Suicide is not Painless

There are many people out there who do not like to talk about depression and suicide because it is a very difficult subject to think about and most people do not think about it until something happens. Either a friend or a family member tries to commit suicide or attempts it and maybe even succeeds. At any rate it forces one to think about suicide and people wonder what could have brought someone so low in their life that they didn’t want to live anymore. Well I am sure there are lots of reasons. Loneliness, depression, whatever the reason it has to be the saddest thing that anyone can do to themselves and to those around them.

Suicide doesn’t just affect the person that is killing themselves, it actually affects more people than the suicidal person realizes. They do not realize that their family, friends and even people they work with really care if they live or die. People that kill themselves do not think that there is anything left for them or they feel like they are failures in their life. Some think that they cannot live without someone in their life, such as a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or best friend . They also don’t realize that others are not responsible for their happiness and only they can do that for themselves.

In most cases such as in mine. People are manic depressive, I think they call it bi-polar now but whatever they call it, what it is, is a chemical imbalance in your brain that does not balance out your emotions and hormones. So if you are not on medications, you have your up days and your down days and that is the reason that they act the way they do. They are not crazy people they just need a little help now and then.

I tried to commit suicide a couple times in my life for two different reasons.

The first time was very stupid. I was a teenager and of course had just come to realize my emotions during these years were more overwhelming than the average teen. Everything was all or nothing for me. My boyfriend broke up with me and it set me off on a depression so low that I couldn’t find a way out. I felt like I was in a black hole and could not get out. My family didn’t understand me, so it was difficult to even try to talk to anyone. I took about 30 sleeping pills and my sister found me and they took me to the hospital It was a humiliating thing, my nurse was the mother of the boy that broke up with me and she knew me well and looked at me like, “this better not have anything to do with my son”, she was not supportive at all, to say the least. I survived that day, but I didn’t realize that my manic depressive tendencies were constantly going to get in the way of my mental state in my immediate future.

If you have read my other hub about battered woman Advice for the Battered Woman, then you will know that this was another stage in my life that was very difficult to get through as well. I tried to commit suicide because of the abuse by my husband and over a stupid financial mess, I wasn’t thinking of my children or anybody but myself, of getting myself out of a situation that I didn’t know how to get out of.

I remember being at the hospital and a couple of attendants saying that they were going to pump my stomach, (this time I took about 30 xanax’s and 20 painkillers) and that after they got through with me I would never want to do that again. Well they were right, not because of the process that was the most horrid thing I ever experienced but because after hitting rock bottom like that, I got myself up and out. I survived those days. When I look back on it I wonder how I survived those days but now I see things much more clear. I love to be alive, although I still find life to be hard at times. Life is not easy for anyone and we all make the best of what we have and try to live life to its fullest. At least that is what I try to do now. And I also have very supportive children and siblings that understand more of what I went through.

The important thing is if anyone knows someone that shows signs of depression, then don’t be afraid to go up to them and start up a conversation, ask them if they need someone to talk to. Invite them out for coffee or a movie or something. Get them to talking, once someone gets to trusting someone they will open up believe me, depressed people really need others to talk to. If you have a number to a hotline then by all means give it to them and let them know that they are not alone.

It amazes me that when someone commits suicide people that they know say, I had no idea that he or she was planning this, for the most part I think people ignore signs from family and friends because some do not want to be bothered with it or do not want to get involved but they don’t realize that just a small helping hand can mean the world to the depressed person and could really make a difference. I do not live in a vacuum and nobody does, so we shouldn’t act like we do. Take a look around you, be aware of how your family and friends act and try to be there for them even if you offer them the smallest of gestures.

I didn’t know until later in life that my mother tried to commit suicide when she was pregnant with a sibling. Half of her family that I never got to know committed suicide and my father suffered from manic depression as well. Is it a wonder that I am the way I am? I thought that I was strange and weird and crazy for the longest time and people treated me as such. But it did make me wiser, I see the signs from others and I try to make a difference when I see someone who needs my help. I plead for you to do the same.