What do you do if you're in love with someone and the sex isn't that good?

1. 61

   Tranitaposted 14 years ago

   What do you do if you're in love with someone and the sex isn't that good?
   
   This person can't turn you on with oral sex, foreplay or any other type of sexual advances. You don't have children with them or you're not married. How do you tell them without hurting their feelings. Man or Woman.

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2. 84

   wychicposted 14 years ago

   Sex always seems to get better the better you know a person...and if they're not quite turning you on then they would probably like to know. All of the males I've ever discussed this subject with say that they would love it if women were more communicative in bed and just told them exactly what to do. Try to think about some of the things that work really, really well for you and the things that this person does that just don't quite do it for you and come up with what you would like changed. Don't say straight out that, "You know, you suck in bed and here are ways you can be better." Just start with little things. If you're not sure then talk to your partner ahead of time and say you'd like to work on being more communicative so that sex can be even better, so they're not freaked out when you do start giving them specific requests. There is also a fine line between intimate suggestions and being a drill sergeant, so try to balance it out and expect it to take some time to get to exactly where you want to be.

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3. 60

   Sex101posted 14 years ago

   I think that if you two are in love then you should be able to talk to them. No, this does not mean walking up to them and saying "Honey, you suck, at everything."
   If you know what you like try suggesting something in the moment. Such as "Ohh, you know what would feel really good right now, try this." Take it slow by suggesting small changes to a time, this should help with their hurt feelings. By slowly introducing new things, they won't feel like you hated it before and they stink at everything.
   A lot of people, man or woman, tend to steer away from trying new things if they lack confidence. Try to make compliments about their body, and make some eye contact.  Make sure to always tell your lover when you like what they are doing, whether this be letting out a little moan, an arch of the back, or screaming profanities. Whatever floats your boat. When he or she feels like they rock your world, they tend to perform better.
   
   -xoxo

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4. 61

   dannywoodpxposted 14 years ago

   i try to talk with her and that can solve the problem...sometimes people dont enen know what they are loosing when don´t try some sexual advances...

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5. 60

   MickSposted 14 years ago

   is sex the more important part of the relation ship or love, if it is sex, just finish it and find someone else, if it is love, then things are different, talk it over and you both should improve.  Real love is much more important than lurve.

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6. 62

   eli greyposted 14 years ago

   Well what if their partner thinks the same about them? It is sad that most relationships today, especially between young people, is based soley on sex. Take advice from the answers in this hub. Tell them somehow. Partners and/or lovers should be able to tell each other these things. Let them know you want to really improve your sex life, otherwise the supressed feelings will come to the surface and ruin the relationship. Communicate with one another for a healthier relationship.

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7. 60

   jrich1936posted 14 years ago

   tell them how it is. Its important to be respectful in the process though, don't allow yourself to be dragged down if its stressing you out.

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8. 70

   ptosisposted 14 years ago

   I like this guy  and I do talk very direct. And so does he.
   
   Sometimes even though there is a feeling of love and friendship - sex is not going to be a part of it and that is something to think about for a long time relationship. Before becoming an SO they must 'float your boat' and no amount of Olympic gymnastics is going to 'fix it'.

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9. 60

   Shreerekhaposted 14 years ago

   It is not good,it is not healthy.I would avoid it

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10. 60

    lisasweettyposted 14 years ago

    I would leave him a find that satisfaction guy,or man or maybe buy a toy for the night.

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11. 59

    fountainyouthposted 14 years ago

    This will make him strong as, "The Man of Steel"! www.x-rawpower.com, V-MAX Super Vitality! Just suggest it to him, and make sure you let him know you love him. But if he loves you, then he'd better get his hands of this stuff, it last up to 72hrs, and makes the man really strong!!

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12. 79

    Jaynie2000posted 14 years ago

    I'm not sure you can just come out and admit that the sex isn't that good without hurting their feelings. But maybe, taking the lead in the bedroom might be helpful. Tell your partner what you like and offer guidance. You can mask instruction as dirty talk, telling him how/ where to suck, lick, etc, during oral sex. Tell him where/ how to touch you. Position yourself  the way you like it.
    
    You might even try sex in new places (different rooms, etc.) and you seduce him so that you can take the lead that way too.
    
    Also, if you aren't uncomfortable with it, masturbate for your partner so he can see how you touch yourself and he will hopefully be able to learn without realizing he's being instructed.
    
    If you watch porn together (not for everyone, but some people like it) it gives you a chance to identify something from the movie that you can point to and say, "hey, that would be fun to try."
    
    If none of that works, then I guess you have to be frank...but gentle. Try saying, "I like it when you do (xyz) but maybe you could try it this way..."
    
    If all else fails, I'm not sure you'll be happy together in the long term because a good, mutually enjoyable sex life is crucial part of a healthy relationship.
    
    Best of luck!

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13. 60

    Ashantinaposted 13 years ago

    Being true to yourself and your needs does not make you a selfish person. ONE facet of love and  compatibility is having that phyisical connection.
    "How do you tell them without hurting their feelings?"
    Right now if you're not communicating you're thoughts and feelings, you're not being honest. Be honest.
    Its that simple.. and take it from there.

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14. 0

    reeltaulkposted 13 years ago

    Well to be quite honest love when found is as rare as being fortunate enough to find anything of equal value.  I don't have the advice to give in regards to what you should do to spice it up, but I would say communication works wonders and if you are indeed in love, your patience and understanding towards this little monkey wrench would connect the dots that presently can't be found.
    
    P.S.  you don't even have to hurt them neither be blatantly truthful, take the necessary steps via communication
    
    Vonda G. Nelson

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15. 59

    days leaperposted 13 years ago

    Was the relationship meant to be sexual?  Do you want to keep the person in your life but change the dynamic.  Then you must admit to them, I do love you but I have realised my feelings must be platonic because for some reason the earth isn't moving like it should.
    You must consider all the things you do have with the person, would these have to be sacrificed to free you both to look elsewhere.  And now the relationship presumably has been sexualised would the person be so hurt as to not be able to see you -for any length of time.  If this happens keep in touch through cards at birthday etc.  And an occassiohnal letter saying what you're doing at the moment, how you miss them in your life and if they'd like to talk over a coffee/neutral ground somewhere.

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16. 68

    puddingicecreamposted 13 years ago

    It's definitely possible to tell them without hurting their feelings. Think about what you want to turn you on, and ask if they want to try it.

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17. 72

    JT Waltersposted 13 years ago

    If you are really in love you don't notice the sex isn't that good.  Chances are if you notice the sex isn't so good than you are not in love so break up!

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18. 59

    svencillposted 13 years ago

    Sweety, if the sex isn't good it's probably just cause you two are not communicating.
    
    Seriously, sex is extremely important. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But if you want it to be great sometimes you have to work on it.
    
    Try telling each other what you want and like.
    
    Honestly, not only will it help him learn how to please you, it will be a turn on to him---you know, kind of like dirty talk.

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