Parody of Water for Elephants

HubPages once promoted programs called HubNuggets and Rising Stars to introduce our writing community at large to new members who had submitted interesting and entertaining Hubs.

A committee of current HubPages members helped to select articles (Hubs) for highlighting and recognition each week and they accomplished this by offering their own creative writing efforts in parodies and fun stories about HubPages and its great member writers and staff people.

Here is a story that a lot of people liked and one which might entertain you, especially if you enjoy the book and film Water for Elephants and still enjoy the acting of Reese Witherspoon, Robert Pattinson, and a lineup of animal stars.

This Hub is dedicated to the memory and 80-year career of author Lilian Jackson Braun Bettinger (June 20, 1913 – June 4, 2011).

As she is known in the mystery novel genre, LJB began an 80-year writing career as a teenager in Michigan for the Detroit News, contributing her ongoing sports poems (spoems ). She went on to write advertising for a department store, and became the Good Living Editor (Art and Design, etc.) of the Detroit Free Press. She wrote 29 humorous mystery novels starring cats, along with two collections of stories, and several short stories scattered in anthologies; she traveled, and she researched well enough to create radio broadcast performances of famous catastrophes in her books and to include Anne of Culloden and other Scots history. Multiple millions of her books have been purchased, translated into nearly two dozen languages. Lilian never used a computer or a typewriter, but wrote all her work longhand, on legal pads.

Since our HubNuggets Wannabes topics this week are Art and Design; Books and Writing; and Travel, I give you this round up Hub in memory of a most successful and beloved long-term writer, Lilian Jackson Braun.

Having graduated from Wentwhistle's Mostly Scientific College of Veterinary and Circus Events, the orphan Ping bid adieu to Chancellor Jason and Dean Maddie Ruud. At the graduation from a most useful and fascinating course of study, these kind and noble individuals had given Ping a parchment diploma, a Silver Stethoscope, and a Golden Sextant for finding clients and HubNugget Wannabes. Ping was prepared for an interesting career in writer-seeking and large animal medicine.

Returning home after the Wentwhistle's graduation ceremony and finding her boarding house lying on the ground in bits after a freak windstorm while everyone was at the graduation, Ping gathered up some belongings in a duffle and headed toward the train station.

It was dusk and no trains to anywhere were scheduled for ticketing until the morning, so Ping hopped a freight car, where she was met by a friendly welcoming committee of professionals.

Ripplemaker LionTamer and Simone D'Penzance Pirates pulled Ping aboard and offered her a cool drink.

It was so kind of them to sedate for for a good night's sleep as well.

However, she was not expecting such an attractive - and free - makeover during the night.

Ping fell right in with the circus routine and even developed a few short acts of her own for the Ringmaster Lady Jane to add as filler during dead airtime (that's when the trapeze artists take a break). One presentation was a magic act in which a deck of cards turns into a flock of bats after Ping guesses the correct card chosen by a child from the audience. The child takes home a cute stuffed bat.

Ping also went about caring for the animals, checking ears and removing those pesky trainers' legs from between the lions' teeth, for instance.

The Golden Sextant, however, did not seem to work in spotting HubNuggets Wannabes in the matinee crowds! The Ringmaster called in crack detective Gal Noir, Private Eye from Minnesota and a city that knows how to keep its secrets. Fresh from the 12th floor of the Acme Building, Noir was ready for the case.

Surely, this would be the ticket.

Friday night's show in Dublin, Texas turned up no Wannabes in the crowd, though we knew they were in there. The sextant was malfunctioning - or perhaps jammed by gamma rays aimed at it by literature-haters like Ming of Mongo (he'd been sacked from the sideshow recently).

Simone the Pirate Mol had sailed her tiny wheeled pirate ship overfilled with pirate clowns out to Center Ring among cardboard waves held up by the dancing girls of the circus.The group performed a nifty keel haul as a finale, just as the performer dressed as Moby Dick grabbed the keel-hauled victim and ran away with him through the crowd and out of the tent, to the hoots of the audience. Ping had wandered among the waves and used the sextant to no avail.

Saturday would be a humdinger of a chance for HubNuggets Wannabes to be found! There were to be three shows and Gal Noir would dedicate herself to finding 6 Wannabes at each one of them:

10 o'clock, 2 o'clock, and 4 o'clock - sponsored by Dublin Texas Dr. Pepper, the only Dr. Pepper to still use real sugar.

The company provided our star elephant Rosie, and her trainer The Vampire Pattinson, with cases of the bottled refreshment that they enjoyed.

RedElf the Nimble and Ennelle "Le Curlicue" Lamb prepared extra acrobatics presentations to keep the audience busy while Noir searched out the Wannabes that were hiding from the sextant.

10 o'clock

Ripplemaker LionTamer arranged for a special cage and inside, she performed with her jaguars while RedElf and Le Curlicue trapezed and performed other acrobatics in the air and on the floor around the big cats. This gave Ringmaster Lady Jane time to help Noir find those first 6 Wannabes.

Suddenly, one of the big cats began to chuckle.

What's so funny? asked RedElf. Are you laughing at my act?

The jaguar laughed out loud and pointed to the audience.

Le Curlicue called, Hey! Gal Noir and the Ringmaster found 6 Wannabes disguised as concessionaires. One is juggling bottles of Dr. Pepper. That could be dangerous - they might explode.

Pattinson swooped down and gathered up the Dr. Peppers from the amateur juggler and took them to Rosie, who promptly drank them and belched - in Polish. Meanwhile, Gal Noir took the Wannbes to the airport and flew them to San Francisco with their Hubs while the circus band played. You can read their Hubs now >>>

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Every show is a little different in order to offer variety to returning audiences.

In the afternoon show, Ripplemaker LionTamer offered her act of Lippizaner Stallions and miniature ponies. At one point, a pony rode on the back of each stallion around the Center Ring.

For a finale, RippleMaker planned to ride the lead stallion, while standing on her head on horseback, while reading a book of poetry aloud into her microphone. After that, Native Americans of the crewe would ride in on the remaining stallions, standing on horseback and riding backwards, while shooting arrows at a target in the middle of Center Ring. Trapeze artists would perform above and around the Center Ring act.

The finale was not as planned, however.

Not an arrow was seen anywhere. The American Indians came in on horseback on their heads as well, reading from their own Hubs into microphones for all to hear - The next 6 HubNugget Wannabes! You can read them below, in case you missed one in the excitement!

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Only 6 more HubNuggets Wannabes to find and Gal Noir was on the case during the evening show.

It would be a longer show, combining all the special acts of the first two, with an additional finale by Ringmaster Lady Jane. All the acts dressed in the costumes of International countries and made a quite fine show. Simone and the Pirates received a standing ovation. Ripplemaker LionTamer and her jaguars dressed as Cossacks.

RedElf and Le Curlicue attired themselves as harem beauties of Araby, while the dancing girls and other acrobats dressed in avante guarde French costumery.

Ringmaster Lady Jane performed her famous Dance in Shades of Blue in a grand finale, as all the aerial acts performed high within the tent around the three rings. All the while, Gal Noir kept an eye out for the final 6 Wannabes.

Suddenly, Rosie the Elephant appeared, Golden Sextant entwined in her trunk as a distraction and pulling a cart of Dr. Pepper toward one sector of the crowd.

Quickly, the spectators emptied their pockets, looking for change with which to buy a cool sparkling drink.

Slips of paper began to appear from pockets as well and Pattinson swooped down among the crowd. He saw that several papers were actually HubNuggets Wannabe Hubs. Gal Noir rushed forth and gathered these final 6 people together and ushered them into Center Ring.

Ringmaster Lady Jane is just finishing her act, so you can read the final 6 Wannabe Hubs now >>>

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Gal Noir decided to stay on with the circus --Every circus needs a good detective!

We're on our way to the territory of Ohio, where the feudal government is removing all the highways, but we do not need them. We've converted the circus train to covered wagons and will easily be able to play to all the towns and cities, especially around the Big River.

We'll hire some Native Americans when we get there, so share that with your friends. And stop by for a show if you are in the state - Rosie will have plenty of Dr. Pepper for you!

If you have a chance to see the film Water for Elephants, starring Robert Pattinson as a young veterinarian and Reese Witherspoon as a horse trainer married to a mad Ringmaster, I hope you enjoy it. Hal Holbrook plays in a charming role as the veterinarian late in life, waiting for his son one night to meet and attend the circus with him.

The stars are really the animals - particularly a toothless lion and Tai, who plays Rosie the Polish-speaking lemonade-loving Elephant.