A Supernatural Experience- Journal Challenge, Day 29

Many people who know me would be surprised to find that I once had a daughter. In fact, many of my co-workers immediately questioned me when they saw her mentioned on the dedication page of my first book, On Solid Ground …. You see, Tina was conceived but never born; she was actually gone before I fully realized that she existed. It was a very traumatic experience to say the least, but for the purposes of this article, I will focus on the grace and goodness of God and how he helped me heal the loss through supernatural encounters with my precious baby girl.

I was a 21-year old college student at the time of conception and had gotten mixed diagnoses about what was going on with my body, ending with a pelvic infection. Since I’d never been pregnant before, I didn’t know what to expect and when a blood flow began I assumed it was my monthly cycle. Two weeks later, I was still flowing, drained of energy and barely able to walk. I went to the Emergency Room, where I was promptly admitted, given a blood transfusion and informed that I’d miscarried.

I named baby Tina about 15 years later when Rev. Johnny Ray Youngblood, Pastor of the St. Paul Community Baptist Church at the time, had a healing ceremony for mothers who had lost children by any means. We got to write their names on paper and passed them to the Elders who placed them in urns, prayed over them and burned them in a sweet offering to the Lord.

A few years later when I was a trainee in the healing ministry at St. Paul, a woman had brought her baby girl to the altar for healing. The baby had been injured during the birthing process. My heart went out to the mother and baby as the healers ministered healing touch techniques on the crying infant while I sat in the pew with the other trainees sending healing energy. I told God with my whole heart that He could take my blessing to heal this child and in that same instant I was transported into a spiritual sacred place; every cry that the baby cried was as if I was hearing my baby cry for the first time and then, I experienced holding my baby also. I wept overflowing tears of gratitude and joy through the rest of the service. For someone who had only experienced one abnormal pregnancy so many years before, it was confirmation for me that my pregnancy was real and that Tina did happen.

In 2006 during Inner Visions Institute For Spiritual Development’s Summer Intensive, I spoke with Tina while having a Sweat lodge Experience. We were lying on the ground in a birthing position and she came to me as a toddler. I told Tina that I had to release her into the care of my grandparents and her paternal grandfather because God wanted me to give birth to something new and it was time for me to let go. After we exited the Sweat Lodge during the closing ceremony, I saw her being led away by her great-grandparents as they walked with the ancestors.

In my book, I share a poetic experience, entitled The Visit, where I played with her in my meditation created safe place. I had prayed, asking God if she could visit with me and as I sat in quiet meditation, she did. And lastly, she came to me in a dream about four years ago and told me it was okay to move on and have another child.

I don’t question these occurrences; I just humbly and graciously accept them in deep gratitude to a compassionate and loving God, who has helped me heal a longstanding area of pain, sadness and yearning. I share them publically to record and honor my Tina’s existence. Previous documentation was lost.

NOTE: Write Here, Right Now: 30 Day Journaling Challenge, Cycle 3-Day 29 complete. Hallelujah! Thank you, God!

Be blessed,

Jo Anne Meekins