Lifestyle Choices: The Lost Art of Courtesy

i agree with you on that Bill, that the people nowadays hardly give respect to others...as a teacher i am aghast with the way my students deal with their teachers, as if they are just nothing...yes, that goes back to parental guidance...

this is a great hub...

Thank you! I'm also glad to hear that I'm not the only one who takes grocery carts back into the store so the employees don't have to, especially when it's close to closing time and nasty out. I'm only 28 but I was also raised to be polite and courteous. My 5 year old daughter will race to the door when we go somewhere because she wants to hold it open for people. When I worked at Barnes & Noble I would make it a point to hold the door open if someone was coming behind me, even if I was running late. About 3/4 of the time the people would thank me. Some who didn't thank me would hold the inside door open for me though so I guess that counted too. It's amazing how many rude and just plain nasty people there are getting to be. On of the reasons I was happy when I got the head cashier position there was that I didn't have to pick up after everyone all the time. It wasn't uncommon to have to put away stacks of 15-20 books and magazines a dozen times throughout the day. LOL My mom still laughs at me when I'm at a store and I have to put things back where they belong because someone else just set them down where ever and I don't even work there. Although she does the same. Unfortunately common sense and common courtesy are no longer common. I don't think it's as bad here in Montana as it is other places, but it seems to be spreading like the plague.

this is amazing, uplifting and many other great things and you are so right.

My brothers and I were brought up to show respect as you speak of and personally I never even questioned it. Thankfully my son has those same manners instilled and I see no one like him that young today that says yes ma'am and shows courtesy. It has changed and seems you never go out that people are not rude in some way.

Great hub. This needed to be said. Thank you.

Billy same here I was raised to hold doors and say thank you and help someone that needs help.. If I was not respectful I would be punished.. this is a great hub.. as usual my friend.. sharing

Debbie

If only courtesy were as common as thought provoking articles by billybuc!

Thank you, and I accept your challenge!

Wow - thank you! That just made my day, truly.

Too true. It actually almost weirds me out now when someone is actually courteous because I don't expect it. How sad is that?

Voted up and awesome - because it is.

Boy you hit the mother lode with this one Billy! Shows how much we miss the past! We all want to be treated with respect and the only way that happens as you so rightly put it is to have it start with us.

I was brought up on respect and courtesy as were my children and now my grandchildren. My 18 year old grandson will stop by the house and ask if Grandpa needs help with anything...not many 18 year old's do that!

When someone holds a door open for my I thank them profusely because I think that's the right thing to do and most of them say 'you're welcome'. If I see someone struggling to open or close a door, I immediately help them..it's just what you do.

The world would certainly be a better place if we went back to EVERYONE being respectful and courteous!

Voted up and awesome for its true and necessary content.

It's true, courtesy and manners are disappearing and it's a shame. I had a waitress tell me one time that I was her favorite customer. When I asked her why she said it was because I always ask her "How are you", like I really mean it. It's such a simple thing to be nice and courteous to others and you never know how that can improve their day. Wonderful hub! Voted up and useful. Have a great day! :)

I work in a casino and sadly, I all too often see complete, inexcuseable rudeness from the guests. It is so unfortunate that they do not have a command of the English language and cannot put five words together without seven expletives. They are shocked when I explain to them that the "MF" or "F" bombs are not acceptable. They don't understand when I suggest they do not need to blow smoke in the dealers face. We actually had to have it put into procedures to use people's names and thank them because so many do not. It is their upbringing. Sadly, too many parents have not done much of a job.

My little girl's first words were, "Mama, please, thank you, and bless you." And although they came out of her mouth as "Mama, peas, ten coo, and bess you," they were still quite understandable. To this day, I am proud to say she uses her manners (most of the time). She tries hard to be respectful of adults . . .and when she isn't, well, I call her on it.

Every night after dinner, she takes the plates to the kitchen to be helpful. When courtesy is instilled in children at a young age -- it stays with them.

We need to teach our children (even if they're adults).

Great hub Billy. Thank you for writing it. Maybe a few people will remember courtesy because of it.

Great work Bill. We really do need to re-focus on the lost art of courtesy. Manners cost nothing. I totally agree.

I have spent the last few weeks back teaching in high school. I find myself starting each lesson with teaching the kids basic manners.

Just answering the register with a 'yes sir' has almost vanished to be replaced with grunts.

I haven't been out of the classroom that long but things have definitely slipped, at least where I have been recently. (these are good schools BTW)

Voted up and useful.

A great hub Billy and it reinforces what should be automatically remembered.

Great work as always and I'll email you.

Take care to you and Bev.

Eddy.

An excellent hub. I too was taught as a child to be courtous and I find the manners of today quite appalling. Nobody seems to have either pride or a community spirit anymore.

I completely agree I was raised to always say please and thank you, and treat people with respect even if they don't do it back. Sadly enough it is more and more common that I don't receive it back. People treat courtesy as a form of weakness, well I feel just the opposite disrespect is the weakness. Great hub. At Peanutritious, that is the same response I receive for my mannerisms, even from friends and distant family.

lack of courtesy is a real sticking point with me. I despise the rudeness in today's society. I hate it when holding a door open for someone, I don't get a response, never mind a thank you. I always say 'don't mention it' loud enough for the person to hear in a hope that they'll realise how rude they've been. I doubt they're remotely bothered. children don't seem to have good manners drummed into them anymore. Possibly, their parents have no manners either. people always seem surprised at my politeness as if it's out of the ordinary. sadly nowadays, it is.

Unfortunately respect and courtesy are sadly dwindling in our country also, with the likes of road rage and bullying at an all time high - why?? I believe sometime between those days when you and I and most of society grew up with respect being second nature, and now - the 'us' society - who helped each other out as a matter of course, became the 'me' society. The 'me' society believe it is their right to always be the first or the best or the loudest or the wealthiest or the most popular - at all costs!! The 'me' society disrespect their parents, their teachers, their peers and anyone who stands in their way. As you say there are so many contributing factors and to me, greed, materialism and the glorification of an artificial utopia based on having - wealth, beauty, material objects that give one a false sense of being superior is responsible for creating the 'me' society.

The 'me' society is based on greed. The 'us' society is based on love.

Your article is excellent, Bill and I will take on your challenge enthusiastically. Let's work towards recreating an 'us' society where love is the common thread that binds us together, not greed which only ever separates!!

All my votes to you, my inspiring friend, and my best wishes and sharing as well.

I am so glad you wrote this! I work in customer service. I ish I could post this in the breakroom for employees to read. I wish I could give it to the customers too! Very important values of yours shared. Voted up!

Is there room left for me to comment as you have had so many? So nice, but such a topic would get any polite person going!

My daughter at six months pregnant, stood on a train for two hours recently as there were no spare seats. Had I been with her I would have spoken up to one of the MANY teenagers, men sitting to be more polite.

Just a flip side to manners, in Africa (South Africa) where I am at the moment, the men step into a lift firstly to show the women that it is safe to also enter.

Yes, sadly the days of manners are fast becoming a thing of the past.

So, billy, how do you do? "THANK YOU" for a nice read!

Billybuc: Thank you for this great write! I am a HUGE believer in Karma, I totally believe in its law and I have witnessed over and over that what goes around DOES come around. Whatever we put out there DOES boomerang back...maybe not right away, but eventually karma catches up with a person.

Voted up, useful, awesome and interesting!~

You hit the nail on the head when you wrote that doing nice things for others makes us feel better inside. YES, each one of us has to change this world, accept responsibility and be the person we were meant to be.

You are such an inspiration. You should take all your hubs and make them chapters of another book. No kidding! It would be a masterpiece on the art of living!

BLESSINGS, SPARKLEA :)

Bill, it is so rare for someone to open the door for someone else these days. Especially a younger person, as happened to you! I try to have courtesy for others but I do know that I am in the minority with people my age. This is a great hub topic!

the catch is while it's tempting to 'call them on it,' when rudeness is a way of life people think -we're- the weird ones

I sure understand what you are talking about here are my experiences for the week. I saw two women with bad manners yesterday. While at McDonalds my friends told a lady to go ahead of us. The woman never said "Thank you." She also acted kind of snobby to us. On the other hand the young girl at the counter was very nice. She ask us if we were out for a day of shopping and carried on a nice conversation.

We went to dress barn, both my friends needed a dress for weddings. The sales girl came over, I told her my friend was looking for a dress but I was looking for nothing just along to help. She than ask my friends their names with me standing right there and not once ask me my name. Made it a point to ignore me. My friends even noticed it. She dropped me like a hot potato.

I saw an old man in Home Depot when I was buying my flowers he was having the clerk get his flowers. When the clerk pulled out the wrong flowers this old man started to scream at the clerk. It was awful. The clerk started to say I'm sorry, I'm sorry than the old guy calmed down.

Enjoyed reading your hub.

"upbringing"- yes, that was the word I was looking for- thanks!

interesting hub- but from my experiences, region is as important as era, if not more so. I've dealt with middle-agers+ who 'weren't brought up to know anything;' one even said "manners are a sign of weakness." I've actually been blasted with major negativity because basic courtesy & manners are a part of my nature-- "thank you," "please," "excuse me," holding doors open for people, etc.

Obviously we were reared in the same era and just about everyone was taught the importance of courtesy back then. There is really no good excuse for it not being taught in the same manner today irrespective of circumstances. It doesn't cost a dime and yet is worth a fortune! Good hub! Voted up, useful and will share with my followers + tweet. Let's get the word out there!!!

Hi Billy,

I am respectful and courteous to others because it is the right thing to do and of course it makes me feel good.

I think there are many more respectful people out there like that young lady who opened the door for you. The media always gives attention to negative things.

My mother is 80 years old and she is always telling me how nice people are(young and old) whether it is offering her a seat on the bus or helping her with her groceries. She always says thank you. She says she cannot stand it when someone doesn't thank someone for being courteous. She doesn't have a sense of entitlement that because she is a senior that someone should give her a seat on the bus.

Voted up and away!

Hi Bill - I agree with you 100%. Courtesy in South Africa seems to have vanished as well. Especially with drivers. People are so grumpy behind the wheel, they push in front of you and don't even bother saying (or waving) a "thank you" when you let them in front of you. It's very sad. Great hub! :)

There are times, I think Courtesy as Died and gone to Heaven...and other times, it becomes an Amazing Experience! Good Hub on a Timely subject with lots of Wonderful Comments Billbuc...Common Curtesy is never outdated!

really good read Billybuc. I have believed for some time now, we must be the change we want to see and more courtesy in the world will be a good change. Vote up!

I think a hub on courtesy is so appropriate and an experience with a courteous young lady is rewarding. I decided some years back that I was going to treat people the way I want to be treated, and the result has been more smiles, more friendly conversation and I seldom have a problem with anyone. Awesome and useful hub.

You are a fine man, billybuc! Here in the South, courtesy is still taught, but it is not as it once was that is for sure. Your photos are great, especially the one of the young billybuc, who I can picture in my mind being so very courteous to others! Thank you very much, kind sir, for writing on this important issue for today's society. Voted Way Up. In His Love, Faith Reaper

Hi, Billy! Well written and interesting topic. Courtesy went the way of discipline - may i say that in mixed company? the sane and the insane? (lol) I predicted it years ago when my children were adolescents and young teenagers and spanking or holding them responsible for their actions was frowned upon - if not illegal - and harmful to their fragile egos..

I agree with you and wish we could turn back to a time where respecting adults, having chores to do - and do properly..learning manners..and working for something we wanted - was just the norm..

Sometimes rudeness begets rudeness. Usually I find that If I smile at someone they will smile back, not always but more often than not. I think it goes back to the person's childhood teaching. Children are not born to hate or show disrespect, It is a learned attribute. We have so much hate around the world. People judge others if they are different. If we all would observe 'The Golden Rule' ( Treat everyone the way we want to be treated ) All of the above would be nonexistent. Great hub Bill...

I think that courtesy is so very important--it needs to be nurtured not ignored--thank you for this hub on it and so very well-said!

I was recently impressed with the courtesy of some of my new students. They were so respectful of each other and teachers. It is refreshing... perhaps things are changing! Great hub topic and your views are encouraging us.

Bill, I can so relate to your experience. I feel wonderful when I get a smile back and also when someone is courteous enough to wait for me or hold my stuff. Gosh, gives me goose bumps and I feel that humanity is not dead, YET!

Sure, karma is all about coming back to us. So, we ought to do the same for others that we want for ourselves. Good message indeed!

voted up as usual with useful, interesting.

I enjoyed reading this, and totally agree with your values about common courtesy. Although, being a kiwi living in Australia, i find that people in general are pretty well mannered, and not often do i notice a person who is rude (and i encounter a lot of people daily - working at a caf'e).

For the most part, what i know of Americans, are the shows that dominate the tv. And it is obvious to me that they are very different to the culture i know well of New Zealanders and Australians.

@ Bill: Haha! I knew we are on the same page on something! :) Courtesy, patience, and tolerance plays a huge role in positive Karma!

@Lawrence: I could not agree with you more. It is like painting a picture: you can't just rush a realistic portrait of yourself, you have to be patient and tolerant of people and the times around you.

Courtesy went over the hill along with patience, tolerance, and the advent of a mobile society. General populace cannot "wait" for anything. Everyone ahead of them either drives, walks or acts too slow for them. Their daily schedule is so full of mindless tasks, that they can't keep up with them. They have got to go...go....go. There's the exodus from home towns every weekend. Can't stay home. Just watch them at the end of the work day. Like a bullet shot out of a horses patudi. No one is exempt from the venom of these people. I just wonder what they would do, if they could not drive anymore. I do believe that some would attempt ending their lives because of the inability to gogogo.

I would love to spend a lunch and an afternoon; I'm sure it would be historical and rememorable! I felt so out of place in large towns. My bosses scoulded me for using "Yes, sir" "No, sir" "Yes, ma'am" and "No, ma'am." In fact, one b**ch threatened to write me up if I didn't stop. It was HARD not to be respectful like my military father/small town southern mom taught me. *sheesh* :)

Yep, I thought those things were all but dead, and then I found a small pocket of old fashion values in Small Town, North Dakota/Montana. It flows in the streets and you trip over it on the sidewalks. The teachers greet the students at the door and thank the parents for dropping off the children. No, I'm not smoking anything and I'm not dreaming. It took me a month after moving here from Daytona Beach, Florida to realize I wasn't transported to another planet...just another time in space and I like it. :) Beautiful hub, big brother. It gives me hope for the future generations. :)

I couldn't help but laugh when you said, "She knew why I was shocked...that woman practiced COURTESY!" because it's so true! Today, especially in America, we are all in a rush rush rush rush that we forget to show respect and courtesy to others. Everyday, when I'm going to class or going to the local convenient store for coffee, I always hold the door. Some times, when there's an elderly person in the store struggling with her bags, I would take upon myself to help them to the door and help them load their car. To be quite frank, there is more to just holding the door than being nice. What you do reflects who you are and how people will react to you. Since I practice common courtesy, I don't expect it in return; however, I do receive it every now and again because of how I portray myself to others. With that said, giving and receiving courteous acts definitely balances your Karma and you will actually start your day better :) Talking from experience!

Great Hub bill, I voted up, interesting, and even funny because of how truthful it is.

-KD

Bill, this is the way you are here on hub pages so popular and friendly..

Am proud of your father who reared you to be a great son who has all the moral values taught by him in practice in your life..

And it's my greatest honor to be here commenting on your wonderful thoughts...

Thanks for bringing this basic act back into the forefront, Bill. You're right, people no longer have manners or show courtesy. As far as I'm concerned there is NO valid excuse for being discourteous to anyone! It should be an automatic reflex, just as is breathing.

A few weeks ago I was at the grocery store. As I was walking through the parking lot, an elderly woman came out of the store with her cart full of cases of bottled water. (did the bag boy not ask her if she needed help out???? they ask me all the time!) She was quite frail and having a hard time pushing the cart. I walked over to her, asked her where her car was and proceeded to push the cart to her car. I then loaded each and every one into her trunk. She explained to me that she was caring for her ill (cancer) daughter and granddaughter and was doing the weekly shopping. It broke my heart! She was so appreciative and I left with a huge smile in my heart and on my face. Bless her heart.

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. And if that doesn't work, WWJD? What would Jesus do?

My hat's off to you, Bill. Basic courtesy should be embedded into our cores.

Your words "if I expected people to listen to me then the least I could do was listen, really listen, to them."

You are such Billy that you have proved it always....

Law of KARMA: "What you sow so shall you reap"

is the simplest answer I can say Billy,

"I don’t know about you but I like doing nice things for others because it makes me feel good inside. I like being courteous because it makes me a little bit closer to being the type of person I want to be"

Precious words dear, I think the same way...

Biiy, I don't have words to say about how great I feel reading this hub. This is what I always think, practice and preach.. This hub is just wonderful to create miracles in the readers....

no words sufficient to compliments... God bless you for the person you are... Am honored to be your friend..

I've run into folks from time to time who make everyone around them miserable. And I've thought, I'd hate to go through life having that effect on people everywhere I go. Then I realize, they probably have no idea that is how the world sees them.

Then every once in a while I have an experience like you had and I just feel good. Those people have that effect wherever they go too. I want to be one of the second kind. Can you just decide to be one or the other or are there factors at play beyond our control?

Bill...Coming from a long line of "Courtesy & Manners" first and foremost....at ALL tmes. From generation to generation, the please, thank you, excuse me, & you're welcome drilling continues. I appreciate this and have always been grateful, as I firmly believe in the entire concept.

Those who are lax in this area, simply do not understand the very basics of kindness and respect. Surely you can't go very far in life without the BASICS!

Recently while having dinner out...I glanced over to notice a gentleman trying to open the door as he was manipulating a wheelchair. Between our table and the door, sat 12 people (4 at 3 different tables) I have no doubt they were even more aware than I was of the situation, because they were much closer. As in reflex I got up and made my way across the room and past the others to hold the door for this poor man. He and the woman smiled at me and gave me the "God Bless you"....as I began to return, I realized all 12 dead beats were looking at me with BLANK stares. YOU woud be proud of Miss Wiseass, bill....I BIT my tongue, but managed a look of "shame on you."....(hey, you didn't expect me to let it slide completely, did you?)....

It all begins with us....and as we persist, it's catches on and spreads.....that's my belief. As for the younger generation who aren't being taught or encouraged in this manner...? Baseball bats work well! UP++

I always try to treat others the way I would want to be treated. However, it's becoming much harder these days. Here's an example: I share a driveway with my neighbors (who only recently moved in, and I've never met). The driveway is too narrow for 2 cars to fit at the same time. Over the weekend, I was leaving while the neighbor was arriving, so I tried to be courteous and pull off to the side to let them pass. As they passed, they had this stunned look on their faces and they stared me down hard. I thought, 'Well, that was strange', and I kept on driving. As I looked back in the rear view mirror, the driver had stuck his hand out the window and flipped me the finger! I have absolutely no idea why. I've never even seen these people before, so I'm certainly not on bad terms. Maybe my trying to courteous threw them for a loop?!

Hi Billybuc! I too was raised to be courteous. I am the one that holds doors open and helps elderly women in scooters at the grocery store.

But I thought it was only me in which clerks failed to say thank you! Not to mention rude people letting doors close in front of me! It feels good to know that it isn't just me!

Seriously, there is a loss of courtesy today. Even still, we should continue to be courteous and respectful. I really believe that our reward is coming!

Great hub, Billybuc!