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Should I End This Relationship? - Reasons You Should Definitely Walk Out of a Marriage

Updated on April 19, 2014
The decision to end a relationship should only be taken after careful thinking
The decision to end a relationship should only be taken after careful thinking | Source

Relationships are comforting but they can be tricky as well. We may think that our relationship with our present partner will last forever. Till death do us apart. However, a few years down the line and we realize that it's not going as we expected.

Sometimes, it is because our expectations from our relationship are too much. Then again, often, we realize that our spouse is not what we thought they were. Doesn't matter what the reason is, but the fact is, that sometimes we start thinking whether we should end this relationship.

Not easy to end a relationship

While it may be easier to end a 5-month long relationship than end a 5-years long one, the fact remains. It is not easy.

Since the beginning of your marriage, you have probably spent each and every waking minute of your life working it out with your husband or wife. Suddenly, you realize that somewhere down the line, it has turned into a nightmare. Every moment is a struggle. You have lost yourself. You don't know who you are anymore.

Yet, ending the relationship is something that scares you. Should I end this relationship? Should I try a little more? Is it my fault that this is not working out? What will people say if I get divorced? What will happen to my children? How am I going to support myself?

Questions, doubts, fears just keep cropping up in your mind. If you find the answer, you may take the first step towards moving out of a marriage. If you don't or if you freeze because of fear, time just passes you by. You get further lost and stuck and unable to get out.

Think carefully before ending a relationship

If you are planning to walk out of your marriage, you should carefully think about it. Keep in mind that while friends and other family members do want what is best for you, they may also be slightly biased towards you. They love you too much. They can't see you in pain. So, they may ask you to walk out.

In some cases, your parents may see your pain, may feel it, may cry about it, but may ask you to stay in your marriage because of societal norms. They may be right. In some countries, walking out of a marriage is considered to be a negative aspect of your character. So, you and your children may have to face the stares and ridicules of the people around you. But if you are strong enough, you can carve a better life for yourself even if you do walk out of a marriage, irrespective of what the society thinks about it.

Simply said, the decision should be yours. You are the one who is in this relationship. You are the one who is going through the pain of being with someone who does not give importance to your happiness. So, the decision should be yours. It is OK to listen to the advice of others, but follow your own intuition and your own heart.

So, where does your heart lead you?

Reasons to end a relationship

While there could be any number of reasons why you may want to end your marriage, here are a few that should especially be considered. Keep in mind that the reasons can vary from one individual to the other and this is not a comprehensive list. The important thing is that you should give serious thoughts about your relationship before calling it quits.

Physical abuse and aggression are one of the prime reasons why you should end your relationship
Physical abuse and aggression are one of the prime reasons why you should end your relationship

Physical and Domestic Abuse

Nothing can scar a relationship more than physical abuse. Uncontrollable anger that leads to severe beating is something that no woman should undergo. No matter how much you love this person and no matter how apologetic your husband is after he calms down. You should never ever allow physical or domestic abuse to continue.

If your partner really loves and cares for you, he would take steps to manage his anger and stop hurting you physically. If he is not, it is time to think about walking out of this relationship.

Psychological and Emotional Abuse

While physical abuse is something that can be easily identified, it is very difficult to identify and accept the fact that you are being psychologically abused. The bruises on your body are good enough proof that you are being physically abused. However, the bruises on your self-esteem are quite difficult to see.

Often referred to as symbolic violence, the purpose of emotional abuse is to make you believe that you are a "good for nothing" person. You cannot survive in this world without the abuser. You are a loser. You are crazy. You are over-reactive. You have made the life of your abuser a living hell and if you walk out of this marriage, you will make someone else's life miserable.

You spend each and every waking minute of your life trying to please your abuser. You try to be perfect but it seems that the harder you try, the worse YOU get. The abuser has you convinced that YOU are the reason for everything that is wrong.

However, the fact is that it's not you. It's your partner. He is responsible for what is wrong in your as well as his life, not you.

You have had these nagging feelings for quite sometime that what you are being made to believe is probably not true. It's the opposite that is true. However, you just suppress your gut instinct and keep listening to your abuser.

Do you feel you are good for nothing? Have you stopped being happy while your partner looks quite pleased with himself? Have you lost yourself in taking care of the family and yet you are made to feel like an inferior person?

Well, it is time to do some serious thinking here and end this marriage.

The number of men involved in psychologically abusive relationships is increasing day by day
The number of men involved in psychologically abusive relationships is increasing day by day

Special advice for men in a psychologically abusive relationship

While we always talk about abuse in terms of women, the fact is that there are an increasing number of men all around the world who are being subjected to emotional abuse. The wives or the women in their lives are manipulative. They try to use each and every fear and doubt of the man to their own advantage.

They have them convinced that they are no good as men and no woman will take them. In fact, these men are made to feel that their wives are doing them a favor by being with them. Men, if you are in a relationship like this, think. Walk out. It is not good for you.

An untrustworthy partner

Trust is very important in a relationship. You need to ask yourself whether you can trust your partner. Is your partner faithful to you? While you may be able to forgive a one-night stand, are you sure that he or she is not going to repeat the same mistake?

If being unfaithful, apologizing, and repeating the same thing is the usual pattern with your spouse or partner, it is time to ask some serious questions.

Fidelity is just one aspect of trust in a relationship. Do you think you can trust your partner with your money or your secrets or the confidential aspects of your business? Do you think your partner may be using your trust to siphon out money from your bank account or throwing you out of business? If yes, then it is time to have a good talk and may be end this relationship.

You keep giving and giving and giving

Stopping your own life and forgetting about your personal dreams and aspirations are often part of a relationship. This is especially true for women who just dedicate their lives to the betterment of their husbands and children. However, while you are constantly giving everything to your relationship, you are not getting much out of it.

If your partner is caring and appreciative enough about your contribution to the family, it is all worth it. If not, you will begin to lose your self-esteem. You keep giving more in the hope that you will be appreciated. However, nothing seems to work. No respect. No appreciation. You are taken for granted.

If this is true and this fact is troubling you, it may be a good idea to first talk it out with your partner about how you feel. If your feelings and thoughts are dismissed right away, you are definitely being taken for granted. It is time to think about taking certain positive steps and start giving something to yourself for a change.

Is this relationship over?

If you are seriously thinking about ending a relationship, it is highly likely that it is time to do something different than normal. You give it your last and best shot. If it doesn't work out, it is time to call it quits. The above-mentioned facts are the strongest reasons of why you should end your relationship. However, as mentioned before, the decision should be yours. The rest of us are only here to guide you in making the right decision.

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© 2013 Better Emotions

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    • profile image
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      Better Emotions 4 years ago

      Hi soconfident,

      Yes, indeed there are such men and women whose idea of a relationship is to make the other person feel worthless.

      However, it works only because the abusee is ready to accept this abuse. Once he or she is ready to walk out, the abuser has no one left to abuse.

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 4 years ago

      Hi thewritingowl,

      Ah, you are spot on there!

      This is exactly what I wanted to convey in this article. If you are so lost in your relationship that you have no sense of who you are, you need to do some serious thinking.

      And of course, people with narcisstic personality disorder need help. They need treatment. But you cannot force them to get help. Living with someone who only thinks about himself/herself and has no idea about how you are feeling may be good for this person, but not for you.

      A relationship is supposed to help you grow emotionally, socially and in other ways. If you realize that you are going backwards instead of forwards and your marriage is responsible, time to think and move on. For your sake and often for the sake of your children as well.

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 4 years ago

      Hi kk01011991,

      You are absolutely right. It is sometimes difficult to accept women in a role that is the opposite of caring and nurturing. But we cannot deny the fact that some women do all they can to keep the men in their lives down and low, making them feel they are worth nothing.

      And yes, time for men to accept that they are being abused psychologically and time for them to just walk out.

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

    • profile image
      Author

      Better Emotions 4 years ago

      Hi ladydeonne,

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

      Yes, indeed, it is tough to end a relationship that you have given so much to. But we need to know the difference between when it is time to save our marriage or to save ourselves. There are certain things that one should never ignore in any relationship and the reasons mentioned here are definitely some of the most relevant ones.

    • soconfident profile image

      Derrick Bennett 4 years ago

      This is true men and women try to keep their partner down to keep them around.

    • thewritingowl profile image

      Mary Kelly Godley 4 years ago from Ireland

      Food for thought. All your reasons for leaving are valid ones. Often as you say you may realize too late that you are in a relationship with somebody who is violent, or manipulative or who just doesn't have any empathy for others like a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People can get lost in a relationship and wake up one day and have no idea who they are as a person anymore. Voted up.

    • kk01011991 profile image

      kk01011991 4 years ago

      Really awesome. Really. Means that point where you mentioned that men are abused as well touched me. There are a lot of women who make their guys feel like they are good for nothing and this brings their confidence down. Its very suffocating to live with such a person so the best way is to simply move out.

    • ladydeonne profile image

      Deonne Anderson 4 years ago from Florence, SC

      This is a very well thought out article. Breaking up a marriage is a difficult decision for any one to make. However, you are spot on in stating when such a move is necessary. I agree that it is a personal decision and one that is not easily made.