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Lifestyle Choices: Life Is Neither Fair Nor Unfair...It Just Is.
Oh how I love this topic! How often have you heard someone say, while in the middle of a trying circumstance in their life, that life is not fair? Come to think of it, how often did I say it back in the days when life was a struggle and I could not seem to get out of my own way?
Ten years ago I would have told you that the ones who say those words most often are kids but today I don’t think that is true. I hear more and more adults utter those self-defeating words on a regular basis now so I thought we would stop and take a closer look at them.
WHY DO YOU THINK LIFE IS NOT FAIR?
To state the obvious, anyone saying those words has most likely just experienced what they consider to be some tough luck. Maybe the dishwasher broke down or the dog got hit by the dishwasher repair truck or the husband just admitted he has been cheating on the wife or the wife is cheating on the husband with the dishwasher repairman….whatever is the case those fateful words come rolling off of the tongue….Life is not fair!
Did you just lose your job? Well, I can say with all certainty that sucks! Did you just find out you have cancer? Yep, that sucks! Did your son lose his wife or did your roof develop a leak or a tornado destroy your home? Yes, that does indeed suck the big one!
However, to attach a degree of fairness to the daily occurrences of life is to give Life much more credit than it deserves. Life does not choose negative or positive consequences in the lives of people. Hello! Life is not an entity who randomly decides who will be happy and who will be miserable based on the good or bad that Life doles out.
LIFE IS LIFE
How’s that for stating the obvious? The most fundamental definition of life is simply being. We get up in the morning, go about the process of living and things happen. There are no gypsy curses that are dictating the amount of good luck or bad luck we receive that day. We roll the dice each and every day and then go about our business dealing with the vagaries of life. It is neither fair nor unfair; it simply is!
If you ever want to hear some whiners drop in on an open meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous sometime. Quite often we will hear someone proclaim that life is not fair and it is usually someone who relapses about once a week. They are incapable of getting beyond their personal problems and it never dawns on them to look for a solution. In point of fact the solution is right in front of them and yet they fail to see it.
I have a friend with one arm; another who is blind and yet another with Alzheimer’s Disease. Not once have I heard any of them say that life wasn’t fair. You would be hard-pressed to find more upbeat, supportive and happy people than those three and yet they have every reason to state the unfairness of their lives and wallow in self-pity. I am humbled by their attitudes and they serve as a daily reminder for me of just how lucky I am. Compared to their problems my life is a walk in the park and I try to always remember that fact.
MY OWN PERSONAL THEORY
I have no scientific data to back this point up; it is simply based on observations over my lifetime and on my own life during the dark years. I believe that people manufacture their own “luck.” I believe that if all you concentrate on is the darkness of life then you are condemning yourself to eternal darkness. On the other hand, if you choose to entertain positive thoughts then you will in effect produce positive results. Call it an aura if you will but I believe a positive aura delivers positive results.
It all comes down to choice as so often is the case. We can choose to see the positives in life or we can concentrate on the negatives, but it is my belief that whichever we choose to concentrate on will dictate your future. Call it karma or energy or whatever but I believe we in effect develop a self-fulfilling prophecy by the way we think.
MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
Until I was able to accept responsibility for my part in the development of my life then my life was not fair. It was so much easier to moan and groan about the unfairness of it all instead of taking the bull by the horns and changing the momentum and direction of my life. The “unfairness” of my life was in fact a product of my actions and thinking. I had to change who I was in order to discover that life was just life and my perception of life was giving it the negative characteristics that I had embraced.
I was not helpless; I had simply perceived myself to be helpless and in so doing I had surrendered my ability to change my life. The simple truth is that none of us is helpless and we can effect change if we are willing.
No, if you have a physical handicap you cannot will that handicap to disappear, but you can most certainly prevent that physical handicap from becoming an emotional and psychological handicap.
Oh, I can hear the doubters out there saying that it is not that easy and I say to you tough! Who in your life ever said life would be easy or that change was easy? What I am proposing is damn tough and it requires a willingness to do whatever is necessary to bring about a change.
One of my favorite sayings is: “nothing changes if nothing changes.” Give that one some thought for a second and you hopefully will see the wisdom in it. To continue doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Only when you decide to change your life will you see a change in your life that could possibly be perceived as a positive. If one insists on only seeing the negative then one will have no problem seeing the negative. I have been there and I have no doubt that what I say is true!
PUT A WRAP ON IT BILLYBUC
Okay, I’ll be glad to. Bottom line: You can change how you perceive your life. No, you can’t grow a new arm or regain sight or suddenly be cured of Alzheimer’s but you can decide how you are going to deal with the situation you are in. To see life as unfair is to sign on for a life of darkness and thus guarantee that life will never get better. If I had no experience in these matters I would gladly shut up rather than appear the fool, but I am a living, breathing example of what can happen when attitude is altered.
I will add one thing to the saying that life is life: life is also good! May you all find the goodness that is inherent in life.
2012 Bill Holland (aka billybuc)