How do you encourage someone to be motivated after a period of illness?
I am finding it quite difficult o get my partner interested in looking for work mainly but also doing a lot of other activities as well. Nothing I seem to say is working. he has been without work for a few years now.
I know this sounds like a ridiculous idea, but my friend, when overcoming illness was forced out of her comfort zone. By this I mean we made her go for walks when she didn't want to, or go to the shops when she didn't want to. And it progressed from there. I am not aliking your partner to a child, but unless you push them, they will become accustomed to not doing anything which would appear at all strenuous.
I do not mean to say that you should forcibly make him do stuff, but insist that he takes steps, slowly as you like but adjust him back to normal life. You may want to consult a doctor if this is becoming a big problem. Hope this helps!
Being supportive is important and also knowing what has driven a person in the past. Unfortunetly not everyone is made the same and don't react to the same motivators.Asking why they won't do thinhgs (find examples if you can of things they've done that they say they can't) Make the experience of them not doing anything is hurting you ( yes I guess a lil guilt trip ) other than just being there for them and they know your being supportive. Just make sure that you're not being brought down and if that's the case make sure you go out and they know that you will go out without them.Who knows you might be surprised. Good Luck
You have to be patient and understanding, of course. But sometimes in a case like that the person just needs a good kick in the ass (not literally). But sometimes shock has value.
The person has to want to do something. If not, perhaps it is depression and medical attention should be sought.
Start by asking the recovering person to participate in a positive behavioral intervention to get them back into the world like they were before the illness.
A) Once they agree sit and make a list of activities that they love to do, 1) right now during a period of low activity and re-adaptation; and, 2) and generally in their lives. You know this person well and so do they. The goal here is to develop a list of things that they really love and love to do. For example, renting or going to movies, having poetry read to them; getting a 10 minute back rub or massage “etc”; what about favorite healthy treats or snacks this person absolutely loves, is it a type of fruit or healthy free trade chocolate?
B) Once you have your list done of at least 20 high-reward items/activities (and you’ve really enjoyed making the list, thinking and fantasizing together) it’s time to make a graded list of activation goals or things that this person needs to start doing. Don’t chose to many at once and don’t choose activities that are too hard. It’s all about successive approximations to the desired end behavior; - it’s about baby steps.
C) Now take a day planner on paper or computer and make a schedule that includes 1 or 2 of the above identified activation targets. You can experiment with by adding new tasks each day very gradually and/or you can gradually increase the time spent on each activity by adding a few minutes each time. You have to work with this person and see what works best. Again, babe steps are the rule here.
D) Each time your person follows through on the target activation behavior, immediately deliver a reward from the reward list. Its best to provide the rewards, which through prioritization, you have identified are the most deeply gratifying or enjoyable, say a small piece of high quality chocolate paired with a deep 10 minute relaxing massage. It’s very important to deliver the reward as close to the follow through on the target behavior as possible. Verbal praise and humor are very effective in this mix also. As you gradually add and expand tasks, your loved one will be doing even more than they were before they were sic in the first place. When you’re partner is really starting to get back into the swing of things, make a reward list and self -improvement goals for yourself and have your partner reward you for follow-through and then just wait and see what happens!
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