories like your own though I suffer from a lack of faith when I see the appalling things which are going on all around the world around us today - all in the name of religion. I am just grateful for nature and the beauty within it. I wonder sometimes if one has to truly hit rock bottom before one has an understanding of the word faith.

      Sally

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      This personal story was incredibly moving. Such a different take on faith. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 2 years ago from Northern California, USA

      Thank you for sharing your story with us. I have learned that sometimes it takes being "broken" to be able to truly grasp the concept of faith. When all else fails and you have nothing left, faith is still standing there waiting for us to grab it and when we do, it never lets us down.

    • DealForALiving profile image

      Sam Deal 2 years ago from Earth

      Thank you for sharing your personal experiences! I really enjoyed the first quote and reading through your story.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      And Tipoague, I just want to say thank you for living your faith. I appreciate your kind words and friendship.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sally, I have similar thoughts when I see the greed and apathy in the world, and then I look around me and see the love that is in my life, and I am restored for another day. The struggle continues, but at least, now, I'm not alone in that struggle. Thank you my friend.

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much Flourish. I appreciate you.

    • Rhonda Lytle profile image

      Rhonda Lytle 2 years ago from Deep in the heart of Dixie

      I love your explanation of how one reconciles faith with logic. You don't. This warmed my heart. I'm loving this series having read the last three installments. While each is so different being from different folks, the theme of hope, faith and inspiration shared grows stronger each time the torch is passed. God love you.

    • Brie Hoffman profile image

      Brie Hoffman 2 years ago from Manhattan

      Everyone has faith, but faith in Jesus Christ is the only faith that will stand in the end. It's not having faith that counts its the object of that faith. Anton LaVey had faith in Satan and when he died ..to say that he was disappointed would be an understatement. Those who trust in Jesus Christ will never be disappointed.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Very true, Marlene. I'm a slow learner, but eventually I do respond to pain if it is great enough. Thank you for your thoughts my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you DealForALiving....I'm really glad you enjoyed this.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Rhonda. There are just some things we can't explain. It took me a long time to figure that out, but I finally arrived where I was supposed to be all along. :) Blessings to you my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks for your thoughts, Brie. I always appreciate hearing what's on your mind and in your heart.

    • Craig Easom profile image

      Dreammore 2 years ago from Great England

      This has to be the most moving piece of writing I have read in some time. I appreciate work written with as much passion as this, and in some ways I can relate. Thank you for sharing this inspiring piece. Thumbs up! And Shared.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Craig, thank you for the high praise. That means a lot to me. This is actually the kind of writing I started out doing on HP and somehow got away from it. I need to return to my roots I think. :)

    • profile image

      DJ Anderson 2 years ago

      Bill, these days you seem filled with courage, fortitude and determination. One would never guess that you battled your demons

      for many long years. Yet, you have shared much of your personal history.

      You have been a godsend to those of us who needed a tutor to better our writing. You gave a bit of praise to encourage us to have the confidence to believe in ourselves. For all this and more, I thank you.

      Does this article tell us that you will be backing away from daily articles and replying with fewer personal comments? If so, you will be sorely missed. However, it is understandable, as comments take a great deal of time.

      Is Ruby be our go-to woman?

      In 1962, a very famous artist, from my neck of the woods, recorded a song, "She's Not You". It is a very sad song. You can find it on You Tube.

      For all that you have given, I thank you. I shall forever be indebted to you for helping me find my potential.

      Your friend,

      DJ.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 2 years ago

      You wrote:

      “Today I have faith….in myself, in others, and in some indefinable presence I cannot categorize.”

      Bill, my sweet friend, the key is in your last seven words of this sentence. Sometimes we have to deny the petty little god someone has told us we should worship and stumble around until we accept our own truth. That is the GOD we need. That is the one that speaks to us through our soul, and when we listen, it opens a whole new world to us. I believe your Dad was right about the atheist in the foxhole, and I believe his soul gave you help when you were ready for it. Your Dad was called home, but he was there when you needed him. Call it faith or call it knowing, but know that you are loved and appreciated. Namaste, Miz B.

    • Doris Dancy profile image

      Doris H. Dancy 2 years ago from Yorktown, Virginia

      What a POWERFUL testimony. You said you were looking, at one time for proof of God, and God certainly gave it to you…there He was in the midst of your rejection still loving you …caring for you …and sending to you an earthly father who had loved you deeply. God proved to you, and through you now he verifies again, that He never leaves or forsakes us no matter what. There are no words to say thank you for sharing this inspiring and personal time in your life. You told me that Thursday would be the day, and I waited…it was well worth the wait.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      DJ, no, I'm not going anywhere. I love it here. I'm just passing this challenge on to Ruby.

      Thanks you dear friend for the kind words. I think we all have our demons. How we deal with them in part defines us.

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      MizB, a beautiful comment, one I agree with completely. Thank you for your kind words. I am a better man today because of faith in all of its forms.

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Doris, thank you for waiting, and thank you for the very kind words. I appreciate them greatly. Let's hope that others hear this message.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 2 years ago from Washington State, USA

      Bill, this is a beautiful story of finding faith and finding yourself. You will never know how many people are touched and guided by your words, but God does. Our all powerful, all knowing God could have made you anyone and placed you in any time or place; He chose to make you YOU and put you here and now. Perhaps this (and so many of your other writings that reveal and heal) are the reason why.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Perhaps so, Carb. I am not wise enough to know these things, but I am grateful enough to say thank you to all who have embraced me and my writings...and...I am wise enough to know there is a plan that I am not aware of. I greatly appreciate your kind words.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 2 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      Very moving story Bill. There is are some similarities to mine. You mentioned the thought some have that faith is believing in something strongly without proof or evidence. I think there is a fine line between proof and evidence. The evidence that there is a God is so overwhelming it's baffling to me when people can't see it. We cry out, "Where's the evidence? I don't see God standing here; I don't hear his voice; I can't feel his hand in mine. I see suffering, hate, crime, etc. What kind of a loving God would (fill in the blank)?" The last one is hard to understand or explain while you or someone else is in the midst of great suffering, as you were when your father passed away.

      Your story is proof that we cannot put our faith in humans. Everyone will at some point let you down, because they, we, nor anyone is God. We can have trusting relationships, but not the same kind of trust we put in God. We can have confidence in ourselves, but not the same kind you can have in God. Brie said it so well when she said it's the object of our faith.

      I also agree with her that faith in Jesus Christ is the only faith that will stand. I will elaborate when someone gives me this faith challenge. Love ya Billybuc. We all do and appreciate your openness and the sharing of your story.

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 2 years ago from South Carolina

      Dear Bill,

      You touched a deep cord with this heartfelt article about an ingrained faith during your formative years; faith lost after the death of your father, and faith refound during your darkest hour.

      Am sharing this far and wide as all who read it have the potential to be touched by this deeply moving story.

      Sending a Bouquet of Blessings, Love and Hugs,

      Gail

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much Lori, and I truly do love all of you. It's been one heck of a ride so far, and it's not over yet, and I plan on being a helpful member of this society for as long as possible, and in so doing I'll be following the role I was meant to follow.

      blessings to you always

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Gail, you are a sweetheart and a dear friend. Thank you for your kindness and friendship. You mean the world to me.

      hugs always

      bill

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Bill, wow.. eloquent and very compelling! I'm afraid I'm still stock between faith and logic. I have faith in many things, but my faith is mostly based on my previous experiences. I believe in a force greater than myself, but I can't put a label to it. Although I love the idea of an all mighty God, I wouldn't jump off a cliff to prove it. I hate that religion causes so much pain and human conflict, when it should be bringing people together. As always, you've done a great job with this.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jo, I love your comment and reflections, and I thank you for sharing them with us. I don't mind anyone's definition of faith. What I do mind is having people shove their beliefs down my throat. There...I got that off my chest.

      Thank you dear friend, and blessings to you always.

      bill

    • Brite-Ideas profile image

      Barbara Tremblay Cipak 2 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      Billy, I have no doubt that the road to self realization more times than not brings us back to the one concept we may have rejected in our youth. Faith in the unseen, no doubt about it; even nature proves it in this great quote: "Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark" - A beautiful piece of writing Bill.

    • profile image

      sheilamyers 2 years ago

      Awesome and thanks for sharing. Whether or not a person believes in a Supreme Being, they have faith in something. A lack of faith leads to ending up in situations similar to the one you faced. To me, only regaining some level of faith, even it's directed at someone or something other than what led to disappointment, is the only way to rise back above the heartache and despair. I'm glad you found the strength and faith to rise back up so you could be a part of my life. You're such a good friend and an inspiration to so many people.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Barbara. I appreciate your thoughts and your kind words.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      I think Faith’s choice was perceptive, Bill. As is yours to pass this on to dear Ruby. :-) Your personal story brought tears to my eyes. I don't doubt it for a nanosecond. My dear departed mother found me in an unlikely place…near a cluster of basswood trees, devastated and lost. Thank you for your courage in sharing your inspiring story. Courage and sharing are part of faith…that miracle and gift of grace we would be lost without. Bless you, Bill.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sheila, I agree with everything you said, but I am touched by your last sentence. Thank you my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beautifully stated, Genna. I'm glad we both found faith, and I was grateful for the opportunity to write and share my story. Thank you.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      You remember dates, Bill. One was very obvious, I suppose, and indeed quite meaningful. Still, I like the idea that you remember and can use them well and appropriately in your writings.

      Good to see you receiving the baton and contributing in this way on such a significant subject. Love and Light.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      You remember dates, Bill. One was very obvious, I suppose, and indeed quite meaningful. Still, I like the idea that you remember and can use them well and appropriately in your writings.

      Good to see you receiving the baton and contributing in this way on such a significant subject. Love and Light.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Oh how i felt your pain. I was with you in the hotel room in Anchorage. I could see the tears flowing. Why is it we must suffer so before we see the light? ( Whatever that means? ) I've been there my friend and faith is the only thing i had to hold on to at the moment. I must say that i was surprised to see you'd passed the faith baton to me. Thank you. I feel honored and will do my best to keep this tradition going.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Manatita...I only remember dates that had great significance....I have problems remembering birthdays for some reason. :) Blessings always!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      and double blessings to you, Manatita!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      No surprise at all, Ruby. I greatly admire you my friend, and I know you will do a fine job with this topic. Thank you for your loyal friendship.

    • Brie Hoffman profile image

      Brie Hoffman 2 years ago from Manhattan

      BTW Billy, congrats on your Hubbie Award..it is well deserved!

    • B Lucy profile image

      B Lucy 2 years ago from Podunk, Virginia

      I have no words. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal moment. You are inspirational in more ways than you will ever know . . .

    • Elsie Hagley profile image

      Elsie Hagley 2 years ago from New Zealand

      What a very moving story. There isn't much more to say, I have faith for my future now after many years of being lost, letting my family run my life. Now I run my own life and looking forward to my future years on this earth.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      What Hubbie Award, Brie?

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      B Lucy, thank you so much. You are right, I'll probably never know...but it's nice to hear. :)

    • Brie Hoffman profile image

      Brie Hoffman 2 years ago from Manhattan

      I thought I read in the forums that you won the best hubber award but now I can't find the post. hmm, You weren't notified that you won? Was it last year?

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Dear Bill,

      I think of all the words started with Jo Goldsmith's Good Words project baton passing...FAITH has been going on the longest. I love that you elected Ruby to pass the baton to!

      Your reflections are powerful as you detail your relationship with faith through the good times and the bad.

      Voted UP and UABI and sharing. Love, Maria

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I won last year, Brie. i don't think they announced this year's winners yet...but thank you.

    • Brie Hoffman profile image

      Brie Hoffman 2 years ago from Manhattan

      OHHH, my bad. That's what I get for rush reading, hopefully you'll win again this year!

    • Michael-Milec profile image

      Michael-Milec 2 years ago

      So genuine and exact. The pain of your searching soul cut through my heart and touched my soul. Oh Bill you went through a survival because you wanted to live when " opposition" wanted to see you destroyed. You reached for faith- a gift everyone has been given to use as in human act or in divine bestowal . In our lives faith has no limit if we decide to use it in the realm of believing. Then we just pray,- no,- we start talking beyond our senses entering the supernatural of the Creator where the Love resides . We call it loving heart of the heavenly Father who made it possible for humanity to return into the original state of creation, trusting the one who took the body of Jesus from Nazareth and has show us truth to live, right to know and act righteously. This is something of noble of joy of living, knowing that whatever situation we face ( many of them are ugly ), - we have confidence to continue to trust and obey and keep the faith until the end. ( This is a beautiful journey , focusing on faith to the end, is giving me certainty to say, I know my Redeemer lives, and gave me life eternal.)

      Voted awesome and useful.

      Good night my friend and God bless you.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      That's fantastic, Elsie. I am very, very happy for you. Thank you for sharing that.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Maria. I love this baton passing and had a hard time choosing someone...too many good candidates. :)

      love,

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you again, Brie.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Oh, dearest Bill,

      Thank you for sharing your heart here for it is beautiful when we get to that place of surrender, although it may not feel so lovely at the moment, we can then move on for what we were born to do ... and that is love and be loved and believe in a brighter tomorrow, for if we cannot at least have hope and place our faith in that hope, it is indeed a sad state.

      I am so excited that you have chosen Ruby to pass the baton of faith for her perspective!

      Oh dear, my twitter and pinterest buttons are not working this evening. I shall return dear heart!

      (((Hugs)))

    • SANJAY LAKHANPAL profile image

      Sanjay Sharma 2 years ago from Mandi (HP) India

      I admire your frankness to share your personal feelings. But I think, if there were no God it would have been necessary to invent him. To blame and hold someone else responsible for all the adversity keeps the life going.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Billy, to spread these words I'd ave to stand in the mirror and pretend im just telling it to my reflection... thanks for accepting the challenge.. faith and blessings to you

    • travmaj profile image

      travmaj 2 years ago from australia

      How lovely Bill , how inspiring to look back and see the turning point and how that changed your journey through life. Yes, faith in ourselves and others is paramount. I was brought up in a most religious home, now mostly abandoned. However, I see beauty in people around me and feel there is something guiding me. Hmmm- much to think about. Best from beautiful Croatia.....

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was very powerful and heart warming. I awakened to the energy that faith has for me by letting go of the energy of hope. Hope never worked for me but having faith in the power of the life force that we all share, that makes me surrender to life in general. Voted up and beautiful Billy.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michael my friend, thank you for the eloquent comment and for sharing your reflections on this beautiful subject. You are a joy, my friend, and I am honored to call you my friend.

      blessings always

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Hugs, Faith, and thank you so much my dear. No, surrender is not fun at the time, but it certainly does open up a beautiful world for us all.

      love and blessings coming your way

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      SANJAY....interesting comment and perspective, one that I happen to share. Man needs a deity for a variety of reasons, one of which is fear of the unknown. Thank you for your thoughts.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Frank, it wasn't always that easy for me. Thank you my friend....now, go stand in front of that mirror and practice. :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Much to think about for sure, maj. Today I choose to be happy. The bad times are behind me. And for that I am most grateful.

      Thank you my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Nadine, what an interesting perspective. Thank you for sharing that....very beautifully said.

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello billybuc this is a great story of getting back on your feet. I am glad I stopped by.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      So am I, mcbidbks. Thank you!

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Surrender is the perfect word and deed for faith! Resistance would be the total opposite and block our faith from changing who we are. Well done.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you, Jackie, and I totally agree. :)

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      It is said there are two types that know faith. Those that are afraid of hell and them that have already been there. Me I fit like you into both categories.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 2 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      Wow! You have been there, and you came back, stronger than ever! I had tears in my eyes as I read the story of your faith. The marriage between reason and reality hits us all at some point in our lives. We realize that we can no longer do it alone, and seek for help from beyond this world. Thanks, Bill, for sharing your faith and passing the baton. Well done!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Very true, Eric. Glad I keep good company. :) Have a great weekend my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Very true, Eric. Glad I keep good company. :) Have a great weekend my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, Denise. I'm glad this touched you in some way. That was my goal. Now we will eagerly await Ruby's contribution, which I'm sure will be excellent. Have a wonderful weekend my friend.

    • colorfulone profile image

      Susie Lehto 2 years ago from Minnesota

      This is an inspiring hub, Bill. I feel built-up in my faith after reading it. And, what great responses in all of the comments you got.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you colorfulone. I have a great bunch of followers. I appreciate your kind words.

    • B. Leekley profile image

      Brian Leekley 2 years ago from Kalamazoo, Michigan, USA

      Up, Useful, Interesting, and Beautiful. I've never read a better expression of personal faith.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Brian. High praise and it means a great deal to me. Have a wonderful weekend my night owl friend.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 2 years ago

      Bill, this is quite an inspiring share on your personal journey of faith. Your life circumstances were motivators in building trust and establishing character. I have found faith to be at the center of who I am and it has taken me years to realize its value. Blessings, dear friend.

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 2 years ago from Dubai

      Questioning does help to forma solid foundation of what we believe in. Thank you for sharing this, faith in ourselves can never fail us. Great hub.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 2 years ago from New York

      I believe your faith is what makes you the wonderful person you are. It doesn't matter how you get there, it just matters that you're there!

      "Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is one element of faith." - Paul Tillich

      We need to doubt and question to find the truth. Great hub as always Bill, right from the heart.

      Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting.

    • Doris Dancy profile image

      Doris H. Dancy 2 years ago from Yorktown, Virginia

      Billybuc ~ I have already written one response to your testimony, but now after some days of allowing it to move back and forth in my mind, I have come to realize how much the Lord attempts to teach us all in so many different ways... on so many different levels. This is a testimony that I know will stick with many of us and that is the Almighty power in it. Tell this as often and to as many as you can find. When one hears this kind of experience, it provides one of those moments in time when you know that God has moved the listener to another level if s(he) will but HEAR. You do not need to respond to this note because I know you have so many to which you will need to answer. You have responded to me once on this awesome moment already. Thank you again for such a timeless gift.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dianna, I'm convinced the greatest lessons take the longest to learn, and are often the most difficult. I wish it were not so, but it is for me. Thank you for all the visits this weekend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, Vellur. I appreciate your thoughts.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Mary! I know I would not be the person I am today if it were not for faith....and I don't want to think of life without it.

      Have a wonderful weekend my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Doris, I will always respond. You took the time to leave such a beautiful comment; the least I can do is say thank you. I truly do appreciate your kind words.

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 2 years ago from Hawaii

      This is a wonderful hub you have written, Bill! I'd give it five stars!

    • profile image

      Tina Truelove 2 years ago

      Bill, I find it difficult to understand how one gets through the evils of this world without faith. My faith in my God is my anchor. Right now, 2 Corinthians 4:9 comes to mind:

      We are persecuted but not forsaken, struck down but not destroyed.

      I am so grateful for an omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient God who is also very personal to me and all those who love him. I need to write more about that.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      vkwok, if you're giving five stars then I'm taking it. :) Thanks buddy.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Tina, thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is very interesting and very inspirational, Bill. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Alicia. Glad you liked it.

    • mothersofnations profile image

      Mothers of Nations 2 years ago

      BillyBuc, this is a beautiful article and I'm glad you've taken the time to share it with others. The Lord indeed is very real and sometimes we have to go through hardships to realize all we need is faith - our faith in the Lord will get us through because He Himself is faithful to His promises for His children. God bless you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      True words, mothersofnations. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and God bless you my friend.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Your humanity is what life is truly made for. Faith is what makes us all who we are. I just happen to have faith in another time, another place, and it is called nature. However, I DO appreciate what you have said for your personal journey. They are all different, and basically all in tune. Just another road.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Just another road indeed, Deb, but the destination is the same. Thanks for your thoughts.

    • ecogranny profile image

      Kathryn Grace 2 years ago from San Francisco

      Bill, thank you for sharing your story. I knew the truth of it inside and out when you told of your father visiting you in that room, and what he said to you. Priceless wisdom.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so very much, ecogranny....I love my life today. It has not always been so. :) Today I can honestly say life is good.

    Click to Rate This Article