Would anyone be interested in reading my DRAFT fantasy/new-age story to provide

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   Deniselammiposted 12 years ago

   Would anyone be interested in reading my DRAFT fantasy/new-age story to provide me with feedback?
   
   Help! I wrote a fantasy/new-age story and I need general feedback from someone that likes Fantasy.
   
   It is a DRAFT (meaning that I expect to do re-writes,edits). It is a short and easy read. Let me know if you may be interested in giving feedback and I will send you the link to my Blog of DRAFT chapters.
   
   I intend to get a paid professional to give me detailed feedback but first I want some general feedback for preliminary "tweaking".
   
   If reading the story is not of interest to you, any suggestions that you have for a writer at this stage will be greatly appreciated.  Thanks!
   
   

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   windygreenposted 12 years ago

   Sure , I would love to read it and provide feedback

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      Deniselammiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Many Thanks!! My Blog is http://worldlucid.wordpress.com/. The Blog describes the type of feedback I'm seeking. Chapters open as PDF. The PDFs can be opened in iBooks if you want to read on an iPad. Really looking forward to your feedback!

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      windygreenposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi.. I have completed suggestions for the first page of your prologue.. please email me @ chttcmom@gmail.com so that I can send suggestions to you via email.
      Thanks
      WG

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   StephanieBCrosbyposted 12 years ago

   Not that I would not be interested in reading, but my general advice would be not advice at all but rather a question: Have you considered publishers? If not, then any advanced feedback could be precarious. Publishers can be finicky and many like to have "a hand" in your work before it truly begins. This ensures you are giving them what they know will sell and you won't be left with a very creative door stop or paper weight. Great stories have been passed over because some publishers do not want to commit to a completed work, especially if it is longer than a novella.

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      thecollecktorposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Who are you writing the novel for?   If it is to be published, getting feedback to be able to improve your writing is very important to developing a great story others will want to enjoy.   I am glad you are interested in improving the story telling

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      Deniselammiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I would love to have a publisher. The difficulty is getting one. Publishers/Agents won't work with someone that has not previously been published unless they are a celebrity. My plan is to self-edit and then to try to get my story "noticed".

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   thecollecktorposted 12 years ago

   I just provided feedback on chapter 1 and 2 at your wordpress website.  Here is the insight I added with the hope of helping you write this great story you have begun.   
   As you write each chapter, I suggest you introduce the character more, age, color hair, height etc. Who really is Michelle? It is important to identify with the character. I have no connection with Michelle and without a connection of some sort it is difficult for me to want to read further.
   Once the character is identified, her thinking becomes important. I like the beginning sentence to the chapter. You have some good descriptive paragraphs but the writing isn’t consistent as you move to the relationship between the brother and sister. How old is Ward? What is their relationship. The first two paragraphs are written with believable detail. I am not sure they would say look at this look at that. Where is the excitement they would feel as they compete to show the other the delights they discovered. Why are they delightful? Is it the color? the size, Wow you have to see this? What is it? I have something over here you have to see, Michelle, this is. etc. The second chapter continues with the same non descript writing of the second part of chapter one. I think you have a great concept. Interesting but not yet bringing me to the point of wanting to learn more about this world you are creating.

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      Deniselammiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I rec'd your suggestions. Thank you!! I replied to your comment on WordPress. I was wondering if you had a suggestion for how to accomplish describing Michelle's appearance given that the she is first introduced by way of a memory.

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      windygreenposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      lol  good question !   i think the vague desription suits the purpose ..

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      thecollecktorposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Not knowing everything but reading Chapter 5, I found Michelle was in a meadow.
      Thus this suggestion.
      
      It is a beautiful day in Nosos world, The bright warm sun is shining down on Michelle as she sat on the grassy knoll of the meadow deep in thought.

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