ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Health»
  • Mental Health»
  • Anxiety Disorders

The Anxiety Filled Mama

Updated on February 2, 2016
Source

I am normally a very happy, go with the flow, positive person… I usually can see the good in a situation and try to make the best of it. I can be faced with a problem and then figure out a solution to fix it.

But I have a secret.. and I don’t think its talked enough about, especially among new moms.

Its called Anxiety. It can be under other names like Post Partum Depression, PTSD, Hormones etc. But really is just anxious feelings. It gets your mind racing and you can’t turn it off. It creates symptoms in your body that seem so real, yet it literally is all in your mind..

and on those days when it hits, I literally can not “Adult”. I can’t fix problems. I can’t be happy.

Those are the days where life is so heavy that my initial response is to make myself a big bowl of cookie dough, sit on the couch in my underwear and play “Gilmore girls” re-runs.

I wasn’t always this way. I have been through a lot in my short 26 years. Mainly dealing with death to those close to me. Seeing someone die in front of you changes you. Seeing multiple people die in front of you REALLY changes you.

I have what they call “Health Anxiety”. And it did not become excessive until I had my first child. God gave us a natural instinct to protect our babies. We only want to keep them safe. We don’t want anything bad to happen to them. This is a normal response. But there are those who become so obsessive about it that it causes in-volunteered symptoms in your body.

And its exhausting.

And debilitating.

And its why 59% of new mothers end up on anti-depressants because they can no longer be strong.

Anxiety, Depression, PTSD & PPD leaves moms feeling like they are completely failing. “Why am I feeling this way when I should be happy? I just had a baby. I have a beautiful family. I am so blessed. Yet, I feel so alone and scared”

Many moms are afraid to reach out to others because they are embarrassed of what will be said. People who have never dealt with depression or anxiety often can’t understand. They are unsupportive and end up saying things like “Snap out of it, let it go” or “Why are you feeling this way? You are healthy, you shouldn’t be feeling this way, You’re fine”.

This is possibly the worst thing to hear as someone who is going through Anxiety/ Depression.

I can’t tell you how many times I have cried myself to sleep and crying out to God,

“Why am I feeling like this? I just want to feel normal again! Will I EVER feel normal again?” and “I don’t want to feel this way, I know my kids are healthy and I am healthy but I can’t turn this off!”.

There are days that I feel completely normal and like myself again. I keep myself busy as to not dwell on things I can not control. I pray a lot. I ask God to strengthen my faith in him so that I can rely on him and not myself. But there are other days where I just want to throw in the towel. And you know what, thats ok. You can have those days. As long as you get back up and keep fighting.

I urge you mamas. If you are someone who is dealing with anxiety, depression, PPD or PTSD. Reach out to other moms. A support system and knowing that you are NOT alone, will help you to recover and get back on track to feeling like yourself again. It doesnt mean you won’t have hopeless, lonely days. But you know that you can come up along side someone else who is going through the same thing and be comforted.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • StretchMarkedLove profile image
      Author

      StretchMarkedLove 2 years ago

      I completely agree denise, Its usually the smallest things that make us break for being strong for so long. Thank you for sharing!

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 2 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      Being a new mother is a demanding role, especially when you feel alone and anxious! You are so right in that we need the help of others, especially when we feel this way! I remember as a young mother, a day when I was not feeling well and one of my children emptied a box of cereal on the floor. I just fell apart and cried for hours! I called a neighbor to come over, and she really thought that I had over reacted! She didn't realize the awful feelings that had welled up inside of me! Now that it is years later, I try to not judge others, as I know what I went through.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)