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Comedy And Funny Dog Stories: How To Avoid Being Pulled Like A Human Weedeater

Updated on March 7, 2011

Funny Dog Story: How To Avoid Being a Human Weedeater

Once upon a time, there were two dear sweet black lab puppies who belonged to yours truly.

These two beautiful angels were found on a 4-lane road after they had been 'set free' by their owner (only one of numerous times). Finally on a gorgeous 4th of July day, not being able to stand it any longer, my kind husband brought these two 6-week-old puppies home to me in my son's bat bag.

You see, they had seen them on the way home from his baseball game in the middle of the road yet again, wandering aimlessly and he couldn't stand to think of their fate. As luck would have it, they landed in just the right the most capable hands and lap of one Audrey Kirchner who already had two dogs but who was bound and determined to find a good home for these orphans who were repeatedly let go to fend for themselves. We all know where this is going, right?

Molly and Mariah (I had to name them of course because how would I know them apart?) ended up living happily ever after at the Kirchner Hacienda because said Audrey Kirchner (and her family I might add) fell in love with them and their hopeful adopters never had a chance at getting their hands on one of them.

We had a lot of fun with these two dogs and here is just one day in the life of Audrey and her beautiful black lab friends.

After a swim and many years later
After a swim and many years later | Source

The Days of Being a Weedeater

Molly and Mariah were wonderful dogs though they got into their share of mischief. Time passed though and I worked with them diligently to train them to be obedient dogs. I trained them to be kind dogs. I nursed them through Parvo and then rehab'd Molly who we found had grade IV hip dysplasia at age 6 months and after 2 hip replacements. Can I pick 'em or what?

I was just in love with these dogs along with my other two but the labs were young and they needed a lot of exercise. After Molly's surgery, she was basically a new dog (she should have been because what it cost, she could have had a motor and I could have driven her). But I digress......

The only caveat of her surgeries was that we needed to be careful of her hips. That meant no jumping in particular but running was okay and she was actually supposed to rebuild her muscles and get lots of exercise. I took her swimming at the lake and together as a family, we rehab'd that dog until you really wouldn't know that she had started out with such severe problems.

During this time of course, our kids were growing up and we as a family were involved in everything from music to sports to dance. Our family though was a soccer family from day one and as a whole, we just took to the sport like fish to water. All of our children were involved in soccer on a fanatic level (or was that frantic). Even our visually impaired son Patrick played. It seemed only natural then that at the ripe old age of 38, I would decide that I too needed to get on a team and start playing 'old lady soccer' as I fondly referred to it. Even Bob played one season but we don't refer to that as old man soccer; we refer to that particular episode as a 'grave mistake'. That's another story!

So in my quest to become athletically endowed so to speak, I took up all manner and forms of buffing myself up. I lifted weights, I rode bicycles, and I did something I had never done in my entire life up to that point - I jogged. Not that I was very good at it. I personally hate jogging. I could play soccer for hours and not notice that I was running but the idea of running down a road just because I was jogging totally defined insanity to me. It was a pain in the butt if you want to know the truth and I hated it. But I was hoping for that U-40 scholarship in soccer you know, so sacrifices had to be made. More days than I'd like to remember I found myself out literally beating the pavement, usually cursing all the way.

In an effort to make it somehow more interesting or perhaps less tedious, and being the ultimate multi-tasker of all time, I decided hey - why not kill two birds with one old lady and take the labs jogging when I went. They needed the exercise as they were always wound up and what better way to exercise them than to have them run alongside me? Wouldn't it just be something for folks to see me, buff and in shape, running with my two beautiful dogs down the road? They would honk or wave at me and give me two thumbs up! At least!

Well, it went pretty well. They got their exercise and I got mine, although I have to say being buff is harder than I imagined. When you are not a runner by nature, it's really hard to get in the groove so to speak. Maybe I needed an iPod to help myself along but unfortunately, that was way before such things and I was just stuck with two dogs and the street for companions.

Again, the ultimate multi-tasker that I am, on one gloriously beautiful fall day, we had a soccer game to be at in an hour. Bob was getting ready to head out the door and I all of a sudden had a brilliant inspiration that I'm known to have from time to time. Why not let him take the kids to the game and I'd just take Molly and Mariah for a 'quick' jog around town and end up at the game with them in tow? Then he could give me and the kids a lift home after the game. Didn't that just sound like an athletic thing to do?  You betcha.

How I Became a Weedeater

I finished my jog around my regular route and I have to say, I'm really 'dog tired.' Enough is enough and staying buff was getting harder and harder all the time. It didn't help that it was a rather warm Indian Summer fall day but I had brought it on myself after all. I was about down to my last half lung when I finally jogged into the junior high school parking lot with my two trusty black pals in hand (or in leash as it were). I was seriously looking forward to NOT moving for an hour and a half because I was definitely winded.

I walked them through the fields and spotted my family at the appropriate spot - game already in progress, and went over to join them. Watching the game for a few minutes, I became rather overwhelmed from all my exertions and having cooled down, I decided to just slip off my running shoes and have a little stretch-out on the ground to soak up the warm sun's rays.

As it turned out, our middle boy was the one playing this particular day and as usual, everyone was chatting it up, partly watching the game, partly just catching up. Because I had the 2 dogs, I decided to sit down near the end line just in case there might be some folks who weren't keen on two big dogs drooling on them. As I stretched out in the warm sun, I did think to myself 'Self, it doesn't get any better than this. Nice warm day, comfortable grass, two beautiful dogs, wonderful family, fresh air, good friends....' I could have gone on and on but I'll stop there. Needless to say, I was tired from my jog and I was feeling a little bit sleepy to tell the truth. So I just stretched out and tried to watch the game.

I was snatched from my peaceful bliss by movement - MINE - and I might add at an alarming rate. I had casually entwined the two dogs' leashes around my wrist but as they started to move, they tightened around my wrist like a vise. I had been sitting up and leaning back but when they took off, I was suddenly yanked forward into a prone position on the grass and was now belly down on said grass and I was no longer where I was supposed to be. Instead, I was being yanked and pulled face first down the sideline of the game by two 80-pound labs who had decided they wanted to go play with the dog that was running across the field - conveniently at the OTHER end of the soccer field. Holy crap on a cracker - where was the brake?

I began to yell 'STOP' but they obviously did not know this word because we kept going. I saw people jumping out of the way and I heard lots of laughter as I tried to regain SOME amount of decorum and composure but let's face it. It's pretty hard to be cool when you're being dragged behind two dogs that obviously don't speak English - and all you can think of is 'Do I have grass in my teeth?' Some kind soul finally realized that I might be in a bit of a pickle and reached out and grabbed hold of the two dogs bent on reaching the other dog in 5 seconds flat. I swear my arm had grown 5 inches on that side and was throbbing like a sore tooth.

About this time, I realize that the game has stopped. I vaguely heard the referee blowing a whistle but I just thought it was part of the game. But of course not, just my luck - he had apparently seen me start to become the human weedeater and decided to call the game until it was determined if I had in fact bitten off a good mouthful of turf.

I could hear my child's inward groans from where I lay on the grass - 'Oh my GOD - does she HAVE to be my mother? I try and stay invisible and just be normal but then she has to go and do something ELSE!'

In my defense, how was I to know that these two stupid dogs were going to take off like a runaway train and take me with them? I wasn't prepared - that is my defense to this day and I'm sticking with it! Had I known, I would have handled it differently I have no doubt.

At least the dogs lost interest in the dog that had flown by and were now sitting calmly albeit winded (they were after all pulling quite a dead load there for a bit) on the sidelines. Everyone was laughing and talking - 'Hey - remember me? Does anyone possibly care if I've broken my wrist or if I have chunks of turf in my teeth?' Finally a man steps out from the crowd, my hero Bob, and comes towards me where I still lay prone on the ground like a supplicant.

The referee has the nerve to ask in front of everyone 'Are you okay, ma'am?' Geez - add insult to injury you little snot-nosed teenager! 'Of course I'm okay - I do this all the time!' I retort and just to prove it I stand up. Or I try to stand up. I'm a bit shaky from the 'ride' and as I stumble to get to my feet, realize of course that I have grass stains all over my tee shirt and my sweat pants. In retrospect, I was thrilled that my pants stayed ON while I was being dragged full force down the sidelines. THAT would have really messed up Patrick if his mother had been pantsed in public!

Bob is shaking his head as he extends his hand though and he starts to laugh. 'Always very entertaining, Audrey - I must admit you put on quite a show!' He nods to the referee as if to say 'carry on' while he proceeds to take the dogs for me while I try and rearrange my underwear and other various and assorted pieces of clothing. I hear him whisper something about 'Kinda reminds me of your boogie boarding incident ya know?' Hmmph - I get no respect.

So I had a little grass burn on my thighs for a few days - and some grass stains I never did get out of my clothes. I also had to apologize to my son for making the referee stop the game and for making a spectacle (yet again) of myself. Truly though - in all fairness - it was totally not my fault. I am the victim of some cosmic jokester up there who just loves to see these things happen to me. Why me? I have no idea but I imagine it's because I can take a joke. If you had my kinda luck, wouldn't you just get used to laughing with them?

Mariah and Molly as Pups
Mariah and Molly as Pups | Source

Funny Dog Story: How to Avoid Being A Human Weedeater

The moral of that story is several fold. Never wear gray sweatpants or light colored tee shirts if you happen to be me. You are better off in ALL BLACK. No grass stains!

Second moral of the story - never have leashes wrapped around fingers or wrists. I seem to really have a problem with this and still I do it. If a dog bolts on you much less TWO dogs bolt on you, you have no way 'out'. You are along for the ride and it may not be pretty.

Lastly, if you are with me, you may be in for a bit of excitement. If you're related to me, I can see why you pretend you don't know me sometimes. I don't do these things on purpose you know. They just HAPPEN. Get over it!

You would think that I learned my lesson to pay attention to the labs though after that 'drag' of an experience, but unfortunately the next summer while at a baseball game that I had jogged to yet again with my two trusty pals, I collapsed into a folding chair to rest for a bit. Again, I forgot that the leashes were attached to me and when Molly and Mariah spotted a little boy behind me they wanted to go 'visit' I was pulled over backwards in the chair banging my head on the ground, fortunately missing the metal bleachers by millimeters. They again stopped the game and this time, it was my oldest son who was humiliated - as he put it - so badly that he would never be able to go back to that school.

He did in fact return to the school. Thankfully, most of the school personnel and people in our town knew all about me and cut my children some slack. In my defense, it's not like I made the news or anything!

All I can say is, those were the good old days.

It Could Happen to Me

Works for Me!

It MIGHT be the Shoes


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    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      9 years ago from Washington

      AliciaC - I just said the same thing to my son last night who just lost his dog to cancer. It is so sad when we have to say goodbye and I have had the BEST dogs....haven't we all though? I just feel such a privilege to have known them and loved them and seen them through the good times and the bad. I always say when one of my dogs pass on to run in the meadows or whatever they do when they leave me that I just can't simply go through it again....and then I find another dog that I love just as much. I always tell my dogs when I think of them 'you left because you wanted to send me someone else and bless you for that'.

      Thanks so much for making the hub so much better by your kind comment and your insight into being a dog lover no matter what the cost!

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 

      9 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      What a funny story! I’ve had the experience of being pulled to the ground by a dog, but luckily I wasn’t pulled very far. I have a black lab at the moment, who so far hasn’t performed this trick!

      I wish that dogs had longer life spans. They live for such a short time compared to a human. My last dog died of cancer, so I can understand how sad you were to lose Mariah.

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Thanks DizzyLizzy - me, too and wish it was yesterday so I could see my funny girls again! Thanks for the read. They were wonderful dogs and friends of the first order.

    • DizzyLizzy profile image


      10 years ago from Canada

      Excellent, so funny, I can see it all. hahaha

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Sally's Trove - Unfortunately, that wasn't the only time would THINK I would learn. I actually did that twice now with the malamutes. I snapped my ring finger but good and had to have my rings cut off that time...and then I got my left hand tangled in the lines for the scooter and Bob said 'let's go' by mistake and they did. About 200 pounds of torque that particular time - and again broke my finger.

      I now view leashes as weapons of torture and I do not wrap them around any body parts anymore!! I think I finally learned....I can't IMAGINE doing it with a horse. Good lord that would have given me a great story!

      Thanks so much for laughing along with me. It means the world to me to make folks laugh.

    • Sally's Trove profile image


      10 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      I learned how to "walk" horses long before I learned how to walk a dog. The first rule in leading horses is never to loop the lead around your hand or wrist. So, when I read your story, laughing to tears all the way through, I thought to myself, "I can't believe she did it twice!" even though it's definitely what I would have done if it hadn't been for working with horses.

      My big old Goldie pulled me off my feet a number of times in the short time that I had her. The only thing that kept me from being a weedeater was that I could let the leash go.

      Super, super story, Audrey. You are a gem of a writer, mother, and lover of dogs! Voted up and funny.

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      ML - I think I did read your story and it was great! Thanks on the dogs - I love them too a lot....obviously. I hear you on the shaving - our dogs got mange from a stray I picked up - another hub another day - what a mess they were!

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 

      10 years ago from Florida

      I did not have any live cats present at the party, but it was a cat theme. If you get a chance, read my "Un-Halloween" story.

      I can tell how much you love your dogs. When I was a teenager, I had a collie who refused to get in the car. It took my step-mother on one end and I at the other to push/pull him into the car. At one point, he got a skin disease that meant he had to have his tail and back legs shaved. What a pitiful sight!

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Mysterylady - Now that's hilarious. I'd probably love a cat party but I'm not sure my DOGS would. Their breed is known to chomp up little things like cats and small dogs although mine have truly been very good. That's one reason though I was so ticked about that stalker cat! What was it thinking? Griffin was absolutely going nuts over it and was afraid that it was going to make some kind of psychic impression on him. Lucky for me, he is the biggest whimp of a dog you'll ever meet and on thinking it over a bit, he decided to let the cat have the street after all - after he'd about dragged me a 1/4 mile. I seriously need bionic arms!

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 

      10 years ago from Florida

      Seeing the little cat stalk the big dog must have been quite a scene! I wondered about your attitude about cats because I gave a "cat" birthday party for my riend Jay Shane because he hates cats. It was a hoot!

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Mysterylady - thanks for laughing along with me! Yes, I like cats but unfortunately my husband does not - and malamutes are not notorious for making nice with cats as a general rule as they tend to try and eat them. I have never put my dogs to the test although Griffin was stalked by a small black cat recently and about came unglued! I'm not sure how that didn't end up in my funny bag of tricks as I was dragged down the street but that episode was more frightening than amusing to tell the truth. I've never SEEN a cat attack a dog before!

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 

      10 years ago from Florida

      A delightfully funny hub, Audrey. I can picture you as the Weed Eater! Do you also like cats?

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Thanks, Ken - as I said, I started out telling my funny story and ended up in a bit of a weepy mess over them as they truly were delights. I do enjoy my dogs to the max I guess. I sometimes have the feeling that they are special souls somehow trapped in a dog's body come to visit me and teach me things I would not have known or felt otherwise. Perhaps I am a bit 'gaga' on that one but I truly do enjoy the company of canines. It seems they lead me down all kinds of paths though - most of them comedic! Thanks so much for enjoying my girls with me. They lived to be 6 and almost 14 (Mariah died of a tumor in her shoulder that had exploded before we caught it and Moll just died of being too old). I think they had a marvelous life while they were with us - I know I did!

    • saddlerider1 profile image


      10 years ago

      What one will do as a pet owner. Like Lela said I want to come back as one of your pets, you treat them like kings and they know it to:0) Being dragged around by dogs, very funny videos, I have seen some struggling pet owners on their hands and knees, while their pet is yelling back, hey can't you keep up? LOL...too funny, I really enjoyed this hub and your videos. Those two black labs are favorites of mine. Hugs

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Nell - I thought of you telling me that story about the Alsatian and I have to laugh about that as well. I kinda see this thing happening now with Griffin and Bob. I for some reason am able to control him better than Bob is and I don't have a clue why! I look up to see my husband being dragged every which way but loose - and it is but one dog. Although we are talking about a dog that can pull a fridge if hooked up and all....I have a feeling this is going to be going badly down the way a piece. I have a feeling there will be a sequel and it is not going to involve Bob but me instead! Yikes!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      10 years ago from England

      Hi, Audrey, ha ha not again! I would love to have seen that! of course I would have helped you, when I had stopped laughing! lol it reminded me of my friend who decided to take my collie cross alsatian for a walk! I forgot to tell her it was draggies! I could see her out of the window, one second she was going one way, and the next she was charging across the lawn as though the hounds of hell were after her! hee hee cheers nell

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      HH - Thanks so much for laughing along with me - and I'm always happy to give you a good belly laugh. I have a lot more stories to come unfortunately or fortunately, whichever way we look at this perplexing state of affairs called 'my life'.

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      10 years ago from London, UK

      Oh, Audrey, I nearly split my sides with laughter. Thank you, I could do with a good laugh.

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Feline Prophet - Thank you most kindly - I am just who I am!

      MT - Thanks for sharing your lab love as well. They were such special girls partly because our kids grew up with them I think. At the time we had 4 dogs and I am a neat freak to the max and the dogs were part of our lives always. We had 1 dog for each bed in the house which was rather nice....I did a LOT of laundry though!

      Micky - Thanks for pedaling by - and they didn't so much beat me up as keep me humble I suppose? It's really hard to pretend you are good looking and sexy when you're being dragged down the field on your belly.

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 

      10 years ago

      Don't get pets that can beat you up! Great funny story!

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      10 years ago from Minnesota

      This was such a fun ride. You have a real talent writing a story and bringing your readers with you. I love it and can totally relate. I've had many funny things happen to me by my two black labs. Things that humble me. Thanks for the great uplift. Loved the videos too. Had to hit all the buttons on this gem.

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 

      10 years ago are a delight! :)

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Crewman6 - Good LORD! That sounds like something I might have thought up to do to my perfect sister but thankfully I did not! I would have been black and blue for a month.

      Glad you like the humorous side of my writing. I truly could go on and on in that vein as I have a million stories left at least. I haven't tapped my children's stories - thankfully I have their permission to 'tell all'. I do enjoy making folks laugh most of all and it brings back happy memories and the great laughs we had - usually AFTER the fact I assure you. At the time I was mortified - but that happens a lot and you just have to get used to it when you're me!

    • Crewman6 profile image


      10 years ago

      Always a pleasure to read one of your humorous tales. Something to look forward to when I know you've got a new one! A high school friend did something similar on purpose. She gave the leash to her 7-year old sister with instruction to hang on no matter what, went to the far side of a sandspur-filled field, then called the german shepherd. Her little sister never once let go...

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Thank you Gus - it is the story of my life!

      BJ - You have no idea! I actually was well known by that point anyhow so what did it matter? My poor children!! Can you see why I substitute dog love for family? I'm kidding - thank goodness my kids all have a terrific sense of humor or I would be doomed.

      I got permission (in writing of course) from my children to tap yet another vein of my wonderful stories. They said collectively that if I hadn't embarrassed them enough by this time (in their 30s now), that it really couldn't hurt for me to take it to a 'new level'. I have a million kid stories - but then I still have a bunch more dog stories, and water stories.....the list goes on. I hope I can write them all before I go to the weedeating field in the sky!

      And you are SO right - if we'd have had a video of all my many escapades, we'd be rich!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      10 years ago from south Florida

      Audrey - How did you ever live that one down? I do feel for you. I can just see folks snickering behind their hands whenever they saw you from that point on.

      And making spiteful little remarks like, "That's the weed-eater lady. Do you think we could rent her to give our crabgrass lawn a workout?"

      If you plan any more capers like this, have Bob video the entire episode and you could make a pot of money by winning the funniest home video award on that TV show.

      However, weed-eating and all, your love for those two Labs shines through in this hub. They were lucky you found them.

    • GusTheRedneck profile image

      Gustave Kilthau 

      10 years ago from USA

      Audrey - THAT was a funny, funny story!

      Gus :-)))

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Thanks, Eiddwen - they were truly treasures. All my dogs have been and I always miss them so much when they pass on. When I was doing this hub, I was doing the comedy thing and found myself tearing up missing them (they've been gone for probably about 10 years now). They were such great dogs and we sure went through the mill with them.

      I always say though that my dogs pass on because they know that there is another dog waiting to fill their spot at the Audrey Kirchner Rehab Facility....ha ha - they may be gone but they are never forgotten.

      Deborah - Thanks for the read. I appreciate the empathy as it could after all happen to anyone! It just surprisingly always seems to happen to me - many more tales to come I'm afraid....I don't think I'll ever run out!

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      10 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Awesome story. It sounds like something I might do, but your telling of it is hilarious. Can't wait to read more!


    • Eiddwen profile image


      10 years ago from Wales

      Wow what a great hub. I love dogs and you tell your story so naturally.Fate must have bought these two gorgeous dogs to you all those years ago, and they are so lucky that they ended up with you. A woman with a big heart.

      Carry on writing and I will carry on reading.

      Take care.

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Petra - Thanks for the read and the kudos - yes, they definitely are great and I wouldn't trade a minute of it all...well, maybe a COUPLE of them!

      Katie - My mother tells me this all the time. If not for that little pesky business about performance anxiety (it all started with that blasted accordion), I probably would take it on the road. Wouldn't that be a hoot? I could meet and greet all my HP friends? Thanks for the read and the jolly comment.

      Dim - We have already established that I am insane but yes, a big heart comes with that nuttiness I guess. I am happy to report, however, that she was by far, one of my all time favorite dogs (though my daughter claims they are ALL my favorites) and her personality was just such that I could not part with her. She lived happily ever after to almost 14 years of age so I never regretted it. Wonderful dogs and the salt of the earth....I would have stuck with them until a malamute entered my life and it was never the same!

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 

      10 years ago from UK

      You paid for 2 hip replacements??? You have a big heart, IP :-)

    • katiem2 profile image

      Katie McMurray 

      10 years ago from Westerville

      Okay its official you have enough great material to do stand up and tour the states. Let me know when you make it to the Columbus office. Thanks for the front row seat! Peace!

    • Petra Vlah profile image

      Petra Vlah 

      10 years ago from Los Angeles

      That was pretty funny and enjoyable, Audrey. Dogs are so great even when they are "not".

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Too cute, Christopher - please tell the story!! I can only imagine, having a wicked malamute or two lounging around here. Some people are just frightened by their teeth (I have no clue why - just because they are huge).

      I can say without a doubt that I've never been afraid of a dog but I can't say that they haven't made a spectacle of me - several times over but I think in my case you are spot on....locking the barn door after the horse has run off is a bit too late to be thinking of that, eh?

      I'm also thinking my hubby Bob needed a St. Bernard when he was going to Catholic school!

    • Christopher Price profile image

      Christopher Price 

      10 years ago from Vermont, USA

      I notice most of those advertised leashes have quick release this or quick release that...Hmmmm. Ever hear the one about locking the barn door after the horse has run off?

      Good story. Maybe someday I'll tell you the one about our St. Bernard following me to school and scaring the nuns...though he was only 6 months old and harmless...huge but harmless!


    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Oh Lela - They are all the loves of my life...after Bob of course. They have given me such raw humor for so many years, I don't know what I'd have done without them. I guess I was a participant somehow with my Lucille Ball-esque personality but gosh - they have all been just the treasures of a lifetime. I only was along for the 'ride' - in this case, literally!

    • Austinstar profile image


      10 years ago from Somewhere near the heart of Texas

      Oh, Audrey, If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I want to come back as one of your dogs! Great story.

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Fiddleman - I love your name! Thanks so much for the read!

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Jaye - I do love to make folks laugh and you just paid me the hugest compliment.

      Sage - They were beautiful. I still miss them very much. My Molly was a treasure and always 'my' dog because I rehab'd her for 5 months total. She lived to 14 years old almost. Mariah wasn't as lucky. She got cancer and only lived to 6 years old but wow - what treasures they both were. I adored them. Thanks so much for paying tribute to a couple of 'my girls'. They were such a blessing.

    • Sage Williams profile image

      Sage Williams 

      10 years ago

      Audrey - This is pretty funny and you are a wonderful sport. And Molly and Mariah were luck to have found you. They are beautiful dogs. Great job on the story. It was pretty comical.


    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 

      10 years ago from Deep South, USA

      I love it when something I'm reading makes me laugh out loud...okay, guffaw! Now, I've got to read the rest of your funny stories.....JAYE

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      Great read, loved the stories.


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