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How To Heal Childhood Traumas In Adult Age

Updated on October 11, 2010

Have you ever felt that you think the same thoughts your parents used to think, use expressions your mother or father used, pass through the similar challenges your parents did?

Do you feel that your parents did not love you enough, or love you "too much" and just cannot stop to control you ?

Do you have mixed feelings for your parents like love-hate, love-fear, love-anger, love-shame and feel confused or guilty because of that?

Do you feel that you just cannot achieve your deeply desired life-goals no matter how hard you try?

Were you abused in childhood or your parents abused or disliked each other?

If answer on any of this questions is yes, this Hub might be helpful for you.


What determines us who we really are and why some people never change or why change is so painfully difficult?

Every human being receives all major life programs, good or bad, useful or destructive already in early childhood - by nurture (it is also called - parental programming).

Although we are unique individuals, we in larger part become later in the life:

  • what the older ones show us as example,
  • what they told us we should be
  • what they told us NOT to be
  • what they are afraid we could become
  • what they desire for themselves
  • what they secretly wish for themselves but decided to suppress
  • how they behave towards other people

We also inherit from our parents generational challenges the older ones have not been able to solve so they pass them on next generation.

The biggest absurd is that parents so often do not want to recognize parts of themselves they passed on their own children and become very surprised with behavioural patterns their kids develop in any stage of life.

For many people parental programming consists of very painful memories and emotional negativity that we carry as heavy burden through the life.


Most sensitive time for learning about this life is the earliest childhood
Most sensitive time for learning about this life is the earliest childhood

We Learn All Life, But Childood Is The Most Important Stage For Mental And Emotional Health


Despite the popular beliefs that "small children are too young to understand anything" and "they forget so easily, so they cannot remember what happened to them when they were young" , we develop our memories and attitudes in our earliest age. Although we have very foggy or none pictures of very early age - what we remember for sure is EMOTIONAL background , that supported our development or was against it. Emotional part of human brain is able to distinct "positive" from "negative" from our fetal stage, for years earlier then we develop ability of logical thinking and analysing that can give us solutions to escape from negativity.

Try to imagine brain of the baby as almost empty PC in the moments of birth (well, actually is not completely empty because there is a lot of emotional memory baby gained during the pregnancy). People who are responsible for nurturing baby for years introduce their powerful emotional and mental softwares to the child in the form of feelings they feel, their orders, beliefs, expectations, examples and start to do it at the time when child´s brain cells and parts of brain are still developing and very vulnerable on any influence. Child constantly downloads these programs, from the earliest age, exactly on the way he can understand them, and not always on the way his caregivers intended. When child is growing, brain develops while being already charged with certain emotional energy, visions and ideas received in the earliest age - they literally grow together, so they become stronger then any else program or idea someone receives in more mature age, when brain does not develop on the same way.

Of course, in the time of puberty, all downloaded visions and ideas receive new explosion - sexual hormones give to the brain new powerful fuel for further development of already received programs. Presence of sexual hormones exponentially intensifies human emotions and ideas, we received in our earliest age. These hormones give everyone power of materialization of all inner programs, for good or usually people spend years behaving on the way these inner programs dictate to them while not being able to do much to stop them.

  • Everything what we see, perceive and feel in first years of life will very much determine our future at least to the moment we decide to change something. But when we try to change our first brain programs we downloaded, people often come to conclusion that is so difficult to do - sometimes it seems almost impossible, especially when programs are emotionally very intensive.
  • Unfortunately, for many people parental programming is consists of very painful memories and negativity that literally sap their vital energy. If there was too much emotional and mental negativity in most vulnerable human age it is very difficult to find and live one´s one purpose of life.

Negative programming is usually also connected with traumatic events, and it is useful to know that these traumatic events (if unhealed) create lesions on human brain. Of course, in such lesion is preserved memory of trauma, and full negative program connected with it, that works "under the cover" and lead people to continuously create the circle of new traumatic events. Lesions heal as soon as traumatic event is healed because brain has big ability of self-regeneration.


Many people intent to run away from pain while trying to live against their parental programs, but some of the programs are so powerful that they can destroy human hardware (mental and physical health) if one tries to oppose them or push them away. If not recognized, they can work like Trojan virus inside the consciousness ...


Especially complicated situation occurs, when there is a lot of misunderstanding and arguging between parents or caregivers who give to the child different examples and strongly oppose to each other, when parents dislike or even hate or abuse each other.

Child´s parents are definitely very alive part of his psyche - if his parents were in any type of "war", this war automatically continue to exist within his own psyche and will grow and not stop for many years, but in this case, person will fight with himself and live this life as his own enemy: no matter what he does, it will be wrong. (root for many autoimmune diseases, cancer, hormonal problems, neurosis, psychosis, BP, shyzophrenia etc.)




Pushing Away Negative Inner Programs Does Not Help

While not knowing that understanding is needed in the process of healing, many people instinctively try to delete negative programs from childhood with drugs, alcohol or prescribed medications, but things just do not work that way. Negative parental programming is so deep that one would easier destroy whole brain and the rest of the body then delete these programs with mentioned substances..

Many people become chronically ill, mentally or physically, while not understanding deep influence of negative memories they received in the childhood that destroys their bodies over the years, because traumas are eating human vital energy on higly effective way (well, we like to blame parasites, bacteria, viruses and genes for that, but traumas come first and open the doors to other diseases). Old traumas also attract new traumatic events.


Many other people try to save themselves from the pain and lack of love they felt in childhood, through the religion and spirituality, because spiritual energy of love is powerful enough to neutralize negative memories from childhood.

Of course, if religion or spiritual path is full of dogma, prejudices and preaches about punishment, appocalypse and celebrates victimizing, one just replaces parental chains for another, religious ones. If this happens, traumas from childhood get not completely healed, or are not healed at all, just replaced with another ones.

Some people run away from any religion because they are intuintively aware that this can easily happen - they just do not want new chains.


All problems we have as human society on this planet (wars, economical crisis, crazy governments and immature polititians and country leaders, injustice, pollution, overpopulation ) have roots in negative programming we all received from previous generations: people rule this planet by still being conditioned by programms they received in childhood, while being hurt by their childhood traumas they continue to hurt the others if not healed, while not being inspired by love they did not receive in the childhood, so they cannot give what they did not receive.



How To Neutralize Negative Parental Programming And Heal Traumas From Childhood

Parental programming is very complex, as well is complex way how we in our young age download and understand the info we get from outside world.If you feel that you just cannot achieve your deeply desired life-goals no matter how hard you try, you should analyse your childhood memories and inner mental and emotional programs you received.

How to neutralize these programs that sap our vital energy ? .

1. At first try to recognize influence of parental programs on your life. Never underestimate influence of your parents and caregivers on your life-decisions. When we were children, our parents were like real gods to us, and we are taught to think they know what is the best for us, so for years we were doing so many things just to please our parents or to make them angry, even when we were not consciously aware of it. It is so important for self-development and inner peace is to live the life as your own inner voice is telling you , not only to please the others.

2. Second step is understanding motives our parents had while conditioning you or giving you negative emotional and mental energy. This step requires deep analysis and empathy. Without understanding is not possible to move forward in healing, because traumatic experienced cannot be released neither your inner program changed if it is not understood.

At the end of analysis, one will the most often come to conclusion that his parents just copied mistakes that exist in human nurturing for many generations. Unfortunately, many people become parents while not ready for that duty, driven by hormones, not by full emotional and life maturity, so mistakes are very common.

You might need the help from the neutral person (counselor, healer, friends) to help you to go through first two steps, as well as through the some others.


3. What works as further help in healing ?

We can neutralize our negative memories and programs only with the help of slow brain waves, that are produced only in deep sleep and counsciously in meditation (relaxed state of mind). Unfortunately for us, we cannot sleep as long as we would need to heal all our traumas we collected in our life, otherwise some of us would need to sleep as long and peaceful as Sleeping Beauty. Relaxation techniques and meditation help us to heal traumas on more effective and conscious way.

1.Various meditation and visualisation techniques that connect us with our own higher consciousness, that is pure love and understanding and help us to:

  • develop self-love and develop strong feelings of being protected here and now
  • they are able to change perception and attitude towards problems we had in the childhood
  • while changing our emotions we developed in the past, meditation helps us to heal the past and neutralize negative memories and keep focus on positive ones.
  • with art of meditation we can learn how to develop positive emotions we never had opportunity to feel.

2. What if people are not ready to meditate?

Listening relaxing music is excellent way to start to produce slow brain waves that heal emotions and gradually reliease traumatic experiences. Procedure is explained below.



Listening relaxing music is excellent way to start to produce slow brain waves that heal emotions and gradually release traumatic experiences. Try to use it on the following way.

  • start to think about traumatic experience that hurt you or on negative emotional or mental program you carry from childhood, but not longer then for 1 minute
  • after that, while you are still connected with your memories, turn on relaxing music and listen it carefully for at least 5 minutes while allowing energy of music to calm you down and change your emotions
  • make a pause for 10 -15 minutes
  • visit in your memory your traumatic experience, you will be pleasantly surprised that it will not hurt so much as it used to
  • repeat all mentioned steps for several times. Usually one traumatic event can be healed if you repeat whole procedure for 5-10 times. You can do self-healing of particular traumatic event at once, or during the several days. Repeat procedure up till the point when you will have only pale pictures of your ex-trauma.


3. Energy healing is so helpful (Reiki, bio-energy, Theta healing, therapy with gems etc.) - it raises level of vital energy, heals wounded emotions and traumatic events and allows person to finally feel deeply loved.

4. Homeopathy can help a lot - homeopathy is not only for healing certain diseases, there are many excellent remedies that are able to neutralize fears and help you to achieve positive emotions and sense of inner peace and help you to easier cope with your life .

5. Developing of self-love is vital step. Love heals everything, but none of us cannot receive love from relationships with other people if not loving oneself.

6. Act of forgiveness - forgiveness is understanding. Forgiveness is mental act, not only emotional , altough it is easier when emotions are reliesed through forgiving.

One of the best visualisation for forgiving the parent or caregiver is to imagine him or her as little child who needs the help - people do mistakes because they do not know how to cope with problems they face and feel trapped.

Acto of forgiveness will very often positively influence relationship with parents, so possibly new level of communication will be established. When and if this happens, you will have opportunity to explain them what they did good for you and when they hurt you and what effect this had on your life. They need to know this and accept their part of responsibility, if possible. This will help you to stop feeling as victim of circumstances of your childhood. If your parents do not want to support your positive change or do not want to stop negatively influence your life, only advice is to avoid them as much as possible, otherwise you will always be hurt and never healed.

One needs to be also able to forgive to oneself - due to the parental programming, we sometimes (or often) do the things we know they are wrong for us, but like something inside us forces us to do them. Developing of self-guilt most often just make things worse - behaviour can be changed only when we understand what created this specific behaviour.

7. Implementation of new positive programms and life goals and growing mental and emotional positivity as much as possible.

8. Through all of this you will find out - what are your very own desires in life and will learn to hear and listen your very own voice of wisdom what will improve your life and finally make you very happy in your own skin.


Tatiana-Michaela Pribic , Homeopath, Counselor and Reiki Teacher

Contact for On Line / E - mail Consultations, (Fee for Counseling: 50 USD)



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    • profile image

      felix 4 years ago

      what a nice article i like the analogy to the computer, although completely different but a nice conceptual way to understand especially when you mentioned how the child takes the conflict between parents and it internalizes into his/her psyche, very great point

    • profile image

      naturalsolutions 6 years ago

      I agree, the most important stage in molding our emotional and mental heath is our childhood. So we better focus on this stage and let them explore on their own when the right time comes.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you funmontrealgirl, kudos to you as well !

    • funmontrealgirl profile image

      funmontrealgirl 7 years ago from Montreal

      Kudos to you!

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you so much Anamika.

    • Anamika S profile image

      Anamika S Jain 7 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

      Childhood Traumas can have a long standing effect on our lives. Most of us have experienced favoritism and abuse as children and it is a good news to know that the negative feelings or traumas experienced in childhood can be healed. Wonderful Hub on a very relevant Topic... Thumbs up to you!

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you so much for the visit and comment, Izettl, I wish you all the best from all my heart.

    • izettl profile image

      Laura Izett 7 years ago from The Great Northwest

      your stuff is always great quality reading. I can relate to everything here. My parents were always at each other arguing and my dad caused a lot of problems so got the most reward from situations as being a good little pleasing child- I was only child so I was stuck in adult drama all the time. I'm sure this past has contributed to my rheumatoid arthritis.

      I am working on healing myself. What I've learned that helps in my everyday life is to eloquently (most of the time) speak my mind and set boundaries with others. It helps to keep my from being someone who ignores my own needs just to be pleasing to others. Meditation is good too. Great hub!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      A very well-written, informative and useful hub. Bookmarked and voted UP and UP. It is, indeed, not easy to re-program oneself, but possible. Something one just have to do if s/he wants to live in peace and harmony with self and others. Merry Christmas to you, Tatjana. I wish you only the best for 2011.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      I cannot agree more with you, Glenn. Thanks for visit and comment.

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 7 years ago from Long Island, NY

      Great job. You put a lot of work into this. One point you mentioned I think is the most important...that is to appreciate that our parents never solved their issues and therefore passed it on to us. I think that if we can understand that, then the healing can start.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you Tony,

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 7 years ago from South Africa

      I found this Hub very useful and helpful Made me think about a lot of things. Thanks for the well-written and deeply researched Hub.

      Love and peace


    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you very much AAZ.

    • A.A. Zavala profile image

      Augustine A Zavala 7 years ago from Texas

      Outstanding hub. These methods will go a long to helping people over come childhood traumas. Thanks again.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you Triosol.

    • triosol profile image

      triosol 7 years ago

      wonderful job. Great Hub. very informative. Voted up.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you so much Rebecca, healing wounds from childhood is always step-by-step process.

      Thanks for visit and comment.

    • Rebecca E. profile image

      Rebecca E. 7 years ago from Canada

      this is a great hub, and you prove once again that a sensitive issue such as teh dynamic with our parents ( or sometimes lack thereof) is something we keep no matter what. You have some great ideas on how to work with and through some of the traumas we have as children, and I found personally, by forgiving, and understanding that my parents were affected by their parents and so on that I was able to heal a bit. But it took forgiveness and a long process to get to that point.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you so much Katie, you are wonderful as well. Peace and love.

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 7 years ago from I'm outta here

      How to heal the traumas from childhood is a much needed and very powerful tool, I'm sharing this over and over and over as WE all can use this priceless information and truth.

      I've tweeted, faced and will continue to share this via the book mark I've saved it to. YOUR wonderful and I'm so grateful this came to you in the manner it did. Your eliminate negative energy that drains us points are a vital step to move past and deal with on an ongoing basis. Blessing and much PEACE :)

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thanks MG - give my best regards to your sister.

    • Money Glitch profile image

      Money Glitch 7 years ago from Texas

      This is awesome! I'll have to share this one with my sister. We were just talking about a news clip were an 11-month old was abused and we were wondering how an individual could possible heal from such an ordeal. Thank goodness there is a way that a child that has suffered trauma can begin to heal and move forward to what life has in store for them. Thanks for sharing. :)

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you very much MG for your wise comment.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you very much Shalini, for comment and support.

    • Midtown Girl profile image

      Midtown Girl 7 years ago from Right where I want to be!

      I know so few people who did not have traumas in their childhoods. I certainly had my share. Working through the past pain is truly the only way to move forward. I always try to remember that with all the mistakes my parents made, they were doing the best they could with the knowledge they had from their own childhood experiences.

      Another wonderful hub.

    • Shalini Kagal profile image

      Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

      Excellent Tatjana! This reads like a total healing treatise - and it is so important to heal these traumas, not try and push them out of sight.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you very much KKG. I appreciate your words very much.

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Hazelton 7 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Well written article. You have addressed a sensitive problem with great compassion and understanding. We can never underestimate the influence of our past on our future. It is only when we begin to let go that we can move forward away from the hurt and destructive behavior.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you so much HH...

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Dear Anamika, I felt that you were hurt in childhood, but did not know the details up till now.

      Thank you so much for sharing your story here, I wish you all the best.

      You have my compassion, my childhood was very complicated as well, so I understand....

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you so much GL.

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 7 years ago from London, UK

      It is such a wonderful and comprehensive hub. To raise such a delicate subject and to handle it so well plus lots of good advice; it is fantastic.

    • Anamika S profile image

      Anamika S Jain 7 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

      Wonderful job done Tatjana-Mihaela! Since you have read many of my Hubs on Parenting and relationships where i have exposed myself I think you are aware that I had too many bad experiences as a girl child. Some of those experiences made me go into a self destruction mode and nurture hatred and anger for parents and sibling. I could forgive them only around 5 years ago after discovering the immense power of the subconscious mind in healing the wounds of the past.

    • Green Lotus profile image

      Hillary 7 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      Tatjana - I love the way you incorporate natural therapies such as meditation and homeopathy as a means to heal. Nice work.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Yes Jewels, on of the reason why so many people cannot meditate is certainly set of traumas and stress that do not allow them to calm down the mind.

      I offered here possibility to the people who can enjoy and feel the music, but without it cannot stop thinking.

      Thank you so much for mentioning Inner Space Tecniques.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you Dali, Nightingale is so beautiful composition.

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Thank you Dimitris.

    • Jewels profile image

      Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

      Very comprehensive hub Tatjana-Mihaela. To add to your list of solutions, there is one called Inner Space Techniques that does get to the core of traumas and de-charges the reactiveness that comes with the programming. One of the reasons meditation is so difficult for many is because of the trauma(s) caught in the body. I'm referring to the serious type of meditation, different from the music relaxation type.

      Thumbs up.

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Such a valid article with so many truths. Well done

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Yes, Marie, trauma can be released only when you visit it and transform during that visit and then go out from it. It works very quickly, but usually procedure need to be repeated for several times (possibly in the row).

      Let me know how it worked for you, I will be happy to hear good news.

      Love and hugs

    • VioletSun profile image

      VioletSun 7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Tatjana: I so enjoyed reading this article, that I bookmarked it for future reference.

      I am glad to be reminded about doing healing during the slow brain waves; I was dozing off today, and knew it was a good time to do healing or psychic connections, but didn't really know exactly what to do regarding healing. Will use your tips on bringing up memories of childhood traumas and then release them while listening to soothing music; makes vibrational sense!

      Also, I notice that lately, sporadically I have this soothing warmth in my spine ( back) or upper body area, and I remember one time when I had a a 7 day virus, the warmth in my body helped me to heal.

      Thumbs up and thank you for adding to the healing of the world.

      Hugs and love,



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