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Lifestyle Choices: Life Is Neither Fair Nor Unfair...It Just Is.

Updated on January 6, 2013
Recycle your old thoughts only if they are positive ones.
Recycle your old thoughts only if they are positive ones. | Source
Negativity is a slippery slope
Negativity is a slippery slope | Source
A visual portrait of someone who thinks life is not fair.
A visual portrait of someone who thinks life is not fair. | Source

Oh how I love this topic! How often have you heard someone say, while in the middle of a trying circumstance in their life, that life is not fair? Come to think of it, how often did I say it back in the days when life was a struggle and I could not seem to get out of my own way?

Ten years ago I would have told you that the ones who say those words most often are kids but today I don’t think that is true. I hear more and more adults utter those self-defeating words on a regular basis now so I thought we would stop and take a closer look at them.


To state the obvious, anyone saying those words has most likely just experienced what they consider to be some tough luck. Maybe the dishwasher broke down or the dog got hit by the dishwasher repair truck or the husband just admitted he has been cheating on the wife or the wife is cheating on the husband with the dishwasher repairman….whatever is the case those fateful words come rolling off of the tongue….Life is not fair!

Did you just lose your job? Well, I can say with all certainty that sucks! Did you just find out you have cancer? Yep, that sucks! Did your son lose his wife or did your roof develop a leak or a tornado destroy your home? Yes, that does indeed suck the big one!

However, to attach a degree of fairness to the daily occurrences of life is to give Life much more credit than it deserves. Life does not choose negative or positive consequences in the lives of people. Hello! Life is not an entity who randomly decides who will be happy and who will be miserable based on the good or bad that Life doles out.


How’s that for stating the obvious? The most fundamental definition of life is simply being. We get up in the morning, go about the process of living and things happen. There are no gypsy curses that are dictating the amount of good luck or bad luck we receive that day. We roll the dice each and every day and then go about our business dealing with the vagaries of life. It is neither fair nor unfair; it simply is!

If you ever want to hear some whiners drop in on an open meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous sometime. Quite often we will hear someone proclaim that life is not fair and it is usually someone who relapses about once a week. They are incapable of getting beyond their personal problems and it never dawns on them to look for a solution. In point of fact the solution is right in front of them and yet they fail to see it.

I have a friend with one arm; another who is blind and yet another with Alzheimer’s Disease. Not once have I heard any of them say that life wasn’t fair. You would be hard-pressed to find more upbeat, supportive and happy people than those three and yet they have every reason to state the unfairness of their lives and wallow in self-pity. I am humbled by their attitudes and they serve as a daily reminder for me of just how lucky I am. Compared to their problems my life is a walk in the park and I try to always remember that fact.


I have no scientific data to back this point up; it is simply based on observations over my lifetime and on my own life during the dark years. I believe that people manufacture their own “luck.” I believe that if all you concentrate on is the darkness of life then you are condemning yourself to eternal darkness. On the other hand, if you choose to entertain positive thoughts then you will in effect produce positive results. Call it an aura if you will but I believe a positive aura delivers positive results.

It all comes down to choice as so often is the case. We can choose to see the positives in life or we can concentrate on the negatives, but it is my belief that whichever we choose to concentrate on will dictate your future. Call it karma or energy or whatever but I believe we in effect develop a self-fulfilling prophecy by the way we think.


Until I was able to accept responsibility for my part in the development of my life then my life was not fair. It was so much easier to moan and groan about the unfairness of it all instead of taking the bull by the horns and changing the momentum and direction of my life. The “unfairness” of my life was in fact a product of my actions and thinking. I had to change who I was in order to discover that life was just life and my perception of life was giving it the negative characteristics that I had embraced.

I was not helpless; I had simply perceived myself to be helpless and in so doing I had surrendered my ability to change my life. The simple truth is that none of us is helpless and we can effect change if we are willing.

No, if you have a physical handicap you cannot will that handicap to disappear, but you can most certainly prevent that physical handicap from becoming an emotional and psychological handicap.

Oh, I can hear the doubters out there saying that it is not that easy and I say to you tough! Who in your life ever said life would be easy or that change was easy? What I am proposing is damn tough and it requires a willingness to do whatever is necessary to bring about a change.

One of my favorite sayings is: “nothing changes if nothing changes.” Give that one some thought for a second and you hopefully will see the wisdom in it. To continue doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Only when you decide to change your life will you see a change in your life that could possibly be perceived as a positive. If one insists on only seeing the negative then one will have no problem seeing the negative. I have been there and I have no doubt that what I say is true!


Okay, I’ll be glad to. Bottom line: You can change how you perceive your life. No, you can’t grow a new arm or regain sight or suddenly be cured of Alzheimer’s but you can decide how you are going to deal with the situation you are in. To see life as unfair is to sign on for a life of darkness and thus guarantee that life will never get better. If I had no experience in these matters I would gladly shut up rather than appear the fool, but I am a living, breathing example of what can happen when attitude is altered.

I will add one thing to the saying that life is life: life is also good! May you all find the goodness that is inherent in life.

2012 Bill Holland (aka billybuc)

Do you feel that your life is fair?

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    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      ImKarn, I'm still laughing at your last hub so I know for sure that you know how I think. I plan on getting every ounce of enjoyment out of my remaining years and I have no doubt you will as well. Thank you my friend! I love your attitude and your friendship.

    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      They just are...Raciniwa, you are so right! Acceptance is the key to my happiness. I just accept life for what it is and then anything that comes along is natural and lovely. Thank you so much!

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 

      7 years ago

      I love how you think and i love how you write what you think! Life is for living and burying ourselves in self-pity defeats the entire purpose of life - which is to LIVE it to it's fullest! voting up, as always, Billy

    • raciniwa profile image


      7 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      I heard you Billy...and yes, i have read in John Bradshaw's book on Reclaiming and Championing the Inner Child...just like emotions, they just are...

    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Eddy, it occurs to me that even when you are writing a comment you are poetic in your voice. I find that amazing. I understand completely what you are saying and I believe it is necessary to have rough times in order to fully appreciate all the good in our lives. You have indeed won the day and now look at the great life you have with your partner. Life is good, Eddy, and I hope one day to read your novel and gain a better appreciation for your sister. Thank you Eddy; I cherish you.

    • Eiddwen profile image


      7 years ago from Wales

      Brilliant once more billy; I love your hubs because I can relate to so many of them.

      I love your no-nonsense attitude;and you are right people who have visible disabilities often don't moan !!

      We can all moan but if we fill each of our words with self-pity what would we achieve then??

      Nothing at all ;except to say that the rest of our lives are going to be miserable as well.

      Then you very often see people keeping away;excuses not to meet up;

      Would we blame them ???Well I wouldn't !!!I will help anyone but some do not truly want to be helped and sad as that is there is not an awful lot we can do for them.

      I have a theory which I came up with many years ago

      "We need some of the rough times in order to fully appreciated the good ones !!"

      Even thought some past abusers have passed away it makes no difference when I say to them all

      "I won the day;you didn't grind me down and you never will!!"

      My novel I am writing in my beautiful sister's memory so that our story will hopefully help others after my days on this earth.

      My sister was such a beautiful person but sadly not strong enough to cope with the bad memories of our childhood.

      Take care my friend and make sure you keep on writing because I love your hubs and you are doing an amazing job.

      Take care my friend .


    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      You do indeed start smiling again. I love your outlook on life, Always, and you are one of the positive people I keep in my hub life. Thank you!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      7 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I agree. We make life what it is. We can feel like damaged goods or we can rebuild. Instead of feeling that life sucks, look on the bright side. When i see a sunset, watch a bird, watch my garden grow, i feel happy to be alive. There will always be a day when you feel down, get up and do something for someone. It makes all the difference and you start to smile again..Cheers..

    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ruchira, as usual you say it much better than I do. How we perceive life is our choice. Thank you for once again leaving a great comment.

    • Ruchira profile image


      7 years ago from United States

      your title says it all, Bill.

      A choice we gotta make that life is fair or unfair..well said indeed!

      We gotta change our perceptions towards life and what it offers us each live life to the fullest!

      voted up indeed :)

    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sonya, I am filled with gratitude if my hubs make you happy. I'm not sure the nature of your enormous change but I wish you well. I would love to hear about the changes you are going through if you get the time to share. Have a wonderful day and thank you very much.

    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Pannonica, thank you and you are correct of course, living is great! I'm glad you stopped by; my followers are why I write. Peace to you today and make the most of this gift we have been given.

    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rosalinem, if my hubs make you laugh or bring enjoyment then I have done my job as a writer and that makes me feel good. Thank you my friend!

    • Sonya L Morley profile image

      Sonya L Morley 

      7 years ago from Edinburgh

      Reading your hubs every day makes me happy. As someone whose life is undergoing enormous change at the moment, they are reminders to keep choosing to focus on the good in life. Thank you.

    • Pannonica profile image


      7 years ago

      I just love your take on life billybuc, your views mirror my own. I believe in positive thinking, start the day with negative thoughts and your day will suck! Life is what you bring to it and lets face it living is great! Have a good day. Great hub, voted up, keep them coming.

    • Rosalinem profile image


      7 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

      billybuc your hubs always make me laugh i liked the dishwasher part too many things involved in that one. positive attitude is a must!Good writing as always.

    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sky, my philosopher and my friend, it is for sure a no nonsense hub. I have been on that path of self-pity and it is a dead-end road with no reward. Maybe a harsh wake-up call occasionally will ring of truth with someone who needs the message. Thank you my friend and keep following the light.

    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you urmilashukla, and sure, go ahead and say it. :) I appreciate you stopping by again.

    • Sky9106 profile image


      7 years ago from A beautiful place on earth.

      Billy this is another of your no nonsense type Hub m, that 's filled with in your face truth , and that's the only way truth goes.

      What this clearly says is: sitting at the foot boy, gazing at the shy, how can you get up boy if you never try.

      Sometimes in the past, when I believed that I could somehow find a way , if only I could get them to listen. I said to them, life is the constant here ,with or without you . But now comes you , so it's with you, and here is this giant chance, to take whatever you need from this life. what you gonna do?

      Always secure that which you "need" Every life, have always somehow found a way to get what it needs, to go after the ultimate target of life , which is survival.

      An insurance of survival, becomes the fuel for your existence ,in going after ones goals .

      Life is truly what you make it !

      Another wonderful piece of truth billy and I would not want to be in your head during that beautiful conversation while you are writing , because I would not want to leave. I can see clearly is joke, I would never again voluntarily put those dark clouds in my path, before I set out.

      Bless my brethren.

      God Bless.

    • urmilashukla23 profile image


      7 years ago from Rancho Cucamonga,CA, USA

      Another great hub Billybuc. Hey, can I say life is not fair ? JK. I love the sayings "Nothing changes if nothing changes". So true. Take care.

    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula, if they don't get the message you and I will tag-team their butts and make them get it. It will be an East Coast/West Coast double-team and those poor whiners don't stand a chance. Thanks bud, for dropping by once again and bringing a smile to my aging face. :)

    • fpherj48 profile image


      7 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Bill....True....all of it. Oh, so damned true. And isn't it a glorious thing to know this? It all comes full circle right back to "Life being what we make of it." This goes for all of it, all the time.

      You describe it so well in your billybuc way...

      To all the belly-achers and crybabies out there: READ THIS ONE TWICE!! UP++

    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Perspycacious, we just have to change your name. It's a challenge typing it. :) Thank you for your insights which are spot on, especially the last sentence about doing something for another person. I know of no quicker way to forget about problems than to help another who is worse off. Thank you!

    • billybuc profile imageAUTHOR

      Bill Holland 

      7 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Roaxanne, as you may know by now I have very little patience with whining and I love you fifteen minute rule. Great household to grow up in and wonderful parenting. Thank you so much for visiting once again.

    • roxanne459 profile image

      Roxanne Lewis 

      7 years ago from Washington

      I love this! You and I think alike which is why I love reading your Hubs.

      We have a self-pity rule in our family; Everyone gets 15 minutes to feel sorry for themselves and sulk when something undexpected or bad happens.

      Then we either have to start thinking of a solution or resolution. Thank you for writing this! Voted Up and Shared

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 

      7 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      While one is making the most of it, they might as well make the MOST of it! Start giving your days a rough schedule that can insure that at the end of the day you have at least accomplished one major thing you could do that day. Life just might start falling into place, a little better and a little brighter. Include something you do for another person who isn't expecting it.


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