ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing

Poetry--Life--What a Ride!

Updated on August 6, 2012

Intro

This poem was a challenge from an old friend. I have been dealing with writer's block for weeks now and to make it easier on me the challenge was to write a poem comparing life with a roller coaster ride.

On a side note, I do often compare life with a roller coaster ride and thought that this wouldn't be too much of a challenge, however it was more challenging than I thought.

The poem had to be over 400 words in length, as well as touch on different points in life, covering the beginning to the end with just a hint of religious tones. I had 3 hours to complete the rough draft, and then an additional hour for any revisions. This is the final copy that my friend chose after reading through the revisions.

Please feel free to comment!! Thank-you for taking the time to read Life--What a Ride!


Life--What a Ride!

Source

Life--What a Ride!

The sun, blazing through the humid hot air,

peeked over the steel beast's tunneled lair.

The endless lines of lost followers await their turn,

as the screams and cries through the winds burn.


One foot in front of the other, one step at a time,

the followers, like sheep herded amidst their rhyme.

Thunderous raucous from above caused not even a stir,

each still in rhythm, continue through, more ready to endure.

The tunneled queue nearly approaching the end,

eagerly open for more followers to send.

Followers now with their bodies intact,

call to the conductor to send them to the first act.


Life and birth what wonderful things,

to hop in the car and see what it brings.

Air still humid yet now able to breath,

The heart races, yet too innocent to seethe.

Reels of the track now churning around,

the conductor sends the followers without even a sound.

Jerking and tugging, the followers' journey now begins,

pulling and pushing, each step, as the followers manage without sins.


Upwards as the highs in life rise,

full of wonder with endless surprise.

These times should be cherished forever,

through life's extraordinary great endeavor.

With each high there are often lows,

streaming downward with spiraling blows.

Twists and turns amongst the rail,

spinning, testing the followers without fail.


Although these are the hardest of all,

the followers must succeed and not fall.

To find their faith, the test of time now nears,

time to break free from weakness and avoid all fears.

These are the challenges for the followers to face,

the followers must chose to shine or will be left in disgrace.

Whirling away from side to side,

the laws of morality all should abide.


At times, setbacks are the hardest to cope,

thrashing and dashing, for those that lost hope.

Nevertheless, when all seems lost,

the followers must not give up at any cost.

With the many ups, downs, twists and turns,

the life inside ignites and burns.

The ride nearly at the end,

the followers had made it to the very last bend.


For as the sun sets on the enormous steel beast,

the lessons learned are for all to feast.

The car pulls the followers for one last stand,

The conductor takes the benevolent by the hand.

Followers guided by love and not hate,

will open the doors of the magnificent gate.

Those filled with malevolence and malicious greed,

the gate will not open for the fallen did not succeed.


The tunneled queue approached the end,

eagerly open for more followers to send.

Life, What a Ride,

Live it fully and with great pride.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • JPSO138 profile image

      JPSO138 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines, International

      You surely made it through. Not only the passing mark but with flying colors as well. Voted up and awesome!

    • FunJames profile image

      FunJames 4 years ago from Mystery Island

      Great write. Voted up and awesome!

    • Barbsbitsnpieces profile image

      Barbara Anne Helberg 5 years ago from Napoleon, Henry County, Ohio, USA

      @Patty Kenyon...Nice job of hitting the assignment of comparing life to the roller coaster ride. It always is, too!

      I haven't used rhyming couplets very often, as I prefer the straight quatrain -- rhyming alternating lines, the second and fourth in a four-line stanza -- but your poem has very nice flow as you presented it.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 5 years ago from The Beautiful South

      This was great! I have no trouble with writers block, my only problem is time! lol I also have no trouble putting in over 400 words as you can ask anyone that reads me. Glad I found you, looks like some good reading!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Shruti, Awwww....Thank-you for your very kind and encouraging comments!!! I still have a slight writer's block but I think it is because of everything going on in my life and have been way too busy.

      I loved your poem "A loud calling" and absolutely love the message!!!

      Thank-you soooo much for the comments, vote, and share!!! I truly do appreciate it!!!!

    • shruti sheshadri profile image

      shruti sheshadri 5 years ago from Bangalore, India

      patty, you wrote this after a writers block? seriously? Then i really can imagine how you write in general!

      Such a wonderful poem, i loved the imagery, voted up and shared :)

      Take care! And hope you have no blocks ever again!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Alur, Thank-you for taking the time to read this and comment!!! I will be sure to check out your Hubs as well!!! Thanks Again, I do appreciate it!!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Ebower, Awww...Thank-you sooo very much for taking the time to read this and comment!!! Thank-you for the votes as well!!! I truly do appreciate it!!!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Rahul, Thank-you soooo very much for you very encouraging comments!!! I truly, truly do appreciate them!!! THANKS AGAIN!!!

    • ALUR profile image

      ALUR 5 years ago from USA

      Nice, and I felt the ups/downs often referring too the "rollercoaster" analogy when it comes to life. I am trying to become the driver of such a machine rather than a mere participant or one that takes a ride!

      You're welcome to read/rate my hubs as well:)

    • Ebower profile image

      Erin Bower 5 years ago from Georgia

      This is fantastic! It left me speechless. I voted this up and beautiful. :)

    • rahul0324 profile image

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Brilliant insight.... brilliant creativity.... I am awestruck

      The way your insight builds the intensity step by step... it transforms the entire poem into a masterpiece

      EPIC

    • profile image

      IntegrityYes 5 years ago

      HAH-HAH! Go,Patty!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      So True Integrity!!! LOL

      Thank-you for your constant encouragement and support!!! I truly, truly do appreciate it!!! :)

    • profile image

      IntegrityYes 5 years ago

      That is another reason why we have to buckle up! HEH-HEH! Way to go,Patty!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Christy, Thank-you soooo very much for commenting and I completely agree with you!! In regards to writer's block, I think it is almost officially gone...Thanks Again!!

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      You are right that life is a journey much like a roller coaster. Ride the lows and highs will come as well. I hope your writer's block has officially left the building!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      CloudExplorer, WOW, THANK-YOU soooo much for your Awesome comments!!! Very deep and I completely agree!!! Thank-you for sharing your insights and thank-you for sharing this Hub!!! I truly do appreciate it!!! THANKS AGAIN!!!

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 5 years ago from New York City

      This entire poem is a powerful metaphor for life indeed, I like how your broke it down into many sections, the page divisions are pretty, and the inner as well as outer meaning of this poem is truly powerful indeed, as many of us aimlessly follow others, while our stories of life is conducted by someone we cannot even identify with at times.

      Now, as for those who choose to follow with a greater purpose such as love rather than that of its direct opposite, do have a chance to be accepted into the real doorways to success, which isn't a monetary one at all, it's more of a spiritual achievement of sorts such as being accepted into heaven.

      Awesome hub I will share it everywhere I can. Oh and welcome to hubpages, voted up up and away!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      CyberShelley, Thank-you for your kind words and votes!!! They mean sooo much to me and I do appreciate them!!! THANKS!!!!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Unknown Spy, Wow, THANKS again for commenting on another Hub!!! I truly do appreciate the support and encouragement!! THANKS!!!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Rajan Jolly, Wow, Thank-you sooooo very, very much for your very encouraging and supportive comments!!! Your comments really do mean a lot to me!!! THANKS!!!!

    • CyberShelley profile image

      Shelley Watson 5 years ago

      Patty, well done I really enjoyed this poem. Up, beautiful and interesting.

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 5 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      Patty, you have a mind blowing talent!! very unique and creative hubs you have woven here in HP.congrats

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 5 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Patty, this is one awesome read. What a wonderful knack you have to weave words as best as they could be.

      Mind blowing and of course a great ride to poetic heights.

      Voted up & awesome. Shared.

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Olde Cashmere, I truly appreciate your very encouraging comments as well as your votes!!! THANK-YOU soooo Very, Very Much!!!!

    • Olde Cashmere profile image

      Olde Cashmere 5 years ago from Michigan, United States

      Brilliant writing again Patty Kenyon. You are a master with your words and it's always a good read checking out your work. Voted up, awesome, beautiful, and interesting :)

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Michelle, I just popped on and will definitely check it out!!!! I always look forward to reading your Hubs and can't wait!!! :)

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      lindalou, Thank-you for your encouraging comments!!! I do appreciate it!!! Thanks!!!!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      sradie, Awww...Thank-you for your emotionally moving comments!!! I do appreciate them!!! Thank-you!!!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Frank, WOW, Thank-you soooo very, very much!!!! Your comment means a lot to me and I truly do appreciate it!!! THANKS!!!!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      TToombs, Thank-you soooo very much for your very kind comments!!! I do appreciate it!!! Thanks!!!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Michelle, Thank-you soooo very much!!! I do appreciate your comments as well as you sharing this so very much!!! Thank-you for your constant encouragement and support!!! Thanks Again!!!!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 5 years ago from Singapore

      Patty, dropping by to let you know, you really might like to come by my hub today - the one on hubbers!

    • lindalou1963 profile image

      Linda 5 years ago from Texas

      This is wonderful!! Great work!!

    • sradie profile image

      sradie 5 years ago from Palm Coast FL

      I like the transitions my mind made between life and machine as I read your poem. I found them moving me toward the next twist or turn with anticipation of what awaits there.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton

      This was just simply amazing.. Patty I read this before but forgot to comment I thought I did..but I see that I didn't maybe because it really hooked line and sunk me.... something like that :) Frank

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Patty, most excellent job of rising to your friend's challenge and doing an awesome job of comparing life with a roller coaster!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 5 years ago from Singapore

      Well done, Patty, a wonderful extended metaphor. It is a ride and you've expressed it so well! Thanks for sharing another wonderfully written poem! Shared.

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      dghbrh, Thank-you soooo much for your continued support!!! I do appreciate it so very much!! CONGRATULATIONS on publishing 50 Hubs!!! And thank-you soooo much for mentioning me!!! Words cannot express how much that means to me!!! Keep Up The Awesome Work and I can't wait to read Hub number 100 from you!!!!

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 5 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      four hours and this wonderful creativity...you are just awesome dear friend, Patty.....i enjoyed reading it so much.....all votes up and sharing too:-)

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Deborah, Thank-you soooo very much!!! I truly do appreciate it and by the way, Congratulations on 500 followers and that was a wonderful tribute to your friends!!! THANKS AGAIN!!!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Josh, As Always, I truly do appreciate your comments and encouragement, it definitely means a lot to me!! THANK-YOU!!!!

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Patty i love your poem aboput Life and a rollercoaster you said it so well.

      voted up and sharing

      debbie

    • josh3418 profile image

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Patty,

      This was so beautiful! I love your poetry and do no think I can tell you that enough! You rock out these challenges for sure! Keep them coming Patty!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Awesome Mhatter!!! I am with you there!!! Thank-you for your witty response!!! As Always, I appreciate your encouragement and support!!!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

      Exactly! What a ride it was... sure... there are other rides. but I rode the roller coaster.

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      IntergrityYes, Thank-you soooo much!!! I do appreciate all of your comments!! You have always been supportive as well as fun!!

    • profile image

      IntegrityYes 5 years ago

      OOH,Patty! That is magnificent.

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      agilitymach, Thank-you sooooo very much!!! I truly appreciate your comments and support!!! Thanks Again!!!

    • agilitymach profile image

      agilitymach 5 years ago

      I thought this was spectacular. And it only took you four hours. Very well done!!!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      rcrumple, WOW, Thank-you sooooooo very, very, very much for your kind words!! They mean so much to me!!! I truly do appreciate your continued encouragement as well as support!!! Thank-you Truly!!!

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 5 years ago from Kentucky

      Has anyone ever told you that you're utterly amazing? If not, let me be the first. Your insight and vision provides for a dual stage journey. Yet, the realities of what you speak are reminders that no one is immortal and must "pay the piper" for the journey they chose.

      I bow to you!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      whonunuwho, Thank-you very much for your comments!!! I truly do appreciate them!!! Thanks Again!!!!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      billybuc, Thank-you sooooo much for your continued encouragement and support!!! I was truly touched by your Hub today and thank-you truly from the heart!!!

    • whonunuwho profile image

      whonunuwho 5 years ago from United States

      I enjoyed this work and how you compare life to the roller coaster. It is very well presented and truly much the roller coaster ride of every life on this planet.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      This is beautiful work! I am predicting great things from you, Patty! You capture images in a unique way, and metaphors, similes, they are all tools you use to weave a fantastic piece of writing. Well done!