Gifts From A Heartache
It just feels so different. The feeling of emptiness and pain. I already had a feeling 3 years ago this could end up like this. I did planned on following my mind, as I had always been most of the time. But for the first time, I decided to give my heart a chance to be followed this time. My mind took the back seat.
And my mind proved it was right. I should have followed it the first place because it just ended up in a break-up and leaving me feeling stupid to all the things that my mind had said no to.
"Sheera, come on and eat dinner first," my thoughts were interrupted as I heard my mom called me from the hallway to eat dinner.
"Yes mom. I have food here and I could just get more later," was my responsed. I just don't have the appetite to eat though I do bring food in my room to chew on while reviewing for my State license exam. I already had failed the first time. And I am scheduled to take it for the second time, but still I wasn't really ready. I can't focus. Why would he have to break up with me just before I have to take my State exam?I hated him for that, crazy guy. I am not used on eating breakfast, and now I lost the appetite to even eat lunch and dinner. I have to force myself to eat and it was just hard. It's been like this for weeks and luckily, no one had noticed what I'm going through.
I have to wear a mask, a "I'm ok kind of mask" whenever I get out of my room. No one knows I'm hurting until I opened up to a high school batch mate I am becoming friends with after 9 years. We hadn't said hi or hello back then in high school but through mutual friends, we became friends in Facebook, Jane. And she was thousands of miles away. She is currently in Malaysia. And when I said opened up, I mean really opened up to her and I had surprised myself from doing so. I had just told what I'm going through to someone through chat, someone I hadn't shared personal stuffs like this before. But from doing so, I learned she had just gone through the same situation. And second, my best friend. The two would talked to me online whenever they have a chance and I'm thankful for that.
But someone else showed up.
"Hi," a chat message from someone I had just became friends with. He probably saw me from Facebook groups. I had read the message but I ignored it. I'm busy tidying up things before I go off work at 1 pm. And besides I am not used to replying to chats from Facebook friends I don't personally know. I rarely reply to hi and hello's because more than few times I got disappointed to messages that comes next.
"Hi friend. Thank you for liking my comment," was the second message I got, with a smily. Now I'm sure this guy had seen me from a Facebook group. But got me intrigued. What comment from him I had liked?
"What comment?" I finally replied after thinking if I should ask or not.
"Head is always inversely proportional to heart." He said. "So thank you dear."
"Oh, I remember now," I said. A message I had liked from one of the commenters of a love quote from the Facebook page "Tell her she's beautiful instead of hot, she is a women, not a temperature."
I rarely reply to chats from those who had added me from Facebook groups but somehow I continued with the conversation with this guy. So far I hadn't seen a reason yet to stop replying or appear offline. And the exchange of messages continued. He, Jane, and my best friend had been a help to distract me from thinking.
It's been 4 months now since I got dumped. And a lot had changed. As I write a draft of this story, looking passed those 4 months draws a smile on my face. I am thankful I had moved on. It made me smarter, and was reminded to always listen to that little voice which I hadn't listened too. I got passed through it. Reminiscing what I prayed for also made me smile every time I remember what I had prayed in whispers in between sobs back then.
"God, you had sent someone else his way that's why I got dumped. And I was left alone. Could you send me someone else too? Please....."
I was heard. He sent someone my way. Someone who reminds me to eat breakfast everyday and gets mad if I won't. Someone who checks if I ate lunch and dinner and insists I do if I hadn't yet. I'm thankful He sent me someone, not a boyfriend, but a brother. My gift. We aren't blood related but I'm a sister. And it amazes us both about the similarities I have with her mom, and him with my mom. Like how his mom is scared of the dark, and believes in ghost, and have asthma like I do. And him loving the same vegetables that my mom loves like taro, eggplant and okra which I don't eat, and sharing the same birth month, my mom on the 6th of September and him on the 7th.
And you know what? I just realized He also put two Mary Jane's in my life: my best friend and the Jane I had talked to both shares the same name. They are my gifts.
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