Give Me A Sign--The Surprise That Turned Out to Be a a Gift and Blessing in Disguise

Emma Grace was not even 8 months old and sleeping through the night, when it happened. In July 2009, my husband Kevin and I had our first child, a little girl. We named her Emma Grace. I actually prayed right after I found out I was pregnant at Christmas mass 2008, that god would bless us with a little girl. I was always more a girly girl and even babysitting was just more comfortable with girls.

Believe me if I had a boy, I would have loved him with all my heart and soul, but just really wanted a little girl when I first found out. When I prayed, I spoke to my grandfather in these prayers and told him that if I was indeed having a girl, I would pick Grace as her middle name, because that was his sister's name and growing up they were as close as can be. Well, I did indeed have my girl, but that is besides the point here.

In another hub article, I discussed how Emma had colic as an infant for the first few months of her life. She rarely ever slept through the night even once the colic subsided, Emma started to cut her first tooth and that too seemed to keep her up nights. Well, both Kevin and I worked full-time teaching at this point. We are both licensed teachers and spent many nights walking the floors with her and trying to get her to sleep even for a few hours so that we could too.

One day in early March 2010, Kevin and I actually had a free moment to ourselves while Emma napped during the day and we actually were able to spend some quality alone time together even for an hour was better than nothing I suppose. Seriously, I could count on one hand how many times we had sex after having Emma, because of just the craziness of adding a new baby to our lives and her being such a fussy baby to boot.

A few weeks later, we had a family christening to attend. I remember talking to my cousin and another person and they were joking about getting pregnant again and saying that it would probably be easier to have the second now then wait.

Well, I started thinking what if I somehow was pregnant from that encounter with Kevin a few weeks prior. I didn't get my period yet and was due the day after. Panic set in that I could be, because again Emma was not the easiest of babies and we were exhausted from just her.

Later that day, I told Kevin my fears and his first response was no way it was just once. i was less than confident that he was right. I spent that night and the next day at work worrying about this. Kevin told me that afternoon after work to just take a pregnancy test and was sure that would be the end of it to put my mind at rest.

Well lo and behold, I took the test and immediately the double line appeared. I knew from trying to conceive Emma right away what the double line meant, I was indeed pregnant again! Well, I was totally spooked now. I remember sitting with the test in my hand, speechless and in complete shock. Kevin's reaction was that of shock at first, but then once it settled in he was on cloud nine to be having another baby. He was totally supportive, but my hormones were truly getting the better of me now.

Believe me when I say, I always wanted children plural and knew we would have more than just Emma, but at that moment I was so unsure if we were ready again. I was plain scared from knowing how difficult it was having Emma and was nervous about having another baby that could possibly have colic or be just as fussy, when we still had Emma who was a bit of a handful.

Once the shock wore off a bit, I immediately called my doctor to have a blood test to make it official. When I called, he had me come in immediately, drew blood and told me if I was indeed pregnant again that I had some time to decide what I wanted to do. I loved him for saying that and knew that he was right about needing to think things through and make a decision that was best for myself and my family.

Even in the best of circumstances, pregnancy can be very overwhelming. But like I said, we had Emma who was still giving us a run for our money even on a good day. Also, we did not have job security as teachers, because of the economy and the state of educations job at this time. So between the two I was definitely worried about having another baby at this time.

I decided to take a ride to the cemetery to seek some solace from my grandparents. My grandfather passed back in 1999 (I wrote another hub on this experience) and my grandmother had actually just passed a few weeks prior to me getting pregnant.

Something drew me to the cemetery that cold and bitter March day. When i got there, I remember just kneeling down and the tears started to pour out. I couldn't understand or make out why this was happening right now. And then it dawned on me why I looked to them for answers and why now. I had always felt a bit short changed that my grandfather had gone so quickly and that I was never able to ask him to send me a sign that he was indeed ok once he was gone. I had had this conversation with my grandmother while she was still alive on more than one occasion and she promised me that she would send me a sign every time we did speak about this.

Well, my grandmother had trouble conceiving and only ended up having one child, my mom and told me how blessed she had been to just be able to have a baby. She wished she could have at least had another, but alas it was not meant to be for her. She also knew how much I wanted children (plural again) and knew all I went through to have gotten pregnant with Emma.

At the cemetery that day, it dawned on me that this was my grandmother's sign. She was Ok even though she was no longer with us physically. She not only wanted me to know this, but left me a little something to remember it by. Sounds crazy I know, but to me it made perfect sense. I did miss her so much and when she passed away not quite 2 months prior, I was so hurt and lost yet again by the loss of someone else that I held dear to me. I truly couldn't make sense of her death. She had lived a long and good life, but I still was greedy and would have liked more.

My grandmother's sign was clear, she gave me a chance to have another baby and to have more love and happiness then one could even deserve. I am a little ashamed that I didn't realize it sooner and that I was so scared and on the fence when I first found I was pregnant again. In her death, she brought about new life and who was I to not happily take this last gift that she left for me.

I left the cemetery that day knowing in my heart of hearts that I was meant to be pregnant again now and have another baby. I welcomed it and felt truly blessed. My pregnancy was not an easy one by any means. I ended up being high risk and will safe this sorry for another hub in the future, but on November 23, 2010, Kevin, Emma and I welcomed Lily Ann Huldie into our family. From the moment, I held her in my arms I knew she was meant to be mine and have loved her from the beginning. By the way, she was such a good baby. Again I was truly blessed, not that I wasn't before, but I know in my heart of hearts, my grandmother yet again had her hand in not giving us more than we could handle with having 2 fussy babies.

Emma will now be 3 years old and is such an amazing little girl and for all the sleepless nights she was truly worth it. Lily is on her way to 20 months old and this little girl never stops talking. Guess what my grandmother was the friendliest person you could meet and was always a talker. My mom swears that my grandmother lives inside Lily, because Lily truly has so much of my grandmother's spirit alive in her little body. It is so amazing what a wonderful gift my grandmother gave me and for that I am so grateful and feel like I am the luckiest person alive.

This hub is dedicated to my grandmother, Adele Piacentile 1919-2010, you were an amazing woman and will never be forgotten. We love you and miss you Nana. Thank you for always being there for me in life and death too.