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Is That All There Is? A Moment With Bill
TAKING A TRIP BACK IN TIME
It was a simpler time for sure. We did not call it simple living, but simple living it truly was. My parents were children of the Great Depression, so they had surely seen tough times. Perhaps that’s why the life they lived when I was growing up seemed better than just survival. Maybe they were living their version of the American Dream. After all, they had a home, a car and a family. Maybe that’s what they set out after when they moved to Tacoma, Washington after the end of World War II.
Although my memories are a bit hazy regarding my earliest years, it seems to me that my mother always had a part-time job. I remember her working at Penny’s when I was very little, and then at the Proctor Dime Store, and later for Safeway and Piggly Wiggly.
My father always worked for Pioneer Sand & Gravel. He told me he originally was hired part-time in 1948, the year I was born, but shortly after that he was hired full-time, and he continued to work that job for twenty years until he died in 1969.
He was gone from the house by seven a.m., Monday through Friday, and home at five p.m. each day. Sometimes he would pick up extra shifts on Saturdays and Sundays, and until he had his first heart attack in 1968 I do not believe he missed a day of work in those twenty years.
Lest you think he had a cushy office job, let me tell you that he worked outside doing general maintenance and yard labor for all those twenty years. No matter the weather there he was, in that giant gravel pit, putting in a solid day’s work for a solid day’s pay.
One would think that that kind of dedication and work ethic would pay off in some tangible rewards, but truthfully we rarely had extra money for frills. My folks had to save diligently the entire year so we could go on a vacation in the summertime, and more often than not they would have to take a loan out before Christmas to pay for gifts, and then spend months afterwards paying off the debt.
I was home from college the night my dad died, and several days after his death I was sitting in my bedroom reflecting on my dad’s life, and I remember thinking “is that all there is to life?”
Is that all there is? Are we born, work our asses off, and die with little to show for it? Is that it?
The first of this series
- A Moment With Bill: A New Series About the Joy Of Life
A new series that says to hell with SEO. This is about personal philosophy and there is no place in that world for SEO and Key Words. Won't you join me?
A VOW TO MYSELF
I promised myself, on the day of my dad’s funeral, that my life was going to stand for more. I promised myself that there was no way I was going to work for twenty years at a job I disliked and have nothing to show for it the day they lowered me into the ground. Not Dale Holland’s boy by God! There were bigger fish to fry for this boy; there were dreams to pursue and endless possibilities awaited me, and when my days on this earth were done there was no way I was looking back with regret.
Perhaps that explains the path my life took. Perhaps that explains the twenty-five different jobs and the constant feeling of restlessness, as though I were a gypsy in search of the next great score.
There was always more I could be doing. There was always more I should be doing. There was always the feeling that a hidden truth was just beyond my grasp, and if I just changed my perspective, or changed the angle from which I looked at life, it would all become apparent to me in time.
My father began working during the bleakest years of the Great Depression when he was fifteen. He stopped working that bleak, colder-than-hell evening of January 9, 1969. Thirty-five years of physical labor all told, packed away in a bronze casket.
I, on the other hand, began work when I was fifteen. I am still working at the age of sixty-four. Forty-nine years of labor, a lifetime of experiences, and finally an answer to the question “is that all there is?”
Ms. Peggy Lee
PERSPECTIVE WAS CALLED FOR AND FINALLY GAINED
All of my life I have heard people say that they dreaded growing older. I, on the other hand, have found that I love these years as I stand on the down slope of life. I have found great clarity during this stage of my life, a clarity that eluded me for decades. Despite three college degrees, wisdom had always remained just out of my reach. I do not claim to be wise now, but I do claim to see with more focused vision, and one thing I see clearly is that I was wrong about my mother and father. I was wrong in thinking that their lives had been a waste, and I was wrong in thinking that they somehow were cheated out of their just due.
Is that all there is?
As I look back, I realize that my father and mother were happy. Yes, they worked hard and no, they had very little money, but they never voiced the belief that they were cheated and I do not believe for a second that they thought that.
What I do believe is that they were satisfied in having raised two children, both of whom turned out as good citizens and loving parents in their own right. I believe my parents loved each other, and I believe that they were good citizens and compassionate people. I believe my parents understood the meaning of the word responsibility and that they were people that could be counted on whenever and wherever they were needed.
I looked at the job my dad had as stifling and as an entrapment. He looked at his job as a role one accepts when one has a family that depends on him. I looked at his job as a punishment. He looked at it as an opportunity and a privilege.
Is that all there is?
A Moment with Bill
HERE IS WHAT I NOW KNOW
I do not know about most men. I suspect that Thoreau was right on with regards to many, but my thoughts about my parents have changed over the years. I do not believe that Thoreau’s quote applies to my parents. I do not believe their lives were quite desperation, but rather lives of their choosing, and they were quite satisfied with those lives.
Wherever love exists can there truly be desperation? Wherever the bond of family exists, can there be desperation? Hundreds of millions of parents rose from bed today, went to work, worked hard, and came home bone tired, and yet they did so willingly because that is what parents do to provide for their families. We do not always get to write the script of every chapter of our lives.
Sometimes….oftentimes…circumstances dictate that we do things that are not necessarily enjoyable but are still required for the common good. Those times are not moments of desperation but rather they are moments of nobility, and today I understand that fact and I applaud it.
Today I have a job that I love, a family that means the world to me, and a smile on my face. I am not rich and most likely never will be. Quite frankly I will probably always have to scramble for money, and disposable income will always be six syllables that apply to someone else.
Today I ask myself if this is all there is and I answer…..YES THANK GOD!
2013 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)
Comments
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Sha, there were a great many lessons to learn growing up. Thankfully I learned from two loving people. Thank you for your kind words and I hope you are having a wonderful weekend.
Bill, this is such a realistic and beautiful reflection on life. We make our choice and take on a huge responsibilty when that choice includes becoming a parent or sharing life with another human.
Peggy Lee has the right idea, "...then let's keep dancing". Life is what you make of it. You may not love your job, but beauty and 'dance' can always be found as long as you never let it die.
Awesome hub, my friend. I particularly enjoyed the message in this one.
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Thank you Dianna! There are lessons to be learned from those who came before us if we are willing to listen.
This brings to my mind the old saying, "Don't go to your grave without having sung your song." I think some of us just accept what life gives us and fade into the background. I know people who view life as such and they are always a big down on life. It's not what you have materially, it is what you have internally that changes life's circumstances. Well said, Bill. Voted up and across!
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Ruby, thank you! Those are kind words and if I give hope to others then the stories are well-worth telling.
Wonderful family stories, they mean so much and have made a wonderful identity of you. Really enjoy the history! Thanks for sharing so much, you give hope to the rest of us.
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Jackie, I think being a star is highly overrated. I see a lot of unhappy stars out there. :) Thank you!
Not everyone wants to be a star and that is certainly OK. Who can ask for more than finding our own niche in life? You said it well. ^
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Jelly, you could not have been as slow as I was in finding this truth. :) Some of us take longer I'm afraid.
Thank you for visiting.
I found myself asking the same questions and coming to the same conclusions not so very long ago. I wish I'd had your wisdom present itself to me years ago, before I went through that bleak, bleak period!
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Rajan, I hadn't thought of that, but now that I look at this hub, you are very correct. Thank you my friend!
Bill, I have this feeling that this write up is a sum total of all your hubs. You have provided answers to love, living simple and meaning of life.
Very inspiring read, my friend.
Voted up, awesome and shared.
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Reba, it's a date....kind of. :)
I am doing well, Bill, thank you. Indeed if we do not or cannot share our experiences and what we have learned from them, they do not serve us or others well.
Here's to that cuppa joe in future as old friends do. I would like that very much as well.
Reba
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Reba my friend, I hope this finds you well and happy. Thank you for your kind words. What good are our experiences if we can't share them and learn from them together? I know you understand that.
Some day hopefully we can meet over coffee as old friends do. I would like that very much.
bill
Bill, this hub has touched my soul quite deeply in its candidness and intimacy. Your writing pushes through all of the barriers, and your words reach out from the page into the reader's mind and heart.
I shed a few tears with this one with your account of your hard working, dedicated father. Your parents understood the meaning of existence : to give love until it hurts__and then give some more.
That is the answer for every one of us. That is how God designed us. You have found it as well from your wonderful parents. I think of the many young people today who were not blessed with such amazing moms and dads that you__and I__had. If they read your article, and take it to heart, perhaps you could help them find that path. Thus, they might stop asking, "Is that all there is?"
Bless you for your talent, generosity, and courage to share so openly with the world,
Reba
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Paula, you are right. The rode a wave of "feel good patriotism" and we haven't seen that since the early 60's, and wouldn't it be wonderful if we saw that again? Sigh!
Thank you, Paula, and have a great weekend.
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Kindred, you are right on with that comment. The legacy will continue, as it was meant to be, and isn't that a lovely thought? 4:00 a.m.? Couldn't sleep? Sheez, get some sleep, girl! :)
Thank you as always and have a great day.
hugs,
bill
Exactly, bill.....I believe there were far fewer reasons to "buck," the System, during our parent's era......Our Nation was actually "America," at that time. Our parents had cause for much deeper Patriotism and gratitude.
As time has gone on, "we," as a people, have progressively witnessed the current & disastrous state of affairs, unfold before our eyes.
It is 4:00 AM and I am finally here. This one was well worth the wait. I love this piece Bill. You have arrived and isn't it a wonderful place? Yes indeed, our parents did things the hard way but oh what wisdom they had for it. Your Mom and Dad are smiling; proud of the man you have become. And as they did, you will impart your wisdom on your son and one day he will be reaping the benefit of the life his father lived. There is no greater legacy. Loved it!
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No, Paula, I don't think you are off at all. Silent suffering was the norm back then; I saw it daily growing up. There was a stoicism that in one way I find admirable and in another way I find unbelievable and not necessarily in a good sense.
Peggy Lee definitely delivered a haunting rendition to that song.
Sorry it took me so long to reply; problems with HP this weekend.
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PS, that was beautifully stated my friend and obviously I agree. Our parents understood what was important in life, and they never wavered from that. We could all learn a valuable lesson from that....happily you and I have. :) Thank you my friend; I hope you are having a nice weekend. I've been having trouble with HP and I'm not receiving notifications like I should, so forgive the late reply.
blessings and hugs coming your way
bill
How well I remember that emotional song, by the talented Miss Peggy Lee. That song had a kind of eeriness to it, don't you think? BTW, thanks for including it here.
Well, Bill, you know we share a birth year, which means we lead fairly parallel lives......and all I would add to your wonderful story here, is....even had our parents wondered...."is that all there is?"....they'd have humbly accepted it and not missed a beat. This is what I think.....I mean, they "accepted/tolerated" more than we feel the need to.....they questioned and fought back less....they were dutiful and long suffering. Am I way off base?....UP+++ Love this hub!
So much of what you said parallels the lives of my parents and my life as I grew up. My Father worked hard all of his life until he was 87 when he began to have ministokes and was unable to drive any longer. One thing he and Mother both instilled in us, all of us children that is, was a strong work ethic. No free rides. Get busy and get yourself moving in the direction you want to go.
Is this all there is may apply sadly to some lives. But not this one..and certainly I know from all of your writings not yours. Our individual decision to choose to make our lives count for something is just that...an individual decision. Even though my parents' lives may look to some as if it was not special or contributory to mankind...I know better. They left a legacy of love and belief in the principle that I could become whatever I wanted...with effort. And they left a mark on those who knew them as they gave selflessly long before that word was a buzz word.
Belief in the positive...seeing that silver lining on every cloud as you do and I admit with no qualms I do too, is a way to grab onto the notion that yes...this is enough!! Voted up ++++
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Martin, I think you summed it up perfectly. Thank you!
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Yep, thanks Michelle!
Thank you for this.What I learned from the masons is: as long as one is truly satisfied with their life. I have been at the bedsides of both cases.
Nope, work is not all that life is!! Thanks for sharing, Bill!
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Deb, it's all about getting back to the basics. What good are riches if you are alone and have nobody to love? I'll take my life any old day and go to bed thankful for it. Thanks my friend; have a great weekend.
The ending is beautiful. If one only thinks about it, that's what a fulfilling life is all about: family, work, and the beautiful moments in between. Yes, life can be tough, but we weren't given a book on how to choose the best options. With age, comes wisdom, and with wisdom, a noble cause. I agree with your thoughts on all there is, and applaud my life as such.
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Eyes, you are very welcome. No reason to keep it to myself; if my experience helps anyone else then it's a very good thing. :) Thank you!
Beautiful. I am at a point of reflection in my own life and appreciate the thoughts shared in this writing. Thank you your always inspirational stories and for opening yourself up to us!
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Amy, it seems the only way I learn is through hard lessons. I hope that kind of learning behavior is behind me. As for sharing the same thoughts with you, I always will. You have paid your dues and you have earned the right to be listened to and reciprocated with the truth.
bill
Thank you for sharing the fact that you had the same thoughts of unworthiness and shame when you were unemployed as l did, Bill. In many ways, our lives run in some parallel universe! The overwhelming emotions of grief, panic and fear, initially left me feeling like I was losing my mind. It seems that the most painful experiences teach me the most, leaving indelible, unforgettable, life changing lessons. I feel like my dad is with me through it all. Love to you from me in St. Lou
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Amy, I always love your comments. They leave me reflecting on life and that is always a good thing. I would have loved to have known your father. He sounds very much like my dad, and that is a high compliment. :) Back in 1989 when I was unemployed and in fact homeless for a couple weeks, my first thought were about my dad and what he would have thought of me then. I was ashamed and felt unworthy of his respect, even though he had been dead for twenty years. The lessons he taught me were imprinted on my psyche and in truth they still are today.
Thank you for an insightful comment. As always, sending you love from Olympia
bill
My mom and dad loved each other, first and foremost. I remember my dad's sense of honor at having his blue-collar job as fireman and oiler for Anheuser-Busch, because his livelihood enabled him to provide for the 3 of us children, while my mom never had to work outside our home. He never complained about the rotational shiftwork or the weather. Even when I was very young, I remember how he valued his job, and I would be right next to him shoveling the snow in the driveway so he would be able to fulfill his due diligence and be at work on time. I remember his first episode of gout, where his knee swelled to the point where he couldn't bend it to walk, but he went to work. He went from work to the doctor's office and went back to work the next day. And, when I decided to get a job after completing only one-year of college, it was his example that I followed to give all that I had to whatever job I took. It served me well throughout my work life until the economy took my job in late May, 2011. I remember the first year following my layoff, regularly waking from sleep, crying, wondering what my dad would think of me then, on unemployment.
Like my dad used to say to me, Bill, "how much does one person need?" I believe there are basics intrinsic to happiness, being, adequate food, shelter, clothing and medical care. The rest is superfluous. Before the economy took a nosedive, I was amazed at what the average American called 'average', and the huge amount of debt accrued to keep up with the neighbors. I lived in a small cedar home that was 'grandfathered' into the gated community, as it no longer met the minimum square footage requirements of the newer, 1/2 million dollar homes in the subdivision. I had no desire to own an expensive SUV or powerboat or jet ski that so many in Raintree felt was standard equipment living near the lakes. I felt no envy at the loans and taxes they owed. Livin' large is not equated to the money spent. It's about finding your bliss, usually attained by giving of oneself.
Thank you, Bill, for an inspirational message in your loving tribute to your parents. They showed you the way in the best possible way; with love, sincerity and hard work.
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Bill, we would indeed, wouldn't we? I have no regrets either. I have made huge mistakes and I have made up for them as well as I can. To live with regrets or shame is a waste of time and only hinders us from moving forward.
Thanks buddy; have a great weekend and stay safe in that storm.
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Ruby, you bring up a good point. We went to work at a young age because one, it was expected, but two, because we wanted to make it on our own and have a feeling of accomplishment. That's missing today and I think it's a shame and harmful to society. There is nothing wrong with working hard....it builds independence and gives a feeling of satisfaction.
Thanks, Ruby! Have a great weekend!
I can't keep from thinking about the song, ' What's it all about Alfie. ' Your parents did what most hard working families did, and they were contented. I can remember my mother working as though it was a natural thing to do. I started working when i was thirten, that's what people did back in the good old days. I think we were blessed in a way, we did not expect the government to take care of us like so many do today. Great article..Thank's Bill...
We do get wiser with age Bill. What a thought provoking hub, really enjoyed this. Life is what we make of it and I will go to my grave with no regrets. If we lived everyday like it was our last we'd have one heck of a good ride. Thanks for sharing this.
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Thank you Carol and everything you said is the truth. I have chased my own tail for decades. When I gave up the chase the answers were right next to me, just as they always had been.
Have a great weekend and thank you for your friendship.
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Thank you Jo! Happiness....I think I have finally found it, after all the searching, and it turns out it was right in front of me all along. Duh!
Have a great weekend my friend.
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Faith, it's all in the attitude, right? We have so much to be thankful for, and yet most of us have to be reminded of that. We are strange creatures we humans. :)
Have a wonderful weekend my friend.
love and blessings,
bill
While reading this I was thinking of several people I know who hated every day they went to work. I could not live like that. I also know people in difficult relationships and unhappy and seem to sabotage making happiness for themselves. We have a very goodfriend now who is on his way out. Not that old and never seemed to have any fun. Loves his possessions and he has many expensive toys, homes, cars etc. However his life is coming to an end and what good does all that money do. I have fun everyday..of course we all have issues and problems and worries...But how nice for you that have that smile on your face and acceptance of life. You do have this wonderful sense of honesty...Thank you for sharing this..I will also.
Billy, this is enlightening and touching; your parents sounds like wonderful down to earth people, not unlike yourself.
Many of us try hard to find the elusive 'happiness,' and fails to recognise that we already have what matters. Hopefully it's not too late. We need to know what makes us happy and hold on real tight. :). Take care and my best to you.
Jo.
Dear Bill! You got it going on, but you already knew that and THANK GOD is right! Beautiful and refreshingly honest hub here, as always.
Voted up ++++ and sharing
Blessings, Faith Reaper
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Stephanie, thank you! I feel blessed to have found my true writer's voice.
I love how you can always articulate what a lot of us think and feel! :)
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and good morning onegreen! Sorry I didn't say that before. :)
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Onegreen....yep, the retirement plan isn't real good for those of us who bounced around a lot. Oh well, think of all the experience we received, and the great stories we can tell. There has to be some value in that, right? LOL
Thanks for stopping by my friend; have a great weekend.
Mornin' Bill. Thanks for another thought-provoking hub. After reading your article I realized I have never worked at a job for longer than 8 years! Seems I have a gypsy in my soul and I'm always looking for new experiences. Turns out my method isn't so great when it comes to retirement tho'.
Even tho' I couldn't watch the Peggy Lee video (it says the video player is too small) I'm going to be singing that song in my head all day! I've always loved it. Have a fantastic day!
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Patriot, thank you for the visit.
good reading, thanks for sharing,
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Liz...enough about me....LOL You are too funny! I'm glad you enjoyed this my young, wise friend. This stuff ain't for not dummies so I guess we know how smart you are. :)
I hope you have a great weekend. Hug this daughter of yours often, and enjoy the sunshine while we shiver in 28 degrees.
Yes! It really depends on your perspective, doesn't it? You can look at your life and think, "I just go to this stinkin' job every day and it's all so meaningless," or you can think, "Even if I'm scrubbing toilets, my work makes a difference and helps others. I'm raising children who will have a positive influence on others. Life is good!" That's not an easy mindset. I'm working on it, though!
Since we've lost this mindset, we feel we "need" this and that in order to live like the next guy (or how we think he or she lives). Things that no one ever heard of 10 or 20 years ago! Then we get into debt, don't make enough to pay it all off, then feel like a hamster on a wheel.
But enough about me . . . LOL
Love when you share your stories, Bill. Keep 'em coming!
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David, I hate to think what my comments would look like if I did them on an iphone...thanks for making the effort. Now have a great weekend.
Much better, having a keyboard that is! My comment above was the result of poking the buttons on my iphone before getting my a.. out of bed this morning. I read your hub, re-read it, and then spent the whole morning reflecting upon it. Thank you for such straightforward honest open writing.
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xstatic, I can think of a great many people like your father. When I was a child I thought they must be terribly bored and sad; now I realize they were just people doing what they needed to or wanted to, and working was reward enough for them. Thank you Sir and have a great weekend.
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David, that has to be a great compliment. If I had you reflecting before the caffeine then I have been successful. LOL Thank you my friend; enjoy your weekend.
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Vicki, you have had an experience that most of us cannot imagine, and I would be amazed if it hadn't shaped you. Thank you for sharing a small part of that experience with us, and thank you as always for the visit. Wishing you a wonderful weekend my friend.
Up and all but funny here, Bill! My dad lived into his late 80s, never met my mother's idea of "ambition," just wanted to run the auto repair/machine shop in the little town where he grew up. She left him when I was very young. I nver thought about it, but his was not a life of quiet desperation. He was where he wanted to be doing what he knew how to do. This hub generates many thoughts of his life and that of my mother's, and mine as well.
Good morning! Inspired before my first cup of joe, thank you. I've done a lot of hard physical labor over the years, enough so to wear out my neck, literally. I also exhausted a great deal of money on education, always searching....anyway as always thank you for the inspiration, not often am I reflecting on life BEFORE my first coffee lol.
Hello Bill, I think it sometimes takes us many years to realise that simplicity has its own rewards. I'm glad you have discovered this in your more mature years. I have never 'recovered' from my own simple years, growing up in a small Zulu village in South Africa. The benefits of that background have come back to me in spades throughout all my adventures in life. I still live simply, and really have an appreciation and love for my life and the joy of a loving family. Thanks for reminding all of us
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Kathryn, I agree completely. Thank you for visiting on your snowy morning. Wishing you the best over the next 24 hours and hoping you and yours stay safe.
Beautiful. I think everyone has their own version of happiness, and what makes one person happy may not make another feel the same way. Everyone needs to find out for themselves what it is that makes life feel right.
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DDE, that means a great deal to me, so I thank you sincerely. Your kind words brought a smile to my face.
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Janine, it was a special time for me and it formed me as the person I am today. I love talking about my family. Thank you my friend and best wishes during the storm.
Most people feel like doing things out of desperation especially if there is no other choice, I would rather enjoy what I do or don't do it at all. Thanks for sharing such an interesting hub. You have thus far shared some of the most inspiring work I have read on HP.
Bill, I always love when you talk about your family and your upbringing, because I get a sense of a bit more of a picture of you from early on. Thank you for always being so candid and laying out so simply. Have of course voted way up, shared and tweeted, too!!
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