ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Old Age Benefits

Updated on October 5, 2011

Old Age Benefits and Old Age Alerts

It is said that as you get older, you get wiser. Have you heard that, too? The only wiser I get has a ‘Bud’ in front of it. But I have learned of multiple old age benefits over time, and I am delighted to share them with you – in rhyme.

Wait a minute. Do I hear you thinking, “What makes me so qualified?” Well, I am older than dirt, although I am not as old as Methuselah who was reported to have lived to the age of 969 in Biblical times.

Cab Calloway "It Ain't Necessarily So"

“It Ain't Necessarily So" – music by George Gershwin, lyrics by Ira Gershwin, from the Gershwins' opera, Porgy and Bess.


Forgive me while I digress for a moment and share my favorite song lyric about that aged icon. The song: “It Ain’t Necessarily So.” The lyric is as follows:

“Methus’lah lived 900 years . . . Methus’lah lived 900 years . . . But who calls dat livin’ . . . When no gal’ll give in . . . To no man who’s 900 years!”

If the truth be told, I am not that old,

I hold my temper and ‘make do.’

When someone calls me at 9:00 PM

And asks, “Sorry, did I wake you?”

Old Age Benefits

Whatever you purchase from this point on will not wear out.

. . . Only problem – you will need strength for the price tag – to tear out.


• You can order the Senior Special without telling little white lies.

. . . So go ahead and enjoy those discounted French fries.

You can eat supper any time you want after 4:00 PM.

. . . Then you’ll have time before bedtime for a rewarding BM.

• ‘Happy hour’ for you is a refreshing nap.

. . . You don’t have to sit in a bar list’ning to rap.

”He has a profound respect for old age. Especially when it's bottled.” - Gene Fowler


'Gigi' 1958 Hermione Gingold & Maurice Chevalier "I Remember It Well"

Getting lucky is finding your car in the parking lot.

. . . Before, it meant that your partner found the right spot.

You have learned not to take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!

. . . Experience will soon teach you what is wrong … and what is right.

People will no longer see you as a hypochondriac.

. . . You can complain all you want about your neck and your back.

Although you may think it’s a curse,

. . . Believe me, your eyes will not get much worse.

You cannot be tried by a jury of your peers I’m told.

. . . Why not? Because there are none available that old.

You can sit in a rocking chair and offer no resistance,

. . . Though you cannot get it started without some assistance.

You can forecast the weather when your joints give you pain.

. . . Weathermen call you to learn will there be sunshine or rain?

Your doctor says, 'I have good news and bad,' without any tact.

. . . The good news is: that you are not a hypochondriac.

Your family always offers a ride – what a deal!

. . . Why? Because they do not want you behind the wheel.

You search for your glasses, even under the bed

.. . . Where do you find them? On top of your head!

You welcome an "all-nighter" but it’s not a spree,

. . . It means you did not have to get up to pee!

No one expects you to move very fast.

. . . You conserve your strength so it will last.

Now you are wise enough to watch your step,

. . . But you don’t go out, you have lost all your pep.

In a hostage situation, you may feel hunger and thirst,

. . . But do not worry, they are likely to release you first.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

… But you still have your health, knock on wood.

Old Age Alerts

What to look out for wherever you go,

But then again, you already know:

Steps are much higher.

Small print is smaller.

It takes more time to light your fire.

Everyone else is taller.

Small hills are steeper.

Stairs are much longer.

You often sleep in a sleeper,

You dance the waltz, not the conga.


"I Forgot Song" - Tom Rush

You argue with others about Social Security,

. . . Government spending, and bottled water purity.

You enjoyed seeing that film, “Something’s Got to Give.”

. . . Now will someone please tell you on which street you live?

You straighten out the wrinkles in your socks – there are many.

. . . Oh, wait a minute, you just noticed you aren't wearing any.

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” - Mark Twain


Your knees buckle but your belt won't.

. . . Your back goes out … although you don’t.

When you sleep all stretched out on the bed,

. . . Your family worries that you are dead.

You light the candles on your birthday cake and say, ‘Hiya,’’

. . . To nearby campers who form a circle and sing, 'Kumbaya.'

"The trick is growing up without growing old." - Casey Stengel

You keep repeating yourself.

. . . You keep repeating yourself.

You get the hotel bill for $200 a night and you holler,

. . . You remember when a room at Motel 6 was just six dollars.

It will take two tries – that is your mission,

. . . When rising from a sitting position.

Your assets are lower, in front and behind.

. . . You walk much slower, But you still have your mind!

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.” - Mark Twain


'Philosophy for Old Age - George Carlin

To reward you for reading this far, here is my favorite “old age” joke: This old fellow, I’ll call him Sam, goes to a new doctor for his annual checkup.

Doctor – Sam, you are in great shape for a sixty-year old.

Sam – Who says I’m sixty years old?

Doctor – You’re not sixty? How old are you?

Sam – I will be eighty next month.

Doctor – That’s remarkable. Eighty? Do you mind if I ask you at what age your father died?

Sam – Who says my father is dead?

Doctor – He’s not dead?

Sam – Nope, he will be 104 this year!

Doctor – With such a good family medical history, your grandfather must have been pretty old when he died.

Sam – Who says my grandfather is dead?

Doctor – He’s not dead???

Sam – Nope, he will be 126 this year and he’s getting married next week.

Doctor – OMG! Why at his age would he want to get married?

Sam – Who says he wants to?

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." – Mark Twain

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2011. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So"


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      How delightful to find you here, maggs. No question about it, laughter IS the best medicine. Happy I was able to fill your prescription. Any time, m'dear. Thanks for the Up and the button pushing, too.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 2 years ago from Sunny Spain

      This hub is just what the doctor ordered, laughter being the best medicine, I am happy to say I have just had my prescription filled lol... Voting up and hitting the relevant buttons as I go :D

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      We have a lot in common, Chris. That's the very same line I always tell folks who complain about aging. It is way better than the alternative. Well said. Thanks for dropping by.

    • carolina muscle profile image

      carolina muscle 4 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      Getting old is no fun, but it IS better than the alternative ... I think ! :-D

      Great post !!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      It takes one to know one they say. Thank you.

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 4 years ago

      LOst composure! I'm in tears on the floor! - your joke drbj!!! My kids are wondering what is wrong with me! I told them I have a funny online friend!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Southernmapart, Hi. Thanks for enjoying this. If everyone else thinks you're getting old but you know you are not, then just keep doing what you're doing:

      hit the hot spots whenever you feel like it, imbibe but not to excess, and 'make whoopee' whenever practical.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Happy to make your acquaintance, Johan. You are very welcome. Are you the strong, silent type? Just wonderin'.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, Esther Strong. Thank you for finding this good fun and loving my profile picture. Me, too.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Now that joke, pd, is even older than me. Just kidding. I love it and will not hesitate to appropriate and share it. Thank you.

      Now here's one for you. Older fellow is not feeling well so he goes to his doctor for a complete workup and physical.

      The doctor calls him the next day and says, "I have bad news for you. You have only 24 ..."

      Fellow interrupts him. "What do you mean, 24? 24 what? 24 months? 24 days? 24 what?"

      Doctor replies: " 23, 22, 21, . . . "

    • profile image

      Southernmapart 4 years ago

      Enjoyed the Hub. However, it did not cover what to do if everyone else thinks you are getting old, but you know that you're not old.

    • Johan Smulders profile image

      Johan Smulders 4 years ago from East London, South Africa

      Great article, thanks!

    • Esther  Strong profile image

      Esther Strong 4 years ago from UK

      Reading this was simply good fun - thank you (and love your profile picture)

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 4 years ago

      Another version of the joke drbj - an old man goes to the doctor who says do you want the good news or the bad news first? The old man says give me the bad. Well, says the doc, the bad news is that you've got Alzeithmers. The good news is you'll forget about it in a few minutes! Use it to your hearts content - don't forget the joke half way through though!!! LOL - that wouldn't be good form!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      No question about it, Lizzy, we both forgot. I had to go check your hub to make sure and lo and behold, I had been there earlier. Mea culpa, m'dear. Got to have that old memory chip replaced. Don't laugh; sometime in the future that could happen.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to make your acquaintance, Glimmer Twin Fan. (Interesting profile name, m'dear.) Happy I gave you a great laugh and you are the clever one repeating it.

      Thanks for finding this a Funny hub!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Delighted to meet you, happyboomernurse. So glad you found me re mary's recommendation. Thanks for enjoying this dose of laughter and loving the poem, the graphics and the Maurice Chevalier video. It was special, wasn't it.

      Thanks, too, for the Up, funny, awesome and interesting. You do know how to touch all my buttons.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Michael, pleasure to meet you. Delighted I could warn you about what to expect ... more or less. Delighted to help you start your day in a hilarious way and thanks for the Up and funny. Come back any time.

      Voted up & funny. Thanks for starting my day in a hilarious way!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Oh, my, mary, did you write what I thought you wrote: "When you are old, it takes you all night long to do what you used to do ALL NIGHT LONG"! You go, girl!

      Delighted you loved the photos and Carlin and since everything, as you say, works, then age is only a number. Right? Thanks for stopping by, m'luv, and for the Up and etc. You rock, dear mary.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Oh, my, mary, did you write what I thought you wrote: "When you are old, it takes you all night long to do what you used to do ALL NIGHT LONG"! You go, girl!

      Delighted you loved the photos and Carlin and since everything, as you say, works, then age is only a number. Right? Thanks for stopping by, m'luv, and for the Up and etc. You rock, dear mary.

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 4 years ago from Oakley, CA

      LOL then I guess we are both old fuddy-duddies with faulty memory chips. Hahaha..I should have checked my comments on "Murphy" before mentioning it to you. Hee hee hee...

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      How nice to meet you, Sheila. Hope you didn't hurt yourself laughing so hard. Did you show your hubby those old couple pictures? They are some of the funniest I have discovered. Thanks for the visit, the up and the funny.

      You might also like to visit 'Old Age Ain't for Sissies.'

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Ariel. What a beautiful name. Delighted you liked the pictures very much - they do add to the hub, don't they? And thanks for the Ha!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, LL. You are so right. Laughter is the healthy way to handle aging and make the best of it because it is so much better than the alternative.

      Thenk you for the visit, the Up and the sharing. Sam says Hello.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Delighted you were able to relate to many of these scenarios, Lizzy. Thanks for traveling here all the way from my "How to Write an Advice Column" hub.

      I will check out your "Murphy's Laws of Aging" which is recommended by your husband. Thank you for the gracious comments and the up. Knew you would love that final old age joke with spunky Sam.

      Talk about forgetting stuff as we get older, Lizzy - I visited your Murphy hub and discovered I had read it and left a comment previously. Check it out dated 4 months ago. Loved it then and love it now.

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      This gave me a great laugh! This gave me a great laugh! Sorry, I've started repeating myself. Funny hub!

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 4 years ago from South Carolina

      I enjoyed this dose of daily laughter. Loved the poem, the graphics and also the video of "I Remember it Well."

      Came here on Mary's recommendation and am glad I did.

      Voted up, funny, awesome and interesting.

    • Michael Tully profile image

      Michael Tully 4 years ago

      I'm so glad I read this one, drbj. I'm getting on up there, myself, so now I've been warned about what to expect...

      Voted up & funny. Thanks for starting my day in a hilarious way!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      I am reminded of this saying about old age: "When you are old, it takes you all night long to do what you used to do ALL NIGHT LONG"!

      Loved your photos, and George Carlin. I am older than dirt, too, drbj. I don't mind as long as everything still works.

      I voted this UP, etc.

    • sgbrown profile image

      Sheila Brown 4 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

      This is so cute! I didn't need to laugh this hard, this early in the morning! I am going to have to remember some of these. I love the old couple pictures, hubby will get a good laugh from those! Voting this up and funny. :)

    • L.L. Woodard profile image

      L.L. Woodard 4 years ago from Oklahoma City

      Ah yes, aging. I agree with you -- we might as well laugh and make the best of it because the alternative is just too depressing.

      Voted up and Shared.

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 4 years ago from Oakley, CA

      Hahahahaha!!!

      Very well done! I am plenty old enough to relate to quite a few of those scenarios!

      I finally got a chance to read this, referred from your "How to Write an Advice Column" hub...which I re-discovered today.

      You might enjoy my "Murphy's Laws of Aging" ... And as my husband says, "By the time you have learned enough to figure out what to do, how to do it, and be successful, your body is saying, 'You talkin' to ME?!' "

      Voted up, funny, interesting and shared. Loved the final joke! LOL

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, Johan. A 'great' hub is my favorite kind.

    • Johan Smulders profile image

      Johan Smulders 5 years ago from East London, South Africa

      a great hub

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, nemanja, I feel so much better. It's strange that the name, Alzheimer, never entered my mind. Instead of thinking of German literary names, I should have concentrated on medicine and psychiatry. Appreciate the feedback though.

    • nemanjaboskov profile image

      Nemanja Boškov 5 years ago from Serbia

      Yes, drbj, I thought you would guess :) If your writing abilities and your wits are any indicator, the German fellow is far from your neighborhood, my friend!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Mea culpa, mea culpa, nemanja. Thanks, I should have guessed. Oh, no, I hope he's not visiting ny home, too. :)

    • nemanjaboskov profile image

      Nemanja Boškov 5 years ago from Serbia

      His name is Alzheimer :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      That is a great line, isn't it? Thanks for loving my hubs and thanks for the joke but I have to admit I'm stumped. I understand the first part but the German guy who hides that TV remote? I haven't got a clue? Help me out, please.

    • nemanjaboskov profile image

      Nemanja Boškov 5 years ago from Serbia

      'Who says he wants to?' - The best line ever!

      I love reading your hubs, and I have to tell you a short joke here. I don't know if it exists in the English language, but it does in mine :)

      Two elderly ladies are having a conversation in front of a TV and one asks the other:

      'What's the name of that German fellow who always hides our remote?'

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      How nice to see you here, lex123. Thanks for the visit and finding this hub hilarious. Delighted you enjoyed the old age jokes. Laughter is the only way to stay yound at heart!

    • lex123 profile image

      lex123 5 years ago

      What a hilarious hub! My favorite part of this hub is the last part - your favorite old age jokes. You're one of the few blessed writers who can present things in such a hilarious way.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      I'm with you, Stephanie, laughter is the only antidote to aging. Though good health does help a bit. You are more than welcome for the laughs and the joke. That 126-year old roue is my kind of guy! Thank you for the multiple 'ups,' you are my kind of commenter.

    • Stephanie Henkel profile image

      Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA

      Old age - if we didn't laugh about it, we could get depressed! Thanks for many laughs here. Love the story about the 126 year old grandfather! and everything else, too! Voted up, up, up!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      What a pleasure to have you back, Audrey. I thought perhaps it was something I said. Or wrote. Or thought. Absolutely delighted that you loved the jokes, the quotes and the Carlin. He was a hoot!

      You are spot on about not preferring the alternative. For me, I intend to wear spurs and dig in my heels all the way! Thank you m'luv, for the visit, the up and outta here.

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 5 years ago from Central Oregon

      Good lord, BJ - you still got it - sorry I missed so many of your other gems as well! I gotta love the joke and all the quotes - they are all too true. Carlin surely had the wit didn't he? I think it's too bad we have to grow old but then as I always point out to my peers...it surely beats the alternative~~

      Voted up and outta here!!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      How nice to meet you here, Glenn. So glad you wanted to find out more about old age benefits. And like you, I believe that laughter keeps us young - at least at heart and in spirit. Will definitely use your phone answer - it has a certain kind of appeal to me.

      Delighted I gave you a million laughs and the Sam joke is one of my favorites, too. Thank you for the up, awesome and funny.

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 5 years ago from Long Island, NY

      I came here to find out something about benefits I might get as I get older. You gave me something much better! Laughter.

      Next time someone calls and says "Sorry, did I wake you?" just say "No you didn't. I had to wake up anyway to answer the phone."

      Thanks for a million laughs. You should have heard me laugh when I read about Sam going for his annual checkup. Really! Thanks. I voted up, awesome, and of course, funny.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Oh, Derdriu, how lucky I am to have found a commenter such as yourself with such perspicacity and wit to recognize my unique and hilarious combination of artistry, humor, meter and philosophy. Thanks for laughing everywhere. Your comment, m'luv, is rated up!

    • profile image

      Derdriu 5 years ago

      drbj: What hilarious coordination of artistry, humor, meter and philosophy! You had me belly laughing at the beginning, the end and everywhere in-between. Thank you!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, sweethearts2, for making the trip. Sorry about the added laugh lines but the health benefits of laughter far outweigh any downside. At least, that's what I keep telling myself!

    • sweethearts2 profile image

      sweethearts2 5 years ago from Northwest Indiana

      Glad I came. The downside - this added to my "laugh lines."

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Duchess, what a nice comment: 'a treat to read.' Please remember to come by whenever you can - I just started a new series of funny puns - the first is "Funny Pun - Number One" with Stanley the Snail. And let me know what your mom thinks, too.

    • profile image

      Duchess OBlunt 5 years ago

      It's always such a treat to read your hubs drbj. I need to come by more often (if I could only remember). My mom will get a kick out of this one. Good job on the poem.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      O G, I described you to a T?

      R U OK with that, ethel, or R U at C?

    • ethel smith profile image

      Eileen Kersey 5 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      What fun you decribed me to a tee

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      That's perfect, psychicdog. So on the mark. You know I'll use it.

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 5 years ago

      Drbj an old woman went to the doctor and said 'Dr, I think I've got Alzeimers'? The Doctor said- 'Dont worry, just go home and forget about it.!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      So nice to meet you, Gypsy Willow. Thank you for loving my 'wonderful, funny hub.' That makes at least two of us. And no thanks are necessary; entirely my pleasure, my dear.

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 5 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      Wonderful, funny hub. Loved reading it! Thank you.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Anyone who appreciates my Budweiser comment is my kind of friend, Sunshine. You should feel fine since you are definitely not as old as me yet. No one is that old.

      And if you recognize that you are confused, that is a sign that all is rght in your world. It's when you don't know it that you're in trubble with a capital T.

      Thank you for the 'fantastic hub' comment. Please be my guest and share it with everyone!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Bud-wiser! hahaha! I feel OLD after reading this hub! I also feel good because I'm not that old yet! I am soooo confused, is that a sign of old age? Geez. FANTASTIC HUB! I'm sharing it with my elderly friends :))

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      I am absolutely thrilled to pieces, exquisitely little pieces at that, to learn, Audrey, that you are not blue, annoyed, worried, complaining, angry, depressed, in pain, or tired.

      To learn that I have made you happy with my 'funniest hub in town' - thank you, thank you - makes me happy, too. Trust me. But please, dear, don't laugh that hard! :)

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 5 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      We, here at Hubpages, all deserve you and your brilliant, hilarious master-pieces! Am I blue? No. Am I annoyed? No. Am I worried? No. Will I complain? No. Am I angry? No. Am I depressed? No. Am I in pain? No. Am I tired? No. Am I happy? Of course I am...I just read the funniest hub in town! Am I hungry? Yes...for more of drbj's writings. Am I at peace? Yes...because I have just laughed myself to death!

      vocalcoach~

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, tip - your mother-in-law is spot on. CRS has no age limitations. I would write more about that universal ailment but I've already forgotten what I planned to write. Thanks for your kind comments and laughter. You make my . . . er, my . . . uh, well you know what I mean. :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Dear pras, you are so right. We are all on the way to old age the moment after we are born. But although growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. Would you agree?

      Thank you for your gracious comments and the up. It is always my pleasure to have you visit.

    • tlpoague profile image

      Tammy 5 years ago from USA

      Great hub! I will have to pass this on. My mother-in-law always told me to watch out for CRS. She claimed it was highly contagious as one grew older. I think it happens at any age myself. Great job! I am still laughing.

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Very inspiring hub. We all on the way now. Of course, all of us must be pass this age. But I hope the spirit always young. I love this hub and very enjoyable to read. Nice presentation, beside all the beautiful pictures and the video as well. Vote up and have a nice weekend.

      Prasetio

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Jane, for recognizing how important a sense of humor is especially as we age. And thanks for the compliment. I usually do try to find the funny side of most situations.

      Delighted you enjoyed the George Carlin video as much as I do. We could use more of his ironic humor these days. Cheers backatcha m'luv.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you finding this amusing, CM. You are so right; old age is not optional. And it's a heck of a lot better than the alternative!

      That was a lovely Shakespearean quote. 'Infinite variety' works for me unless it pertains to where did I leave the car keys?

      As far as being delusional, that's my favorite state - it makes life so much more interesting. :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Dear Erin - Thank you for your lovely comments and taking the time to share some personal info. You are much appreciated. Since you are living with aging parents, you know whereof I write when it pertains to old age (?) benefits.

      Delighted to hear that your inner child is ageless. So is mine and so, I believe, is Nellieanna's. Keeps us young at heart. Am I reflective and playful? Yes!!! Mature? NOT! Probably never will be. And thank you, thank you, m'dear for the up!

    • Jane Bovary profile image

      Jane Bovary 5 years ago from The Fatal Shore

      Well drbj, I'm convinced that the best thing you take into old age is a sense of humour and you've got that in spades.

      Loved the Carlin video too, which I found strangely moving...it's all true!

      Cheers

    • CMHypno profile image

      CMHypno 5 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

      Very amusing as always drbj. As getting older isn't optional I decided I might as well enjoy it, and just like Shakespeare's Cleopatra 'age cannot wither her nor custom stale her infinity variety'. I am also delusional, but another of the benefits of age is that nobody mentions it or points it out!

    • Erin LeFey profile image

      Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland

      drbj, what a lovely hub! It certainly made me smile - I'm 43 but so much of it applies, since I'm living with my aging parents. I'm so aware of the passage of time and the fragility of life - too much of my day and life is spent with either mine or their doctors, hospitals. But we certainly grab at life and love and humor at every chance we get and go away on vacation at every opportunity.

      I think it was Garth Brooks that sang, "I'm much too young to feel this old." (only in body, not in mind or spirit)

      I'm happy to report that my inner child is still ageless.

      James Broughton

      I don't think you or Nellieanna will ever be old to me, I look at you both as women I would love to grow into. Reflective and mature with playfulness and abandon.

      Take care, wonderful hub, voted way up!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      What an outstanding comment, Becca. You "laughed yourself silly" reading this? So did I, my love, writing it!

      Here's to more hilarity wherever we are fortunate enough to find it.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Nope, Kelly, you're too young for those old age signs. You won't start falling apart for another ten to twelve ... months! :)

      So your dad had furniture problems. Love that one. You know I'll use it. Somehow. Some way. Some time. Thanks.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Oh, James, I so enjoy your visits and comments. You are so spot on: laughter IS good for the soul - and your health, too. Your sweet words brighten up my day even more! As that great sage, Milton Berle, once said: "Laughter is an instant vacation." Amen.

    • Rebecca E. profile image

      Rebecca E. 5 years ago from Canada

      oh this is priceless, you at your fnest-- laughed myself silly.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I already see some of those warning signs! I used to tell my dad that as he got older he started having furniture problems - his chest was falling into his drawers:).

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

      Hilarious! I so enjoy your writings. They put me in a good mood. Laughter is good for the soul. Thank you for sharing your creative gifts with us. You brighten up the HubPages.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      What a sweet heart you are, Sally. Thank you, thank you for sharing this on Facebook. We 'not so old broads' need all the help we can get.

      Laughing and crying at the same time? Perhaps you should increase your meds. :)

      Happy to see you enjoyed my fave joke and cartoon, too. I do appreciate your stopping by.

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 5 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      You got me both laughing and crying this morning. Your rhymes are hysterical, but I'm afraid George just about did me in. Then the finish, Sam and the doctor, got me right back to laughing. Guess I'm not dead yet! Beautifully put together...up and funny and shared at Not So Old Broads on Facebook.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Ruchira, for reading my 'funny hub.' Yes, you will get older, but haggard? No way! If your mind stays active, then your body tries even harder to keep up. Trust me, I know!

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

      Such a funny hub :) I had a wonderful time reading it not realizing that very soon I will be one of the old haggard woman :)

      but, oh well...let me enjoy the moment ;)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Hilary - I knew you would love these old age benefits and with your vibrant sense of humor, the wrinkled sock benefit would be most appealing. It's one of my all-time favorites, too. Thanks for making this trip, m'luv.

    • Green Lotus profile image

      Hillary 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      Ha-ha! I thought I had heard every old person joke out there but your Hub proves you're never to old to learn new "old age benefits". Loved it all especially that wrinkled sock tip :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Oh, Dolores, if I made you laugh, then my mission is accomplished. And my dear, you made me laugh when you recounted the tale of riding with a 79-year old 'who scared the wits out of' you.

      We have a number of drivers in my neck of the woods who drive like that but I can understand. It may be one of the few 'pleasures' left! :)

      Thanks for visiting. Come back any time. What was your name again, dear?

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 5 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Hi, drbj - oh, you really made me laugh with this one. One of the really cool things about old age (that you mentioned) is that you can still terrorize your friends and relatives while driving. I was just riding around with a very strong, very vital 79 year old yesterday, and she scared the wits out of me. I remember when it was the 18 year old who scared me but I've learned a new lesson!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Keith, you are a sweetheart. Thank you for that lovely comment that I "have a young at heart attitude which comes out in (my) writing." I have always believed that about myself and it is a great pleasure to have it confirmed by others.

      Yes, laughter is healthy so keep on laughing and you will live a long, healthy life. Promise! Cbeers to you, too, mate. (Didn't know I could speak your language, didja?)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Hanna. Thank you for stopping by and enjoying this hub. How can you know what I'm talking about? You are much too young, m'dear - if not in age, certainly in personality and spirit. Trust me.

      Knew you would love that fave joke of mine. Delighted I could give you a laugh.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, b. Malin. "Refreshing and laugh-a-minute hub," you say? How discerning of you! Thank you for loving my humor. I love being called 'cool,' so I refuse to answer how old using that term makes either one of us ... the incrimination issue, you know.

      Actually, I'll accept 'cool' or 'hot' as long as you don't use the term, 'tepid.'

    • attemptedhumour profile image

      attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

      Too old to die young is Billy Connelly's catch cry. You have a young at heart attitude which comes out in your writing. It's a well known fact that laughter is healthy, so this hub has added a few more years to my final score. It's not just a funny hub, but a well researched one. Cheers

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

      I thoroughly enjoyed reading your hub, drbj. I know what you are talking about. That joke is a classic and I'll be laughing for a long time.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      What a Refreshing, Laugh a Minute Hub, Drbj on Old Age...I'm beginning to really Enjoy some Maturity...Ha! I intend to fight it Every step of the way! And isn't 60 the new 40 and so on. Love your Humor! You are Cool...so how Old does that Expression make me...Mmm?

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, JRocco

      So you're almost 60 - I mean, 40? Your secret is safe with me.

      I'm delighted the Carlin video was so meaningful for you. He was something else wasn't he? Thank you for finding this hub terrific and enjoying it.

      And since you used the expression, 'You rock!!!!!!,' to describe me, I know you are only 40! Right?

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Welcome, Ken, the (younger and better-looking) Sean Connery of Canada. Thank you for your sublime, laudatory comments. Now I no longer feel as old as dirt. As old as soil, perhaps ...

      Delighted you enjoy my hubs and interviews. Isn't it funny how so many of us can relate to these various old age benefits - especially the glasses on top of the head syndrome? I don't believe for a minute though that you even thought of smacking that insenstivie woman who made such a rude comment. Sean, yes! You, Ken - never!

      Delighted that you enjoy my creative antics and hope to be around long enough to create many more. So far, so good. :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, fucsia. That Mark Twain really knew what he was talking about. Laughter makes the world go round. Thank you for visiting and describing my hub as 'this funny moment of truth.' What a nice comment, my dear.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, bg, Well, you can't be too upset that you were beginning to relate to some of these Old Age Benefits. Not when your Wii indicated you were younger than your kids, coordination-wise. They probably didn't take too kindly to that information.

      Thanks for finding this funny and 'Great.'

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      What lovely comments, Nellieanna, they could be a sweet hub all by themselves. Isn't it strange sometimes what wonderful life lessons we learn from the most mundane things - such as making and wrapping Christmas presents.

      But I must insist again, m'dear, you could never be dumpy - that just does not compute. :)

    • profile image

      JRocco 5 years ago

      OMG (Oh my God) This hub made a grown man like me who is almost 60. Did I say 60? I meant 40 cry. The piece on George Carlin was the rainmaker for me. This hub was terrific. I really enjoyed reading it. You rock!!!!!!