Loneliness – An Indisputable Emotional Pain (Perspectives)

To be alone...

To be lonely...

What exactly is the difference?

According to my favorite dictionaries Loneliness is -

• The state of being alone in solitary isolation;
• An emotional pain that motivates people to seek social connections or painkillers such as alcohol and drugs;
• The anxious feelings one have when they don’t feel connected to the people around them.
• A complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation;
• Sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned;
• A disposition toward being alone.

I do not believe that a person in solitary isolation is necessarily lonely. Totally in contrast with the hyper-gregarious person I was before my father’s death, two years prior to my divorce, I have lived after my divorce for ten years in a state of social isolation. Because I wanted to be alone. In isolation I wanted to find and treat the wounds I've been afflicted with since the day I was born. I was completely fed-up with people and their doings. Of coping with stress and anxiety. Of hoping in vain that my circumstances would change in accordance with my preferences.

I was simply - (and arrogantly) - disappointed in God, and especially in people calling themselves 'His children’. I was straight forward angry.

So I know that being alone in solitary isolation does not imply that one is lonely.

Or does it?

I've sold my businesses - and even closed the doors of some - resigned from all committees and turned my back on society. Or so I thought! I've actually entered another society - of musicians and writers, where I felt understood and loved. But I thought I was simply keeping myself alive, working only 5-6 hours per day – 37 weeks per year – for a boss. The rest of the time I've satisfied my own burning desire to write whatever could make me feel better. Writing was the drug I've chosen; writing, indeed, killed my pain and healed my wounds.

But surely I was not lonely.

Or was I?

Although I was not at all isolated before my divorce, I was extremely lonely in my marriage and even as a teenager in my parent’s home. Knowing, or rather believing, that I was not understood and not considered, forced me into a state of emotional isolation where I regarded my diary as my only true friend. Fortunately at that time I had an intimate and meaningful relationship with God; He was an amazing source of strength and power during that phase in my life.

After my divorce I still had to accommodate my (then, at last, adult) children and a handful of close friends and relatives, though ducking them the best I could without hurting their feelings. I did not feel connected to anybody. Even my lover – who had crossed my path as if he was sent by God – had to use all his masculine skills to pull me out of the depths of purdah.

Even surrounded by people, even while achieving the goals that were set by my Self-Image, I was completely isolated in an invisible bubble. After a very kind person, or organized function, managed to get me out of my bubble for an hour or three, my soul was in pain with feelings of revolt, like my body would be after over-exposure to our hot, South African sun.

Was that loneliness? I thought I had merely a passionate desire to be alone in my own world.

My fellow-perspective, MickeySR, has an extremely interesting perceptive: Loneliness is not about feeling not connected to others, but about feeling not connected to one Self ~ http://mickeysr.hubpages.com/hub/Perspectives-Loneliness-Its-Not-About-Being-Alone

I like this definition by Wikipedia. At the end of my 10-year period of emotional isolation I was indeed lonely. I was in fact sure that instead of being alone, too tired to work and write, being dead would completely satisfy my need to be alone. I was ready to leave the planet.

Actually I was consumed by the monster called Depression, the mental cancer that kills people who are not able to come to terms with reality.

Maybe loneliness is depression. Maybe only people suffering depression know what loneliness really is.

*

My favorite dictionary also defines loneliness as ‘sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned’ and ‘a disposition toward being alone’.

Then I must admit that I was lonely for the better part of my life.

• khmohsin – “.... loneliness is actually a state of mind, causing people to feel empty, alone and unwanted.... any kind of loneliness directly effects on human health.”
• happeningeachday – “....feeling of being alone out of 7 billion people in this world.”
• superkates – “.... a feeling of emptiness which can be felt even when you are surrounded by lots of people; feeling alienated, or not satisfied by a treatment you perceive.”
• jackdowney – “... When nobody's around me, caring about me....”
• akrwriter – “... when you have the world and they won't communicate with you.... and won’t share your burden....”
• aanderson2588 – “I think the feeling of loneliness stem from an emotion much deeper, like feelings of inadequacy, anger, fear, etc.”
• fpherj48 – “.... missing departed loved ones – this is a constant source of the feeling of emptiness aka loneliness."
• mhussain – “... when you sitting with your friends and have feelings that you are alone in this gathering...”
• Faith Reaper – “...the feeling that you have no one to turn to and no one who understands you.”
• JusticeBlaze – “... your heart, mind, and soul KNOW that there is something very important missing.”
• Daven Midtown – “... it seems to be made up from other emotions that are driven by other needs, such as melancholy, depression, sadness, pain, mourning, acute sadness, depression.”
• Dana Strang - Lonliness is emptiness, a part of you is missing...”
• Lany Olivier - “...Loneliness: dressed like Greta Garbo, looks like Elizabeth Taylor, making money like Bill Gates, having the flair of Brad Pitt, BUT having an empty dance Card...."
• Adri Pieterse – “... the longing to be considered important by another person."
• Maggie Bennett – “...Having no one who understands you can leave you feeling rather lonely.”
• ahorseback: “... its about the mind and heart-set of standing on a beach where there are lovers , liars, loungers and laughing kids, beautiful, friendly women and knowing you are never going to be like "Them ". True loneliness is about being everyones favorite "ear" and never having anyone to talk to.”

I am sharing only my personal self-defense against Loneliness -

• Being busy, extremely busy, with soul-enriching activities, keeps Loneliness only a word in my dictionaries.
• Only sufficient rest and a healthy diet enables me to be extremely busy. I've learned the hard way that fatigue and boredom are the humus for loneliness and depression.

Loneliness is knowing we are missing LOVE and companionship we desperately need.

Loneliness is without any doubt an indisputable emotional pain.

Self-motivated people who keep themselves busy with soul-enriching activities never get the time to experience loneliness.

Copyright :: All Rights Reserved

Registered :: 2013-02-14 3:15:35
Title :: Perspectives: Loneliness - An Indisputable Enotional Pain
Fingerprint :: 9e7f5796cbe868be09f66dc088f08e51b681a5892d2ae38b07679fdcd2f37b11f
MCN :: CY385-J1GSP-0D553

The idea behind this series called Perspectives is explained in a hub published by MickeySr:

• Perspectives: An Introduction
  What we think and how we feel about things is defined, not by the things themselves, but by our perspective of things. Everything that comes before us is filtered through our perception of things...