Spiritual Healing Journey of a Pregnancy Loss
In July 1982, my body experienced a miscarriage of the only pregnancy conceived in my single and married life. The healing process did not begin for me consciously until about 14 years later and continued on deeper levels as described in my spiritual experiences. The following poems are expressions of my healing through the use of spiritual tools, God’s grace, forgiveness and His comforting presence.
A willful disobedience,
a consequence that I repressed
was resurrected for my healing,
dedicated and laid to rest.
When I opened up and faced the whole picture,
new insights were there to see.
I repented and gave it all to my Jesus;
and in return, He forgave and cleansed me.
I named my unborn child Tina,
whom miscarried many years ago.
To God, I committed her spirit;
I celebrated her and rejoiced in my soul.
I thank God for His grace and His mercy,
for Pastor Youngblood and the Staff of St. Paul,
for the Elders, members and ministries,
you were God’s answer in response to my call.
Note: Acknowledgement is the first step toward healing.
(Psalm 30: 11-12) “11You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, 12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.”
I didn’t say, “My heart has ached for your physical presence for over 20 years.”
I didn’t see her as a little newborn baby in her appearance.
I didn’t cry tears of sadness and loss with the thought of her this time.
I said, “I apologize that we didn’t have the opportunity to live life together.”
I saw her as a 4-year old with a momentary unfamiliar look in her eyes and hesitancy in her body language.
I hugged her and joyfully tussled with her on the floor of my meditation created safe place.
I didn’t say, “I wish you were alive and able to live with me now.”
I didn’t see any pain or imperfections in her appearance.
I didn’t hold onto the moment as if it were our last.
I said, “I love you and have always loved you.”
I saw love, life, and laughter in her spirit and interaction with me.
I released her presence back into the spiritual care of my late grandparents until our next visit.
(Isaiah 49:13) "Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains: for the Lord hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted."