Why are there a million books telling you why you're single, but never one why you're married?
This morning on Yahoo news, a woman claimed numerous reasons as to why women are still single as if it were some type of disease in her book "Why you aren't married yet?". Every one of her glorious explanations could easily identify any number of married women out there. So why not turn the tables and have a book called "Isn't it wonderful that you're still single?" or better yet "Why are you still married? What's wrong with you? "
I think we still live in a society where it's wrong if you're not married by a certain age. It's "normal" to be married young, have kids, etc. etc. Marriage isn't seen as a problem so books aren't written about it. Not being married by a certain age is considered unusual so books are written about it - how to find a spouse, how to maintain relationships, how to please your partner, and the list goes on.
It is silly. If you feel like you should be married, then that is your choice. Being in a healthy, happy relationship is far more important. What's even more important than that is that you are happy yourself. Some of these books make you feel like you shouldn't be alone, that it's wrong to be alone and not married.
If they end up helping somebody then that's great, but I don't think they should make people feel bad about their situations or that they are not normal in some way.
People will write books to answer the question 'why am I still single' because lots of people ask this question. People do not ask the question 'why am I married' with anything like the frequency they ask the former question, so there are vastly fewer such books.
I think its the luck of the draw. Either you get a healthy compatible mate or you don't. With the number of dysfunctional abusive people out there, its no wonder that there are a number of people asking themselves "Why Am I Still Single?" as if.
I just want to add that I know the obvious answer to this question. My beef in asking the question is that I'm tired of all the many know-it-alls out there writing books who think they have the answer but the truth is they don't anymore than you or I do. And sometimes, they make matters worse with their assumptions.
I think there's no harm in writing a book about having a happy relationship.
If I want to learn how to unclog my toilet, I don't resent the guy who's writing the basic "plumbing for the less experienced" book. He's got more experience and that's what I'm getting his book for. I'm also not going to assume that he's got all the answers, as I may have flushed something he never thought of, but I'll get the book assuming he'll cover all the basics.
I'd agree that acting like "single" is a disease is obnoxious. I think folks should be single if they like, and married if they like, and other folks shouldn't judge either way. I do think that many folks just want to be married (the state) as opposed to married to a specific person, and that's part of why we have an increased divorce rate.
Finally, as someone who's been both, being married takes skills that they don't teach or tell you about. I found taking advice from someone with more experience, and deciding what applied to me and to my husband, and what didn't was a good choice for me.
Take advice but listen to your own wisdom.
Since it'll be 23 years for us in August, this is a philosophy that seems to be working for me...
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