- Mental Health
Should I End This Relationship? - Reasons You Should Definitely Walk Out of a Marriage
Relationships are comforting but they can be tricky as well. We may think that our relationship with our present partner will last forever. Till death do us apart. However, a few years down the line and we realize that it's not going as we expected.
Sometimes, it is because our expectations from our relationship are too much. Then again, often, we realize that our spouse is not what we thought they were. Doesn't matter what the reason is, but the fact is, that sometimes we start thinking whether we should end this relationship.
Not easy to end a relationship
While it may be easier to end a 5-month long relationship than end a 5-years long one, the fact remains. It is not easy.
Since the beginning of your marriage, you have probably spent each and every waking minute of your life working it out with your husband or wife. Suddenly, you realize that somewhere down the line, it has turned into a nightmare. Every moment is a struggle. You have lost yourself. You don't know who you are anymore.
Yet, ending the relationship is something that scares you. Should I end this relationship? Should I try a little more? Is it my fault that this is not working out? What will people say if I get divorced? What will happen to my children? How am I going to support myself?
Questions, doubts, fears just keep cropping up in your mind. If you find the answer, you may take the first step towards moving out of a marriage. If you don't or if you freeze because of fear, time just passes you by. You get further lost and stuck and unable to get out.
Think carefully before ending a relationship
If you are planning to walk out of your marriage, you should carefully think about it. Keep in mind that while friends and other family members do want what is best for you, they may also be slightly biased towards you. They love you too much. They can't see you in pain. So, they may ask you to walk out.
In some cases, your parents may see your pain, may feel it, may cry about it, but may ask you to stay in your marriage because of societal norms. They may be right. In some countries, walking out of a marriage is considered to be a negative aspect of your character. So, you and your children may have to face the stares and ridicules of the people around you. But if you are strong enough, you can carve a better life for yourself even if you do walk out of a marriage, irrespective of what the society thinks about it.
Simply said, the decision should be yours. You are the one who is in this relationship. You are the one who is going through the pain of being with someone who does not give importance to your happiness. So, the decision should be yours. It is OK to listen to the advice of others, but follow your own intuition and your own heart.
So, where does your heart lead you?
Reasons to end a relationship
While there could be any number of reasons why you may want to end your marriage, here are a few that should especially be considered. Keep in mind that the reasons can vary from one individual to the other and this is not a comprehensive list. The important thing is that you should give serious thoughts about your relationship before calling it quits.
Physical and Domestic Abuse
Nothing can scar a relationship more than physical abuse. Uncontrollable anger that leads to severe beating is something that no woman should undergo. No matter how much you love this person and no matter how apologetic your husband is after he calms down. You should never ever allow physical or domestic abuse to continue.
If your partner really loves and cares for you, he would take steps to manage his anger and stop hurting you physically. If he is not, it is time to think about walking out of this relationship.
Psychological and Emotional Abuse
While physical abuse is something that can be easily identified, it is very difficult to identify and accept the fact that you are being psychologically abused. The bruises on your body are good enough proof that you are being physically abused. However, the bruises on your self-esteem are quite difficult to see.
Often referred to as symbolic violence, the purpose of emotional abuse is to make you believe that you are a "good for nothing" person. You cannot survive in this world without the abuser. You are a loser. You are crazy. You are over-reactive. You have made the life of your abuser a living hell and if you walk out of this marriage, you will make someone else's life miserable.
You spend each and every waking minute of your life trying to please your abuser. You try to be perfect but it seems that the harder you try, the worse YOU get. The abuser has you convinced that YOU are the reason for everything that is wrong.
However, the fact is that it's not you. It's your partner. He is responsible for what is wrong in your as well as his life, not you.
You have had these nagging feelings for quite sometime that what you are being made to believe is probably not true. It's the opposite that is true. However, you just suppress your gut instinct and keep listening to your abuser.
Do you feel you are good for nothing? Have you stopped being happy while your partner looks quite pleased with himself? Have you lost yourself in taking care of the family and yet you are made to feel like an inferior person?
Well, it is time to do some serious thinking here and end this marriage.
Special advice for men in a psychologically abusive relationship
While we always talk about abuse in terms of women, the fact is that there are an increasing number of men all around the world who are being subjected to emotional abuse. The wives or the women in their lives are manipulative. They try to use each and every fear and doubt of the man to their own advantage.
They have them convinced that they are no good as men and no woman will take them. In fact, these men are made to feel that their wives are doing them a favor by being with them. Men, if you are in a relationship like this, think. Walk out. It is not good for you.
An untrustworthy partner
Trust is very important in a relationship. You need to ask yourself whether you can trust your partner. Is your partner faithful to you? While you may be able to forgive a one-night stand, are you sure that he or she is not going to repeat the same mistake?
If being unfaithful, apologizing, and repeating the same thing is the usual pattern with your spouse or partner, it is time to ask some serious questions.
Fidelity is just one aspect of trust in a relationship. Do you think you can trust your partner with your money or your secrets or the confidential aspects of your business? Do you think your partner may be using your trust to siphon out money from your bank account or throwing you out of business? If yes, then it is time to have a good talk and may be end this relationship.
You keep giving and giving and giving
Stopping your own life and forgetting about your personal dreams and aspirations are often part of a relationship. This is especially true for women who just dedicate their lives to the betterment of their husbands and children. However, while you are constantly giving everything to your relationship, you are not getting much out of it.
If your partner is caring and appreciative enough about your contribution to the family, it is all worth it. If not, you will begin to lose your self-esteem. You keep giving more in the hope that you will be appreciated. However, nothing seems to work. No respect. No appreciation. You are taken for granted.
If this is true and this fact is troubling you, it may be a good idea to first talk it out with your partner about how you feel. If your feelings and thoughts are dismissed right away, you are definitely being taken for granted. It is time to think about taking certain positive steps and start giving something to yourself for a change.
Is this relationship over?
If you are seriously thinking about ending a relationship, it is highly likely that it is time to do something different than normal. You give it your last and best shot. If it doesn't work out, it is time to call it quits. The above-mentioned facts are the strongest reasons of why you should end your relationship. However, as mentioned before, the decision should be yours. The rest of us are only here to guide you in making the right decision.
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