lets get real

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  1. profile image0
    rocky blacklaceposted 13 years ago

    It's been a long time since i've talked about my past,i think that has a lot to do with my using.When i was 1yrs old i was addopted by my grand parents,it's messed up right? I was never told that either,my mom lived in our house till i was about 9 yrs as my sister.I was raised believeing she was my sister for all that time.So she came home one night all drunk and told me i was addopted,boy did that piss of my grand mother,so she threw my mom ( sister) out,never to come back or see me.It was realy devestating to me not understanding i was only 9.I think my mom ( sister) tryed to see me for a short time, but i don't think i realy mattered much then to her so she gave up.She moved out of state some where for about five yrs.For some reason she decided that she wanted to see me again so she turned up out of nowhere .not to my grand parents but to me in secret. Crying to much to keep going for now will continue tomorrow. It's a long and painfull story.

    1. Rafini profile image72
      Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Welcome to HP.

      your story sounds like my nephew and, eerily, he is also from Vegas, except he has a brother and it was his father he thought was another brother.

      1. profile image0
        rocky blacklaceposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        thats a trip that it's the same just the other way around. it was a long time ago you'd think i'd be over it.

        1. Rafini profile image72
          Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          no, I dont think you'd be over it.  it has to have caused plenty of confusion in your life.

          1. profile image0
            rocky blacklaceposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Hey just saw you response and yes it probbley will always be a part of my mind.it has taken me along time to be ok with it

            1. Rafini profile image72
              Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              my nephew found out when he was 11, found his real mom (my sister) in December, found my daughter in January and I started talking with him in February.  We haven't met yet, cuz of where we live and money situations.  He has met his mother, though.

              How about you?

              1. profile image0
                rocky blacklaceposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                No i've had no contact with my mom or family. my new family is all i have now. i"m fine with it though

    2. profile image0
      cosetteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      i think people abandon their children because they are weak.

      it sounds like your mother wants to reconcile with you, so give her a chance, if you feel that is right. but she will have to step up and prove herself to you now. she owes you that much. she is not accountable for what happened to her (and you) when she was underage, but she is accountable for the pain she brought onto you for choices she made as an adult).

      i'm sorry you are going through this. i wish you all the luck and hope things turn out well for you.

      1. FrankiesGirl6Yr profile image73
        FrankiesGirl6Yrposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        I don't think people abandon their children because they are weak. At least not all parents.  i think some do it because they know their situation is not the best for their for their child. Or sometimes abondonment is masked by force. Like if someone steps in and removes a child.

        Much of the time when someone steps in "like a grandparent" to adopt a child it's for the best. I wish someone would have steped in, like parents, and took my kids when I was in an abusive relationship and addicted to drugs. It wasn't until I ended up hospitalized that people then tryed to step in and help. My kids had already been exposed.

  2. Daniel Carter profile image65
    Daniel Carterposted 13 years ago

    I'm sorry your early life was so strange. I'm sorry you're fighting addiction.
    But for what it's worth, you're not alone here in this community.

    Write good quality hubs. Make them clear and meaningful with good, valuable information, and you'll make lots of friends here.

    Welcome to hubpages. Keep writing.

    1. profile image0
      rocky blacklaceposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      thank you for the good karma

      1. profile image0
        Home Girlposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        What I could never understand: why people lie to their children? No matter how horrible, embarrassing or shameful truth is IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO TELL THE TRUTH!!!  Because lie brings more lies and everybody who is involved will be hurt. Kids are very understanding and forgiving but they cannot understand deception and lies because it is not fair. They trust unconditionally and we grown-up cannot betray that. We have to tell the truth and explain that truth and ask their forgiveness because they are small but they have big hearts and will forgive you.
        My heart goes for you Rocky, I hope your children do not have to experience that. Have a good life. Our childen are much stronger and tolerant  than we think sometimes.

    2. profile image0
      Justine76posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      yup, you are far from alone. And keep writing! It helps to sort it all out and put it in its place. The past will always be a part of who you are today, but it doenst have to control you.

    3. profile image0
      kimberlyslyricsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Daniel, perfectly said, thank you smile

  3. GoTo Gal profile image73
    GoTo Galposted 13 years ago

    I too had a crappy parent that wasn't in my life until he was dying from cancer and needed help.  All those years I wondered about him.  In the end I was there to help him, it was tough to do.  I learned a valuable lesson and hopefully this will help you too.

    After meeting him and learning about his lifestyles and choices, it made me extremely grateful he was not the one to raise me and was not in my life.  It made me appreciate the sacrifices made by the people who did love and raise me.  They did it out of love and not an obligation.

    Embrace your grandparents and pity your mother for her poor choices.

  4. profile image0
    poetlorraineposted 13 years ago

    I so feel your pain, and hope you can get some comfort from hub pages....  just been to read your hubs, have you left us?

  5. profile image0
    kimberlyslyricsposted 13 years ago

    poet,I love that picture!

    apologize for interruption.

    1. profile image0
      poetlorraineposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      just been over to your hubs to read.... wow you sure can write

      1. profile image0
        kimberlyslyricsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Wish like you magoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        thanks for comment  big_smile

  6. susanlang profile image60
    susanlangposted 13 years ago

    Rocky Blacklace...I just feel like holding you as if you were my son. Never stop believing in yourself and the power of love. So many little children are out there who are so hurting from the unseen pain they carry within. Your story sort of reminds me of another little girl's story and it too is so sad.
    It goes like this:

    When I was a little girl I was like all other

    children. I was sweet and kind. I used to like to

    bring my daddy flowers that I had picked myself.

    I would go in search of the most beautiful flower I

    could find so he would be happy with it. I would

    locate something really special. I would pick it for

    him and run to the house feeling so sure he would be


    As I would arrive and show it to him, I would usually

    be disappointed. He didn't care about flowers I

    picked. In fact he didn't care about much of anything

    I did. My father was a drunk. He was smart and

    capable when sober but he was rarely ever sober. When

    he drank, he was a different person. He was angry

    and often violent. He hit me many times for no reason

    and beat me for things I never did. He frequently

    yelled at me and told me I was useless and lazy. You

    will never be anything but a loser, I could hear in his

    angry voice.

    Tears would come to my eyes and I would drop the

    flower right there. My father never wanted a flower

    from his little girl. I deeply wanted him to have it.

    I wanted him to love me and be proud of me. I wanted

    to be a good girl.

    It hurt me deeply that I could not give him a simple

    gift like this. You see, God made me a very giving

    person. I get joy from giving a gift or doing a

    kindness to someone that didn't ask for it. Or giving

    to someone with no hope of return or repayment.

    I see a friend in need and I will come to them with a

    gift. It is as if I am that little girl all over again

    wanting someone to take the flower I took the time to

    choose and pick. Sometimes I run across someone who

    is in need and I try to help them and they refuse.

    They have pride or they mistake my intentions but

    truly I am just like that little girl standing there

    with the flower in my hand.

    I just want to give it out of love. There is no other

    reason for me to give except from my heart. Just from

    love and kindness. It may also be because I just want

    to be noticed and loved.

    I do it with no ulterior motive and no agenda. I just

    want to give.

    It is interesting that today my father is still alive.

    He is still a heavy drinker. He is still the same

    way he always was. Many have tried to help him but

    he always rebuffs any attempts to get help with his

    drinking. He refuses help and refuses to admit he

    has a problem.

    I am old now and no longer that little girl anymore but

    inside my heart I still wish I had a daddy. I still

    wish I could be loving and sweet to him like other women

    are but he is not nor ever has been able to be a

    daddy. Alcohol has robbed him totally of all father's


    Sometimes I still feel like that little girl standing

    there with my little flower wishing he would take it.

    He never does and over time his little girl has

    stopped wishing he would. I no longer bring him

    flowers anymore. I give them to others now. I do my

    acts of kindness for others I love or who are in need,

    but inside I am still that little girl standing there

    wishing daddy would please take my flower and not yell

    at me.

    Another sad story which I posted here in hopes of all little children finding each other.

  7. profile image50
    beckipollockposted 12 years ago

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