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Weep Not For Me When I Die: A Moment With Bill Reflection

Updated on September 12, 2013

Ashes to Ashes

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Mark Twain

I died yesterday.

Weep not for me.

In truth, a part of me dies daily. Obviously, you say, for the human body loses cells on a constant basis, but I’m talking about a more philosophical demise.

Anyone who has hung around one of the major religions understands the concept of re-birth. The old self is cast aside, replaced by a new self, and it is in our power to do this daily.

I am who I am today because I laid to rest my old self. I tossed out the ego, tossed out the selfishness and tossed out the anger, and in their place I made room for humility, serenity and compassion.

But what of the final passing? What of that last breath and the last glimpse of all that life holds? What of the lost dreams and the unfulfilled promises when I leave this planet? Should I fear that moment when the colors fade and the unlimited possibilities suddenly find an unforgiving limit?

Nonsense!

Are you a chicken?
Are you a chicken? | Source
Or are you ready to soar with the eagles?
Or are you ready to soar with the eagles? | Source

I Have Lived Fully Indeed

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life.” Think about it.

I am willing to gamble all of my possessions right now that a majority of those reading this article are controlled by fear in some aspect of their life.

We live in a fear-based society.

Fact!

Raise your hand right now if you have failed to do something during your lifetime because you were afraid of failing. If you are being honest then your hand is held high, as is mine. As much as I have battled fear I am still susceptible to it, as are we all.

In truth, one of the primary contributing factors of my alcoholism was fear. I was afraid of letting you know the real me. I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of imaginary situations and scenarios. I was afraid of being harmed and I was afraid of harming. I was afraid of….life.

We never really escape fear, or so I believe. Man is an insecure creature; always has been and always will be. We are one of seven billion on a planet floating among billions. We are but a pimple on the butt of the universe, and we are as insignificant as insignificant can be.

Our lives can end today in some random act of violence, or snuffed out by some random accident.

Our financial stability is tenuous at best, unless our name is Gates, and heaven help the man or woman who thinks they are immune to the vagaries of the economy.

Our emotional foundation has had cracks in it since Day One, and many are just waiting for the big psychic earthquake to occur so they can roll up in the fetal position and suck their thumb in supplication.

Can you see the truth clearly now?

The Anatomy of Fear

No matter the source, fear is every bit as crippling as MS or MD or any other medical abnormality. We fear what others will think of us. We fear failing and we fear falling short of expectations. We fear pain and we fear loss and lest we forget, we fear the great unknown.

And the fears build and the weight crushes us, and free-form movement is at first slowed and then greatly hindered until we reach the state of paralysis, and no forward movement or growth is possible.

Is that any way to live?

Look to the sky and watch the eagle soar high. Now look to ground level and watch the chicken attempt flight. One flies unencumbered, hundreds of feet above ground, constantly shifting between air thermals to stay aloft, while the other flaps frantically in an attempt to reach lofty heights measured in inches.

Are you an eagle or are you a chicken?

The choice is yours!

A Moment With Bill Video Reflection

My own personal philosopher...my father
My own personal philosopher...my father | Source

And the Choice Was Mine As Well

Seven years ago I made a sacred pact with myself. The past was gone. There was nothing I could do about the wouldas, shouldas and couldas. Instead I focused on the present. I promised myself on November 16, 2006 to start living life and not hiding from it. I promised myself that I would face my fears and go to sleep at night without the suffocating burden of regret.

Am I free of fear? Absolutely not! What has changed, however, is that I became willing to overcome fear. I have not reached the point where I laugh in the face of fear, but I definitely do not run from it.

When I was about ten there was a bully who would wait for me daily as I walked home from school. Making my life miserable had become a daily routine for him and he excelled at it. On numerous occasions I would get the stuffing kicked out of me, and eventually I began walking quite a distance out of my way so I wouldn’t have to face him. Understandable you say? I thought so too until the day my dad came home early from work and found me walking an alternate route home from school.

He asked me why I was so far from the path home and I broke down and told him. With tears streaming down my face I told my dad that I was afraid of this kid and tired of getting the crap beat out of me, and that I had decided it was easier to just avoid the confrontations.

Dad listened, and nodded his head, and even smiled. Then, as was his habit, he said something that has stayed with me a lifetime. “Bill,” he said, “you might be able to outrun the bully, but you will never be able to outrun the memory of running.”

And he was right, damn it!

So, are you a chicken or an eagle?

See results

So No, I Am Not Afraid to Die

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Franklin hit the nail on the head there, didn’t he?

It’s been a good life. Two months from now, good Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I’ll turn sixty-five, and that in itself is a miracle. Hopefully I’ve got a few more years ahead of me to enjoy this gift of life, and I plan on doing exactly that, minus the anchor of fear that weighed me down for so many years.

Bring on the challenges. Bring on the new experiences. Bring it all on, because this man is done walking in detours to avoid the difficulties. I’m done running to avoid the bullies. I’m done short-changing myself and cheating myself and I’m done futilely flapping my wings trying to clear inches when I could be riding those thermals to greater heights.

How about you? Chicken or eagle? Living death or rebirth?

The choice is yours!

2013 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”

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    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Including me, Glimmer! We are, basically, fragile creatures we humans. It's amazing some days we even get out of bed....but we do....and therein lies our most amazing trait....our courage to overcome fear. :) Thank you for your honesty my friend.

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 3 years ago

      I think anyone who reads this has to honestly raise their hand. I know I have skipped out on things due to a fear, and I regret it. Life is too short to live scared. We should all remember this more often.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Joe, that is as kind a thing as you can say to me, that you look forward to the next one. Thank you my friend; you are always so generous in your praise.

      Aloha

      bill

    • hawaiianodysseus profile image

      Hawaiian Odysseus 3 years ago from Southeast Washington state

      I enjoyed this personal reflection very much, Bill. The beginning was compelling, and I like how your chicken/eagle analogy transitions smoothly into your brand tagline at the end. Brilliant, Bill!

      Thank you for yet another inspirational piece. I emote in various ways when I read your work, and the common theme is that I always look forward to the next one.

      Aloha, my friend!

      ~Joe

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Diana, your last sentence says it all....live life and deal with it. :) Thank you for that wisdom.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 3 years ago

      Your video on regret captures the best of the topic for me. We can't let regret become a cancer that eats at our soul. And yes, a person without regrets has not lived their life.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Barbara, if my words do that for you then I am one very happy writer.

      blessings and thanks coming your way

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dahlia, fear is crippling, and you are much too young to be crippled by it. Like the flower you are named after, open wide and embrace life and all it has to offer.

      blessings and hugs coming your way

      bill

    • Barbara Kay profile image

      Barbara Badder 3 years ago from USA

      Thanks for your thought provoking hub. Maybe I'll try a few things I feared in the past. You may have given me a fuller life.

    • livingsta profile image

      livingsta 3 years ago from United Kingdom

      A good hub to start my week with positive thoughts minus the fear. I have been and still sometimes I am in situations like this, not doing the things I wish to do because of fear. This hub is motivating. I have also started to fight back fear recently, and I am not giving up. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

      Have a good day Bill :-)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Toknowinfo....wow! I don't even know what to say to all of that other than thank you so very much. I am blown away by your words.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      drbj, it takes one to know one. :) Thank you and I hope you had an outstanding weekend.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 3 years ago from south Florida

      Your dad was a very wise man, Bill, and it's evident that the apple did not fall far from that tree. This is an excellent inspirational article, my eagle friend. :)

    • toknowinfo profile image

      toknowinfo 3 years ago

      Happiness comes from our progressive realization towards a worthwhile aim. Through this, I believe we grow, flourish, and become reborn. When we conquer our fears, we create an intrinsic happiness for ourselves. Our fears hold us back, make us miserable, and seem worse than they really are. People like you, who live an inspired life, will never die. You give others the courage to conquer, to take on challenges, and endure change for the better. Your story tells of a man who is reborn. Your wisdom is your legacy. You are an eagle who will ascend to great heights. Happy early birthday Bill. Thanks for another great article.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jo, I love those quotes. I hope I have a long life for sure; I have no doubt it will be happy. Thank you so much my friend. Have a great weekend.

      blessings always

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Deb, I like that...well said my friend.

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 3 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Bill, you are nothing if not impressive. A couple of quotes I like:

      Every man dies. Not every man really lives

      Braveheart.

      The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone. harriet Beecher Stowe, ( Little Foxes).

      You have certainly lived.

      I wish you a long and happy life my friend,with all the success you so richly deserve. Have a wonderful weekend. :)

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 3 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Every day that we accomplish a goal, is another day that a fear is vanquished.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michael, you do not need my help in delivering your message. Your words are eloquent and beautiful. You have lived life, experienced much and learned a great deal. Toss in some love and compassion and you have lived life as it should be lived. Just one reason why I consider you a kindred spirit of mine and a friend.

      Thank you for your wise words. I hope your weekend is filled with blessings.

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Maria, I'm just giving back to the people who have given freely to me. Pass it forward my friend, and have a wonderful weekend soaring high.

      blessings always

      bill

    • Lastheart profile image

      Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill 3 years ago from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord

      billybuc wonderful like always. I love these words and I needed a shake on my shoulders like this. Yes Sir, ours is the choice. I am no chicken. I am free as any bird that flies, even though I feel these days that my wings have been crushed. You are such a nice person, always sending energy through our tabs. Giving us that push to help us fly.

      Hugs and blessings!

    • Michael-Milec profile image

      Michael-Milec 3 years ago

      Gods evening and Happy birthday Bill ahead of time. Start celebrating and you'll notice how ordinary. [ My experience: when I was young- young a 65 years of age were OLD people . Now -- it's nothing ,everybody has it. ] You will be here my friend , re- fired , past this milestone life is gaining on purpose and reason, you're teaching on conviction. More miracles ahead of you just exted your hope for many few more to see fruit of your labor many more of us flying eagles.

      Oops, back to your seriously reflectional essay.

      No one was weeping when I died. It was a brief moment head on down fom the roof , moving away looking back on my body... The sweetest beyond my vocabulary ( of any language I know ) experience . Peaceful, glorious , most favorable surrounding ; than I came back and didn't want to talk about at all until some two years later. There was an unexplainable moment on that journey and I couldn't handle it . Some other went through very same experience , when I heard their testimony , wasn't anything special. Now my contribution to the subject of dying is that dying is the most pleasant happening at the end of visiting this earthly realm. I'm " afraid " to say that my living is withou fear per se. There ought to be better way to say this, please help me.

      Never heard of Mark Twain's quote before, though something similar I've heard in my spirit, using it occasionally " if you know how to live , you are ready to die."( primitive still a message ).

      My motto is to be busy, long term plans . I've seen many happy endings where unfinished work fell out of the hands when the spirit left the body...

      Voting up, awesome and interesting.

      Have a very blessed weekend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Awww, thanks vkwok! Nicest thing you could have said to me.

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 3 years ago from Hawaii

      Your writing is very inspirational.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      You too, PS! :)

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 3 years ago from sunny Florida

      ty, sweet friend. Have a lovely lovely weekend....

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      PS, I'm sending a whole battalion of angels your way. Blessings and love coming with them my dear, and I'll say a few prayers for an added bonus.

      bill

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 3 years ago from sunny Florida

      Learned how to live...yep, have done this. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Bill.

      Seeing loved ones walking in the shadow of death I have learned to not fear tomorrow.today is my focus. Love to you and Deb and many Angels...my family is in need of more of them right now if you have some to spare :) ps

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      You got it, Anna! :)

    • Anna Haven profile image

      Anna Haven 3 years ago from Scotland

      Absolutely.

      We are just a small part of the whole and here to learn and grow :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      DDE, I will indeed keep writing. Thank you for your kind words and I hope you enjoy your weekend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Eddy, you said it all perfectly. Regrets are a waste of time for me. I have much too much to do with the rest of my life to be weighted down by regrets or held back by fear.

      Thank you for the inclusion and sharing and for your friendship.

      love,

      billy

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Graham, you are a man I respect. You have earned that respect over your lifetime and I thank you for being the man you are. Have a wonderful weekend my friend.

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Anna, if nothing else we are complex....but yes, we are so much more. That's what makes us interesting, right? :) Have a great weekend and thank you!

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      It's always a pleasure, Alicia. Thank you!

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Keep on writing and sharing your great hubs you have extraordinary well in entertaining us and teach us more and more daily from your wonderful thoughts to your great adventures. Good luck and enjoy!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      Oh Yes Billy of course I fear and of course I have done many things which have led me onto the rocky path. However with this fear comes a determination; to conquer this fear; to stand tall and hold my head up high. Yes of course my life has been bleak; has been full of fear and also sadness .

      Do I have great regrets today??

      No because I know that its the past years which have mad me into the person I am today!!

      A person who stands tall ;a person who lives her life honestly and a person who looks ahead to her tomorrow with eyes wide open; an eager heart and a strong spirit.

      Thank you again Billy and this gem goes onto http://www.facebook.com/ABrandNewDawn?fref=ts

      Have a wonderful and lots of love from Wales.

      Eddy.

    • old albion profile image

      Graham Lee 3 years ago from Lancashire. England.

      Hi Bill. I cannot keep on repeating my admiration for your wonderful insight on life. We never know what is round the corner. I have a similar medical condition to those you mention, A soaring Eagle yes, a Chicken never. Keep leading from the front Bill, real inspirational insight and leadership is so rare.

      Voted up and all.

      Graham.

    • Anna Haven profile image

      Anna Haven 3 years ago from Scotland

      Oh I really liked this one. Really engaging and I loved how you brought in your personal reflections.

      I have no fear of death at all. All my fears are for living, and although I am aware of the futility of them, I haven't quite shook them yet. We are such complex creatures!

      Insightful, thought provoking and damn good.

      Anna :)

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is a very interesting hub, right from the Mark Twain quote to the end! Thanks for sharing some more of your thoughts, Bill.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Suhail, that is a great plan and a great undertaking. I wish you well on that journey. Maybe there will be a book about your adventure.

      Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Faith, I simply see no reason to fear death....and I have so much I want to do before that day gets here....so let's rejoice my friend and make the most of our time left.

      blessings always

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Liz, I'm glad too; it's been a great seven years and thank you, I'm very happy to know you as well.

      bill

    • Suhail and my dog profile image

      Suhail Zubaid aka Clark Kent 3 years ago from Mississauga, ON

      I have only one fear as I am getting older - I may not be able to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail LOL.

      But I am training for it. So I may be an eagle, but I believe I am a conscientiously incompetent eagle.

      Another great one from you Bill. I really liked it, especially sharing your personal reflection.

      Vote up!

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Dear Bill, I am so glad you are not fearful about death! I am not afraid in the least bit, as I have faced death a time or two already. I truly have such great peace about it, at least for me, but it is a different story when I think of my precious little loved ones.

      I believe you will be around for a bit longer, for I know God is not finished with you yet, and still has plenty of big plans in store for you!

      Hugs and blessings, Faith Reaper

    • epbooks profile image

      Elizabeth Parker 3 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      What a powerful, candid and beautiful message here. I love this part: "We fear pain and we fear loss," because out of all of the fear in the world, I think those are probably the biggest for me. I'm glad you made the decision 7 years ago, Bill. So glad to have gotten to know you. Voted this up and shared.

      Liz

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Love that quote, Michele. Thank you!

    • Michele Travis profile image

      Michele Travis 3 years ago from U.S.A. Ohio

      Another good hub. And another quote.

      "A scar may show you where you have been, but it does not dictate where you are going"

      Voted up:)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Carol, I have always loved that line that youth is wasted on the young. So very true. Full speed ahead my friend. We have paid our dues and now it's time to reap the rewards.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Angela, I don't know you but I am proud of you, and I think you will understand that. Congratulations my friend. Every single day is a miracle and we can keep having miracles the rest of our lives if we want to. If you ever need a friend to listen when the walls start closing in, drop me a line.....and thank you for your very kind words.

    • Aplethora23 profile image

      AngPow 3 years ago from North Cali

      billybuc awesome as always. I like hearing the positive messages and the energy in your voice. You look so chill sitting there in your comfy chair! Thank you for sharing and bearing your soul. I just celebrated one year on Aug 25. My very first legitimate year in recovery. Not even a pain pill from a dentist when my teeth were pulled. An honest year. When I finally decided to try to move forward without shame and regret for one year, it changed my world. When I would habitually feel regretful or shameful, I would work hard to remind myself that 'If I want to take my regret back after a year, I can have it all refunded to me then' and I doubt I would have been successful in recovery had I not quit allowing shame into my personal space. Very true, there is absolutely no sense in regret. Nothing comes of it but pain, paralyzing guilt and eventually repeating the past. You are an inspiration to many, and rightfully so. Voted Up, Awesome and Eagle. :) Angela

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 3 years ago from Arizona

      The fear thing is very real and Iwould love to say I have none..But they do increase as you get older...Youth is truly wasted on the young. However thoughI have fears I am almost never afraid of taking chances.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL...Kathryn, you aren't chicken...you are prudent. :) DJ is a classic, isn't she? I love her.

      Thank you my friend. Olympia is calling you to move west. :)

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image

      Kathryn 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      Voted up and across. I didn't vote, because I'm not sure which I am. Probably the chicken, because I am afraid of taking chances.

      Haha, sometimes the comments really add to this (I read DJ's).

      Thanks for sharing this piece with us, Bill.

      Cluck, cluck!

      ~ Kathryn

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Ruby! You are early today; I usually don't see you until evening. Well, whenever I see you it is a treat.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Bev just walked by, DJ, and wanted to know why I was laughing so loud all by myself. I let her read your comment and now she's laughing like a hyena.

      You got me, DJ....scared shitless is right! LOL

    • profile image

      DJ Anderson 3 years ago

      A super hub, as always, Bill.

      You always put the correct foot forward. Have you taken dance lessons?

      Oh, Bev, --- over here. Bill said he would take dance lessons with you.

      Yeah, whose heart is beating out of their chest, now?

      Chicken!! Cluck, Cluck!!

      Man up. There are still things that scare you men sh*tless --no it is not

      war or some disease, it is dance lessons!

      Rhumba, like you mean it!! LOL

      DJ.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I enjoyed this Bill..Thank's for lifting my spirit today. Fear is a downer for sure, been there, done that...Cheers.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you my dear. You have a good night too and hell ya it felt good! LOL

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 3 years ago from Minnesota

      That's exactly what I tell people Bill~that after the cancer experience and looking at death right in the face, things don't scare me the way they use to. It was a hell of a teacher for me. Many good things came from it.

      Just so you know, I found myself doing the fist thing and letting out a 'hell ya' when I read what you did to the bully. I needed to hear that-I feel better and bet it made you feel better. LOL Have a great night Billy-your the bomb my friend :-)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Well God, Bill, I hope you do too. LOL I'd hate to think that this is my last story. I've still got a bunch left in me.

      Thank you my friend. Just think, the stories your dad told you and the lessons he taught you will be with you for a lifetime, a living legacy of a good man.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Wow Minnetonka.....I don't even know what to say.

      I got older, grew seven inches, and two years later kicked the crap out of the bully. LOL And I didn't feel bad about it at all.

      Thank you so much, and I celebrate with you your conquering of those fears. There is such joy in the freedom fear. Beat death like you and I have and it becomes very apparent that there is very little else that can frighten us. :)

      love to you my friend

      bill

    • bdegiulio profile image

      Bill De Giulio 3 years ago from Massachusetts

      This was just what I needed this week Bill. You really do have a way of getting through to us. My father taught me many lessons as well that will stay with me until my times comes. Amazing how they always know exactly what to say at the right moment. I hope we get to read your words of wisdom for many years to come.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 3 years ago from Minnesota

      Man do I have respect for you Billy. You have such a gift at speaking the hard truth's, and in such a respectful and non-threatening way. This hub really spoke to me as I've been running fast from the bullies and fears since I was a kid. My miracle came in the form of a cancer diagnosis in '04'. I know it sounds strange, but that is when I started truly living and not dodging the fears. I chose better friends, started trying new things that use to scare the heck out of me, and most importantly, I gave myself permission to really love and accept myself. No more pretending to be something I'm not. Excellent article my friend~P.S.-I hope that bully from your school days is reading this hub and learning something. LOL I hit all buttons except funny, voted up, shared on twitter and Hubpages. I just love you Bill~thanks for being such a great anchor for all of us at Hubpages. Your really special!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jackie, it would have helped if I had been a bigger kid, but I was a runt and man I got the snot kicked out of me....but I kept getting up.

      Thanks for your thoughts and I'm very happy you were able to get close to your dad.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      I guess because I grew up with five brothers I just can't imagine taking anything from a bully, did go through fearing death for a little while. I would have loved having a dad back then to talk to many times so you were lucky there, but I did get close to my dad before he left this world and am so thankful for that. ^

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      BNadyn, good for you. Wring every second of life out of this gift that you can. Thanks for your thoughts.

    • BNadyn profile image

      Bernadyn 3 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida

      I'll be celebrating another birthday, too, in about a month so this came at a perfect time. Fear is crippling and life really is too short to let fear get the best of us. I plan on taking the plunge a lot more now to live a full life.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      And you do it well, Crafty. Imagine all the other talents you have that fear is blocking. :)

      Thank you my new friend. I enjoy your writing and getting to know you.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      I felt like you were speaking directly to my face throughout most of this. Fear. It's crippling grip is always waiting around the corner. I find the one thing I'm not afraid to do is write.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL...thanks Dabble. A unique perspective for sure.

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      DabbleYou 3 years ago

      Well, I used to be an eagle but now, I'm more of a chicken. lol. The aftermath of bravery? Well, they're not always nice, you just might regret it more.

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Yes, Dora, it is difficult to live with ourselves if we do not stand up and face our fears....so much easier to just get it over with and deal with the aftermath. :) Thank you as always, Dora!

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Hey Sheri, long time no see. How are you? I'll take "lovely" any old time. Thank you!

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Suzette, I was close for sure, and once you have been that close something does happen to you...the fear seems to leave, and a greater appreciation for life is with you...at least it is so with me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this my friend.

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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Inspirational! Your Dad's statement about not outrunning the memory will stick with me. Thank you for sharing.

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      Sheri Dusseault 3 years ago from Chemainus. BC, Canada

      Just lovely...nuff said!

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      Suzette Walker 3 years ago from Taos, NM

      I don't fear death, I just fear life! LOL. Seriously, I have had a near death experience and it was the most peaceful, warm feeling I have ever had. The body is drained of all anxiety and doubt - it is a beautiful serene feeling. Life, on the other hand, is a roller coaster ride. And, I'm a bit afraid of heights. This is a thoughtful and thought provoking article and I enjoyed reading it.

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Eric, how boring would that be if we always got it right? LOL Life is one hell of a thrill ride if you ask me. Thanks my friend and I love the reference to H.O.W.

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mark, I love that quote and how true. I love the freedom associated with loving myself. :) Thanks my friend.

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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I do not always get it right. But since a couple of near death experiences I found myself not just taking on my problems but helping others with theirs and that is the greatest freedom of all. HOW buddy

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      Mark G Weller 3 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      Excellent thoughts Bill, Fear paralyses us, and prevents us from growing. I read another piece recently that said something like this: "Man struggles in fear of the future only to get there regretting his past."

      Mark

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, you are an eagle without a doubt. You are positive and loving and compassionate. You are already soaring my friend.

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Stephanie, I really appreciate your kind words. I think we all have some darker days that we need to keep in perspective....I know I do....and perspective really is the key. Things can always be worse and they most certainly always get better....just need to find that balance that allows us to function.

      Have a great weekend at the baseball tournament.

      bill

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      Mary Craig 3 years ago from New York

      I like to think I am an eagle. I saw them in Alaska truly soaring and was just totally taken by their beauty and freedom. So, yes an eagle, but I must admit their are days it pays to stay in the nest so I would have to say a cautious eagle.

      You so bring out the best in us Bill by sharing your life. Well done my friend.

      Voted up, useful, interesting, and shared.

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      Stephanie Hicks 3 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      I always love your hubs, Bill, and this one is particularly inspiring. I will truly be reflecting on how my life is affected by fear. I have come a long way from some of my own darker days, but I can definitely feel when the fear starts taking hold, and with it, sadness and anxiety - even depression.

      Your personal stories are wonderful. I love what your father said to you about the memory of running away from the bully. Excellent.

      Enjoy the rest of your week and upcoming weekend! Best, Steph

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, our earlier lives were necessary for us to truly appreciate everything in life now. Love to you dear lady and have a great day.

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Vicki, it will be more writing over the next two years. I need my writing career to be successful and making good money in the next two years. After that Bev and I want to move to a small farm and open up a writing school and a day care center. :) Thanks for asking my friend and I will check out your new site.

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      Vickiw 3 years ago

      Just wondering what you are planning to do in the next year or two, friend Bill? I mean, exactly how will you enjoy things more, or exactly what would you like to do? Important decisions to make!

      I had to engage in a similar exercise as I completely revamped my new site after one month. It was a question of revisiting my original goals and objectives when I started on HP, and I realised I had become sidetracked.

      http://www.griefcanheal.com/

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      Shauna L Bowling 3 years ago from Central Florida

      I choose re-birth, Bill. Some of the choices I made earlier in my life were not good choices. But as I grow (and age!) I see. I see the blue sky. I see the stars. I see my dreams. I'll be damned if I die without trying to reach the sky, the stars and my dreams!

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, my life has become so rich and wonderful. Thank God I lived long enough for it to happen. :) Thank you my dear friend and have a wonderful Thursday.

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Vicki! Just a little something to consider as you tackle your day. I hope you are well my friend.

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      Janine Huldie 3 years ago from New York, New York

      Love when you reflect on your life Bill and share some of your own memories with us. I honestly would like to live a long full life myself. Yes, I have had a great one so far, but would like much more if possible, too. Thanks though for sharing and hope you have a great day today!

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      Victoria Lynn 3 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      Nice one. I enjoyed the personal reflection--and the comment about being a pimple on the butt of earth. LOL. Nice read this morning.