When you lose a loved one, how do you grieve? When is it going overboard?

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   shalamar502posted 11 years ago

   When you lose a loved one, how do you grieve? When is it going overboard?
   
   I lost my daughter some time ago. Last year I lost a grand-daughter and a father within 2 months of each other. When my daughter died at first I hated God. After a year I realized it was meant to be. I started writing poems and songs. My friend lost a child at birth 25 years ago. Everyday she brings it up to her children and grand-children they feel sad all the time, the grand-children are having nightmares. I have asked her to get help, but she feels this is normal. Wanting opinions please.

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   mbwalzposted 11 years ago

   There is no one way nor is there a given time frame within which to greive. As long as you do not use the grieving as an excuse for things and get help when it becomes too much, then each person must grieve in their own way.

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      shalamar502posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with you on the time frame and the different ways. But don't you think that 25 years and affecting your family is a little much. I want this woman to get therapy or something.  Her children and grand children are hurting.

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   Ceegenposted 11 years ago

   Not sure if your friend believes in God, but I do. I haven't lost a sibling or my son so I can't compare, but I never had much family to begin with, and losing my dad when I was 15 really hurt. I didn't talk much to anyone for a few years, was angry at the world, but it did bring me closer to God.
   
   Now I don't even worry about it, and it isn't constantly on my mind. I've determined that it isn't worth staying upset or depressed about, because if I truly trust God, then I will see my dad again. I don't really lament being mortal, but the pain is real even if we do trust God... Because we're only human.

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      shalamar502posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I know what you are saying about God. When I lost my daughter I was so angry with him for taking her like he did. My friend ask a priest from church to come talk to me. He came right away it helped so much.

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   wychicposted 11 years ago

   I actually wrote a hub on this subject, but I'm not sure how much sense it makes since I was a bit emotional myself when I wrote it. In short, there is no "normal," and no specific time period for grief. I know that if I still hadn't even started dealing with it 25 years after a loss, I'd probably be thinking seriously about counseling -- that might not be the right answer for everyone, though. I feel bad for the grandchildren having nightmares...maybe there's something that can be said to them so they understand it better? Assuming that she refuses counseling since she feels it's normal. That'd probably depend on their ages more than anything, though.
   
   The sharpest grief I've personally had was the death of my 3 1/2-year-old nephew. He'd be 9 now, so it's been a while -- and it hasn't really faded at all, I just can't let myself think about it. He died a violent death, and I just haven't been able to reconcile any "greater plan" with his passing. My husband lost the people who raised him 45 years ago, and reports the same thing...the pain dulls and feels different, but it never actually lessens. I suppose everyone deals with that pain in different ways.

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      shalamar502posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I am so sorry to hear about your nephew. It is always said God has a plan. I wish I had the answer for what would make a violent death part of a plan. My prayers go out to your family for the loss they have to live with everyday.

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