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Choking

  1. Matthew Weese profile image70
    Matthew Weeseposted 5 years ago

    Awoken Again.

    It's three in the morning,

    I was startled awake,

    I had a glimpse of death,

    I awoke in cold sweats,

    shaking,

    heart pounding,

    soul shattering,

    nerve breaking,

    earth quaking.

    The snake's,

    the fangs,

    the hissing,

    the sound of demons screaming,

    the odor of napalm and burnt flesh,

    the sound of gunfire,

    the stench of the sand trench and decaying death,

    I'm home in bed and can't rest,

    it feels like my heart is gonna explode inside my chest,

    leave an internal mess,

    a war wound that cant be field dressed,

    the thought in my head is confess!!!!!!, confess!!!!!!, confess!!!!!!,

    I believe I failed the test.......the test of life,

    how do I stare my kids in the eye's when Satan's knocking on my door?

    kiss my wife?

    I walk through the day feeling cold,

    I've lived 32 years but feel 400 years old,

    a ticking time bomb of guilt,

    like I'm on a never ending tilt,

    ready to explode!!!!!

    the blood spilled stained the valley of peace inside my mind,

    crying, crying, crying.......all the confirmed lying!!!!!.


    Lord will these dreams ever cease,

    apparitions of the deceased haunt my sleep,

    orders, orders, all the orders that paved my road to hell,

    I was taught to lock, load, and kill!!!!!!

    on demand,

    understand!!!!!!.

    So..........

    I ask you please just let me sleep?

  2. Denise Handlon profile image90
    Denise Handlonposted 5 years ago

    Aggghhhh  PTSD!  It affects sooo many soldiers and so many lives. 

    Expressed very well...

  3. donotfear profile image87
    donotfearposted 5 years ago

    This is very moving.   I urge you to continue expelling this from your system by expressing your emotions.  I'm no therapist, but I know enough about PTSD to know you have to continually purge the worst of it from your system.  The memories will still remain, but the rotten images will fade.  Sharing can also help someone else going through the same thing.

 
working