lets get real

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   rocky blacklaceposted 14 years ago

   It's been a long time since i've talked about my past,i think that has a lot to do with my using.When i was 1yrs old i was addopted by my grand parents,it's messed up right? I was never told that either,my mom lived in our house till i was about 9 yrs as my sister.I was raised believeing she was my sister for all that time.So she came home one night all drunk and told me i was addopted,boy did that piss of my grand mother,so she threw my mom ( sister) out,never to come back or see me.It was realy devestating to me not understanding i was only 9.I think my mom ( sister) tryed to see me for a short time, but i don't think i realy mattered much then to her so she gave up.She moved out of state some where for about five yrs.For some reason she decided that she wanted to see me again so she turned up out of nowhere .not to my grand parents but to me in secret. Crying to much to keep going for now will continue tomorrow. It's a long and painfull story.

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      Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Welcome to HP.
      
      your story sounds like my nephew and, eerily, he is also from Vegas, except he has a brother and it was his father he thought was another brother.

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         rocky blacklaceposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         thats a trip that it's the same just the other way around. it was a long time ago you'd think i'd be over it.

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            Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            no, I dont think you'd be over it.  it has to have caused plenty of confusion in your life.

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               rocky blacklaceposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Hey just saw you response and yes it probbley will always be a part of my mind.it has taken me along time to be ok with it

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                  Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  my nephew found out when he was 11, found his real mom (my sister) in December, found my daughter in January and I started talking with him in February.  We haven't met yet, cuz of where we live and money situations.  He has met his mother, though.
                  
                  How about you?

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                     rocky blacklaceposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     No i've had no contact with my mom or family. my new family is all i have now. i"m fine with it though

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      cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      
      
      
      i think people abandon their children because they are weak.
      
      it sounds like your mother wants to reconcile with you, so give her a chance, if you feel that is right. but she will have to step up and prove herself to you now. she owes you that much. she is not accountable for what happened to her (and you) when she was underage, but she is accountable for the pain she brought onto you for choices she made as an adult).
      
      i'm sorry you are going through this. i wish you all the luck and hope things turn out well for you.

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         FrankiesGirl6Yrposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I don't think people abandon their children because they are weak. At least not all parents.  i think some do it because they know their situation is not the best for their for their child. Or sometimes abondonment is masked by force. Like if someone steps in and removes a child.
         
         Much of the time when someone steps in "like a grandparent" to adopt a child it's for the best. I wish someone would have steped in, like parents, and took my kids when I was in an abusive relationship and addicted to drugs. It wasn't until I ended up hospitalized that people then tryed to step in and help. My kids had already been exposed.

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   Daniel Carterposted 14 years ago

   I'm sorry your early life was so strange. I'm sorry you're fighting addiction.
   But for what it's worth, you're not alone here in this community.
   
   Write good quality hubs. Make them clear and meaningful with good, valuable information, and you'll make lots of friends here.
   
   Welcome to hubpages. Keep writing.

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      rocky blacklaceposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      thank you for the good karma

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         Home Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         What I could never understand: why people lie to their children? No matter how horrible, embarrassing or shameful truth is IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO TELL THE TRUTH!!!  Because lie brings more lies and everybody who is involved will be hurt. Kids are very understanding and forgiving but they cannot understand deception and lies because it is not fair. They trust unconditionally and we grown-up cannot betray that. We have to tell the truth and explain that truth and ask their forgiveness because they are small but they have big hearts and will forgive you.
         My heart goes for you Rocky, I hope your children do not have to experience that. Have a good life. Our childen are much stronger and tolerant  than we think sometimes.

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      Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      yup, you are far from alone. And keep writing! It helps to sort it all out and put it in its place. The past will always be a part of who you are today, but it doenst have to control you.

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      kimberlyslyricsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Daniel, perfectly said, thank you

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   GoTo Galposted 14 years ago

   I too had a crappy parent that wasn't in my life until he was dying from cancer and needed help.  All those years I wondered about him.  In the end I was there to help him, it was tough to do.  I learned a valuable lesson and hopefully this will help you too.
   
   After meeting him and learning about his lifestyles and choices, it made me extremely grateful he was not the one to raise me and was not in my life.  It made me appreciate the sacrifices made by the people who did love and raise me.  They did it out of love and not an obligation.
   
   Embrace your grandparents and pity your mother for her poor choices.

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   poetlorraineposted 14 years ago

   I so feel your pain, and hope you can get some comfort from hub pages....  just been to read your hubs, have you left us?

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   kimberlyslyricsposted 14 years ago

   poet,I love that picture!
   
   apologize for interruption.

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      poetlorraineposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      just been over to your hubs to read.... wow you sure can write

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         kimberlyslyricsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Wish like you magoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
         
         xoxoxoxoxox
         thanks for comment 

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   susanlangposted 14 years ago

   Rocky Blacklace...I just feel like holding you as if you were my son. Never stop believing in yourself and the power of love. So many little children are out there who are so hurting from the unseen pain they carry within. Your story sort of reminds me of another little girl's story and it too is so sad.
   It goes like this:
   
   When I was a little girl I was like all other
   
   children. I was sweet and kind. I used to like to
   
   bring my daddy flowers that I had picked myself.
   
   I would go in search of the most beautiful flower I
   
   could find so he would be happy with it. I would
   
   locate something really special. I would pick it for
   
   him and run to the house feeling so sure he would be
   
   delighted.
   
   As I would arrive and show it to him, I would usually
   
   be disappointed. He didn't care about flowers I
   
   picked. In fact he didn't care about much of anything
   
   I did. My father was a drunk. He was smart and
   
   capable when sober but he was rarely ever sober. When
   
   he drank, he was a different person. He was angry
   
   and often violent. He hit me many times for no reason
   
   and beat me for things I never did. He frequently
   
   yelled at me and told me I was useless and lazy. You
   
   will never be anything but a loser, I could hear in his
   
   angry voice.
   
   Tears would come to my eyes and I would drop the
   
   flower right there. My father never wanted a flower
   
   from his little girl. I deeply wanted him to have it.
   
   I wanted him to love me and be proud of me. I wanted
   
   to be a good girl.
   
   It hurt me deeply that I could not give him a simple
   
   gift like this. You see, God made me a very giving
   
   person. I get joy from giving a gift or doing a
   
   kindness to someone that didn't ask for it. Or giving
   
   to someone with no hope of return or repayment.
   
   I see a friend in need and I will come to them with a
   
   gift. It is as if I am that little girl all over again
   
   wanting someone to take the flower I took the time to
   
   choose and pick. Sometimes I run across someone who
   
   is in need and I try to help them and they refuse.
   
   They have pride or they mistake my intentions but
   
   truly I am just like that little girl standing there
   
   with the flower in my hand.
   
   I just want to give it out of love. There is no other
   
   reason for me to give except from my heart. Just from
   
   love and kindness. It may also be because I just want
   
   to be noticed and loved.
   
   I do it with no ulterior motive and no agenda. I just
   
   want to give.
   
   It is interesting that today my father is still alive.
   
   He is still a heavy drinker. He is still the same
   
   way he always was. Many have tried to help him but
   
   he always rebuffs any attempts to get help with his
   
   drinking. He refuses help and refuses to admit he
   
   has a problem.
   
   I am old now and no longer that little girl anymore but
   
   inside my heart I still wish I had a daddy. I still
   
   wish I could be loving and sweet to him like other women
   
   are but he is not nor ever has been able to be a
   
   daddy. Alcohol has robbed him totally of all father's
   
   instincts.
   
   Sometimes I still feel like that little girl standing
   
   there with my little flower wishing he would take it.
   
   He never does and over time his little girl has
   
   stopped wishing he would. I no longer bring him
   
   flowers anymore. I give them to others now. I do my
   
   acts of kindness for others I love or who are in need,
   
   but inside I am still that little girl standing there
   
   wishing daddy would please take my flower and not yell
   
   at me.
   
   Another sad story which I posted here in hopes of all little children finding each other.

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   beckipollockposted 14 years ago

   please read my blog! http://beckisjoint.blogspot.com/

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