Personal Thoughts on Bipolar Disorder (Plus: Ideas for the Bipolar Soul)
I wish people could understand that bipolar disorder can not always be understood. I do not always have control over some of these racing thoughts and ideas that I wish I had. (But I'm trying to get there and that is what is truly important.)
Sometimes, I have very high energy and desire to tell people some type of grand plans I have...but the same thing happens over and over. People shoot my ideas down. People offer me advice and people get all upset over the things I say. Believe me, I am not crazy! (Or maybe I am...HA HA!)
Yes, I know I should watch what I share...but it always leaks out sometime. Somewhere.
This makes it extremely difficult to go to people I know personally. That is why I like to see a therapist because I have literally thought of all the people I know and not a single one of them I want to talk to for the simple fact that I don't want a response from them on personal topics. I just need someone to share my manic ideas with and maybe add in, "That's totally awesome." or "Damn, that's sucks." What's great about therapy; however, is that the therapist can actually help you organize your ideas and put your goals into reasonable action.
I have very BIG dreams and aspirations. I am a composer and songwriter and wish to pursue that on the professional level more and more every day. But I have other stuff...other plans I don't share with very many people...except for those people who will fuel my confidence. You see, I will do just about anything to have a realization of my dreams...it's almost an obsession. But I am learning to balance. Some of the ideas I have die off really quickly. I honestly just want someone to support my ideas when I have them because you have no idea how convinced I am that those thoughts are brilliant, revolutionary, or even genius. (Especially during a manic!)
But then I crash...and BAM! I loose all interest in everything. Some if not all of those brilliant ideas look really stupid the next day. That is why I have multiple notebooks, multiple blogs, and multiple names all over the place. Everything is being constantly updated or deleted. Published, unpublished, and republished again.
I have a method to my madness and it works for me but SOMETIMES...
I drop out of school.
I quit writing music for a year and think I may never be able to write another note again.
I delete my Facebook.
I go on "special missions".
I have a hard time holding down a 9-5 job.
Medication works to a certain extent. I take lithium and it does performs wonders. I do still struggle though, especially with sleep. I try to take things a day at a time and realize the managing bipolar disorder is a process.
My Bipolar Parallel to the Queen of Pop!
Ideas for the Bipolar Soul:
- Get Plenty of Sleep
- Take Your Medications On Time Everyday
- Don't Stop Taking Your Medications (Even if you feel better...)
- Exercise / Do Yoga
- Listen to Your Favorite Music
- Go To All Your Appointments
- Consider Joining a Support Group (NAMI has local groups)
- Consider Getting a Talk Therapist
- Study Your Illness, Stay Informed
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Comments
What an awesome music choice. I like the way it ends on a down note. The ultimate demise of a hypomanic - manic phase is always the fall, though landing at normal, it is still a fall - depression, since from a height one begins. No esoteric connotations what so ever.
I have not an answer to what you have articulated so very well. I say this emphatically, since the me of self is in such a mood too. Yet the I of self seeks to share. One answer to the dilemma of BP for 'self' is just that, I learned of symbolic interactionism and discovered for 'self' a method of interpreting the world or those I encounter, even though it is not a matter of interpretation. Maybe this can placed on your back burner.
To not tell is horror with a personality all its own. And, you are beginning or well on your way. Writing is expressing, the audience is where the question lay, then the circle of circular reasoning f**** with the BP mind.
It is not understanding that will ever be discovered, I feel (which are my feelings), but it is acknowledgement. To be recognized. Even though identity may be of BP, at least it is, yet it is only this much, see you can not even see it. We use only 10% of our known, by today's science at least, potential of mind.
And, with that I must leave, since now for 'me' I have thoughts zigging and zagging, distorted maybe, or plainly written, to be acknowledged. And, this dilemma is not owned by those of BP, it is universal. Everyone has that desire - to be recognized.
- Author
Those are some really awesome thoughts tsmog. I find that sometimes I use too many portions of my brain at one time and that a brain should do different stages of work. Like sometimes it should rest and other times it might need to do a lot of work.
Cool! That's a clever way of loinkog at it!