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How to Make Unwise Financial Decisions

Updated on January 20, 2016
Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannie has been writing for HubPages for over 5 years. She covers a wide variety of topics - anything from hamsters to office work.

Financial Advice for the Rest of Us

If you are looking for good financial advice, you have obviously come to the wrong place. Don't worry - the internet is full of articles encouraging you to make sound, practical financial decisions. You can just search the web and find plenty. The information you are going to read here is for everyone else. Would you prefer to make some unwise financial decisions? Are you tired of spending your money on appropriate expenses? Would you like to blow your savings and party? Well, now - you've come to the right spot. Let's be irresponsible together!

This economy is really ruining the fun times for all of us. I remember going bowling, going to clubs, going out to eat every weekend, and attending concerts. You know what I do for fun now? I monitor my checking account, attempt to pay down my credit cards, clip coupons, and look for sales. Do you know what that makes me? A responsible adult - yeah, yeah, sure. You know what else that makes me? Horrifyingly boring!!!

So let's forget about it all for now. Let's be irresponsible (if only for this brief time while reading this hub) and let's be financially irresponsible. Let's reflect on what we can do to make some unwise financial decisions.

Saving Money = Boring!

The first piece of unwise advice I can give you is let's stop saving money. Who needs that nest egg to retire anyway? After all, when you are old and not working, are you really going to care whether you eat noodles from the dollar store or something delicious? You totally will not care! You are not working! That alone is awesome. You won't even care about food or living large. Just the fact that you don't have to drag yourself out the bed to go somewhere miserable all day will make your day.

So stop saving that money for a "rainy day." After all, it is rainy and unhappy right this second. Spend that money as fast as you make it! Just remember that many financial analysts say the economy will never recover if we don't start spending money and helping out the stores. Well, it sounds like we are really more than just shoppers - we are saints for spending our money!

Not a Gambler? Better Start Now!

Have you ever played the lottery? If not, you'd better get on board. If you are only spending a few dollars a week, you'd better step it up. Try to spend at least $10 a week. Who needs food if you have the slight chance at winning millions of dollars? Also, start giving scratch off tickets a chance, too. What could be easier than grabbing a penny and finding out if you've won $100,000? After all, you can often even find a penny on the sidewalk. Hello! You are already earning money... first a penny, then $100,000.

Do you like casinos? I'll bet you do and you may not even know it yet. Casinos are starting to pop up all over the place, especially if you live on the east coast. So search for casinos online, find one you like, and jump in a car, train, bus... whatever! Just get to the casino and see if you are a big winner. No matter what, you'll feel like a big winner when the free drinks keep coming.

Credit Cards are Your Friends

You might already have some good friends, but do you know the names of your new best friends? Their names are MasterCard, Visa, American Express, and Discover. What beautiful names! This sounds like a really awesome crew. Imagine all the fun you and your new gang are going to have! Even if you are already acquainted with this crew, brush off the dust and start bonding with them again.

The first place you want to hit with your buddies is the mall. No discount stores will do for you and your pals. Don't bother looking for sale items or coupons. After all, it is not really like spending money at all. Forget about how annoying it will be when all those bills start rolling in. Live beyond your means! It is a blast while it lasts.

You Need a Nice Home for All Your New Purchases

Do you live in a crummy apartment or with a roommate? Well, that is never going to do. Now that you've bought the hottest new fashions and best home furnishings, you are going to need a new apartment, condo, or house to compliment your new belongings. You don't want to look really cute but step out of an average looking home, do you?

You need to start looking into the fanciest apartment buildings, condominiums, and neighborhoods. When you find something you love, don't pay too much attention to the price of the rent. You will find a way to pay for it. Since you've been gambling, I am sure a big win is in the future somewhere. So go ahead and sign a new lease. Get you new stuff and move into your awesome new place. Your friends will be so jealous!

Just Ignore Those Pesky Collections Calls

So now that we've all had a smashing good time, the bills and reality are starting to roll in. Geez, it is like some people just don't know how to have a good time. Eventually those annoying calls from the collections agencies are going to start. That is not such a big deal. After all, you can always change your phone number, or perhaps fake an accent and explain in broken English why they have the wrong number. Imagine all the fun you can have with that situation?

You Always Wanted to be Closer to Your Parents

After really blowing all the money in the checking account, savings account, and maxing the credit cards, it will be a challenge to pay your bills. It might also be a little awkward staying in your home after that whole annoying eviction incident. Well, as it turns out, you've been missing your parents anyway. So why not move back in with them? Surely, they will be happy to see you.

If your parents have skipped town and you can't find them, try your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Start crying and stuff, and they will surely let you live with them. When they see all the cool new stuff you purchased during your shopping sprees, how can they say no? Offer to give them one of the huge flat screen TVs you just bought and I am sure you've found a new home.

Some might say you've hit "rock bottom" but I disagree. You've partied, you've splurged, and you've spent! I hope you had fun while it lasted. Those were some good times. Sadly, all good things must come to an end. The good times have indeed ended, but the whole "becoming financially responsible" deal is just beginning. Ummm... so have fun with that.

DISCLAIMER: Don't actually take any of the advice in this hub. I cannot be held responsible. Unless you do play the lottery and actually win. By all means, share a little of the riches with me.

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  • jimagain profile image

    jimagain 5 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

    Great Hub! I loved 'Credit Cards Are Your Friends' and the part about moving back in with your parents after the spending spree...so why am I the only one who's read this?!!!!

    Hey you Hubbers! How about a little support here?

    Maybe most of your would-have-been readers had already taken your advice, blown their wad, had their computers reposessed...? I dunno? Anyway...great Hub!

    Now if you'll excuse me, Mom is making me clean the garage since she's now paying off all my flat screen tv! Sigh!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I am glad you enjoyed the hub so much. I am not sure why others are not reading it yet. I am guessing everyone took my advice and they are looking for a place to stay. I hope no one has my address!

    Thank you for reading and for the comment. Have fun cleaning the garage.

  • Sunshine625 profile image

    Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

    Great ideas! I'm the gambler. Sometimes I get lucky and sometimes I don't. I like your disclaimer...they are important to have as backup! Thanks for the laughs!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you for your comment. Just remember, if you ever win the lottery, don't forget your pal Jeannie from Hubpages. Haha. Yes, it occurred to me a disclaimer might be necessary. You just never know.

  • RealHousewife profile image

    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hilarious - I'd leave a longer comment but I'm off to the gambling boat! Lol

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks! I am glad you enjoyed it. Good luck on the gambling boat. :-)

  • Cloverleaf profile image

    Cloverleaf 5 years ago from Calgary, AB, Canada

    Jeannie, haha what a fun little twist on financial advice. I found it very refreshing!

    Up/Funny

  • manthy profile image

    Mark 5 years ago from Alabama,USA

    ROFL - Are you A Government official?

    Good Stuff

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you both for your comments. Just don't take the advice! Hahaha. As for a government official.... shhhhh! I'll never tell!

  • Cogerson profile image

    Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

    One of your best hubs....Credit cards are your friends...and if you only pay the minimum they will be your friend for a very long time. There are lottery winners every single day....and you can be one of them....and the more you play the better the chances are you can win. You play enough your odds might go from 1 million to one...to 950,000 to one. Great hub very funny stuff.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you so much for the compliment. I have to admit, I am rather fond of this hub, too. Mostly, because I have made some of these mistakes. I just love shopping so much! If only I could just win the lottery one day! Or if I could start getting rich online... either one would be fine with me. Thanks for reading!

  • BennyTheWriter profile image

    BennyTheWriter 5 years ago from Northeastern U.S.A.

    Awesome hub! Who would have thought a penny could generate $100,000 just like that? Time for me to go hunting for magical lottery-winning pennies. That is, right after I leave the casino. (Somebody's gotta win big, right? Why not ME!!!!)

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Now that's the right attitude! Within no time you are going to be rolling in the riches with such a positive outlook. Just make sure to say hi when you pass by me at the slot machines.

    And thanks for the comment!

  • Weekend Reader profile image

    Weekend Reader 5 years ago

    Scratch-off lottery tickets have better odds of winning than the Mega Millions games. Oh, wait, is that too practical for this hub?

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Hahaha... practical advice! On this hub? What? That is actually good to know. One of these days, when I have enough money, I am going to get some scratch off tickets. It is a shame that I must dream about actually having the money for the tickets before I can dream about the win. Thanks for reading and for the comment.

  • Joyful Read profile image

    Joyful Read 5 years ago from Boise, ID

    I came to HubPages to make some extra income but your suggestions sound like a LOT more fun! And now for some saintly spending...

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Yes, these suggestions are way more fun than saving money! I am glad you enjoyed the hub. Thanks for the comment!

  • nycgrl profile image

    nycgrl 5 years ago from New York

    Too funny. I too miss the good ole days of easy credit and looking down on couponing or discount shopping. Those days are long gone and just the mere thought of moving back in with my parents is enough to keep me clipping those coupons!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Sigh. Yes, I miss shopping with my friends and thinking, "Oh, the credit card bill will come later... I'll just deal with it then." Of course, eventually everyone has to pay the credit card bills. I knew logically everyone was allowing their debt to snowball out of control, and without wages increasing at the rate of inflation, eventually everyone would suffer at some point. I just kept hoping it would never happen or I would be really old when it happened and not care. Bummer. It caught up with everyone. So yes, coupon clipping for all of us now. Thanks for the comment.

  • profile image

    ALB 5 years ago

    Love it

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.

  • weestro profile image

    Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

    Great advice jeannie!! That Clark Howard guy is full of it. Very Funny!!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks for reading and thanks for the comment. Just as long as you don't take any of my advice, you should be set. :-)

  • Sunnyglitter profile image

    Sunnyglitter 5 years ago from Cyberspace

    LOL I love it.

    And I have to admit that I totally do speak in broken English and pretend they have the wrong number. Missy? You've reached Illiana. Illiana no habla English.

    My plan backfired once when the customer service rep apologized for speaking English and instantly switched to Spanish. Oops.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Ah-ha! So that is why so many companies only want to hire bilingual phone operators now. That is pretty funny though. Thanks for reading and thanks for the comment!

  • helmutbiscut profile image

    helmutbiscut 5 years ago from Ohio

    Very enjoyable...how nice it would be, eh?

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks! Yes, it would be nice if I could go out on a wild spending spree as if being totally broke would be OK.

  • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

    Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

    great hub, jeannie. I'll be working on all these things, Pronto!

  • Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

    Marcy Goodfleisch 5 years ago from Planet Earth

    I'm glad this hub finally found a following! You make some great points here, and the humor is a nice touch. Anything related to money management and financial savvy is very timely these days. Voted up!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    PDXKaraokeGuy - Sure, let me know how that works out for you. I am sure your finances will be in great shape.

    Marcy - Yes, articles about money management are very helpful - except this hub, of course. Hopefully no one listens to my advice. ;-) Thanks for the vote up!

    Thank you both for reading!

  • profile image

    kelleyward 5 years ago

    I needed a good laugh! I love start gambling now advice! I will try to do all of what you say...never mind I already do.. Just kidding. Thanks!

  • jainismus profile image

    Mahaveer Sanglikar 5 years ago from Pune, India

    Jeannieinabottle,

    Funny, but I will not follow the tips.

  • moonfroth profile image

    Clark Cook 5 years ago from Rural BC (Canada) & N of Puerto Vallarta (Mexico)

    Thanks Jeannie! What a hoot!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    kelleyward - I am glad you got a good laugh. Wouldn't it be funny if I was serious about this though? Hehehe.

    jainismus - I feel a lot better knowing you won't take this advice. :-)

    moonfroth - I am glad you liked it.

    Thanks everyone for reading and posting comments!

  • Vellur profile image

    Nithya Venkat 5 years ago from Dubai

    Hey cool ideas to blow money away. If I do win a lottery I will definitely share it with you.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Vellur - Hey, thanks! Anyone that is willing to share lottery winnings with me is awesome. :-)

  • weestro profile image

    Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

    Had to read this one again. A couple that I know has two 50 inch tv's, one for the living room and one for the bedroom. In their kitchen they have a regular refridgerator, a stand up freezer and a minifridge. They also have a tv on top of one of the refridgerators. The electric company and citibank love these people...

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Wow, I would hate to see that electric bill. I guess as long as they can afford it, it is OK though. I will just stick with my small TVs and one fridge. Thanks for reading my hub again!

  • Sue Bailey profile image

    Susan Bailey 4 years ago from South Yorkshire, UK

    Well I've tried it the sensible way so I might give your advice a try now. Promise I won't hold you responsible for any ensuing disaster though!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Sometimes I think it is way more fun to be financially irresponsible anyway. Live for the day! :-) But yes, if crazy things happen, don't hold me responsible! If you do win the lottery or something though, don't forget me! Hehe.

    Thanks for your comment! :-)

  • Sue Bailey profile image

    Susan Bailey 4 years ago from South Yorkshire, UK

    You will be the first to know.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks! I will keep my fingers crossed.

  • Taleb80 profile image

    Taleb AlDris 4 years ago

    It is a very nice way to submit this issue, you are talented. Thanks.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you so much! I am glad you liked the hub. :-)

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