ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Living With a Mentally Ill Husband

Updated on March 20, 2010

My son's Dad was going fishing, because he was out of work again. This was a pattern with him. I have known him for 30 years now. In the 14 1/2 years I was with him, 3 years the first time and 11 1/2 the last, he did not want to keep a job. He would much rather go fishing. That's all good and fine, but there is a time for work and a time for play. Simple, huh? But you see, he is Bi-polar exacerbated by paranoid schizophrenia. Mental illness runs in his family. No one told me this when I met him. I don't know that it would have made a difference to me if I had known that. He seemed normal to me. Then reality set in when he had his first breakdown 2 years after I met him, then 2 years later again.

A mental breakdown is a very complicated thing. It is a slow process. They go to the Dr., in his case on a locked ward for at least 30 days, his longest was 90 days. They get on the medication they are suppose to take every day for the rest of their lives. He took his meds, at the longest, for one year. Then things start to unravel. It takes time, it can take 1 to 5 years for the mental incapabilties to show up again. There are so many signs, but after a time you forget. When the illness starts to creep back in, you don't recognize it at first. He was writing everything down, and I mean everything. He had served in Viet Nam for 18 months in 1969-70 and he would have flash backs from that time, thinking someone was after him. His mind raced and his body tried to keep up. He was abusive, verbally and physically, to anyone around him, his son and I included. He would sweat profusely and was obsessed with sex. He talked to himself. He railed against God. He seldom slept. Then in the end he would go comatose like. Eyes glazed, staring into nothing, rushing him to the hospital afaid he was going to die. I lived this nightmare with him on 3 of the 5 occasions that he had breakdowns in the last 30 years. It truly is enough to make a person question their own sanity. You want to pinch yourself and ask, is this for real? Surely I am going to wake up soon.

Mental illness is so hard to understand. When someone breaks their arm or gets into a wreck or has cancer, you can see the damage. No one knows what goes on in the mind of one that has mental illness. They are in their own unrealistic world. Once I went to the store and bought tomatoes, I found him with one of the tomatoes in the bedroom. He said he was going to screw it. The ice cream truck came by and the kids were getting ice cream, he was crawling around under the truck. He took a chainsaw in the woods and said he was going to kill his sister, the law would not even go in the woods, in the dark, after him. He put a knife to his own Mother's throat. He tried to choke me once because he wanted his rod and reel and it was at home. He had his hands on my youngest sons throat and said he needed an ass beating, I had to get in between them to stop him. He couldn't be left alone, he got into everything. I was always on guard when he was like this. I never knew what he would do next. Walking on eggshells as not to piss him off. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

The times I would finally get him to agree to go the hospital, I always knew he would be locked up there, was a relief for me, not that I wanted him locked up, but that I would at least get a chance to breath. But then I would get home from there and I would be mentally and physically drained. Then I would begin to worry could they handle him, would they hurt him, would they drug him up? The worry in my head just seem to never end. The process of the breakdown sometimes took 6 months to a year once the vicious cycle begins again. So it would build as time went on til the day I knew he had to go to the hospital. Always trying to keep the peace in the house so that he would not get pissed off and go off on one of his tirades. When he was working, wondering what mood he would come home in. Always on my mind, there just seemed to be no escaping it. Once he was at work and tried to bury a port-a-can with a backhoe. He was fired. He told me he could have swore that his boss told him to do it. It was heart breaking to watch this man, I loved so much, deteriorate little by little.

Some of you will ask how could you leave him if you loved him so much and he was sick and he needed you. To you I say, you have never walked in my shoes and you have no idea what it is like living with a mentally ill person. He could not commit to any relationship. This is one of the characteristics of the mentally ill, they cannot commit, whether it is a defense mechanism or the insecurity of knowing they are ill, I don't know. Even those that are living on the streets want to be left alone. They prefer keeping to them selves. He would often say I like to go fishing, I can turn my back to the world. Mental illness tears families apart. You reach out to them and they back away. I did everything I could to take the pressure off of him. My son and I kept up the yard. I took care of many of the repairs at home. I didn't bother him with the bills. I didn't argue with him. All to no avail. He was a prisoner in his own mind, and my home felt like a prison, there was no joy, no relax time. I was mentally and physically exhausted all the time. I was always aware of where he was and what he was doing. Constantly making sure that my son and I were safe. This is no way for anyone to live, especially those that are sick with this disease that you cannot see. I would wish this on absolutely no one. Mental illness is a disease that takes and takes and gives nothing back but heartache for all involved.

When he pulled a knife on my oldest son, more than 9 1/2 years ago, it was the end for me. I could live with it no longer. In that instant I saw what life was going to be like and I was done. I was done being afraid for my kids, for myself. Tired of trying everything possible to support him and help. Tired of being mentally and physically exhausted. Tired of reaching out only to have him back further away. Tired of loving one that didn't want my love. At that moment it was over in my heart. I walked away and tried to get on with my life. I have seen him once about 6 years ago, my heart hurt for him. The years of mental illness has wore him down. He now lives in a Veterans facility, forced now to take his meds everyday or else. But he is just a shell of the man I once knew, I am told.

This country is full of people suffering their own hell with this disease. So many now that even the hospitals turn them away. No one wants to deal with what they cannot see. In Texas you cannot have anyone commited unless they have been previously diagnosed with a mental illness or they are a threat to themselves or someone else. You reach out for help and get nothing and sadly the vicious cycle continues. You do your best to help, then you do what you have to do. I wish him well. I can only hope that this disease can be better understood so those suffering from it can have a better quality of life to enjoy their families and loved ones that love them and want to be close to them..

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)