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Funny Waiter Joke

Updated on November 17, 2015

National Humor Month Funny Short Waiter Joke

As long as I intend to make fun of a wide spectrum of people, I might as well include restaurant workers. I warn you beforehand this is not just a groaner or an 'Ouch,' but more like an Arrrrggghhhh!

Funny Clever Waiter Joke

I visited New York recently for a conference. Afterwards, four of us went to dinner at a very well-known restaurant. We had reservations and were conducted to a table in a corner of the room. So far everything was perfect. We all ordered dinner.

While we were waiting for our meals, I noticed that all the servers in this expensive restaurant carried two spoons in their uniform vest pocket. That was very strange, so I asked our waiter what was the reason for the spoons.

Caesar, our waiter explained, "Recently, the management conducted a time and motion efficiency study and discovered that the most frequently dropped piece of silverware was a spoon. Therefore, all the waiters are now required to carry two spoons in their vest pocket so that they can instantly replace a dropped spoon.”

As he was explaining this new requirement, I couldn’t help but notice that a narrow black string about 6 inches long was hanging out of the front of his pants. How curious! So, of course, not being shy, I mentioned it.

Caesar said, "That's the result of another efficiency study. When I have to go to the bathroom, I use this string to pull myself out and aim. This saves time since I don't have to stop to wash my hands."

I was shocked by this revelation so I said, "I understand how you can get yourself out and aim, but how in heaven’s name do you get yourself back in?"

"Well," replied Caesar, "I don't know about the other guys, but I use the two spoons!"

Funny Quote

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people.” – Orson Welles

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2012. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So."

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    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      It's so good to hear your laughter, Patricia. Yes, it is wise to watch where the proffered spoon comes from. Forks, too. Thanks for the good wishes and the Angels, m'dear.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      O my....I am laughing laughing laughing...and I will never ever take a spoon from another waiter even if it was not in his vest pocket.

      I love the chuckles, drbj.

      I hope all is good with you and yours. have a lovely weekend Angels are on the way ps

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks for loving this joke, KKGals. You will not find me at that restaurant either, m'dear. So happy I can make you laugh!

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Haze 4 years ago from Sunny Florida

      I don't think I'll be going to that restaurant anytime soon. Ugh! I love the joke. You always make me laugh.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      This is one of my favorites, too, Patricia, so I'm doubly happy you enjoyed this waiter's strategy and had a good laugh. Will keep the humor coming as long as possible.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      Stillllll laughing.....it makes you wonder doesn't it??? I don't think I saw this one before if I did it is worth the second visit. What a riot....I needed a good laugh this evening.

      Angels are on the way...keep the humor coming :) ps

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Qudsia - You are forgiven for the first two and a half lines in your comment because you added the third: ' But still funny.'

      Hey, it's difficult to be politically correct 100% of the time!

    • QudsiaP1 profile image

      QudsiaP1 5 years ago

      EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

      But still funny :P

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Well, Martie, to me an 'Aaarrrggghhhh!' is as good as a groan any day. At least, it signals a reaction. Do hope I did not offend your sweet sensibilities, my dear.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 5 years ago from South Africa

      Oh dear me!!!

      Aaarrrggghhhh!

      :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Sorry that your hubby had tummy problems, Kelly. Your clever remark to him fits right in, unfortunately, with the subject of this joke. As a joke, it's funny; in real life, NOT! Glad you were both able to laugh. How is Mr. Real Housewife's gall bladder these days? Just wonderin'.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      This is why I cook! Ha!

      My husband had stomach problems and we went to the ER...they told him he probably had Hep A from eating contaminated food - I was grossed out so I didn't really want to eat out for a while. He didn't even have that - it was his gallbladder:). But one night he was getting a little sassy with me before we found out it was not hep A - and I said listen Mr. If you're so smart why you got an illness from eating someone else's sh8@??? Hahaha I'm horrible I know - but he knew I was kidding we got a big laugh out of it:)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Hilary, a dose of humor is good for you. Appreciate your enjoying April. May it ever be thus.

    • Green Lotus profile image

      Hillary 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      Another great dose of humor doc. April is fun.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, jacob, how nice to meet you again. Yes, it IS interesting. Thanks for stopping by and you are most welcome.

    • jacobkuttyta profile image

      jacobkuttyta 5 years ago from Delhi, India

      Very interesting joke.

      Thanks for sharing.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, nemanjaboskov, delighted this met your expectation of funny. Now I understand why you clicked 'useful.' Happy to provide any important dining tips that will keep you healty. Heh, heh.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      I was so innocent, Feline, who knew? Thanks for making your funny point.

      Speaking of eating with one's hands, I once burned one of those appendages trying to eat cous cous in Morocco. Everyone else was using their hands.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      I'm not always a fan of 'John' jokes, Alastar, but this one rates high on my list of funny stories. Thanks for the double ha. Four spoons, eh? Cheers! I think I long for the days of 'Don't ask, don't tell.'

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks for visiting, Paradise, delighted you enjoyed the video. And you are most welcome, m'dear.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      It's so nice to hear you laugh, Ruby. Delighted you enjoyed the joke and the video. I love those roasts, too, especially all the ad libs when so many comedians are present. And when Buddy Hackett is around - remember him? - I crack up!

      Yes, do keep a lookout for spoon-carrying waiters - they can be dangerous to your health.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks, amillar, you make a very good point about the carving knife. In that case, it would not have been only the food that was dangerous to a patron's health and well-being.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      You are my kind of man, Jim, not giving a fig for what anyone says. Way to go! Thanks for the 'funny!'

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Yes, bp, the inn is far more hygienic and safer. But thanks for the visit, m'dear.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, timetraveler, for stopping by. Love your story. May use it one day - truth is so often stranger and funnier than fiction. Thanks for the 'cute,' too.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Susan, m'dear, you are wise beyond your years with that 'no comment.' That is a powerful statement in this case. Heh, heh.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      I've always loved Orson Welles, too, mary. Delighted you enjoyed seeing some of your favorite people who are no longer with us. That's the wonder, m'dear, of films and videos.

      Loved your joke about the chef and the doughnuts - I had forgotten that one. Thanks for reminding me - it IS funny. Don';t apologize for taking up room - it's genuinely my pleasure. Any time. I love hearing jokes that are new to me or forgotten. Have a funny weekend, girl.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Eddy, it's so nice to see your smiling face each day. I shall carry on, my dear, because I am delighted to supply you with material to tell your dear hubby, Dai. Especially since he is the one usually telling you the jokes. Correct? Thanks for the ha, ha, ha.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, nealbo, so nice to meet you. Yep, this joke has been around for awhile - almost, but not quite, as old as me. Thanks for recognizing that it is still funny.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      I applaud your wise decision, Pamela. Avoid that restaurant! Thanks for finding this funny nevertheless and loving the video, as I do.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks, christopher, for finding this joke hilarious. Me, too. I knew we had a lot in common. And you are spot on - you would deffo be wise to avoid that restaurant!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Yes, Becky, BLECH is good - I'll have to remember that one. Very descriptive. Happy you liked the quote and the video. The roasts of celebrities have always been among my favorites. Now you can stay up late and watch them on videos. I have spoken.

    • nemanjaboskov profile image

      Nemanja Boškov 5 years ago from Serbia

      Yes, I expected it to be funny, and it was! BTW, I was the one who clicked the 'useful' little button, as I will know what to do the next time I see a waiter with two spoons in his pocket - choose another restaurant :)

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 5 years ago

      Now do you know why we eat with our hands in India? :D

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Ja and double ha Drbj! What a superb joke for the John! All the better for being first-hand, or, empty-handed as the case may be. I'm a 4 spoon man myself lol.

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      I like that "sheets at half mast" from the video. Thanks!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I'm still laughing. The joke and video were hilarious. I have every roast tape and still enjoy watching them. If i ever see a waiter with spoons in his pocket, i'm gone..HaHa

    • amillar profile image

      amillar 5 years ago from Scotland, UK

      It's just as well for that waiter that the most frequently dropped utensil wasn't the carving knife.

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX

      Now I don't care what anyone says. That was funny!

      The Frog

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 5 years ago

      Very funny. I think I'll stick to the Inn!!

    • TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

      TIMETRAVELER2 5 years ago

      Cute one: This reminds me of an evening when my husband and I were traveling and stopped for dinner at a local buffet. I could see the food line from where I was sitting, and as I watched, the chef (hat and all), came out, took the lid off the large soup tureen, and stuck his finger in the soup to see if it was still hot! Needless to say, we didn't stay for dinner.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      LOL! No comment!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 5 years ago from Florida

      I always loved Orson Welles, he was such a great actor. I loved seeing some of my old favorite people who are now dead and gone. This joke reminds me of one of my favorites which I will pass along to you: A couple who was on a passenger ship went to the kitchen to compliment the chef on his hamburgers. He showed them how he made them by placing a meatball under his arm and pressing down on it making a patty. He then bragged about his ability to make doughnuts. They didn't want to see that!

      I couldn't resist talling you this....sorry to take up so much room here.

      Hope you have a funny day.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

      Ha ha ha!!

      Carry on rolling these out my dear friend because for the first time ever I have jokes to tell Dai when he comes home ;he is usually the one with the jokes.

      Take care and enjoy your day.

      Eddy.

    • nealbo profile image

      nealbo 5 years ago from P

      Think I've heard that one before, still funny though :)

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 5 years ago from United States

      Don't think I will dine there! Quite funny though. Loved the video also.

    • christopheranton profile image

      Christopher Antony Meade 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      That joke really was hilarious. That restaurant is "deffo" one to avoid.

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      I think that maybe just BLECH will work. I do like the quote and the video though. I always liked the roasts, although my mom wouldn't allow me to stay up and watch them very often.