My Recovery From Addiction And The Darkness
Battling Addictions And Abuse:
You may have read some of my stories I have shared on my past such as abuse, rape and anorexia nervosa. In this poem I pour my entire life into one reflection. First came abuse, then suicide, followed by drug addiction, a vicious teen-age rape attack, more suicide, anorexia nervosa, and then finally a special victorious moment that set me free.
I am an open book, I have no shame in talking of my past, as I dearly hope it can help some-body else. I never believed I was strong, but yet found strength inside me I never knew was there. I look back to every-thing that has happened with no regrets, no pain, no remorse, as I have truly let them all go.
If unforgiveness, unbelief in yourself, or the events of your past has held you back, I want you to know that you too can achieve what I have achieved, if you believe. I will walk with you every step of the way in spirit and soul…..I am no better or more perfect than any-body else, I have just taken back from my life what was rightfully mine
Please watch the video of my life story at the end of this hub and let it touch your soul.
Eyes portraying inward fears,
Robbed of many child-hood years,
Longing for that special friend,
Hoping all the pain would end.
Desiring love to come my way,
Down upon my knees I prayed,
Battered, bruised, with fear inside,
Many, many tears I cried.
As teen-age years crept up fast,
I held on to my wretched past,
When rape came by to bruise my soul,
My spirit broke, I lost control.
Fighting demons, bound in my heart,
I watched my whole world fall apart,
Although the speed ran through my veins,
It only served to mask the pain.
Although I tried to end my sorrow,
There always came a new tomorrow.
If I could not change the wretch inside,
Then I’d mold and shape the girl out-side.
So then the weight began to pummel,
My life a mere darkened tunnel,
And then another blow came forward,
As I was committed to a mental ward.
I couldn’t breathe, nor eat nor think,
Or be understood by the ward’s top shrink.
Each day grew worse as the disease took hold,
Alone, afraid, my body cold.
Then one night an angel stood,
As my body hit the floor of wood.
As nurses worked to revive my heart so dear,
I watched above with shock and fear.
My eyes were opened as I looked down in regret,
I whispered, “My life isn’t finished yet.”
I realized then it was just insane,
That I had carried others shame.
Tears of light freely shed,
Over wasted years my soul had led.
I pictured those who stole my pride,
As I let forgiveness free inside.
No longer would I be victim of my past,
With precious life ticking by so fast.
With every bit of strength unrestrained,
I allowed myself to break the chains.
I vowed with all my heart and soul,
To give my spirit back full control.
To let the pain and hatred cease,
And live the life foretold to me.
From that day I now walk in pride,
With love and joy and faith inside.
Believe in miracles and you will see,
The truth and strength to set you free.
Live each day, don’t look behind,
Live in love, try to be kind.
Lift up your sword and shout in glee,
“In this world there’s no-one like me”.
If your life has seen abuse, rape, unforgiveness, disease, addiction, suicide, anorexia, whatever it may be remember this:
‘For past the meadow, dark and grim,
Lies joy, hope, and peace in spring.
As butterflies, do spread their wings,
Love, again, will well within’.
© Blondepoet April 2010 Hubpages.
All rights and copyrights reserved for the author. Permission to reproduce any of this work must be granted by the author.
'Dedicated to Blake for all his support in my hubs'.
Reflections Of My Life And Recovery, A Video Made By Blondepoet
More Hubs On My Trials And Triumphs
- Surviving Anorexia Nervosa
'I fell to the floor, my skeletal frame smashing upon the hard ground. Seconds later, there I was looking down at my wasted body so tiny on the hospital bed.So many faces around me, panic, commotion, nurses...
- Through The Eyes Of A Child
I never had the chance to be,the way a child should be,running through the school yard,with a heart so young and free.Instead I sat so quietly,no-one could understand,why I held my head so sadly,while they danced round hand in hand.
- Goodbye To Rape And Hello To Love Again
I was only fourteen when they raped me. I was laying innocently with my boyfriend on the beach late one night. I should never have been there,NEVER.