Not sure how to write this, I'll begin with I was diagnosed with testicular cancer and was operated on 21st February 2013, after being at my doctors 6 days previously as i could not take the pain anymore and know I needed help, I already knew what it was, having lost my uncle within under at that point, I didn't want to be like all my family, who were rushing to the docs because they felt odd or found a bruise (meaning lump) they never notice, they were all on panic a station. Fair play they got themselves checked out. When my uncle died, it was a blood clot that ended his life, but 2 weeks before he died, I spoke with him, knowing I was seriously ill, and kept it from anyone for a whole year, as I did not want to cause a fuss. It's funny because I knew I was I'll, ask me how and I'll say not sure, but my body was telling, over that year I had gone to work as normal, but my strength began to Plummet and the weight loss due to a tumour being at 38mm (as small as that) in my right testicle was causing so much effect... My mood changed too, suddenly I wasn't bothered about little things, and saw things for what they were. Every time someone said to me "oh you've lost weight" the feeling of dread went through me.
So there I was I'd list my uncle, and now I was In A relationship break down too, I met my new partner dec 2012, under three months until if find out my news.
I was well loved up with my new partner, and I felt that it balanced my mind a bit, but eventually is had to go to the docs, I said to my new partner before this one day, I've just gone to toilet and I've seen blood, she never really answered, just brushed it off.
Feb 2013 came, and I had stopped work, didn't have the energy really, and before you know it after being at the docs and hospital everyday for 5 days solid, six days after I was on the operation table, having my testical removed. They told me it's an op from the stomach to the testical, accessed via your groin. My sats dropped in theatre and I woke confused and on a drop and was being given air, I felt in a bad way.
They wanted to discharge me the next morning, but my bladder went I to retention, so had to have a cafitor fitted, and was released the next day. Determined I walk half a mile to my aunties car unaided two days after surgery.
Went home to mums, I hadn't moved in yet with my new partner as such, three days later was in the shower, I coughed up only what I can describe as a blood clot, I kicked it up the shower whilst in agony from the surgey, I managed to get it and I was right. Mum was in denial as I calmly asked for an ambulance, knowing in the back of my mind how my uncle passed, I knew exactly what it was and where, mum called my doc instead, my doc done what I wanted my mum to do, ambulance was sent ASAP, blue lights to hospital, and transferred immediately to acute diagnosis centre, one ct scan later I was diagnosed with a PE to my right lung, having nearly passes out in the scan when the die was injected into my arteries, I knew something was wrong, all the blood i had coughed up by that point, and all the breathing difficulties, I felt my life was being taken, I was actually told two more days undetected and I would have not been here.
Six month of injections Into The stomach of a drug called clexane, and it did save my life literally.
But as while I was going through the PE, I had chemo to face too, I'd never be put on warferine, due to the cancer, a heavily bruised stomach was the only option, due to being injected everyday.
My new partner had been pretty much I. The dark about my illness until now, she was present when I was diagnosed with the PE, after the PE I was blue lighted five more times to hospital, one hospital even said if you become unwell please come back, I was taken due to either breathing problems or coughing up blood, which I was told to call emergency services right away every time it happened. Anyways, so my new partner came with me to the chemo session, had to have a bag if this that and the other intravenously before the chemo could be given, she only walked out didn't she at the most important bit of my life, the chemo, so there I was with the taste of metal in my mouth feeling instantly sick, not knowing if it was right or wrong, and just braving it really. Turns out she went out to make a phone call. That's what she said anyway.
Two weeks after chemo she let me lays patio out the back of her home, which if started before chemo, out my head on 32 tablets a day I just done as requested not thinking about it. Not, " oh darling I dont want you doing anything, sit a relax ill ale you a cuppa" quite the opposite in fact I was up early driving the kids to school everyday (her kids) doing a patio out back, and taking home her ex brother in law then getting the kIds from school and cooking them dinner every night. Didn't really have a chance to think and gather my head to say to myself, run away from this horrible woman. Even one of her mates said she will take advantage of you if she can.
I was so loved up and really happy to be alive nothing mattered. But as time has gone on, I've had my ups and downs and I get told by my partner your fine, they took it away, I ask her to read stuff about the aftermath of all this and what it can do to someone, she is not interested. She says I don't die, in still here, and there is nothing wrong with me. I do say why do I find some things difficult? Or why am I classed as disabled and not allowed to work for now? Or the fact I have another just under 4 years of being a cancer patient? "Your fine there is nothing wrong with you" day in day out.
Anyways I'm happy to say 8 months ago now, my partner became pregnant with out child, a miracle really, I'd even sperm banked because I was told I would t have anymore kids, more to the point, the chances were minimal. But now because I bitch back, I get called a bully, controlling etc? And I'm not. The one that gets to me is go back to your ex, I just want to say at least she was concerned sympathetic and caring, but how can I?
To look at me, you'd think I go gym everyday, and are very healthy, but because she can't see inside, I guess I'm just fine to her.
Makes me laugh, shouldn't really, I've been I'll last 3 days. Nothing serious just a Nasty cold, it's done it's rounds with the kids, hit me second to last, and last night I got woken by my partner saying help, I do t know what's going on, in shivering, and don't feel well, I said oh it's that cold, the one you said I've lied about having. Yeh the shivering is normal, and today I get how this and that could go wrong if it turns I to flu, I couldn't help it, I said if it's going to turn I to flu, then because it's more advanced on me, if probably go down with it first, and if I did she would have to get the doc to give me some blood thinners, as there is a high risk of a blood clot if I were to be laid up, the tolerant of abuse I got for saying that was unreal, anyway it's just a heavy cold.
I got today and every day I mention which I hardly ever, "oh always about you and your cancer" I did point out that I never mentioned the cancer, it was about my PE I had.
Anyways for me I'm looking forward to meeting my baby, but not sure how much more I can handle my partners behaviour.
