Character Actor with the Memorable Face (whose name I can never recall)
Look! Look! There he is again! That one right there! That guy moving off toward the left side of the screen, behind the two short grubby troll-looking guys! Yeah, him! The dude that’s playing the reformed alcoholic deacon handing out broth at the soup kitchen for displaced coal miners! The one with that shuffling walk and the really bizarre accent! Who is he? I mean, really —not, like, in the film. I mean in like real life.
You know the guy I mean! You’d recognize him in an instant. He’s been in hundreds of movies, every kind you can imagine, always playing some character, but never the lead — but, damn, what the heck is his name? I can never seem to remember it.
Once — it was driving me so nuts — I even replayed the end credits of this really cheesy horror film over and over and over again, ‘cause I was sure he was one of the zombies holding a torch in the underground cavern thing with the woman-eating radioactive alien robot snake, but I never could figure out which one he was (probably ‘cause of all the zombie make-up and special effects and such).
Come on, you’ve seen him before! I know you have! You can’t have watched movies for the last twenty years without seeing this dude hundreds of times! He’s in, like, everything! Guy must just love a paycheck. Or he’s really hooked on being other people all the time.
Wasn’t he the guy in that TV series, where this maniac cop keeps chasing the wrong guy for the murder of his wife, and, like, every episode the dude almost gets caught ‘cause he has to be Mr. Nice Guy to somebody and end up getting noticed? Then people wonder why his name don’t match his driver’s license, or some such snot? No?
Maybe he was that other guy — you know the one! — the sap that always seemed to buy it before the end of each show on The Enterprise? Yeah, yeah! One time, he was eaten up by tribbles or something? (That was stupid; anybody would know to steer clear of those fuzzy little dweebs.) Then, the next week it was a booby-trapped phaser that got ‘im. Couple more episodes go by, and now the very same guy gets sucked out of this really lame looking hull breach? Y’know, ‘Ensign’ was all they called him. Never gave him a name, ‘cause the dude was gonna die anyway. That wasn’t him? Yeah, I guess you’re right, that guy was younger, and wasn’t so addict-looking as this dude.
Oh, I know! I know! He’s that French guy people are always talkin’ about. The one from film festivals and such! Like, he’s a part time actor, part time director, part time serial adulterer, part time famous guy, whatever. Smokes all the time, wears this really crappy looking trench coat in most of his films. Can’t seem to hold his head up straight. Yeah, that’s gotta be him! He can never look straight at the camera, like he’s only got one good side.
Yeah, that’s him alright. This time I’m sure. Whatever his name is.
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