ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Unicycle Mudhill Climb Semifinals

Updated on May 20, 2013
Unicycle Mudhill Climb Semifinals
Unicycle Mudhill Climb Semifinals | Source

Well, Mom and Dad! I’m sure that you’re really glad right now that you packed up the SUV and brought the whole family along to the afternoon’s thrilling heat of this year’s 17th Annual Randy Roarmouth’s Rib Rotisserie & Rhubarb Rhapsody Unicycle Mudhill Climb Semifinals in pretty Pine Knob, Kentucky!

That’s right! Here we all are, surrounded by some of The Bluegrass State’s finer glories! We are gathered just outside the lovely little town of Horse Cave, with its pretty girls, shiny pick-ups, feisty ponies, strong coffee, and good ol’ traditional American values! (Don’t forget tomorrow morning’s all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast at Ma Ma Rainey’s on Courthouse Square, next to the backwoods crafts and curios shop!) We are enjoying the sun of a fine fall day, just a skosh north of scenic Barren River Lake and its miles of lazy Saturday afternoon trout-leapin’ skinny-dippin’ Southern-Comfort-sippin’ shoreline. And not much more than a few good horseshoe tosses from the glorious pastoral grandeur of our own Mammoth Cave National Park.

And isn’t this some special sight to see this afternoon! That telegenic terror of the uphill unicycle circuit, young Brad ‘Rad’ Bradford! Stellar Number 3 in his signature all white uniform and black-out helmet! Performing his classic, perfectly balanced ‘Look, Ma, no hands!’ move! In the midst of one of the fastest unicycle climbs seen so far this season! On the slopes of that monstrously mucky and massive mud mountain, the CycleSucker!

If you’ve followed the career of Rad at all, you know he’s a unicycle star in the making! Son of the famed daredevil unicyclist Tad ‘’Bad’ Bradford — and, by the way, let us just take a moment to bow our heads and cross our hearts in memory of that recently deceased but sincerely beloved peddler and risk-taker, who just 90 days ago today lost his bid to become the first rider of a single-wheeled self-powered chain-driven banana-seated vehicle to successfully leap across a river canyon filled with 42,000 stampeding long-horned Brahma bulls that had first been hit with pepper spray, loud noises, insults to their parentage, and cattle prods — Rad learned real early in life just what it takes to make it in the unicycling pantheon. And he’s certainly living up to his Daddy’s legacy today! Just look’t that boy go!

You might note, as Rad chugs and churns his way up that oozing slope, that he’s making his way atop a patented tire of his very own invention! Coupling radial tire technology with special nano-cavity suction treads and super-slippery polybutylate nubbing in a unique and complex grooving pattern, the Radster Roadster has been helping Rad set record times on just about every pile of dirt he’s encountered this season! That wheel is so good that there’s even been some talk of a movement among competing unicyclists to try to convene a special investigative committee of the UUUU (the Undying Union of United Unicyclists) to outlaw the Radster Roadster as non-compliant with tournament equipment rules and specifications.

But until and unless that day comes along, our boy Rad will just keep burning up those mudhill tracks (and burning up his failing competitors in the process)!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • rickzimmerman profile imageAUTHOR

      rickzimmerman 

      6 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      Hey, Paradise7, from your lips to a publisher's/agent's ears! Thanks a bunch!

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 

      6 years ago from Upstate New York

      Really amusing, the whole thing...the graphic art as well as the copy. I hope someday your ship comes in and you make a fortune doing what you do. Your talent amazes me, Rick.

    • rickzimmerman profile imageAUTHOR

      rickzimmerman 

      6 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      Thanks, btg! Hope you enjoy some of my other scribblings.

    • brewskitimeguy profile image

      brewskitimeguy 

      6 years ago from Maine

      LOVE IT...GREAT WRITING

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)