If You Are Being Bullied, Read This
When You Feel Like You Want to Die
I was bullied so badly growing up I didn't know if I wanted to kill myself or be killed by my abusers. I just wanted it to end right now. It feels so wrong and evil when bullying happens. It causes a lot of confusion and fear. Your mind obsesses about how to protect yourself and how you might get even. You lose sleep, your grades drop, you feel embarrassed and humiliated and don't want to talk about it. You don't know if parents or teachers or friends will make fun of you for being too weak to protect yourself, or if they will believe you at all. You feel cornered like there is no way out. Sometimes you want to die.
Ellen DeGeneres on Bullies and Suicide
You need some options. Thoughts about dying start because you believe that you don't have any more options because your mind is telling you that there is no way out of this and it's never going to go away. That's a lie that you tell yourself sometimes when you don't know what to do. If you have options on how to deal with this, you will learn important lessons for the rest of your life on how to protect yourself and how to deal with bad situations. That means you will learn how to have the power you need to take care of yourself.
So here a few thoughts for you: If you really knew that this situation you're in is temporary, that you could be happy and safe again, you would focus on that instead of being bullied. You would want to get to that point and get this bullying part over with. So when you're not being bullied, focus on making those other good things happen. Out of 24 hours in a day, bullies probably only spend a few minutes making you miserable. The rest of the day is yours to make wonderful and good.
Bullies are temporary. They will lose interest in you eventually, and they will find someone else to make miserable. It doesn't make it easy for you right now, but if you realize that this will not go on forever, you can begin to see that your life will be good again.
People who do bad stuff get bad stuff return. Maybe you don't see bad stuff coming to them right away, but it always catches up with them. That's why two wrongs don't make a right. If you do to bullies what bullies do to you, you're doing bad stuff that you will eventually get in return. You know why? Because bad attracts bad and good attracts good. If your mind is only focused on anger, getting even and bad stuff, then that's what you create in your life. Your thoughts determine what your life will be. But if you accept that bad things are happening, but also start looking at all the good things in your life, you start to see ways of overcoming the bad. Watch for this for a few weeks and you'll see how it works.
When someone acts out of anger, hate, or in any negative way toward you, you have a choice. If you act the same way they do, you give them your power. You are playing their game, and they are in control. If it's a game you don't like, why would you play it? In order to keep your power, you must act, not react. You must act independently of what they are doing. If you act in good ways, you counter their bad with your good. Good energy is what you want, and you can create it by doing good things and thinking good thoughts. Protecting yourself and finding ways to prevent bullying are very good things. Go for it.
What to Do
So you have to make some choices:
Do I walk away and try to ignore it?
Yes, walk away if you can, but tell someone what has happened. Don't keep it to yourself.
If I can't walk away and they attack me, how should I respond?
There are times when we must protect ourselves by making a physical defense. If that's what you must do, then do it. But still, you should talk about what has happened to someone with authority, even if there are more threats made. That's part of having courage—to do what's good for yourself and for others.
What if I'm attacked worse than before for telling someone?
Defend yourself if necessary, and immediately talk to someone of higher authority. If you were physically attacked and hurt, it's probably assault, which is illegal. When that happens, often times police should be involved.
Kathy Griffin Talks about Teen Suicide
How Can We Prevent Bullying?
It starts with you and me. You and I are the ones who decide what we will do in any situation. The more we understand that we are good, that we are smart and capable, the more easily we will form good healthy relationships with others.
Have you noticed that often it's the new kids, the ones who don't seem to have friends, the ones who are always quiet and unsure of themselves that seem to get bullied?
You want good people to be your friends, so you become that good person and that good friend and see how many other good people like you will start hanging around you. And when that happens, you'll be surrounded by lots of people who aren't interested in being a bully.
Neil Patrick Harris on Bullies and Suicide
You Are a Good, Smart, Capable Person
Stand tall. Don't let your shoulders droop forward. Look at yourself in a full-length mirror and focus on posture. Don't look at all your little flaws. We all do this, and all it does it make us all feel bad. Just look at your posture. Practice good posture. When you stand tall and radiate, you open yourself up to inviting lots of other good people to walk up and say hi. You attract what you put out into the world. You're good. Put that out to the world.
If you're not sure you are a good, smart, capable person, then what would it feel like if you did? What would it look like if you did? Yeah, feel that. Look that way. That's your power. That's you. Maybe you don't really believe that right now but there's nothing wrong with acting and feeling as if you did. People will notice the difference. Act and feel as if.
It doesn't matter how many other people tell you you're great because until you believe it yourself, it won't be real to you. If you believe it, then you'll know that no matter what happens, you are smart enough to have options in finding solutions to your problems.
Discuss These Ideas with Others
It's good to share ideas with others and learn from each other. Try talking about this at home, with friends, or even in class. Knowledge is power. Your mind is the key to your happiness and well-being.
Bullying Is about Bad Relationships
Some relationships will never be good, and you just have to live and let live, but keep them away from you. Other relationships can get better in time if both are willing to work on it. Either way, you have options. You are the answer to your problems. You have everything you need within you to flourish and grow and have a happy life.
Wanting to Kill Yourself is Lie Your Mind Tells You
It's a terrible lie. How many times do you suppose your mind lies to in a week? "This is as good as my life will ever be." "I'm ugly." "People don't like me."
Those are lies and everything else like these thoughts are lies. Question them. All of them. Can you predict the future? Then how could know your life will never get better? Do you really know that everyone else thinks you're ugly? Have you talked honestly with every living person? Even if the most popular people seem attractive, if they are bullies, they are suffering terribly from their own insecurities and self-doubt, which makes them far less attractive because of it. We see this in real life everywhere. Good looks are usually about a first impression. Love, friendship and acceptance are rarely based primarily on how a person looks. So all those things you hear from others or yourself contrary to this: LIE. Question the lies. It's easy to start seeing them for what they are not believing them. You are not a lie. You are a person.
You are loved. You are loved by people you don't even know, because most people have been through similar things, and can relate to what you are going through. It doesn't matter if you are LGBT or not. People are people regardless of their sexual identity, and nearly everyone goes through some type of bullying at some point.
And so remember this: Love is all there is. Everything else is a cry for help. Everything real cannot be threatened. Everything unreal doesn't exist.
If you feel pushed to the limit, get help. Here is a number that specializes in helping people in crisis 1-800-850-8078.
You can find phone numbers and help easily on the internet by doing a quick search for "crisis hotline numbers."
© 2013 Daniel Carter