IS IT EASY TO FORGIVE and FORGETT?

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Everyone of us experiences situations when we feel hurt, misused, attacked, robbed, slandered, misunderstood, cheated or seriously victimized in life.

There are varying degrees of pain we feel as response to situations inflicted upon us by other people. Some levels of pain are very small, and do not affect us for long time, and they just let us carry on in life as if nothing happened.

There are the other situations where the wound is so deep, that we find ourselves crippled by it, not knowing how to get out because pain is so strong that it seems unbearable... these are traumatic situations, and actually pain is result of post traumatic effect... I would not want to use term PTSD, because all people have that as result of traumatic experiences, but basically that is that.

SO HOW TO FORGIVE AND FORGETT and LIVE AGAIN?


First. Privately admit to yourselves, you have been hurt! Recognize this and be honest to yourself . At the same time be aware all people experience the same, so you are not only one who is suffering. This fact will immediately make you feel better. Although you are feeling hurt, this is normal part of life, your pain is not the biggest one in universe and certainly there are so many people facing the same problem as you are, so you are far from being lonely.

• Share your problem with somebody, with your friend or professional counselor is very helpful, but this is just first step. When we can share to somebody our problems, energy of pain just stops to attack us, but ONLY IF WE HAVE INTENTION TO REALLY OVERCOME IT. If we talk just because we want constantly look like victims and get not help but little compassion from others, sooner or later the others will not want to listen us any more.
• next step is - look around and find others with similar problem as yours is and try to listen them and help them. Very soon you will find out that they are around so many people with even worse pain that yours is... so your problem will suddenly became very minor in your own eyes, what is big relief. While being online, you can find so many wounded people to whom you can help and try to comfort them. This step will give you big sense of compassion and you will learn a lot about type of problem you have to face.

Secondly, (and this step in the process, is no where near as easy as it sounds for it often goes against our human nature) we need to forgive...and this is the most tricky part of story.

Many religious / spiritual teachings will tell you - to forgive your offender and some of them will teach you even to turn another cheek. If you accept that as ultimate truth, you will maybe forgive your offender, but you will continue to be victim of the same or some another person, up till you understand that things do not work that way. It is simply not possible to forgive somebody else if you did not forgive yourself at first and if you do not understand WHAT FORGIVING REALLY IS.

Process of forgiving is not only emotional, it is actually mental, and requires UNDERSTANDING and LEARNING:

1. At first you need to understand - yourself and your inner emotions and beliefs which brought you to the condition that you have been hurt, even more, seriously wounded. You are consciously or subconsciously attracting all happenings in your life, only way that you stop doing that is to become more aware about that fact and to decide to learn how to attract more positive and fulfilling situations. One part of beauty being here on Earth is that we can create "new ourselves" and then we do not need to stay imprisoned by our own past experiences.

2. Learn more about your own body physiology, how your brain and nerves function and affect your feelings, what are your body-programs which create pain and traumas, and how to overcome them. When you understand functioning of your body-systems, you will be able to easily forgive yourself and the others many more things then you ever can imagine. Knowledge is powerful tool, without knowledge we are always helpless. I have written about "secrets" of our own body chemistry concerning suffering in my Hub about overcoming the guilt and fear (as well as in that one which explains why doomsday will not arrive.)

3. As soon as you start to understand, you will activate that parts of your brain which are necessary for process of FORGIVING, and OVERCOMING TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE. UNDERSTANDING = FORGIVING.

4. This mental process will open your heart, so emotional part can follow mental procedure. Though the active positive mental effort, your body and soul with get information that you are serious about healing the pain - and you will be rewarded by waves of positivity and suddenly you will be ready to feel love. 

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After you forgive yourself, when you are ready, you can start to forgive your offender, following the same principles. Put yourself in his/her shoes, do not pitty him/her, just try to understand reasons and try to look the world through his/her eyes.

Understand, that by forgiving your offender, you are not letting him/her off the hook as far as consequences are concerned. By forgiving, you let yourself off the hook of pain, emotional infection and revenge. When people refuse to forgive, they choose to carry the pain, the anger, the bitterness, of the situation around with them every minute of the day and night. To a person who does not forgive, the situation becomes an permanent emotional wound what attracts new emotinal wounds in life.

Forgiving to somebody else does not mean that you never need to tell anything to another person and that you just have to remain silent, because deeply in your soul you will still feel as victim.

On the contrary: if somebody seriously hurt you and IF circumstances allow that, you have every right, even a duty to explain another person that his/her behaviour was not OK. How anybody can find out that he/she is bullier if there is no other side to tell, write or show him/her: STOP; THIS WAS NOT OK at all , the other people deserve better behaviour !(of course, not every situation is appropriate for that, neither every person. Be careful.).

If you cannot directly communicate with your offender, you can also write about it. The other person will get "telepathic message".

Let out your anger

Your anger also needs to get out: when we are helpless and angry, anger stays stuck in the arms and legs: so boxing the pillows, throwing them around the room, running, screaming and exercising, can help you to remove this negative energy from your body...

Visualisation of revenge and forgiveness

If nothing else helps, it is very spiritual to imagine that you are boxing and slapping the other person, to satisfy natural reactions of the body. But finish that "ritual" with positive emotions, please. If you do not finish your "visualisation of revenge" with positivity, forgiveness and understanding, you will not close the circle, so at the end imagine this person as little helpless child , and send him/her love, peace and forgiveness.

The last step is - remove yourself mentally from every imagining past troubles.

For very heavy traumatic experiences, EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitiation and Reprocessing therapy) is excellent one for quick healing of the heaviest traumatic memories. In one of my Hubs, also suggested technique of Healing traumas with Angels of Karma for those ones who believe in angels (for me this technique had excellent quick effects of healing many traumatic experiences).

And yes, people who had a lot of traumatic situations, very often need to use various natural remedies for calming the nerves etc. even after traumatic experience is completely healed. Nerves need much more to calm down completely.

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So often it takes effort to achieve peace, but every step we take towards the peace is worth it. It does not come as gift, it comes like product of mental effort.

Peace is the highest blessing. Peace is  ocean of joy and abundance, peace is brilliant water for the thirsty soul.

I wish you to live in peace. 

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