ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Little-Known Santa No. 24

Updated on December 7, 2011
Little-Known Santa No. 24
Little-Known Santa No. 24 | Source

As the midday sun of a mild spring day peeks down upon the patchily wooded slopes of the Catskills, melting snow drops from the boughs of stately evergreens. We note that what at first appeared to be merely another stretch of drifted snow is in fact underlain by something unexpected and colorful. More snow cover slowly melts and falls away. That colorful something is increasingly revealed to us. It is Little-Known Santa No. 24, hunkered down and snoozing beneath a deep, but diminishing, blanket of white!

He is most certainly and quite obviously enjoying the deep and peaceful sleep of a hibernating old elf! It must be Rip Van Kringle! And who could blame this elder gent for lying down among the leaves and acorn hulls and fallen needles for a slumber of decades’ extent?

Have you ever tried to keep just one, or two, or perhaps three children satisfied with the various laboriously-acquired spoils spilling out from beneath the family tree on the morn of the 25th of December? You have? Well, just take that effort — and all of its attendant anxiety, frustration, regret, recrimination, psychic and fiscal toll — and imagine multiplying it to a billion-fold children the world over! Wouldn’t be so easy, would it? Or easy on you, either.

Or, forget about all that requisite early a.m. gift-giving for the moment, and focus instead merely on soaring through the crisp and star-studded wintry sky behind a team of leaping antlered quadrupeds. Sounds like it might be pretty enjoyable and exhilarating, doesn’t it? That is, until you realize that to manage to make it to each of the planet’s 1.5 billion or so households on just that one special day of the year would require you to zip along at around 600 times the speed of the space shuttle!

And let’s not even get into that whole descending-down-the-chimney thing! I’m not aware of too many chimney flues sized to accommodate anyone in a 46-long Santa suit. And perhaps you’d like to discuss with Mrs. Kringle the finer points of removing fireplace soot from red velvet and white ermine trim?

Consider, if you’d rather, the remaining 364 days of each year, when you’d be able to retreat to your cozy quarters at the North Pole. Where it can often reach 60 or 70 or even 80 degrees below zero (without even bothering to factor in the wicked wind chill). Where seal blubber is considered a delicacy — no lie. Where the nearest guy’s bar serving longnecks happens to be in Spitsbergen, hundreds of miles south across the horizon. Where everyone’s color scheme is white. Where cable reception sucks. Where the daily production schedule of wagons and dolls and chemistry sets and cameras and neckties and candles and flatscreens would make even a Singaporean sweatshop tyrant blanch. Where the sounds of several thousand midgets in matching green leotards singing (many off key) the fourteenth chorus of “Good King Wenceslas” have long surpassed fingernails on blackboard and are moving on toward dentist’s drill hitting primary nerve.

It’d be enough to make you want to zonk out for a couple dozen years, too!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)