What would you tell them now?
I was watching a movie recently in which someone asked 'what would you tell them now?' I know it sure made me stop and think about some things I should have done before losing someone. Have you known someone who passed away before you could mend fences with them? Has someone passed away before you could get to where they were to say good bye? I know this has happened to me personal, so I'll be the first to answer my own question.
I was going through a divorce about 5 1/2 years ago, when soon to be ex's aunt asked to see me and my daughter. She had been ill for a while with stage 4 cancer. I didn't realize she was as ill as she was, so when she asked to see us, I procrastinated and didn't go. She was like a grandmother to my daughter and they didn't get to say goodbye to each other. I've never told anyone this and it bothers me still to this day.
I forgot to tell my grandma she made the best cookies in the world! She passed away in 2001.
This precisely why I think when people are gravely ill, people should be open and honest with loved ones. My mom was very ill in the hospital with lymphoma. As a 15 year old I did not realize how dire the situation was. I was told she was getting a transfusion. Had I known it was unlikely she would ever come home, there is a million things I would have told her. And like you, it bothers me to this day that she may not have known how much I appreciated and needed her.
I was a snotty, sarcastic, spoiled brat and I think I made her life more difficult thatn I needed to. The guilt is still here 45 years later.
I hope you can forgive yourself. I believe in the afterlife your mom sees and knows that you were so young and a typical teen. The guilt is unnecessary, but the love behind the guilt, I'm sure she recognizes that and watches over you. Love and hugs:)
I wish I had been a more devoted, compassionate daughter to both my parents. They raised eight kids as best as they could with what they knew best. Still, we loved each other well enough. If I could turn back the time, I would listen more to what they had to say and help more around the home as they were in their 60's when I was a teen! However, I know, I know that they loved each one us and put us into the hands of God for safekeeping. They knew from experience that children often say things they do not mean and that they do tend to follow in their parent's footsteps if role modeling is well done. I think they would just pat me on the back and say, It's ok.... I still love you!
Yes, my father. It was a conscious choice and I have no regrets. I know he's in heaven, and up there he understands why I had to keep away from him. I know that he knows that I appreciate the years of warmth and love we shared, the times when it was more duty than love, and in the aftermath, under the circumstances (which are too private to explain) I know he understands my choice and decision.
I get messages from him, this may sound weird to you, but he comforts me when I'm sad and when he wants me to do something he tells me. I think people have regrets when a choice was made in anger or hate. But when it is for other reasons, there is no need to feel guilt. And I'm very glad, for his sake, that he's in heaven where there is no sadness and only complete joy..
Getting messages from your dad doesn't sound weird at all. I believe that my mom is watching over me and her presence is very reassuring.
Thank you Lindalou, it would be nice if you started a forum on people sharing such experiences:)
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