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Goodbye To Rape And Hello To Love Again

Updated on July 22, 2010

Where Do I Begin?


So I have finally decided to document this moment in my life, that I never thought I would speak about. I honestly don't know why it is so.


"When you feel like giving up Just remember what kept you holding on for so long."

Both my parents are aware of the attack but not of what happened. I don't think my Father knew how to deal with it, so we never spoke a word about that horrific night. My Mother had walked out a few years previous, so she wasn't in the scene. I have not seen her for a few years now, she does not call and I in turn do not call her. I remember around five years ago, I tried to tell her what happened to me but she walked away.


'I love my Mother despite everything.It just slices through my heart.Does she think of me?'

There are no fancy words in this story just the simple words that spill from my heart. I never had any counselling from my experience, no help all. No-one to lift the heavy burden off my heart.I had no choice yet again in my life, but to recover from this myself. As you know I later developed Anorexia and the years before that many suicide attempts.


"What killed me is I just wanted someone to listen to my pain. Just one person after this happened, just to hold me and feel my pain One small voice to say "How much you have suffered but you will be alright."

*Below is a video I put together myself which tells the story of my rape, with a few real images of myself thrown in as well. Please view the video as it really is an important part of my story here. This movie means a lot to me in many ways.

My Own Video I Made To Tell The Story Of My Rape


Please know that this is not a sad story

I have no more pain inside you see, all the hurts have been swept away, by tears that never slept for what seemed to be an eternity. This is truly a VICTORY STORY, that could be yours just as it became mine.

Most importantly it is a story of the 'healing of one tiny little heart , that once lay crippled and afraid.......'

'Let go of what kills you and hold on to what keeps you breathing'.

I just wanted one person after the rape, just to hold me and feel my pain
I just wanted one person after the rape, just to hold me and feel my pain

THE RAPE

I was only fourteen when they raped me. I was laying innocently with my boyfriend on the beach late one night. I should never have been there, NEVER. Rebelling against my Father who would not let me out that night, I decided to go anyway when I knew he was asleep.

The stars were so beautiful that night as we lay there close together, I had no preparation or premonition of trouble at all.

Suddenly two men appeared from the shadows, and pounced down on us. Fear struck my heart instantly, the beautiful night slurring into darkness around me. Within seconds my innocence was lost. No time to say goodbye to the end of my child-hood.


'Is this my time to die, yet again.Why does everything happen to me?'

Repeatedly one at a time they dragged me into long grass, a knife held to my throat as they raped me. One would savage my body while the other stayed with my boyfriend beating him when the urge arose.This went on for two hours as layer by layer my pride, my youth, my heart was stripped from me.


'I prayed inside where no one could hear,"Save me, save us, I have never been more afraid in my life."

With my dignity severed, and fear gripping me heart I hoped it was over. However it had only just begun. For the next two hours I was thrown back with my boyfriend again raped, humiliated, as we were tied together naked. There was no hope of escape, no-where to hide as the torment and assault continued on.

Suddenly, as quickly as it began it was over. As they walked away, I began to tremble as tears flooded my eyes.


'I WAS ALIVE AND THAT WAS ALL THAT SUDDENLY MATTERED. I NOW BELIEVED IN MIRACLES '

No matter what you go through, how desperate things may seem, never stop believing for a miracle

Healing

One sad part of everything though is I can't remember a lot of my childhood either. No matter how I try so hard to bring it back, it's just not there.I wish I could remember. My sister also had lost her memories a few years later.


While I was recovering from Anorexia, it caused me to look at a lot of what was going on inside me. I guess it came down to the fact that I was standing at the cross-roads of life. I could choose to keep walking down the road of destruction or take the road of where my life was meant to go.


I realized that somehow I had to let things go that were holding me back. I did not want to live my life in misery, fear and anger . The first step would be to forgive the rapists inside myself. That by no way meant saying what they did was not horrendous, and it does not mean ever liking them in any shape or form. However if you have unforgiveness in your life, it can eat away at your heart like acid, and destroy so much of your life. So I forgave.


'The healing from truly forgiving is enormous if you really mean it in your heart'.


I just kept coming back to my miracle that I had been spared from death. Why not embrace it and live my life to the fullest.I had been given another chance, why waste it. Life is so damn precious.


'They may break my body but they will never take my spirit'.

Open your eyes my sweet one,

Is that not the sun you see,

Look at how the seagulls,

Soar so high and free.


See the hills beyond the pass,

With fields so vast and green?,

With daffodils and golden soil,

Where once lived childhood dreams.


Rise and stand upon your feet,

No longer will you crawl,

For you have climbed these mountains,

After many downhill falls.


Close your eyes and picture,

Think back to seasons bright,

When your weren't afraid of darkness,

As you danced the morning light.


See that girl inside you,

Who dreamed so many dreams,

With many roads to travel,

To places never seen.


You never were to blame,

For the horror you went through,

It was the evil heart of others,

That killed off part of you.


They took away so many things,

The things no-one should take,

But it's time for you to take it back,

For your own precious sake.



Reflections

'If I had never known such hardships in my life I would never fully understand what you are enduring now.'

I can now honestly say there is no pain when I think back to this rape.Somehow I have managed to separate myself from the horror of it by forgiving, positive thinking and living my life to the best I can. I think in a way by having such hardships and trials it has made me a better person, as I appreciate the good times so much more.

It certainly has not affected my ability to love, if anything, I have become the opposite. I love to love and my heart is incredibly soft. I guess I am stronger than I give myself credit for. The way I think is that there comes a time to grieve and a time to let go.

For everyone it is different when it can be done. I am probably one of the most happy go lucky people you will ever meet. To look at me now you would never guess my past. My life is a celebration of life and I never look back.


'I believe in miracles'.

THIS IS MY CELEBRATION STORY, MY CELEBRATION STORY


Copyright © 2009 Blondepoet Hubpages

Sitting and writing also has mended my broken soul.
Sitting and writing also has mended my broken soul.

Please Feel Free To Leave Your Comments

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    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 6 years ago from australia

      I have no idea pressingtheissue....some people hardly seem human at all...why or how they become that way is beyond me

      Oh Daniella thank you so much what a beautiful comment. It made me smile a mile wide xx

    • Daniella Lopez profile image

      Danielle Lopez 6 years ago from Arkansas

      This is absolutely inspirational. Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for the pain it has caused you, but it appears that it has helped mold you into a better person. I hope you continue on your journey to wellness and continue to forgive.

      Blessed be.

    • pressingtheissue profile image

      pressingtheissue 6 years ago from Pa

      Shocking story blondepoet. My heart goes out to you for having to go through that experience. Everyday we seem to be reminded of the fact that there is a shit bag around every corner... That's not to say that there aren't a lot of great people as well, but god, where do these animals come from?

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Hi there Doug. It also helped me heaps to write down my story. Wow it was also very brave of you to read it, a lot of people avoid this topic, afraid of being upset. Have a terrific day. :)

    • profile image

      Doug Turner Jr. 7 years ago

      Very brave of you to share this. It seems that crimes like this go well beyond the physical brutality of the moment, and reach back to destroy the victim's past, as well as their future. So good to read that you have healed your soul and are happy-go-lucky. Thanks for sharing!

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Thank-you YK I know you have, my heart feels for you. I really hope you publish your story too, I swear to God there is healing in talking about it. I am behind you all the way.

    • Your Knowledge profile image

      Your Knowledge 7 years ago

    • Your Knowledge profile image

      Your Knowledge 7 years ago

      I have no words to respond to this awesome display of love and strength. Just know that i have been in a place where misery never ends too. Love you Blondepoet.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Oh SomewayOuttaHere my special hubber friend I am so glad you came here wow. This hub is just too much for a lot of people to read as it is such a heart wrenching subject. But to see me now I am a girl with spirit, heart and soul, and am free. I will keep flying like a bird I promise you. Love you this much __________________________________.....

    • SomewayOuttaHere profile image

      SomewayOuttaHere 7 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

      ...well wanted to read your hub; was hesitant because I knew you would have been through the worst...through your posts...figure you now see the beauty, the sunshine, life...here's a huge cyber hug for you...and again, yes....you are free...a free bird!...keep flying!...keep having fun..keep laughing...(and making me laugh!)....keep loving....and just be.....ML xo

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Oh rebekahelle thankyou so much for coming, caring and for the huge hug. I give you one straight back. If only I knew such caring people as you guys back when it happened. It is true I am a survivor and after going through so much nothing, and I mean nothing will ever knock me down again. I am free, I am life, I am music. xox

    • rebekahELLE profile image

      rebekahELLE 7 years ago from Tampa Bay

      I was just laughing at your funny posts in the forums about 'hub crushes' and then I saw a link to this hub, and here I am. I just want to give you the biggest, longest hug for all you've been through.. your hurt and pain have made you realize how strong and beautiful you are. you will never have to live through that again.

      I can't even imagine the terrible fear, and sadness of not having anyone to hold you and comfort you. How we desperately need each other in this world of ours. I'm happy to read you are such a champion, not just a survivor. I'm sure this will continue to help others for a long time. thanks so much for sharing it so beautifully. {{hugs}} love and light to you blondie.

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Aww thankyou Joy and because of you I believe in friendship, compassion and understanding. :)

    • Joy56 profile image

      Joy56 7 years ago

      and now because of you, and the wonderful way you tell your story, i believe in miracles too., god bless. You are a strong woman

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Thankyou so much for leaving your beautiful comment Pam I gladly have received it with a big smile on my face. :)

    • profile image

      PAMITCHRUS 7 years ago

      Thank you little one, dear one, for sharing this victory over evil with us. You have done well, and all can learn from your sharing.. Peace and love from God above to you..:0)

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Oh darling Sambo gee I love you. You are so many things rolled into one terrifc shell. I really hope it helps those who have been through this too, I really want people to know you can let go completely and be all you can be. :)

    • samboiam profile image

      samboiam 7 years ago from Texas

      I am so sorry you lived through that hell. But you being able to share your experience with others will hopefully bring healing to many.

      I am going to link this hub to my latest hub. "Stop Violence Against Women"

      You are my hero BP. I mean that sincerely.

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Thanks so much Frankie that means a lot. Have a bonza day my friend. :)

    • profile image

      ThatGirlFrankie 7 years ago

      blondepoet.. wonderfully written story, a beautiful presentation. You are a hope, an inspiration. Writing is healing. For me it's a way to call for it, to bring it to me and breath out hope. I am glad to have read this.

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Oh thanks so much JannyC, it means a lot. I definitely will keep going, no turning back now. :)

    • JannyC profile image

      JannyC 7 years ago

      With writing this you reach millions and help so many other and to let them know you can overcome. You definaterly deserve a YOU GO GIRL!

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Amen to that Blake :)

    • blake4d profile image

      Blake Ford Hall 7 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

      Bottoms Up to us both BP!!

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      And mine is the rant of a poet at 1.00am in the morning lol. I think your stream is just dandy Blake. I raise my glass to future ghosts, sounds intriguing. :)

    • blake4d profile image

      Blake Ford Hall 7 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

      Love is the Law is from Wicca and Aleister Crowley

      THe rest is kinda my own stream of consciousness musing at 6 AM lOL

      I like the term future ghosts, i dont remember any past lives so I hope to have great future ghosts

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Wow Blake where did you get that passage from, that really is beautiful. You have a real way with words did you know. I agree Love is the law,I really like that. :)

    • blake4d profile image

      Blake Ford Hall 7 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

      Lovely - Sorrow in life doth lead to such fertile ground in the transition toward what comes to be our future, what haunts us in the past becomes the incarnation of a past life turning into future ghosts...Silence is golden but expression is white golden pearls. Love is the law BP.

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Aww Ross you are have a huge heart. I am so glad you came by. Your words really picked me up after quite a hard afternoon. Thanks so much. :)

    • Rossimobis profile image

      Chibuzo Melvin Mobis 7 years ago from Biafra

      I came across you couple of months back but only read this today,managed not to let my tears drop cos of my son who was sitting right beside me.This is a VICTORIOUS story and i must say that it takes extra ordinary individuals to think like you...nothing more to say but "To God be the glory".You never know who will read or who have read this but there are two things that scare me.(1) CONSCIENCE and (2) LAW OF KARMA.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Thank-you so much Astra for all your beautiful comments. You have really made me feel good this morning when I have been a little low. I am so happy you took the time to read my story. xo

    • Astra Nomik profile image

      Cathy Nerujen 7 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

      Wow, this is powerful and so moving. You have Written one of the most amazing hubs I have ever read. This is so affecting me. I feel so bad for you not being able to rmember part of your childhood, and your Mom walking out. Maybe she wasn't strong enough. It's so silly trying to analyse it after the event. But this really imressed me, your attitude to it all and somehow managing to overcome it all too. I will read more of your hubs from now on. Thankyou for an amazing hub. Your hubs is the first amazing hub I have seen here.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Aww thank-you so much cluense your beautiful comment here brightened up my whole day in every sense. Have a beautiful day. xo

    • cluense profile image

      Katie Luense 7 years ago from Buffalo, NY

      Thank You for being real and helping 1,000's of your readers realize that being open and honest does not make you weak rather stronger for sharing your life experiences. I thank God for you! :) I rated this hub up a notch as well!

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Thank-you shareitt that means a lot to me. Have a wonderful day.

    • shareitt profile image

      shareitt 7 years ago

      May God continue to bless you so your soul may heal :)

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Oh thank-you so much Soph that you were brave enough to come here and share my highs and lows. Your comment has opened up the skies to me on this day, and I am truly beaming. Love u heaps. xoxo

    • profile image

      sophs 7 years ago

      Wow, you are such a brave, strong, amazing person. I know you say this isn't a sad story but I am in tears reading this. There are no words to explain your courage, it's beyond amazing. Your an inspiration to writers and to anyone who has ever been through similar situations. Thankyou so much for sharing your story. Great work Blondepoet, keep shining! :)

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Thanks again Marcel yes I can see how parts would be sad for you. You know I guess having endured this, anorexia and many other things in my life, with broken love over and over, I want you to know there is hope, love, joy and strength again, like never before. Just reach out and grab it. :)

    • marcel285 profile image

      marcel285 7 years ago from New Zealand

      You are so brave, and i agree, forgiveness is a key in life. You don't need an apology, if you can forgive, you can learn how to master your life.

      I loved your video, but it made me really sad..As i'm not feeling the best right now, in love with my ex and he's blantently told me time and time again that he doesn't feel the same. The video reminded me of good times, bad times and heart break. But either way, it is a masterpiece.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Oh H.C I am so sorry to hear that you went through this also.I too carried that "you should have known better, I should never have been there", as well. I think it takes someone who has gone through this pain to fully understand what it is like for some-one else. I give you a huge hug, together we are strong women, who have come through the tunnel of life. xox

    • H.C Porter profile image

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      I gasped when I started to read this hub. I have been there and felt shame, confusion, anger and regret. The phrase "You should have known better" repeated in my head for many many years. I didn't. like talking about it, I guess in a way, when I didn't speak about it-I could pretend it didn't happen.

      You are a tremendous spirit for the way that you have gotten through your pain and the past. Your courage is inspirational to many, I am sure. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us. I am glad I was able to read it.

      hc

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Gee thank-you so much also SimeyC for taking time out to read my story,I am just so chuffed I have had four people come by,who have been brave enough to come here, it really frightens a lot of people away unfortunately, when the word rape is mentioned. I hope you do share your moments Simey, I for one will be there to read and support you. I hope when you come back you like the video,some images are me, it starts off with tragedy but ends with being able to love again in a normal healthy way.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Blondepoet: wow - I admire your courage for sharing this with us, your courage for going on and becoming the great person you are, your courage for becoming stronger - when I look at my life and my tribulations this puts it all in context - and while I have had some really down moments (which I may share on here soon as I have been inspired by you) I cannot really compare to what you have gone through! I admire you for coming through strong - and I sense that you will only get stronger - I haven't looked at youe video yet as I'm in work - but I will return later!

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Aww thank-you so much charanjeet, wow you have given me a smile that is wider than the equator, honestly I am beaming from such a beautiful and uplifting comment, thank-you. Hugs to you my dear friend.

    • charanjeet kaur profile image

      charanjeet kaur 7 years ago from Delhi

      Oh Blondepoet, I in awe of you even more now after reading this hub. I knew you were witty, but you are brave and have an inner strength which only people dream of. Every one falls and gets up in their life, I am so happy you got up with so much inspiration for others. The video and the song is splendid almost got me in tears.

      Calling this hub superb would be an understatement; Kudos and a big warm hug to you from this part of the world.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Dear Mikel thanks so much for reading my story. I hope my video worked in your country. Thanks so much for your beautiful words it means a lot to me. x0

      Hi Cagsil gee thanks so much for coming to read this too. A lot of people are frightened off to come here so it means heaps to me that you did. Love u heaps. xo

    • Cagsil profile image

      Cagsil 7 years ago from USA or America

      I have no words for you. I'm glad you're here and I love your outlook. I cherish your lively wit and only be proud to know you. Thank you so much for sharing such a painful experience. :)

    • Mikel G Roberts profile image

      Mikel G Roberts 7 years ago from The Heartland

      BP no one should ever have to endure what you have. In case no one ever said it to you..."How much you have suffered but you will be alright" and you are alright. I'm glad you have found healing and peace.

      Mikel

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Hi Chaotic Chica thank-you for taking the time to come by and read my story. I am sorry to hear this has happened to you too, but am thrilled to hear that you have found love.

    • Chaotic Chica profile image

      Chaotic Chica 7 years ago

      Thank you. My experience was not as violent but uncalled for none the less. I loved your video!!!! It was magnificent in it's simplicity. I also have forgiven my rapist and found love again. It truly is liberating. I am glad to see someone else daring enough to share their experiences in a public way. It's important to remember that even if others persecute victims out of ignorance, there are just as many ready to offer healing. Thank you for finding the courage to use your written voice.

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Hi emievil I am so glad you were brave enough to come read this. I dearly want victims to know there is life and hope after the healing. xo

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      emievil 7 years ago from Philippines

      I was looking at your hubs when I saw this one. Honestly, I didn't want to read it at first. I find that I often feel hurt when I read about rape stories. But I pushed on. And I'm glad I did. You suffered so much at an early age but you rose above it. Your story should be an inspiration for all females. Thanks for sharing it with us. And thanks for the video. Like you and Maita, this is my favorite also.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Thankyou so much Maita you are truly a gem. A lot of people have been afraid to read this hub yet I feel it has so much hope and encouragement for people. Wow that is my fav song too that's why I chose it, it says so much about a woman xo

    • prettydarkhorse profile image

      prettydarkhorse 7 years ago from US

      I have always have a feeling you are a great woman, and I am glad I have came across you here, you gave so much hope and inspiration to me, You are very strong and beautiful and the words that comes in your writings are so full of love, thoughts and lessons, Thank blonde, i admire you for sharing this one, I am forever fan,

      And I love the song in the video, thats my fav song, (Never been to me) Maita

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Thankyou so much again Zenani,most people to look at me now would never guess the tragedies of my past. I dearly hope I can inspire anyone who has been through these things. Big hug xo

    • Zenani profile image

      Zenani 8 years ago

      BlondePort,

      You absolutely blew me away just after I was recovering from "Through a Child's eyes". God bless you; glad you not only survived but are living life to the full. Hugs and blessings a million.

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Hiya Ask Tess thanks a million for such a sweet comment I dearly hope it has helped someone else going through the same thing.xox

    • profile image

      Ask Tess 8 years ago from Europe

      Wow, Deb, I just saw your video and read the story. I am so sorry you were so alone for such a long time with that. No one should have to go through something like that... wow.... I am glad to see your videos, it shows your healing process and I am sure it will help lots of ladies, who might also deal with a rape issue. Thank you so much for sharing and letting other people learn, see and feel that healing is possible from such a trauma and that love does not disappear forever. A big hug =)

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Oh thank-you so much RM for such sweet comments. I think it was at the point where I looked death in the face by my own hand that shook me up and scared me so bad, that at that moment, I realised I had to take a stand and I had something extremely sacred worth fighting for. You have put a huge smile on my dial thank-you so much (hugs)

    • rosariomontenegro profile image

      rosariomontenegro 8 years ago from NEW YORK

      Hi blondepoet, I've seen you in the Forums and also read about the crazy trip with your friend (I'm still laughing)... but this is just a wonderful thing I'm discovering. A time to grief and a time to heal. What gave you such strength girl?

      You see, you were alone on those dark moments but now, so many friends. You were right to choose to live. Thank you for the inspiration you give to others.

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Aww thank-you QS you are a total gem, did the video work in your country? If not just email me if you would like to see it and I can send it, the video told more of the story than I could tell. I loves ya. xo

    • quicksand profile image

      quicksand 8 years ago

      Good lord! For once I am at a loss for words. All I can do is wish you good luck, and I do believe in miracles too. :)

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Hi totallcowboy thank-you so much for your lovely comments and for taking time out to read my stories. I will head over and begin to read yours. :)

    • profile image

      totallcowboy 8 years ago

      This story and through the eyes of a child brought tears to my eyes, I am glad you survived and now can write about it, please see my hubs, I was a victim of a childnapping, rape and attempted murder. And I also survived as you have, my story will soon be a book,

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Aww thanks Charia I am sorry you could not view the video.. you are so sweet and I thank-you for your lovely comments :) :)(hugs)

    • Charia Samher profile image

      Charia Samher 8 years ago

      You are one strong lady BP. To forgive, to move forward, to let go, these are the things that is so hard to do but you did it. I really admire you for that. Hope I can watch the video too but it is not available here in my place. Anyway I'm happy that you are happy now. =)

    • blondepoet profile image
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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Oh Larry your message to me is just awesome and has really lifted up my morning, I have a smile now as wide as the Equator lol. You have truly just inspired me all over again to keep moving forward thankyou so so much. Have a great day.(hugs)xoxox

    • profile image

      Larry 8 years ago

      What a woman!!

      I admire you so much Blondepoet, for what you've endured and thenovercome, in your life. Thank You, so much, for building this Hub and telling us your story. I know how difficult it can be to move forward from tragic experiences that life can deal out to us, but You have done it in spades little Princess. You have come SO FAR and with enough energy to help all of us work on our little problems, a lot better, with you sage advice and messages.

      You are indeed, Awesome, Blondepoet, Awesome! :-)

      Your new follower,

      LarryB

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Thankyou so much dennisematt I am so glad now I did not give up, I would have missed so many wonderful things to out-shine those dark moments. :)

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      dennisematt 8 years ago

      I know you've heard this so much, but I must say, thank you for choosing to write this. I know it is hard to let go like that. It is good to hear that not evryone gives up.

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Aww thankyou Greggy I just read your story and I have to quickly distract my mind to something happy, am feeling so sad after that. The poor man.

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Dear Trooper that means the world to me it really does. You just brightened up my morning immensely. Thankyou sooo much. Love ya.(hugs)xoxo

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      trooper22 8 years ago from Chicago

      To think how close we came to losing you. Your talent makes the world a brighter place to live, now that I have read this story, all I can think of is how very lucky we are to have your poetry, and your warmth. If I were not already your fan, I would do it all over it again.

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Awwwwwwww you are just the sweetest thing as I said before. I give you an equally huge hug back....xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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      nazishnasim 8 years ago

      What makes me happy is that you are alive and full of joy now. You are valiant and have a purpose in life. *HUG ... the biggest one I've ever given anyone*

      XOX

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Mindfield this may explain the mystery of me as well lol https://hubpages.com/entertainment/Interview-with-

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Hi Mindfield thanks for taking the time to read my story here. Firstly, I thank you for teaching me a new word today I went straight to google and typed in androgynous to see what it meant lol. I never used to be the way I am, far from it, in the darkest days, I was extremely pessimistic in everything I did.

      I do thank God for the person I am today, I realise that there are some who may feel I am way over the top, I bubble over many a times, but I have a great heart for people, a song in my heart too and just say it as it is lol.There is no turning back for me.  Thanks so much for your sweet words, that is a nice thought that I may be here from another galaxy, if that is true, then if I can touch just one who has strayed, then all is worth the joy I have laid. (hugs)

       

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      MindField 8 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      As an empath who wants to make everyone and everything whole, your story was both difficult and moving for me to participate in. You were/are such a mystery to me, with your androgynous avatar - much like the anime video here - and another facet of your personality: the boisterous presence you project in many of your comments on other people's hubs.

      I see now why everyone finds you fascinating. I do, too. If I learned that you had come here from another galaxy to teach us through your poems and words and pictures, I wouldn't be the least surprised!

      Bless you, blondepoet, in whatever way makes you feel the most blessed.

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Thankyou so very much maggs224, just you being here is enough for me.Thankyou. :)

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      maggs224 8 years ago from Sunny Spain

      I was deeply moved by your story the rest has already been said so much better than I could say it.

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Dear Amber thankyou so much for taking time to read my story. It is indeed a pretty scary world out there...I will never forget but I have forgiven

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      amber 8 years ago

      What a story...There are many bad, weird people out there, we all have to be careful, women and men too. It's so sad when someone is trying to take adventage of someone else...I hope you will be fine and will be able to forget what happened to you, if not forget, then I hope will be less pain. Wish you all the best in life. It wasn't fair to you at all and it's not your fault.

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Aww fortunerep you have found my two saddest but hope filled Hubs. You know back then I have to admit,I was living in the deepest hell, the grieving, the suicides, was just so bad that I never want to go back there and it makes me feel proud that I have come so far and turned my whole life around into something magic. Your beautiful comments, I have most gladly received, thankyou.(hugs)

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      fortunerep 8 years ago from North Carolina

      um wow and omg. Your video made me cry, I am sure that was not what you were trying to achieve but it just brought tears to my eyes. You think you have been to hell and back until you a story like yours, it makes my life look like a cake walk. I honestly wish you all the best and you are a great writer, your pic. just doesn't portray this part of your life and it makes me smile to know you have moved past it and can move on. Best of Luck, in my prayers, dori

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Aww thanks C.C that means a hell of a lot to me. I love that birdy pic too heaps. SO adorable.x0x0x

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Aww thanks C.C that means a hell of a lot to me. I love that birdy pic too heaps. SO adorable.x0x0x

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      2C's 8 years ago

      I still think this is the most powerful hub there is and one of the best written too. So poingnant Deb. luv ya much dear. xxx

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Isis I am so happy to hear that. You are just going to go forward and get stronger and stronger. It was the same with me, no matter what happened to us, we still got our spirit, and the spirit can be the most strongest thing in the world. I can see you flying like a bird your wings outstretched,above the whole world.You go girl you go.(hugs)xoxo

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      isis_dreams2002 8 years ago

      i have been free for just on six months now and loving it heaps and iam talking to some one about it all and getting there . but i still have a long way to go but i will get there i have lived it so i will servive it . hugs mandy thank you

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Aww isisD I am so sorry to hear that. How are you doing now? Is it getting any easier for you? (hugs)

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      isis_dreams2002 8 years ago

      hi blondepoet i have read this and understand the hert and the long long road to getting past it but never forgetting that is the hardest thing of all , I know and understand very much as it happened to me my mothers boyfriend did that to me time and time again for about 5yrs and then being able to deal with it only in the future for it to happen again with my marrage which is no more now . so i can see how stronge you have become keep it up and all the best mandy

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Thankyou so much again jxb7076, yes it was very hard to even to be able to see that is what I needed to do,but once I did there was no turning back. It was a very difficult decision too, to be able to share it,as I had never spoke of it before and was a little nervous too lol

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      James Brown 8 years ago from United States of America

      Your are a testament to the book of Jeremiah 29:11.  No matter what happens to us God's plan for our lives never changes - when we are willing to let go of things that hinder our relationship with HIm. It's tough but you proved that it can be done.

      It must have been a difficult decision to share this powerful testimomy. Thanks to your bravery - you did and I am greatful.

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Aww thanks men are dorks, well women can be dorks too lol. I am so sad to hear about your daughter, I hope to God she is ok....I am shocked. Yes the thought remains, it just does not hold pain no-more for me. (hugs)

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      men are dorks 8 years ago from Namibia

      My dearest... Sad & traumantic as it was... Ironicaly my profile name is "men are dorks" Please dont be offended. I went trough a simmilar scenaio regarding my 11yr od daughter. She was 10 when it happened and as I'm sitting and typing my anger and disgust just swells... You are fortunate that tou survied and it seems that you are over it although the thought will always be threr, yes? You are a survivor and a winner and in yor own leaque.

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      GM, thankyou once again for your wonderful support.Every comment I have received on this story makes me feel mickey mouse. Your encouragement has really lifted my day,thanks again. :)

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      GeneriqueMedia 8 years ago from Earth

      "There are no fancy words in this story just the simple words that spill from my heart."

      A heart is not simple, and you have chosen your words well. This is a very powerful work...from your video, to those you've selected, to how you've glued it all together.

      I can only imagine the suffering and hurt you've gone through, but I am more pleased to see you work through your trauma with such zeal and awesome results.

      I always try to see the positive in life, and as dark as the road the path was to make you write this...its done well to help anyone understand the destruction that lay in the wake of taking something nobody should ever take.

      Sincerely,

      G|M

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Thanks so much badcompany99 that means heaps to me. Writing this has meant a lot to me. Hugs to you too.xoxo

      Hi Cindy, words aren't needed, your hug means the world. xoxo

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      Cindy Vine 8 years ago from Cape Town

      BP, no words to say, just a big hug across the ocean from me to you