Quit Smoking Cheap & Easy, Buy Toothpicks!

Throw all those excuses out the window. The sensitivities, the rationalizations the mediocre anecdotes about your family history and your personal stress. Quit smoking now bitch! Nobody can quit smoking for you, you can't delegate personal health improvements to a government committee or a minimum wage worker, you gotta do it all by yourself.

Money a problem? Congratulations you're human after all. Buy a pack of toothpicks and kick tobacco in it's leafy ass now! Next time you want a smoke put a toothpick in your mouth then drop and give me twenty! Why keep feeding that corporate whore-hound? This isn't some First Nation American Tribal tobacco with mystic powers of enlightenment we're talking about. This is a preserved, transmutated commercial product covered in a marinade of chemicals designed to keep you addicted. If you don't think so you're lying to yourself. Give it up, quit smoking now.

I've smoked for years and fallen off the bus as many times as I've quit. Quit smoking again, if you're plane crashes fly that mother again. I smoked over 2 packs a day and I know it's difficult to quit. You can eat candy, you can chew gum, you can have more sex, you can eat at a buffet, you can go for a run, you can sing a Capella. Do whatever it takes. I've had some people tell me, "I just put them down, I quit. I didn't need anything else". I agree that cold turkey is the best way. It just is. I've tried patches and gum and they are great if you're looking for a wide array of bizarre dreams and heart stomping night terrors. But as entertaining as those are, let's just try quitting smoking huh?

Every time you want a smoke go for the toothpick. They're cheap, hell they cost a penny. If you need variety buy a pack of licorice root (see image of hand holding licorice root) they're also delicious. You can find those at your local health food or organic food store. You can find toothpicks at every store, hodgy mart and convenience pantry on the planet.

What else do you need a list of great reasons why? OK. You will be better in bed. Your food will taste better. Your friends will love you more because you won't smell like a donkey's butt. You will have a more pleasant constitution. If you're a man, your wiener will grow bigger, OK I'm not sure if that's science fact just speaking from personal experience. You will have more money in your bank account. You won't be throwing money at corporate swine hell bent on population control. Had enough? Oh yeah, you'll live longer so all your family will experience your company and all it's fantastic magnanimous sparks for years and years to come.

So quit smoking tobacco. Quit smoking now. Be a real man, be a real woman. You will get there. You can do it. It takes some time. Don't believe the smoky neigh sayers, the crap will go away. Eventually the strong cravings will dissipate and the smaller ones disappear more and more as time goes on. Toothpicks and licorice root trump patches, gum and pills every time. Chew on a piece of hay if you have to. Quit smoking now!!!