ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

On F**king Edge Today

Updated on April 18, 2012
What I currently feel like.....
What I currently feel like.....

Time cannot move forward quick enough for me.

I keep reading it may take up to 40 days, repeat 40 F**king days to rid my body of the Effexor that I had been taking. I cannot wait for the day when it does not feel like it occupies most of my waking thoughts.

The worst part is when I finally am physically and mentally exhausted. I lie down and prepare to go to sleep but that is when all the weird new symptoms emerge. Well just for example last nights barrel of fun of nightly adventures went like this. I lie down freezing, I have on winter socks, pj's a down comforter, an additional blanket all pulled up around me like I am in an igloo or something. Nothing seems to be working, I even enlisted the body heat from my daughters 6 month old puppy, Avery. Poor dog.

I finally start to drift off to sleep, trying to ignore the aches and pains in my arms and legs. They feel as if I tried to chop down a 100 year old tree with a dull spoon. I still have slight brain zaps and the occasional chill but I am starting to drift off, hurray.

I then wake up, wide awake knowing full well something is really amiss. It has barely been 2 hours and I am soaking wet. I mean like I have at least 104 degree fever. No such luck it's more like some horrible night sweats from the medication leaving my body. Lucky me. I have also gotten very sarcastic. A lovely trait which I thought I had broken myself of when my daughters feelings got hurt at around 4 years of age. I digress.

I strip off all my clothes, the extra blankets, even moving the dog further from me just so that I can try to dry off and get cool. This just sucks but I'm still alive, barely. I fall back to sleep fairly easy. Just when I thought I might have a restful nights sleep the nightmares begin. Not the usual falling or losing your car or maybe even flying without knowing how to land sort of dream. No I have this awful nightmare of somehow being a teenager again. Now my daughter is 17 and her life isn't that bad but mine back then sucked big time.

Here I was this teenage girl and somehow I am kidnapped. Now back when I was a teen I would have gladly gone with a stranger to escape my family. This was different. I am kidnapped and held by two very strange men. Not sure what their plans were but we then encounter two really creepy ones who plan on taking me from the first two and continually raping me before killing me. They told me this.

So my lovely restful night has now made an abrupt turn to Hell. I dream of every scenario of escaping.  At one point I am on top of a shed or barn walking along the roof top trying to avoid contact with these deranged men. Even in my sleep I know this is all wrong, can't really be true but I still go threw the motions.

I finally struggle wake. Once again soaking wet from detoxing and dreaming. The poor puppy looks at me as if to say "please go to sleep". It is way to early to even think about rising and it feels as if sleep has barely touched my body. What fun this whole stopping Effexor has been.

My Pilates teacher tried to talk me into going back on it today. Can you believe that one. I was adamant that I would not go back to this poisonous drug. That I had worked for 6 months to get to this point and would not surrender that easily. She then gave up trying to talk "sense" into me and we continued to work out.

Unless you've been here, had to go threw some type of withdrawals/detox you can't fathom what it is I am experiencing. It feels more and more like Hell with each and every passing day. I know there will be some sort of hump and this will take a turn but for right now I am having a hard time seeing that light at the end of that long narrow tunnel. I am slightly on edge and would love to wring someones throat to feel better right now.

I once again will try to attempt an elusive "good nights sleep". I am running an herb bath, will add lavender oil, epsom salts and baking soda and hope these soak some of the aches and pains out of my muscles and relax the rest. I have a friend bringing me some Sleepytime Tea. I can only hope I won't break down when he drops it off. I already cried over his driving me to the bank today. I said I was on edge didn't I?  Oh by the way I did.  I cried and cried over the tiniest of things.  He couldn't find me the right Bandaid.  Told you it was trivial.

Well wish me luck, send me some words of encouragement if you have any experience in this arena. I just need to know there is light at the end of this Hellish tunnel.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • karmicfilly profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Franklin, TN

      Thanks for the feedback. All is well and I'm onto a new and better life. Just needed to vent and this is where I did. Check out my other ones they are similiar.

    • karmicfilly profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Franklin, TN

      I appreciate the comments and concern. It has now been 5 months off of Effexor and I am better. Not completely back

      to NORMAL but then who is? I am coming out of the fog and darkness and back into the light.

      It so felt like fiction at times but really is/was my life.

    • Leptirela profile image


      8 years ago from I don't know half the time

      Hi there.

      At first glance I think this a piece of fiction (please correct me if I'm wrong)

      Then as I get into it paragraph by paragraph I feel there is a lot more going on here the writers 'world'////... I can relate to a lot of this and for what it is worth THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL...I just wish I could go deeper into this to try and prove to you that this kind of thing does get better, I just feel , for me...this is not the place to do so...

      Strong Hub


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)