Gifts From A Heartache

It just feels so different. The feeling of emptiness and pain. I already had a feeling 3 years ago this could end up like this. I did plan on following my mind, as I had always been most of the time. But for the first time, I decided to give my heart a chance to be followed this time. My mind took the back seat.

And my mind proved me wrong. I should listened to that gut feeling the first place because it just ended up in a break-up and leaving me feeling stupid to all the things that my mind had said no to.

"Sheera, come on and eat dinner first," my thoughts were interrupted as I heard my mom called me from the hallway to eat dinner.

"Yes mom. I have food here and I could just get more later," was my response. I don't have the appetite to eat though I do bring food in my room to chew on while reviewing for my State license exam. I already failed the first time I took it. I am scheduled to take it for the second time, but still I wasn't really ready. I can't focus. Why did he break up with me just before I have to take my State exam?I hated him for that. I am not used on eating breakfast, and now I lost the appetite to even eat lunch and dinner. I have to force myself to eat and it was just hard. It's been like this for weeks and luckily, no one had noticed what I've going through.

I have to wear a mask—I'm ok kind of mask, whenever I get out of my room. No one knows I'm hurting until I opened up to a high school batch mate I am becoming friends with after 9 years. We hadn't said hi or hello back then in high school but through mutual friends, I became friends with Jane on Facebook. And she was thousands of miles away. She is currently in Malaysia. And when I said opened up, I mean really opened up to her. I even surprised myself from doing so. We often chat. She would often start the conversation as she's busy I don't want to appear too needy. She comforted me. From doing so, I learned she went through the same situation as well. Aside from her, there was another Jane—my best friend. The two talked to me online whenever they have a chance and I'm thankful for that.

But someone else showed up.

"Hi," a chat message from someone I had just became friends with. He probably saw me from Facebook groups. I read the message but I ignored it. I'm busy tidying up things before I go off work at 1 pm. And besides I am not used to replying to chats from Facebook friends I don't personally know. I rarely reply to hi and hello's because more than few times I got disappointed to messages that comes next.

"Hi friend. Thank you for liking my comment," was the second message I got, with a smily. Now I'm sure this guy had seen me from a Facebook group. But got me intrigued. What comment from him I had liked?

"What comment?" I finally replied after thinking if I should ask or not.

"Head is always inversely proportional to heart." He said. "So thank you dear."

"Oh, I remember now," I said. A message I had liked from one of the commenters of a love quote from the Facebook page "Tell her she's beautiful instead of hot, she is a women, not a temperature."

I rarely reply to chats from those who added me from Facebook groups but somehow I continued with the conversation with this guy. So far I hadn't seen a reason yet to stop replying or appear offline. And the exchange of messages continued. He, Jane, and my best friend had been a help to distract me from thinking.

It's been 4 months now since I got dumped. And a lot had changed. As I write a draft of this story, looking passed those 4 months draws a smile on my face. I am thankful I had moved on. It made me smarter, and was reminded to always listen to that little voice which I hadn't listened too. I got passed through it. Reminiscing what I prayed for also made me smile every time I remember what I had prayed in whispers in between sobs back then.

"God, you had sent someone else his way that's why I got dumped. And I was left alone. Could you send me someone else too? Please....."

I was heard. He sent someone my way. Someone who reminds me to eat breakfast everyday and gets mad if I won't. Someone who checks if I ate lunch and dinner and insists I do if I hadn't yet. I'm thankful He sent me someone, not a boyfriend, but a brother. My gift. We aren't blood related but I'm a sister. And it amazes us both about the similarities I have with her mom, and him with my mom. Like how his mom is scared of the dark, and believes in ghost, and have asthma like I do. And him loving the same vegetables that my mom loves like taro, eggplant and okra which I don't eat, and sharing the same birth month, my mom on the 6th of September and him on the 7th.

And you know what? I just realized He also put two Mary Jane in my life—my best friend and the Jane I talked to share the same name. They are my gifts.