Top Google Search with Humor: How Do You Make A Baby and Other Nonsense

For those of you who have not been following me, and I guess for those of you who have been following but didn’t really pay any attention, the inspiration for this article comes from my “How To” articles written in the past couple of weeks. Let me explain so you are all on board!

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Tie-A-Tie-And-Other-Nonsense

I decided a couple weeks ago to do a search engine search using the words “how to” to see what would come up; I wanted to get in touch with my fellow seekers to find out what was on their collective mind and boy oh boy did I ever find out.

As you may recall, for two weeks in a row the top search was “how to tie a tie” followed closely by “how to make chloroform.” Number three for Yahoo and Google was “how to boil an egg.”

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Make-Chloroform-And-Other-Nonsense

Now I readily admit to being shocked and dismayed by the results of those two searches. The fact that there are hundreds of thousands of people roaming the streets wanting to know how to make chloroform and too dumb to boil an egg or tie a tie has me greatly concerned and quite frankly it should concern you, too. You might want to pay a little closer attention to those neighbors of yours, especially during the 4^th of July when they have explosives.

Discouraged but not about to give up on humanity as a whole, I conducted a new search, this time entering the words, “How do you,” and the results of that search are the subject of this hub. As I said in an earlier article, BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID!

HOW DO YOU MAKE A BABY?

Ummm…I’m not sure what to say here. Either there are some very young kids on the internet in which case I would suggest to the parents that they monitor their child’s activities closely because they are liable to learn way more than you want them to learn, or these are the same people who don’t know how to boil an egg in which case they are never going to be able to figure out how to make a baby!

The other thought that comes to mind is the same people who are trying to make chloroform keep passing out while trying to make a baby. Whatever the case may be this search concerns me on many levels.

I will do my best, however, to answer this question in a very clear manner. Take tab A and insert it into slot B and wait nine months. Please, don’t try to thank me!

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

How do you know what? I need a little more to go on here if I’m to help you! How do you know you are an idiot? Just ask your closest friends; if they are your friends they will help you as you stumble blindly through life. How do you know you are in serious need of professional help? The answer should be obvious! There isn’t much more I can do for you at this point but wish you good luck in your search!

HOW DO YOU SLEEP?

Well, first of all, get off the damn computer. Then you might like to close your eyes. If neither of those help then get in touch with one of the degenerates who wants to know how to make chloroform. It seems to me to be a match made in heaven. They can practice making their concoction and you will most likely catch up on a great deal of lost sleep.

On the off chance that you don’t wake up from the chloroform cocktail, your loved ones can do a search of their own: How do you find a low-cost funeral? The internet really is a marvelous tool that helps so many people, isn’t it?

HOW DO YOU SPELL A WORD?

Oh my! As a former teacher this makes me break out in chills and a cold sweat. Please note that the question is not how to spell a specific word but just how to spell any old word. In other words, how do I spell is what they are really asking. What is amazing to me is that they were able to spell the words in the question. Granted, they are all one syllable words but still, they somehow muddled through it.

My hope is that these are the same little kids who want to know how to make a baby because if these are adults then as a country we just need to roll over and give up! Keep in mind that these people vote and are part of the decision-making process in this country and around the world. They are walking among us daily, interacting with us, doing work for us and yes, dating our sons and daughters. It really makes me proud!

HOW DO YOU DO?

Okay, the first thing I thought of when I saw this was the standard greeting; we have all used it at one time or another so there is nothing strange about that….but….why would you do an internet search about a greeting? Isn’t it rather self-explanatory?

So if that’s not it then the question becomes how do you do what? How do you do??? Well, you just do! Nike says it if you haven’t been paying attention. JUST DO IT! Pretty damn simple now isn’t it?

HOW DO YOU WALK?

Seriously? Let me see if I can help you out. While in an upright position you move your feet. Are there any further questions or can I now numb myself with pain medication? When you master the fine art of walking do me a favor: please do not walk to the polling place this November and vote for President. We have enough problems in the country without you adding to them by voting. Also, please do not try to make a baby, or shop for groceries where I shop, or date my son. Thank you!

A DISCLAIMER

Simply because I write about these people in no way means that I know any of them nor do I condone their ignorance. I am every bit as concerned about them as you must be now that you have read this article. My confidence in humanity is shaken but not broken, and I will continue to hold out hope for the human race despite some serious evidence pointing to self-destruction in the near future.

FINAL THOUGHTS

If you for one minute think I am kidding about these searches I invite you to do your own search and see for yourself. One good thing, and only one, that has come out of this exercise is that I have picked up a few new followers because of my writing about these loonies. Other than that I only have one last thought: MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS!