I meet a lot of women who consider this insulting or at least an outdated way of thinking but why is it so wrong?
If that is what the woman wants and agrees to, and you pick up an equal amount of work in other areas, it is fine.
Otherwise it suggests you aren't clear on the difference between a partner and a servant.
For some women there is nothing wrong with it. For others they find it insulting. If that's what you're looking for in a partner then it sounds like you might want to start looking in different places.
I agree with psycheskinner. If "you pick up an equal amount of work in other areas, it is fine." My husband works outside of the home, bringing in a the paycheck that supports our family. He also fixes our vehicles and does the up-keep on our house. In turn, I do all the cooking and cleaning. And I do so happily.
It all boils down to the give and take in the relationship. If you want a woman to cook and clean for you, then you'd better have something to offer her in return. If you don't, hire a maid or a cleaning service.
What if the women will expect same thing from his man, will this be o.k with the man? Will man not feel the insult ? Than if some women feel this outdated and insult than what's wrong in this.
I don't think it's about sharing loads equally, but pitching in where your strengths are. for example I cook, because if my husband did, we'd all die. However, if a kid is vomiting (perhaps from the man's cooking) then he cleans it up, because his gag reflex is less sensitive than mine.
He can do his own laundry, because I'm not his mother, and I don't stink up his clothes, but if I'm doing laundry anyway, I'll do his too. If he's having a self proclaimed hockey marathon day, then he can fold my underwear while he cheers and waves his arms about. (preferably not when there are friends over)
If I happened to have a busy week doing the majority of the work because he worked a lot of overtime, then I do it. Then take a self proclaimed sleep in the next saturday.
Love is give and take, not a feminist equality male domination mantra, or a pig headed sexist, 1940's bush man dictatorship.
p.s. we have 5 kids, there is a lot of vomit!
Agreed. but what do you mean by looking in different places?
Well, where are you looking? Where do you go to meet women? You're currently meeting women who feel this way so obviously wherever you're going is filled with like-minded women.
Look at it this way--If you're a swinger and you go to a church to meet a woman, you're not going to find the type of woman you want. Similarly, if you're looking for casual sex but go to an event that is catering to people looking for "soul-mates" you're not going to find what you're looking for.
If you're using online dating websites, be clear in your profile that you like/want a woman who doesn't have issues cooking and/or cleaning for their man.
And don't be afraid to have this discussion with a woman. But remember, it's all in the delivery. If you're on a date and you say "I want a woman who'll wait on me" or "I want a woman who knows her place and will cook/clean for me" then the reaction you get is going to be negative.
However, if you say something along the lines of: "If I had a woman who would cook and clean for me, I'd treat her like a queen" well, then, you've piqued her interest and her response might not be so hostile. Just make sure you do appreciate her and what she does for you.
I don't know if I'm helping or making any sense. I have a friend who is an author of a really great dating/relationship advice book. His pen name is HogWild. Look him up. He might be able to give you more help
It depends. If he goes out and works everyday and she stays home then I see nothing wrong with him expecting her to cook and clean. If they're both working or both staying home, than they should share the responsibility.
why should they share those particular responsibilities? thats like saying i cut the grass one week and my wife cuts the grass next week. its preposterous. There are more responsibilities in a home besides cooking and cleaning. Some are prescribed for women and others for men. Should a man expect his woman to clean the gutters?
They are not prescribed. That is entirely cultural. That is why you and your partner make sure you agree on who should do what. If you agree, that's fine. But you can't expect her to read your mind and just fall in line with what you think. You need to talk about it like a grown up person.
This is exactly WHY you receive negative responses from women: because you hold the view that certain activities are PRESCRIBED "WOMANLY" or "MANLY". Here is the response you will receive from educated, modern women: "F*** that." Believe it or not, not all women like to cook and clean! Wow! Imagine that! And yes, we know how to climb a ladder and clean gutters. (Wow! imagine that!)
"If I had a woman who would cook and clean for me, I'd treat her like a queen" well, then, you've piqued her interest and her response might not be so hostile.
looks like someone has good game!
For a man to do a job that a woman may not be physically capable of doing has nothing to do with culture its only common sense for the man to do it.
I am assuming your partner is able bodied. As such she could clean out the gutters if that is the work division you agreed to. Cleaning out gutters is not that hard, my 70-year-old mother has no trouble doing it and neither do I.
Obviously physical strength would play into work division, but I would not assume every woman is weak and every man is strong and able-bodied.
I think women would only find it insulting if they were working full time and then had to come home and get dinner ready and clean all evening while their husband watches tv.
I have a friend who was in law school full time and was expected to get up early with her boyfriend every morning and make him meals like spaghetti for his lunch because he didn't like lunch-type foods like sandwiches. If she's okay with that...good for her, but he'd have seen me walking out the door!
Both my fiance and I work full time and we both do all the cooking and cleaning together, however, if I were a stay at home wife I would not be offended if he expected me to have the house in order and dinner ready. If a woman is a stay at home mom but she just watches the kardashians all day and doesn't do anything to the house while the kids are at school and THEN she gets offended when her husband's like wtf, then she's just being a lazy beotch :]
I think the whole problem is the "expectation". There needs to be communication and agreement. If the wife/girlfriend/partner has agreed to cook and clean and both parties are satisfied then it's not wrong.
But if any guy I ever dated or married just outright expected me to do all the cooking and cleaning simply because I'm a woman, I would have a serious problem with that. Women are not house servants just by virtue of the fact that they are women. My dad, for example, ALWAYS had me put the groceries away after shopping- he never asked my brothers and when I was fed up with it and asked him why it was always delegated to me, he said it was because I was a woman. He's normally not like that, and I adore my dad, but I told him flat-out that it wasn't a good reason and I refused to do it unless my brothers had to help as well. I was the fiercest of my siblings, so I think he ended up seeing my point... I don't actually remember.
That being said, I actually really like to clean things, so if I'd agreed to do all the cleaning and my husband expected it and came home to find me mindlessly surfing the internet and the house a disaster, I don't think it would be wrong for him to be upset.
LOL - I love how emotive this subject is!
My husband goes out to work and I stay at home looking after the kids. My role is to look after the home, and his is to bring in the money. I do work from home too, but I also have the kids in nursery during those hours.
I consider my working week to be the same as my husbands, but spread out differently, so I may have a few hours off during the day, but then I cook in the evening... equally if one of our sprogs wakes up in the middle of the night then my hubby gets up to see to her because I'm 8 months pregnant (and frankly knackered at the moment).
It's a bit of give and take, sometimes I feel a bit like I'm on duty 15 hours a day, but sometimes I get a rest too... life's like that 8-)
P.S. I once dated a guy when I was still working who expected me to work all day and then come home and cook, clean and iron his clothes... he didn't last very long... 8-)
When I asked him why he didn't want to help, he said he felt it was too menial for him! (subtext was that it wasn't too menial for me then, was it???!!)
It would be wrong in my case, because I suck at cleaning, and always undercook things. But I grew up with a single dad who hired maids and wasn't that daring of a cook. So, I never learned these things. Some men have had the oportunity to learn how to cook and clean, and quite frankly, they are much better homemakers than I will ever be.
But it's not wrong, if the woman knows how to cook and clean, and the man contributes other things to the household. My boyfriend is pretty good at barbecuing, so I kind of expect him to do all the work on the grill. Well, the alternative is undercooked steak from yours truly.
I think it's wrong for either to expect chores from the other. Isn't it better for the couple to just do what they are better at? I'm good at cleaning, but my boyfriend is good at cooking. So I clean and he cooks.
In 2012, this is most definitely a joint decision, plan and/or agreement for every individual couple. I think we can all agree there is a multitude of duties, responsibilities & chores that are involved in the upkeep of a home & family. It seems rather antiquated, to say the least, to prescribe certain duties as a "woman's" job or a "man's" job. Both sexes are quite capable of handling any of a vast majority of duties and chores. I'm sure we can each look at our own situation and see where it may differ and/or be similar to many others. There are those who have a completely unique situation that works for them.
You use the word, "expect," which can immediately put readers off (especially female readers). Perhaps you are guilty only of a poor choice in that particular word. Overlooking that, I think I am able to understand the gist of your question. Unfortunately, as is so often in this Q&A section, enough information is rarely given for readers to form a fully accurate view of the reason behind the question.
If you, (in your words) "expect" these things from your wife......what is it you base this on?. Is it in terms of what you do and the responsibilities you have and what you contribute to your home and family?
All of this matters. In any case, I can share a bit about what goes on in our home. My husband and I take care of that portion of responsibilities that we actually want to, because 1. we enjoy it 2. we do it best 3. we don't want the other to do it. It works out so well and fairly, by the way. For instance....the yard and lawn care is pure pleasure to my husband, so obviously, he does it all....and takes care of the trash, as well. He does all the grocery shopping because he wants to buy the foods of his choice, and this is fine with me. On the other hand.....I do NOT want him near the kitchen...nor the laundry room for 2 reasons.....we would starve and wear shrunken, stained, wrinkled clothes. I hang signs in these rooms for him to stay away!.....We sometimes do housework together, my husband helping mostly with moving heavy furniture, climbing ladders. etc....but I do the deep cleaning. What passes as "clean" to my husband, could never pass my inspection. So you see, couples can and do come to very feasible terms and can agree on how they run their home...
In the long run, what's most important and I'm sure you know this...is that you get along well and have a happy home. The rest is just "stuff."
We are in the 21st century and a man should not expect his woman to do all the household chores. You are called partners, right? So as partner, both agreed to divide the household chores. It´s a give and take process. The woman cooked and cleaned the house if it´s ok for her, she should not "wait" for her husband. If the man is a good cook and he loves to do it when he´s not working, let him do it. If a woman is a stay at home mom and his husband is working for their living, she should clean the house and do other household chores or she´ll take a helper/servant to help her. If she can afford it.
I have a friend who´s husband is expecting him to do everything in the house from cleaning to changing the bulb of their lamp, besides taking care of their children. It was good when the husband was still working but then his jobless now and still expecting her to do everything and she gives his beer as well while his looking at the tv show. She´s on the edge now and wants to go away. What holds her are her children.
Going back to your question. Yes, it is wrong for a man to "expect" his woman to do all the cooking and cleaning. He should talk to his woman first if she will agree to that. Not all women loves to clean and cook.
To reiterate, no right thinking man expects a woman to do all the cleaning and cooking. He should share in such duties. If not, adios to that #$%#@~!
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